What would you do?

Last week, my sister and I came across a book teaching people about financial literacy. It was part of a course that teaches people the basics about their money and the resources were awesome enough that I enrolled ;-)

Anyway, this book was teaching the reader about putting things into priority so that the reader would then be able to determine for themselves where their energies/money/attention needed to be focussed. One of the questions that was used really struck a cord with me: If the Dr told you today that you had 6 months to live, what would you do?

1) Quit work
The first thing I would want to do is to quit work - but then you would need the money so you would have to work until you weren't physically able - but like the quote that many of us have heard before goes something like - there is no one on their death bed wishing they were in the office more or could have worked more.... So what would I do - probably quit work and take my annual leave and my four weeks notice payment and run!

2) Pull sons out of school
The next thing I would do - and on the same day - is take my boys out of school because I would want to spend every living moment of the next six months with my sons which meant no school. this of course would only last a day or two - before I begged them to go back ;-) I would then spend my time filming for them to look a later, and write them letters for every occasion I could think of... so they never ever forgot that they were never ever far from my thoughts!

3) Near the sea
I would go near the water - any water. It was my mother's favourite place and mine as well. I would swim as long as I could and have as much fun as I could.

4) Read/ listen and watch everything
I would read as much as I could, listen to music that I love over and over and  even watch my most favourite movies - to create more memories that I could jam into  my little old head - because let's face it - there is nothing that you can take with you except what you carry around in that grey matter... NOTHING.

5) Be happy
The last piece of advice my mother gave me from her dying bed was to be positive. and I want to leave this life on that note - positive. I want my last six months to be surrounded by my husband and sons, my brother, his beautiful wife and tamariki, my sister and her babies...and if Simba is alive - her as well - facing the end like a big brave girl and happy ;-)

Now this exercise is meant to give me some idea about what I need to be doing in my life which I found very interesting. According to this, I am looking for opportunities where I can increase time with family, while having time to have fun and play, being laid back and enjoyable. The funny thing is that I think I am on track. I've quit my highly stressful job of the last five years (although the transition period has been extended another 30 days :-)), started a company with a friend running holiday programmes, and meeting with another friend about doing some consulting work - from home - and all of which have happened in the shortest of times and very exciting...

So have a go - if your Dr told you that you only had 6 months to live, what would you do? And then ask what do I need to be doing in my life today to make those things happen? Don't wait until the Dr tells you that you have a limited life span - make it happen for you now.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

To: Bullying From: My teenager!!

My 15 year old son recently completed his speech and came home with an excellent for his grade. To tell you the truth I thought he should have got brilliant ;-)

Bullying!!!!

Everyone has heard it before….. But what is it? What is the impact of bullying? What can be done to stop it?

My definition of bullying is a person or a group of people who intimidate someone by the use of verbal (point to mouth) or physical (smack hands together), or even the latest way to bully someone – cyber bullying (pull out cellphone)…..

The intention of a bully is to make the victim feel small and useless while making themselves feel big and powerful.

A recent study on bullying in New Zealand schools, based on interviews of 821 students aged 15–16 years old from 107 schools, showed that:

§   50% of those interviewed had been bullied,

§   33% admitted bullying others and

§   9% were bullied once a week or more.

To me and too many other people this is not acceptable for students to live with everyday.

If the purpose or the reasons of the bully are different from the ones I mentioned earlier, one thing that will NOT change, and I REPEAT will NOT change, is the negative impact it will have on the victim and the bully.

For the bully, it is proven they will go on to more criminal and antisocial behaviour such as fighting, vandalism and stealing.

For the victim, they often loose self esteem, start having trouble in school, and they even withdraw from friends and social activities. If the bullying is not stopped, and continues for long enough, victims of bullying can suffer these problems permanently.

Recently, a 13 year old student attending Morrinsville College was cornered and attacked by a group of bullies in the girl’s toilets. The victim was so severely beaten that she was left with a brain injury.

I believe more has to be done to stop bullying because nothing good comes out of it and nothing good ever will. We are the ones to stop it by;

1)   If you know someone who is bullying others, tell a teacher, tell a junior leader or prefect. It is part of their role to help us. Keep telling someone until they hear you, and

2)   Be a friend. Be the person that someone sees as the one they can tell and be prepared to tell someone, because bullying has to stop, and we are the ones to stop it.

In conclusion, I believe that bullying is no good and nothing good will come of it. With over 50% of 15-16 year olds being bullied, it has to stop. If you know a bully, tell someone, and be prepared to stand against them. The very least all of us can do, is to be a friend, and the one that will help to make the bullying stop.

Teaching an old dog new tricks....

Now I have an old dog. I've talked about her before and could easily fill a book about her.....

I got Simba (a Bichon Friese cross) when she was a little puppy the year my sons were born. Originally intended for my mother - she quickly attached herself to me like a paua ;-) I have heaps of memories of her but my fondest are when she was a puppy and she would be all curled up under my neck while I had a son on each arm propped up by pillows and off we would head into our little afternoon nap....   or when the boys would be in their cot and start crying which would set off this little dog who would run up and down the hallway to try and get my attention, so I would know that they needed me - as if the crying of twin babies wasn't enough to wake the neighbourhood ;-) I love my dog.

She has seriously grown old. Cataracts in both eyes which give her that classic glassy look that our old folks get, absolutely deaf, fused bones in her back, arthritis, a pair of struggling kidneys and now a weeping benign tumour on her back that is refusing treatment - but she will still get up when she knows I am home - something that used to take her seconds now takes a good several minutes.... but she comes and I love her.

I can't teach her anything new... unless it is around the location of her food and water ;-) She can still, at respectable 16 years is old remember the old ones - she can fetch tennis balls, and catch a tennis ball in her mouth, but forgotten a really important one like scratching the door if she needs to go out, or bark for one of us to open the door....

Here are some things I am doing to teach myself new tricks

Just do it!!
I have an appreciation of what it must be like for Simba in terms of getting old - but I am tryying to break the cycle as someone who is slowing becoming more forgetful with age - and learn a new trick. I am learning a whole second language ;) Recently I have enrolled in a Te Reo Maori course called Te Putaketanga o Te Reo through Te Wananga o Aotearoa 

It may take longer - but it is worth it.
One of the first things we were asked to do was to find and write our pepeha (our connections) and recite it in front of our class first and then later in the evening in front of other classes....Now I guess this would have been an easy task for most of the class as they knew theirs - or are still connected to their Marae and their whanau. It appeared easy for the young ones because they pick things up soooooooo quickly. But for a number of us, age and upbringing was against us, in terms of having little to no exposure to the language or the culture... and off we went. The learning took most of the day - but I said it aloud to my class mates then I did it off by heart in front of a crowd of about sixty people - and almost died!! - but I did it and it was awesome. The recitation wasn't awesome - in fact it will go down as one of the worst speeches I have ever made, EVER - but the accomplishment was choice and the learning - beautiful.

Make it relevant
My Kaiako (tutor) talked us through the many parts of a pepeha and the significance of what we were saying and I felt myself learning.. which helps when learning something new. New things have to mean something when you get older. For my brain to learn it, it needs to put it into a context and prioritise it with everything else that is going on. When once, it would have been learnt and stored in minutes or seconds - now it has to be given a place in my fading memory and the explanations made it read and worthy of a spot up there in my brain ;-)

Be ready - and don't waste any more time.
It took longer than it probably would have when I was younger - but I wasn't ready for this journey until now. In fact, its twenty two years since I first took a Te Reo Maori class at University and I am finally ready for this. I am a second chance learner, I am older and I am learning a new trick.....

Don't be afraid to take on new things. It's not going to be easy peasy like it was back in the day but like the Hair Dye advertisement - you are worth it. If the truth be known - research shows that the best way to keep your brain nice and fresh (although getting older) is to learn something different all the time ;-)

Have a great week whanau

Yours in friendship

Mxox

Begin with the end in mind

I heard these six words from a mother talking about how she had helped her son gain this awesome achievement and I thought it was the most profound six words I had heard in a very long time. It struck me and has rattled around in my mind since then, because you see, I believe I am on this path which I call happiness.... To be happy is the ultimate goal or the end that I have in mind for me...

This is what I am doing...

I am not my job

For the last five years I have had this really great job - the money is the best I have ever made, its doing something that I enjoy, it comes with a car and a blackberry and all the trimmings that a manager at my level would ever want for. However, what it didn't come with was the luxury of time with my children and husband.... so after five years of saying that I was going to put them first - I have and I quit. Granted it took a week to get that organised in my head - I am now the happiest I have ever been for the last..... five years!

I no longer welcome excess

At the beginning of the year I set my goals and as I do every year I make a word chart and on my chart I have added some health and exercise words because at that time I had made the decision to do something about my excessive lifestyle and three months into this year - I feel the best that I have for the last three years -and I am happy! I am exercising at least three times a week for the first time in too long and I am happy.

I am a mother

During the summer holidays, my son stayed at a friend’s place, and he talked about the beautiful meal that he had had - but his comments struck me the deepest when he said - "how come you can't be like the other mothers and be home when I get home from school".... that started the wheels rolling for me and definitely reminded me that I have a role greater than anything I will ever achieve in this world and that is of a mother. So far this year, my babies are coming to me more often to help them with their schoolwork, because I am home more and it is so satisfying. I get to teach and share and it is makes my soul smile.

When a door closes - another opens

Whether you are religious or not - I believe that we have a kind and caring Heavenly Father that knows us and loves us and listens to the words of our heart. In just the short amount of time that I have made some massive changes to my lifestyle - I have had opportunities present themselves to me from the most unexpected directions... It has allowed me the luxury of considering a number of options very carefully.

Love is healing

In the past five years, I have had the chance to work with so many different people and it has been, both, challenging and difficult as well as some of the most rewarding in my lifetime. It has also introduced me to some of the most unattractive souls that I have met to date. However, recently, those events that have marred a lot of my daily work have been washed away by the genuine love of my family, friends and my closest colleagues and I am blessed.

Begin with the end in mind

I can literally see my word chart unfolding before me and I am happy. Don't get me wrong, there have been tears of frustration and joy along the way. I am nervous, and alittle scared and definitely unsure of what is coming up - but it is going to be okay because I have already started with the end in mind…. now I just need to keep working my way towards it ;-)

You don't have to make the big changes - but be brave and make some that will help you have a better life - especially quality of life.

I look forward to seeing you on your journey....

Yours in friendship,

Mxox