High Fives!!

Well, it's my last post for 2012 and before I go hurtling into another year - lets see what's happened this year!! Here are my top fives - which has been pretty hard given that our lives are made up of so many choices.....

2012 TOP SHOPs & BUYs

1)Trade Me has still got to be my top shop - my top buy this year were 2 x 1000 pink and hot pink diamantes for a Pink Ribbon Breakfast I hosted (and raised $1200 for the Breast Cancer Foundation), followed by 2) Amazon and Abebooks - best buy - the entire series of David Handler's Berger & Mitry Mysteries, 3)Expedia - where we got all of our accomodation for the USA, 4)Ross: Dress for Less - only in the States and my happy place and 5)Deseret Bookstore, BYU Provo Bookstore & Cover to Cover Bookstore (Harding Blvd, Roseville, California) - my credit card's worst nightmares!! ;-)

FAVouRItE PLACES I VISITED in 2012

1) Grand Canyon - amazing and spiritual, 2) Disneyland & California Park - the Colour My World Show was just stunning!!, 3) Vegas - Over The Top and a confimation that the States do everything bigger than the rest of the world :-) & I for one cannot wait to go back!! 4) Alcatraz - the tours were done tastefully which was a welcome change to some other things/ Universal Studios - totally made for someone like me who loves movies and television and the highlight of 2012 has got to be 5) Attending General Conference and having lunch at the Roof Restuarant in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building.

My 2012 ACHIEVEMENTS

1)Back in the temple after a too long break - life changing for me, 2) I lost weight - and regardless of putting it all on plus some - I lost it ;-), 3) I wrote a song (a goal I set in 2010 so goes to show that I am a late achiever ;-), 4)I finally started writing my proposal for my Phd - FINALLY - a whole 14 years after my Masters - see takes time but I do get there... and 5)I got a job AND still managed to meet my son's 2 top expectations of a mother - picking them up from school and cooking dinner (nearly always ;-))

My 2012 PEOPLE

I'm not sure about you but there are people in my life that even though they are important to me - but because we live so far apart, or lives that are so different - I never thought I would ever see them again and sooo blessed and happy to done so in 2012. This year My 2012 People list includes: 1)Nola & Leon - the people responsible for Mr M joining the church and ultimately putting him in a place where he would meet me (we love Bruce & Debbie, and their family (including the dogs!), Nancy & Norm, Steve & Barabara and the rest... ;-) 2)Ryan & Shauna (Mr's friend and his beautiful family) 3)My dear primary school friend Michelle H (her parents and even her sister!!) & high school friends - Track, Nat, Betoles & Ari, 4)my past young women - Nairana & her gorgeous girls (a visit here in the View all the way from Bali where she lives) and Liz & her beautiful babies (all the way in Salt Lake City from Phoenix, Arizona where she lives) and 5)Vernon H (& his beautiful family - Elaine, Luke, Lauren, Levi & Liam), Maureen D, Eugene M, Uncle Sam, Conrad, Don, Kijiana & the Molenis. Before I left for the States the one person I wanted to meet was Ellen DeGeneres, but if you ask me - I think I did better than that with the people I caught up with!! I count my blessings every day ;-)

2012 FIRSTS

Here are some of the things I did for the first time EVER in 2012:

1)Walked across the Golden Gate Bridge with my sons - amazing!! 2)Made cardboard cars for my sons and nephew 3)Found a recipe in a magazine and made it - a scrumptious broccoli salad after seeing it in a magazine (brocolli, bacon, canberries & sunflower seeds sounds pretty basic - but its the dressing that is the winner - it uses 1/2c of sugar!!), 4)A paper wreath made out of music - thank you Pinterest and 5) recorded and sang my own song (I haven't sung for a long time, privately or in public - so was a pretty big thing for me!!) 

How did your 2012 go for you?  I hope it was amazing just like you.. Thanks for visiting - your support is much appreciated.... Many wishes of happiness from me to you and all the very best for a wonderful 2013..

May we all think on what the Dalai Lama encourages us to do in his Instriuctions for Life "Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, [we’ll] be able to enjoy it a second time."

Yours in friendship, Mxo

To Forgive & Forget?

Recently, I was asked to teach a lesson and without hesitation I said - it was fine..... Later, when I saw the topic - I couldn't believe it!! Teaching a lesson on forgiveness could not have come at a time when I obviously needed it ;-) So this week, my blog comes from the words of George Albert Smith and serve not only as a reminder but are timely and necessary...

LESSON ONE: "By forgiving others, we free ourselves from the burden of hatred and prepare ourselves for eternal life."

LESSON TWO: "At times we find little difficulties arising among us, and we forget the patience our Father in Heaven exercises towards us, and we magnify in our hearts some trivial thing that our brother or sister may have done or said concerning us. We do not always live that law which the Lord desires us to observe in regard to these matters. We forget the commandment He gave to the Apostles in the words of the prayer, wherein they were told to pray that they might be forgiven their debts even as they forgive their debtors [see Mather 6:12]. I feel that we have to learn a great deal in this regard."

 

LESSON THREE (this story is amazing... and something I need to do!!) 

In 1897, while still a young man, George Albert Smith enlisted in the Utah National Guard. At the encouragement of some of his companions, he ran for an elected office in the Guard, but during the weeks leading up to the election, a rival guardsman began spreading false rumors accusing George Albert Smith of unethical practices. As a result, Sergeant Smith lost an election that he felt he should have won. What made the situation more difficult was that the man who spread the false rumors had once been a friend.

Though he tried to brush it off, the offense filled George Albert Smith’s heart with bitterness. He went to church the following Sunday, but he did not feel right about taking the sacrament He prayed for help and realized that he needed to repent of the resentment he was feeling. He decided to seek out his friend and be reconciled with him.

George Albert Smith went directly to the man’s office and said in a soft voice, “My brother, I want you to forgive me for hating you the way I have for the last few weeks.” Immediately his friend’s heart softened. “Brother Smith, you have no need forforgiveness," he said. “It is I who need forgiveness from you.” They shook hands, and thereafter they remained good friends.

 

LESSON FOUR: "We have no hard feelings toward any of our fellowmen; we have no occasion to. If they misunderstand us, misquote us, and persecute us, we should remember they are in the hands of the Lord. … So when we partake of the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper, … let us purge from our hearts all feeling of unkindness toward one another and toward our brothers and sisters who are not of our faith".

LESSON FIVE: "May we have the Spirit of the Master dwelling within us, that we may forgive all men as He has commanded, forgive, not only with our lips but in the very depths of our hearts, every trespass that may have been committed against us. If we do this through life, the blessings of the Lord will abide in our hearts and our homes."

 

I know - I have a loooooooong way to go ;-)

 

Yours in Friendship,

 

Mxo

I already knew - but it's good to know....

My mum passed away five and a half years ago and although I no longer cry for her every day anymore - sometimes I just yearn to talk to her...  Sometimes, and like recently, I find myself in these little spaces in time, like little melancholic holes that can last for seconds or days.... Anyway, so there I am in this little gap and to keep myself busy, I decided to clean out a drawer that has a lot of my nick nacks. In doing this, I was led to another container and there I found a diary/journal that was terribly water damaged. After getting over the "who the heck let it get wet" then because of the extent of damage "why was it here and why didn't Mr M not throw it out"....I finally open it.....

And there in my hands was my mother's 2004 diary/journal where she has written some of her thoughts and had glued in all the cards and letters and things that she was given. I was taken aback and yes Mr M, I gave a silent "thank you" for saving it.... I have to admit I had to sit down as I was overcome with this sense that my mum was there with me. I could hear her voice in my mind and I felt loved by my mummy.... and although I already knew, it was sooo good to know!! It snapped me back and I love her more for that...

The gems that made my day.

A letter from a son about his mum
"I can't wait to go on my mission but I will miss my mum (he's talking about me ;-)) but I know that I [will] come back some day. I hope I [get] called to preach here at my home. I know that wherever I go I'll still be with my mum and dad also my nan." My 8 year old son about me.

The love of a mother for her children

 11 June 2004. "Saw my son-love him very much - my son. So thankful for my big daughter (that's me :-)). What does a person do to deserve such a special person.... Miss Z - sometimes I wish she was here so I can see and touch her. Never mind...."  I knew she loved me and my brother and sister, but I can't tell you how good it was to hear her tell me - and how happy it made me to know...

She knew....

I always knews that my mum knew I loved her.... but it was soooo good to know she knew... "Maraea cooked a lovely meal tongiht. They asked me to come to their house for dinner, but it was too cold, too late, too lazy, too anything. So she packs up all her food and the boys an they came over to my house for dinner. When she walked in the door I said "why" and she said something that I'll remember for a long time. "That's what families are all about". How special. Had a huge lovely meal - beautiful" June 2004   

Kumfs shoes

One of the side effects of the chemotherapy regime my mother was on was the deterioration of the nerves in her extremities, namely her feet and fingers. I remember going with her to a podiatrist for the first time and how humbling it was for her to have someone take care of her feet for her. At that appointment she was told to get some 'real' shoes after years and years of wearing the cheapest shoes she could get. Like a lot of mothers, my mume never spent any money on herself - it always went to me and my brother and sister and then when our babies came -everything she had went to them..... so when we went to get some new shoes it was s big deal. She recounts" Went to town with Maraea and brought a lovely pair of closed in show from Kumfs - very nice and very nice price." I remember that day clearly - she thanked me for practically forcing her to go and do something she would NEVER have done by herself - and buy her something...... I always knew but it was good to know of what it is like to be humble....

Service

"We are on this earth to servce, not here to be served"

Recipes...

I remember my mother collected recipes. I have no idea when she was going to get around to cooking all of those things - but I thank her for it because some eight years after collecting them and five and a half years since she passed - she made me smile with the things she had glued into this journal. I've decided I'm going to have a go and make them for her and thank goodness they don't look too difficult... Tomato Relish, Date Loaf, Apple Crumble, Superb Scrambled eggs... watch this space ;-)

I always knew but I can't tell you how good it is to know that even after she is gone.... my mummy still lives on in me - and her journal - however water damaged it is....

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Travelling for beginners...

I'm 43 years old and I finally got to go to the USA. I was born in Hawaii and been there many times but to get to the states has been a long time coming!! So I get to go with my husband and our 17 year old sons and my husband's sister.... and this is what I learnt that hopefully will save you some time ;-)

DIETING BEFORE YOU GO HAS AN UP SIZE AND A DOWN SIZE ;-)

I went on a diet before I left. It was one of those ridiculous quick-loss ones where you eat 'air' practically every day ;-) I went on in specifically for one reason - to make sure I fit the rides. You see I am a big girl with a bigger appetite so there was no guarantee that I was going to be able to fit some things..... as it turned out - even after quitting my diet prematurely (before I got on the plane!!) I fit ;-) So tip number one - if you are going to go on a diet make sure it works (the downsize) and be prepared to have to go back on it after your holiday (due to the upsizing)!!

BUDGETING

We have friends that travel regularly and they have a formula of spending $100 a day between the both of them. So we figured we could do the same EXCEPT we hadn't figured into the equation that the children have to eat too (and making them pay for their food out of their spending money was a bit harsh ;-)) - so we quickly did some re-thinking on that one...which least to tip number two - figure out a budget that is realistic AND be prepared to make some changes all the time. The last thing you want to do is fight over money while on holiday.... that's a bit of a drag ain't it Mr M....

GET GPS

I don't know how people used to do it in the olden days - but thank goodness we didn't have to do it just recently....We almost left the airport without one due to booking problems so make sure you have booked and CONFIRMED your car booking WITH a GPS before you leave home. You may find that your GPS has a hard time breaking the male hearing barrier as I found with Mr M being not too good at listening to it (we heard "re-calculating" quite frequently) - but one thing I will tell you for free - Mr M got us to where we needed to go EVERY TIME ;-) Thank heavens for the GPS!!

PLAN, PLAN, PLAN

Some people like to turn up to things and see how they feel before making decisions which is awesome - however, tip number four is that unless you have perfect travelling conditions (weather, children, money, car, air conditioning - EVERYTHING is perfect!!) then I would suggest you plan as much as you can. I used expedia, vegas.com, and paid and printed tickets (even parking coupons) directly from amusement parks before we left the country. This cut down on heaps of waiting time in lines for tickets - HEAPs. Mr M went alittle further and had an itinerary - which was great but sometimes changes had to be made so as long as your plan has room for unexpected turns..... then it will work a treat!

ACCOMODATION

The one thing we got told to look out for was the best advice we could get - and that was to book accomodation that offers a free breakfast! Thankfully we did that and it was great - however the next time, I will investigate exactly what is breakfast as we had a range of a muffin and juice and/or a hot drink to a full cooked breakfast and two of our seven hotels had none (although one did give coupons for 20% off from a local eatery) The other thing I would make sure we have next time is free Wi-Fi - all but one had, however even with it - coverage was sketchy some days so it will pay to read the customer comments to make sure.... Why Wi-fi? For us it was so handy because I would go online every night and have a look for addresses for things that we were going to do the next day so all we had to do was input it in the GPS and after a few re-calculations we made it there...

FINALLY,

• Remember that the intention for all holidays is to make memories so do whatever you can to make sure that the ones being collected are the very best.
• Make sure you schedule in rest days or be prepared to recover when you get back because you have to make up those 'rest' hours somewhere.
• If you have been to somewhere before and travelling with people who haven't - be gracious about it and try and find something different or interesting because the people who are travelling with you are discovering things for the first time and it is ALL AMAZING!!!
• Not everyone wants to see what you do - so be prepared to go on your own...
• Take a camera.... and all the cords you have to keep it charged and all the connectors to take it off your camera and download to a laptop or an external source...
• Do what our friends told us to do but I didn't and will NEXT time - take the very bare minimum of clothes with you as you will find that your shopping will keep you dressed for some time....
• Travel with people you like and can be yourself with....
• Front of line passes are worth it at Disneyland but maybe not so needed at other places - so ask around...
• Ask around from people who are well-travelled for some more tips - you can never have enough although don't forget - no two people's experiences are going to be the same...
• Remember how blessed you are to be travelling and realise that many people you know will NEVER get this wonderful experience so be grateful for every one you have, and lastly,
• PLEASE  take me with you..... ;-)

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

What I learnt from a hole in the ground....

When I was booking tickets to go on a bus tour to see the Grand Canyon, I was surprised that Mr M had no interest in going to see a "great big hole in the ground"!! OMGoodness - seriously?? Regardless of this, my sons and sister-in-law went ahead and booked a tour to see one of the wonders of the world and I loved every minute of the trip. When I got there I knew I was going to be writing this blog - and here I am... These are the lessons I learned from looking at the this great big hole in the ground ;-)

THERE IS A GOD

I don't care what anyone else says - when I saw the Grand Canyon, that's the first thing that came to my mind - there is a God. Man, even in a million years could never produce or even replicate such beauty and magnificence. The earth opened up one day and revealed these beautiful colours which over time have been added upon... amazing!!

BREATHTAKING

One of the words that will describe my experience of seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time was breathtaking. When our tour guide advised us that "we were ten seconds away from seeing the Grand Canyon" - I was prepared to see something awesome but what we saw absolutely took my breath away. I wasn't the only one - the whole bus seemed to inhale all at once and in its place was a collective sigh/breath/wow moment. Breathtaking - as it took my breath AWAY!!

 

FEAR

The Grand Canyon will probably be the hughest structure that I am ever going to see... and I have to tell you I was fearful. I don't know why exactly but all I can say is that as the boys got closer to the edge my heart had palpitations.... ridiculous I know but the heights and breathe of this beautiful event were unbelievable.... Anyway, I say to an Indian (I loved his face!!) "it's really scarey here" to which he replies "It's not scarey!! It's only a rock!". So true and something I will remember forever - the fear was all up in my head - because the grand canyon was just 'being'...

TIMELESS

There are some things in life that are timeless... or as I learnt from the Grand Canyon, that I, as a 40 something year old am soooo young compared to these beautiful rock formations. Like the rings of a tree trunk, the layers and layers of colours in the rocks were amazing and captured a time on this planet so long ago that is mind boggling and certainly reminds you that our planet is timeless. Timeless, especially because after I am long gone - the Grand Canyon will live on - timeless!!

PERSPECTIVE & SIGNIFICANCE

From the Skywalk you can see the Colorado River and it only looks like a stream when in fact it is a significant body of water....From certain places where you stand, it can look that you are standing in the midst of the rock when you are merely on the side... The Indians called one of the places the Eagle Landing because the rock formation looks like a great big Eagle (and I think it is beautiful!!) but it took some people a long time to actually make out the shape of the Eagle - it's all about perspective! This photo is a good case in point - because in the top left-hand corner of this shot of my son is a helicopter! We really are insignificant compared to this beautiful planet!!

I am blessed to have had the opportunity to see the Grand Canyon and although I want to return, if that never happens, the lessons I have learnt from that single day in its presence will live with me forever!!

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

P.S: Happy 40th birthday Zina xx

The lessons I learnt on the Santa Monica Pier

I'm a musician at heart. So as I was strolling along Santa Monica Pier during a recent family vacation, I happened to hear a street singer singing and his voice and the tone of his guitar stopped me in my tracks.... My ears had met Ned Landin. I don't know if it was the weather, the occasion or whatever - I became a fan right there and there and bought his CD.

In the short encounter that we had - I learnt that his travelling companion (his dog Potato) of many many years had passed away so he kept a spot free for where his dog sat - so for that alone (given that I miss Simba everyday!!) I was so touched and luckily for me, he didn't have anything else to sell because after that story I would have bought the lot ;-))!!

 

A couple of days later we had a looooooooong drive from LA to St George (the photo is to show you that road was LOOOOOOOOOONNNNGGG), so we popped in the CD and I liked what I heard all over again - but this time I read the pamphlet that Ned gave out and that is where my lessons for this blog come from.....

Here is what I learnt from Ned from the Santa Monica Pier - thanks Ned.

The World Forgives

"When is started playing on the streets I was a lonely kind of a cguy and had a hard timemaking firends. I thought I would just do it for a little while. Just while I gained a little more confidence and learned a few more songs. What I discovered was a whole world of friendly supportive people. I was a really bad performer and wrote stupid songs when I started. But I discovered that the world forgives you for being bad and stupid. It just wants you to try. It rewards you for trying." Ned Landin

Human Interaction
"Even though people seem to yearn for more human interaction, folks become less and less able to sing along"

A Changing World

In the pamphlet Ned compares an event in a small town in Portugal where at the end of a hard working day, the people would congregate at a bar and while filling a room, would bust "a gut and [raise] the roof in an acapella chorus that would put any Grammy winner to shame" and when that older generation went home, it would be replaced by a younger crowd where there would be "several guitars in the room stuffed with about 80 people" and "there commenced three to four hous of an 80 person harmony in that ceturies old room before the blazing fire". This event was compared to a time when on a "Monday night ... one of the best pick-up bands in the world used to perform with folks who back up the best names in the business on tours. Every week famous folks would stop in to jam. Strangely enough, with all this talent displayed only about 20-30 folks could manage to make it out to witnesss the event from a city of 12  million..... and the night was cancelled."

Artistic express and creative application
"Artistic expression and creative application is something we all can do and is always better when we find ways to share it". I think we are squished in this culture to believing that we are not good enough and that no one will like what we have to offer so why should we try". Ned goes on to say that "If we are convinced we can't do something, we are dependent on those who package a product and convince us it will satisfy our needs".

Saving the World
To counteract this, Ned proposes a three step plan to Save the World - which I like :-) :

1. "Sing at least on song every time you take a shower.
2. Everytime you talk on the phone, doodle on a piece of paper and when it is full put it on the refrigerator and start your own gallery.
3. Keep a piece of paper with you and everytime you have an idea, no matter how silly, write it down"

He ends with saying "Trust me. The fruits of your creativity are good".

What a message! And something that I am going to start to do... How about you??

Thank you Ned Landin (www.nedtv.com, or ned@nedtv.com)

Have a listen.... and enjoy.



Yours in friendship,

Mxo

P.S: I know what Ned is suggesting because I used to teach this on a Human Development paper and know that research done on the creative flow supports these comments... ;-)  

How strangers become family

I thought I had an understanding of love but I have learnt more about it in the last month of so... You see there is a beautiful couple (Leon and Nola Felt) who met my husband in 1987 and introduced him to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints of which he became a part of. This beautiful couple then sponsored his last year at High School at Church College of New Zealand (where I met him ;-)) and then went on to support him on his two year mission in Sydney, Australia. On his return, they not only contributed to his wedding, but Leon actually performed the marriage ceremony.

You see somewhere along the line these strangers with no blood ties or legal connection of any kind became my husband's family. They took him into their lives and he has remained a part of it ever since. I know that this phenomen exists because I have dear friends who have become adoptive parents and love their children as if they were their own blood. I have seen it happen, and now I have felt it! My question is: how does it happen?? This is what I have learnt.

The Felts have taught me that the most important thing to building a family is LOVE. They love Maurice as if he were their own. They hold him in their hearts and take a keen interest in all that he does and accomplishes. They are proud of what he does and it is LOVE that turned him from a stranger they bumped into in a littleplace called Kamo, into a son. If blood is said to be thicker than water - I would defy anyone to tell me that blood is thicker than love ;-)

The Felts, althought thousands of miles away keep Maurice in their family by their memories and stories. When we met the Felt's son Bruce for the first time, he said something that I will never forget - it went something like (and I apologise if I got it wrong Bruce) "I know Maurice, I've grown up with stories about him - he's just like my brother!" You see genetics is not what passes down the characteristics and personalities of strangers who become family - what fuels these relationships are stories and the sweet memories which are shared regularly.

Acceptance of new members into a family can be stressful sometimes. I know already that my future daughter-in-laws will experience this first hand ;-) However, with the Felt family - my husband has been accepted wholeheartedly into this family. Maurice was told by the Felt's son Stephen that because Maurice" brought so much joy and happiness to his parent's life - that was enough for him", and the doors to his heart, house, and family were opened. It was amazing for me to see this and I am grateful for being accepted.

Nola and Leon Felt have known and loved my husband longer than I have (by a year ;-)) but that has not stopped them from limiting their love to him. Instead they have included the children and I, Maurice's parents and siblings. Their capacity to love us all has been humbling and I have learnt a lot from their example.

When we arrived and the Felts introduced us - they told people - this is our son and his family.... I have no half-brothers or sisters, no steps in my family, so this 'adoption' concept has been a new experience for me and I have loved it. I know now what it really means to love another as if they were your own because I have been schooled by the best - Nola and Leon Felt.

Their example on how strangers can become family will live with me into the eternities.....

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Swimming Lessons

I learnt how to swim when I was little but I was never particularly good at it or very fast. In fact my sister and brother are the swimmers in the family... What I can say with some authority is that I am better in the water than I am out of the water ;-) So it was a no-brainer for me to re-acquaint myself with my old friend - the pool, when I chose swimming as my preferred weapon against the bulgeS!! :-). It is amazing where lessons can be learnt - so here are some of my swimming 'lessons' (30+ years since learning how to swim).

Size does matter

I have been doing the same routine that my old swimming coach set me a long time ago. He obviously knew that I have the attention span of a nitwit so he gave me a routine that would have me changing strokes often..... Before starting a new stroke - I have to do 50m kick in that stroke...So for the longest time I had been wondering why on earth I wasn't MOVING when I was freestyle kicking.... I mean it felt like I was in the same place for a long time and moving ever so slowly. I asked my brother about the technique of kicking thinking perhaps it was what I was doing that was having an impact on my ability to move. I even asked around about how to hold the flutterboard given that I thought that may of had an impact on my ability to move.... But the funny thing has happened as I have recently learnt - it is actually the size of the kicker that impacts on the ability to move :-) I mean think about it - it makes perfect sense - kicking to push along an elephant (moi) is going to make a HUGE difference in speed when compared to the same kicking to push along, well, a little elephant ;-) Size does matter!

Speed is relative

The other day I was swimming along and I could see in the next lane an elderly lady (waaaay older than me) and she was blitzing me. I was getting some feelings and tried to increase my speed - only to watch her pass me.  As she past me and in between my strokes I watched in amazement until I saw that the woman had flippers on ;-) So of course she was going to be faster than me and in that moment I realised that I could have swum my personal best but there was never going to be a way for me to pass someone with flippers...  The neighbouring swimmer was going fast for someone with flippers and I was going.... well I was swimming just as fast for someone without -  Speed is relative.

For everyone

Once when I was swimming - like Dory in the movie Finding Nemo just "swimming, swimming - just keep swimming" I was stopped in my tracks by I swear the biggest person that I have ever seen... You will need to know that I wear prescription glasses - so the exact size will remain a mystery ;-) But I will stick to my story that he or she was long as they were wide, very dark, long hair and I have to say - cut a very imposing figure. So I navigate past him/her and I swim up the lane and turn around and then there were two of them!! The next time I come around they had disappeared. When I finished I saw them with their group of people who were doing exercises and it made me smile as I realised that the pool is for everyone. Whether you are an elephant-like swimmer like me, a little person, or a mysterious giant - the water is for everybody.

Rythum

When I was unwell last year, I remember swimming through that time. My head was so full of all this stuff going on in my life that it wasn't peaceful at all. I used to have this sense of drowning (which is probably more reflective of how I was feeling at the time) and had this ongoing panic-like feeling. It was so chocoblock up 'there' it is amazing that I made it through....I know that on most occasions I used to force myself to keep going and to push through all that busyness - and just keep swimming, up and down, up and down, up and down..... And as I got my rythum back and my breathing sorted the feeling of anxiety and losing breath has slowly dissapated.   In its place I am now steady and at peace... I mean it probably looks like someone bashing the heck out of the water as I slice my way through - but under there - its finally peaceful and my mind is clear.....

The equalizer
The greatest equalizer in the pool is a simple three letter word - a.i.r.  None of us can live without it - that is for certain, however it is not until you are emerged in water that you realise quickly how critical breathing is. You gain an intimate understanding of how desperately you want to keep breathing and how priceless air is. It is a wonderful equaliser - because no matter who you are - you need it! For me it has reminded me how much I have to live for and by sucking in the air I get to live some more....

Have an awesome week.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Mr Mxo: Lessons of a Just Man

I have been married for 21 years. Having come from a single-parent family - I had no idea what being married looked like, so have pretty much gone along these last couple of decades learning HEAPS about what marriage is. But to tell you the truth, even after all this time - I am still pretty clueless - and getting through on sheer luck some of the times ;-) Fortunately, because of the man that I married it hasn't been too bad (for me ;-))

Anyway, a couple of months ago, I had to speak at a LDS Lawyer's Conference about what it is like to be married to a lawyer and a Bishop, so I thought that in honour of our 21st anniversary - I would share an abridged and adapted (because I'm doing it from memory ;-)) version and called it Mr Mxo: Lessons of a Just Man. Happy Anniversary Mr Mxx

It's what he does

Being a lawyer is something that Mr M does - it is not who he is - and it cetainly does not define him. Regardless of being a lawyer, Mr M is first and foremost a child or God, a priesthood holder, a loving husband and a devoted father ;-) So what I have learnt from Mr M is that it isn't what we do that defines us - but the things that we do with the people that we love that build eternal legacies...

Be the Rock

A few years ago, Mr M was involved with a legal matter that continues to this day. On one occasion, I was in Wellington and I knew that he was going to be in Auckland meeting solicitors and it would not be a good time for him. I didn't know when the meeting was and I still to this day do not know all the details..... but I sent him a text and said "You are a good and just man. You are the best man that I have ever known. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise". When I got back from Wellington, he told me that he received my text just as he was about to get into the elevator at the Solicitors and it gave him courage to continue with an otherwise rotten afternoon. Someones my Mr doesn't have all the answers or are the strong ones... so on this occassion (and many more before and to come) I was his ROCK!!

Silence is Golden

Mr M comes from a family of silent men. Being married is already difficult according to Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus..... so I can tell you being married to a man from Mars who doesn't talk much is a challenge.... However this has taught me ONE thing -  and that is to really really listen - sometimes you just need to shut your pie-hole and shhush, and not just listen to what is being said but to read and feel all the other bits (that aren't said)..... I know, sounds easy right?? ;-)  So even though silence is golden and frustrating - understanding how your Mr ticks is where the real magic is!

Be Loyal

I am loyal by nature so this is something that comes naturally. However, being married takes loyalty to a WHOLE new level. I mean lets' be honest - sometimes the last person you want to be in the same room is the very one you are tied to.... so being married surely teaches you just what being loyal is. In my book - the true definition of loyalty is being Mr M's hugest fan, and even if the stadium empties out - I will still be right there, not only stage front and centre but the crazy person CHEERING my Mr on!!

A Just Man

You can tell the time by some people, whether it's because they are ALWAYS 15 minutes late (like me) or 15 minutes before (like anyone other than me....) I am both lucky and blessed because for me, I am only able to recognise lies and deceit in others because I live with a man that is honest and true every day of his life.... My sons and I are blessed because we know what truth and honesty looks like because our very own Mr M is "a just man, [who] walk[s] uprightly before God; and observe[s] to do good continually, [and] keep[s] the commandments of the Lord his God" And quite frankly, you can't top that...

 

So you can see - I have  A LOT to do to catch up to Mr Mxo and thank him for a wonderful 21 years and look forward to sharing the next round of 21 ;-)

 

Let your own Mr or Mrs know you love them and tell them how much you love them....because - we will never be the same without them in our lives and every day is a good day because they are in it!!

 

Yours in friendship,

 

Mxo

Preceptions are a funny thing - not funny haha, the other funny....

I heard a funny story today and I had to write about it because this concept has been on my mind for some time.... A couple were going to Auckland on a trip. The husband told everyone that when they go places that they aren't familiar with - they call it an adventure.... so off they go and and in no time and without any trouble they get to their destination. The husband then turns to his wife and says "See, I'm not dumb!". And the wife looks at him and says "I know you're not dumb, you're arrogant, and ignorant, and stubborn, but you aren't dumb!" The husband pondered on this (although he didn't tell us how long, I suspect it was ages) 'preception' his wife had of him... He may have thought that his wife was dumb - only to find out that that was the ONE thing she didn't think of him ;-) Ain't love and perception grand :-)

This week, my Aunty posted this on her facebook page -  An important lesson I’m currently learning from my 8th block psychology class: “Should I worry about other people’s opinion and perspective about me? Not really because they are entitled to their own opinion, but I’m thankful for the attention they give me. Therefore, thank you for your opinion/perspective because now I know I’m a better person than you think!” I love it - perception can inform people's opinions but the reality is always going to be sweeter.

Just the other day, I was talking to someone about a trip that I am going on with my family, and they said "Gee you guys must be loaded!!" and I thought on that - and figured - that is probably the perception out there in my community - but if only people knew the things that were being done to make this possible - they would know that we are not. This goes along with the perception that people believe because Mr is a lawyer we are rolling in it ;-) It's so laughable because the first image I bring up in my mind is the car he drives and the toilet he paid a carpenter to build around a sink so its an odd shape and next to the bathroom which is the ugliest part of the house.... Just because on the outside everything looks absolutely fine.... until you know - you don't know...perceptions, especially uninformed ones - are funny (not haha funny either)!

I am a proud and loyal supporter of Piri Weepu (an All Black player). It was a no-brainer for me when I was faced with the choice of either buying Graham Henry's (Former All Black coach) book or Piri's :-) I know - a choice between the call maker (coach) or as he has been described as - Piri: the kingmaker!! Anwyay, I am reading about his build up to the world cup final and I am riveted - note to self, if all rugby books were this good - I could read games instead of having to watch them!! - and he talks about the pressure he puts on himself on to kick well on the day. He practices more than he normally does because he thinks that the Backs coach is giving him the eye and he gets the distinct impression that he better do a good job - or else... totally my words but you get the gist. The book then goes to one of the coaches for comment on this, and the Backs coach says that that may have been the perception of Piri but it as never his. In fact he goes on to say that the coaches didn't care what Piri did in the build up to the game because they already knew he was good for it!! Perceptions - is what we think of ourselves really what others think? 

Recently I was listening to people talking about a scripture about perceptions - when Paul teaches in Romans 14:10 he is teaching us all that in the final assessment, our personal discipleship (following Christ) will not be judged by friends or foes. Rather, Paul said, “We shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.” It is this day that the important question will be, “What thinks Christ of me?” Now that's a perception I will spend the rest of my life working on because it is the one that I want my reality to match that which He has of me ;-)

So the next time you think you know something about someone, or have an opinion or perception about something that is going on or is happening - step back!  Don't be caught out like I have on many occasions - being way off the mark - because perceptions are a funny thing - and not the funny haha - but the other funny!!!

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

 

Touchback

Trying to get my sons to prepare for their upcoming exams has been a struggle. I'm using everything that I know but trying to convince teenage boys to do something and the best (and probably not very effective) is  the old adage "the grades you get in High School now can set you up in life" In my mind, while I am saying this - I am asking did High School set me up for life?

What is so funny is that recently I watched a movie called Touchback which is about reaching potential and the impact the decisions we make at High School have on our lives.... The movie is about a guy called Scott Murphy who, back at High School was the star of the football team dying to get out his small town when an accident ends any dreams of him doing this... The movie starts with a grown up married with children Murphy who like many people in this economy - working hard, but really struggling with the bank foreclosing on the property which has belonged to his wife's family for generations. His wife is plain and simple but supportive and plods along working and raising two beautiful children. You certainly get the sense that life is not easy.

One day, an old football buddy (now a big-time NRL football star) comes to town with Murphy's High School girlfriend (who is a News Anchor on TV) and it's all a bit too much for Murphy... He tries to brush his feelings of failure off, but when his crops face ruin because of poor weather - his hopelessness and despair lead him to a suicide attempt. While he is unconcious - he returns back to school and gets to re-do/ re-live his life.

The movie then follows a younger version of Murphy and his decisions he makes that lead him to wake up to a better ending.... (which you will have to watch... ;-)) and it made me think - If I could, what would I change about my highschool years? I even asked Mr "If you could go back in time - what would you change from High School? If you knew then what you know now what would you do differently?" He paused and then said "nothing!". I can tell you I was relieved given that it was at High School where I met and fell in love with someone who has turned out to be one of the best men on the planet ;-) 

I, on the other hand, and in watching my boys start living through this, have given this some thought and there are some things I would 'tweak' if I could go back.....

Love yourself
Everyone thought they were fat at High School. This wasn't just restricted to my generation because even my sons are very careful about what they eat because they don't want to get fat. What they don't realise is that in a short space of time, they will join millions of us who look back at their high school photos and think - "Dang I was skinny then :-)" To my young self I would say - "love yourself, and enjoy your life as it is certainly more than what you look like... Fat my teenage self - will come, but it is not at High School" And note to self (old and young) - EVERYONE looked skinny back then because - HULLO - we were children ;-)!!

Listen
My science teacher told me to take general science in the 5th form so that I could experience a range of other subjects and add music or a language etc to my education... Instead, just the mention of "can't or don't" spurred me on and off I went to do Biology, Chemisty, and Physics to the end - and just because, I enrolled at University in Biology as well!! This trait of mine has continued unfortunately where you will find that if someone tells me I can't do something they may as well have pressed start! So to my young self I would say - STOP!! listen to your teacher and take General Science branching out to do something else like music!! ;-)

How to Learn
I never knew about learning styles until fairly recently and when I did find out I was not happy!! All those years of schooling, struggling to grasp concepts, ideas, information, facts, figures, and knowledge without an iota of how to learn. Instead I, and I suspect many others had to rely on my own God-given natural and raw capabilities which makes me cross. It didn't have to be that way. You see, once I was taught and understood how to learn utilising my preferred learning styles - I developed strategies around those that make it easier to capture and retain informaiotn - most times. I wish I knew this then.

Patience
I wouldn't of started seriously dating until I was old enough. What does anyone know at 15? I would go back to my young self and tell her to get real and wait because there was someone coming.... The flipside to this is that I am a better person for every experience I had as a teenager and may have been totally different when Mr Right did come along!! But patience is something my young self could have done with in bucketloads when it came to the affairs of the heart!!

Other than that - my High School years were packed with waterpolo practices, games and tournaments, piano lessons and exams, Phoenix house, Showcase performances and tours, friends, family, and church. I realise, and probably knew then that I was living a truly blessed life because of all of my experiences. And, unlike Murphy in the movie, although life is hard, - there isn't anything I would change (maybe tweak but never change) because I am exactly where I am meant to be.... Hopefully, this blog finds you in that place as well.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Happy Feet

Recently, while I was being driven back to pick up my car, I got to spend some time with one of my friends. She was one of the people who helped drag me back from wherever I was hurtling towards and guided me onto this path of self-discovery and recovery and I, along with Mr and our children will always be grateful for that!! Anyway, we got to talking and I was explaining where I am in life and I told her the only word I could use to describe my life now was 'happy'. As I went on and on I realised that although this word is soo inadequate - it was the only word I could use.

My life isn't perfect (obviously I would have used the word perfect instead ;-)), I have bills we can't pay, teenagers who test me daily, and a lovely husband that comes from Venus when Mars is where he should be ;-) But the difference is that when I may have had a moan that my husband was always late home, I now think - "Hang on chick!! - some husbands never come home - by either death or because they chose to be with someone else!" Being happy is a choice - make the decision to be happy!

I remember watching the movie "This is It" - the last filiming done of Michael Jackson (who I have always loved!!) What struck me was that he was always moving. It was as if his body was itself a musical instrument - that he was the music or the music was him. It has been something that I think about often and more recently in regards to happiness - like the little penguin called Mumble on Happy Feet. Instead of being able to sing, Mumble made music with his feet. We are like Mr Jackson and Mumble - we are all happy instruments and are in control of how much happy we feel, play, make, and are! Happy starts from inside. Be a happy instrument!!

I have a friend who posts really positive words on her facebook page every morning where she wishes everyone a happy day and when she closes at night - she adds more positive words. Reading her posts is like getting a daily 'fix'.  She is making other people's day even if in reality hers is not going very well at all.... We should always leave people better off than when we found them and to always remember that. Surround yourself with people who are happy because happiness is contagious.

Recently, I came across a quote from Brooke Shields who said "Don’t waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window or break down a door." This is such a good one - because although we are our own happy instruments - it takes work to keep happy!!:-) I don't see Ms Shields is saying that we should just roll over when things go bad - but rather - get up, keep moving and work it!!

Here is what I know: I am the happiest I have been for the first time in years - because I have been in the depths of sadness before. I am happy in my job because I have been unemployed and restricted in the contributions I make to my family's income. I am happy with Mr, because I know that life without him would be worse. I am happyish with my house (except the toilet, bathroom, bedrooms, carpet etc ;-)) - because I know that many people are living on the streets.... I am happy to be a mother, because sooo many people can't be. Be grateful for what you have and happiness will find you.

I could carry on and try and tell you how to be happy, I can even share with you what happiness is but in the end it comes down to you: 1) Make the choice to be happy, 2) Let happiness start from inside, 3) Surround yourself with happy people because happiness is contagious, 4) be prepared to work to be happy, and 5) Be grateful for what you have and happiness will find you.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Dear Skinny....

I'm writing this blog while I am chomping down on my spinach salad like it was a big juicy burger and having a little giggle to myself. I'm having a laugh because, as I'm yumming and mmming over a salad - I'm remembering just the other week I was watching a programme and the people were going out for dinner - and I watched as they ordered and thought to myself - "whatever - who would order a salad for a main meal!!??" Isn't that so funny - because here I am 40-something years old and on this eating programme where for the next 12 weeks I am going to be doing just that - eating a salad as a main meal.... Is that irony or what??

So I thought to myself I would write a letter to my inner skinny to let her know....

Dear Skinny - I hope you are doing alright? I know that you have been stuck inside for 24+ years but if I can just keep on this latest eating regime - you may actually get out of there ;-) I'm not really expecting you to look like you did 24 years okay - and in fact I would settle with you looking like you did before you had the boys ;-) but I guess that's part of the excitement of seeing each other again.

It's not like it is going to be difficult or anything right? All I have to do is stop eating all the food that I believe makes the world a better place like: bread with or without butter, for special occasions or just because, bread freshly baked or toasted - heck any kind of bread; KFC, Mommas donuts, burgers - chicken, mince, homemade or from Wendys, Maseis pizzas, chop suey, rice, mayonaise, hot chips, crispy chips, twisties, peanut slabs, hershey peanut butter cups, and whatever else my little fingers can get a hold of ....

It's not even like there was anything wrong with not being able to fit my clothes. I have a farmers card (yes Mr - it has some recent charges) and clothes are on special all the time especially after the season is over.... My other clothes hang-outs are great too because they are always sending me brochures so that I don't even have to leave the house.... And if all else fails, the good old safety pin trick is tried and true. C'mon Skinny you know that trick - the one where I use the safety pin to join the top of the zip to the top of my pants ;-) In my mind I see you in my clothes but then I look in the mirror you disappear - what's up with that??? But don't worry Skinny, you'll be coming out in 80 more days ;-)

  

So I know its been a while Skinny - but thankfully Mr remembers what you look like. It helps as well that his parents have a giant wedding photo of Mr and I when you were on the outside ;-) I have to say the best photo though that reminds me of what you look like, is that photo that we used as a engagement photo and ended up including in our wedding invitations. You know the one Skinny, right there in the hallway - when you come out of the bathroom.  I think Mr is secretly waiting for you to come out of hiding.... but I have told him that you are looking just as haggard and he can kiss that engagement photo goodbye, because I have seen your hair - and you cannot hide those grey ones or silence those getting older aches and pains either...  Shouldn't be a problem really - in 11.5 weeks the two of you can see each other again.

But seriously, Skinny, it's been great writing to you. I know that you are waiting to get out but I just have to tell you that even when do - I'm still going to be me okay.... Who cares if you can fit really cool clothes, and can run and jump around like a teenager - you will always be the same.... and if you don't behave - back inside you go!!

Well, I better get going skinny. See you in 1920 hours - but who's counting ;-)

Yours in Friendship,

Mxo

Get the girls out ;-)

Lately on tv a Breast Screen Aotearoa advertising campaign to encourage women to have breast checks/mammograms has been running. The last one I saw was when the Aunties - Ella Henry and Whetu Fala were visiting a building/construction site and were talking to the men there about why it was important for the women in their lives to go and get checked. It ends when Aunty Ella asks one of the builders "so when you get home tonight, what are you going to say to your Mrs?", he smiles and replies "get the girls out". Of which they all join in with "get the girls out!"

Although breast cancer is serious, the ad made me giggle and smile. It also makes me think that my sister and I need to get checked out as well - so I guess the ad has worked for me ;-) I also like the ads because they are keeping breast cancer issues to the forefront which is awesome.

This year marks the 5th year of the passing of my mum to breast cancer. I wanted to do something for her that wasn't staying at home and crying a river - but something memorable and she would be happy with. With that in mind, I decided to host a Pink Ribbon Breakfast. I wanted to keep it personal to me and my family - but invited anyone who wanted to be there. Friends provided the music, were the inspiration speakers (3),  my husband and sons helped me decorate, and another friend sponsored 2 lots of her gourmet cupcakes and a special breastcancer cake to be auctioned off (which combined raised over a hundred dollars) and I was the MC. What was so touching was that the musicians on the day had lost their mother to cancer, the cake maker's mother had had breast cancer and lived and of course the ladies that I asked to speak were breast cancer survivors and inspirational!! It was a lovely morning and in the end raised over $1600 with my organisation donating $500. A big thank you to the people, and especially my friends who came and helped out - my life is blessed because of you.. So, my pink ribbon breakfast was a fitting way to remember our mum who, had she lived, and as she spoke about doing when she got better, would have gone on to be a volunteer for the breast cancer society because of the service that they had done with her. I think this is going to be the next step for me - so watch this space!!

Breast cancer is a big deal in my life and the life of my family - starting with my mother's favourite colour pink. For my mum's funeral, at her request, everyone wore pink. Her grave was surrounded by pink balloons that each grandchild released once she was buried. At her unveiling we were all dressed in pink and each grandson, son and son-in-law have pink ties that they wear often in memory of their Nan and mother/in-law.

Every opportunity I have I purchase Breast Cancer Society/ Foundation merchandise in support of  eradicating this disease that claims so many beautiful people. What is more important though, is because of breast cancer history in our family (my mother's sister also had a lump discovered at the time of her passing), it is critical for my sister and I and even our nieces to get checked regularly - or as the ad encourages us to Get the Girls Out!

Here are some things that we all need to know:

Symptoms of breast cancer can include:

• A new lump or thickening in the breast or armpit area,
• A change in skin of the breast, areola or nipple which can inclue the colour, dimpling, puckering or reddening,
• A newly retracted/inverted (pulled in) nipple,
• A discharge from the nipple that occurs without squeezing, or
• A change in breast shape or size.

Risk factors for breast cancer
The main factors for breast cancer are 1) being female (although 1% of breast cancer occurs in males) and 2) increasing age as it becomes more likely that abnormal changes may occur in the over 50s however, breast cancer in younger women also is occuring and is usually more agressive. Other factors may include:

• Family history and genetics. If your mother, sister or daughter has had breast cancer - make those check ups regular!
• Body size. Overweight and obese women have a post menopausal breast cancer risk 20-40% higher than lean women.
• Diet. Studies have suggested that eating a diet high in fat or red meat may increase the risk of breast cancer. Women with the highest intake of fat and red meat would have a breast cancer risk 10-20% higher than a women with a low intake.

Risk reduction factors are physical activity and maintaining a healthy weight..... now don't even get me started on how many healthy and fit people you and I know with breast cancer......

How can we help?
Here are some practical things you can do when someone you care about has breast cancer:

• Keep in touch. You may feel awkward and don't know what to say - there are no 'right' words. Just keep in touch as time passes. Mum had a few friends that visited often and they made her day every time that came. Our family loves these beautiful women.
• Listen. Pay attention to her cues. Don't be afraid to ask her what she wants.
• Prepare meals. Aunty Dolly brought my mum some of her yummy cooking every week and my mother loved every last drop. The only downside to this is that I think we still have her bowls ;-(
• Offer to drive and stay with her through appointments. I was with Mum for every oncologist appointment and 95% of her treatments, however, on that odd occasion I (or my siblings) couldn't pick or drop her off to treatment, we had our friends pick her up... it was always a surprise for Mum who would pick her up ;-)
• Ask when, not what. Instead of asking what can I do - say "when can I do your grocery shopping?" - this apparently makes it easier for someone to accept.
• Support her partner. Mum didn't have a partner as such but in supporting me, I was able to be strong and take care of her....

So my friends - that's about it for this blog. Get the girls out and get checked. The information that I have shared today has come straight out of The Breast Book which is published by the New Zealand Breast Cancer Foundation. It is a very informative read, and if you want to know anything about breast cancer - this publication and other information from their website may be the start you need to get informated.

Remember the best cure for breast cancer is EARLY DETECTION!! So - let's get them girls out!!.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo