Time Out For Women (Auckland 2013)

I kid you not, there was a time not long ago that I couldn't think of anything worse than sitting in a room with 1499 other LDS women..... and my oh my how times have changed!!

I loved Time Out For Women. It irks me a bit that we have to wait for such a massive event to get a whole bunch of women together - because we should do it more often, but other than that - it was great! I learnt so much, and what I already knew was strengthened. I cried heaps, and tried my hardest but failing time and time again - not to cry! What I loved the most is that I was a woman among so many more women just like me - feeling the same as me!

Here's what I learnt.

EVERYONE HAS PROBLEMS

A friend of mine, in frustration said, that "if I hear another person say how great their life is, how awesome her husband is, and that the children are near perfect and so on - I am going to scream"..... My response - everyone has problems. You see, statistically, it was more likely that the sisters that she overheard were either very very positive about their realities or one of the exceptions or probably more the truth - lying ;-) or at least embellishing the truth. In fact, as LDS, we probably face more challenges than the average, because he who shall not be named is having to work over time!! No one has a perfect life - impossible!!

NEGATIVITY BEGETS NEGATIVITY

I learnt that to breed positivity - you need to put that out there. I have a friend who believes that once you put it out into the universe it will happen ;-) I'm pretty sure the statistics are ths same as my previous lesson - but it feels good. By putting good thoughts, positive thoughts out there, something happens inside that turns you around. I don't know how it works but it does.... 

ENDURANCE IS THE KEY

I learnt or rather was reminded that this journey in life is not a race because its length is already pre-determined. Going faster isn't going to get me to the end any quicker.... so its enduring to the end and with integrity, dignity and joy that is the key. It's like a car advertisement I have seen which says "The Journey is the Destination".... interesting isn't it...??

PERFECTION IS ME....NOT
I learnt today that praying is not for the perfect, but for those who are striving to be perfect, and partaking of the sacrament is not for perfected saints but rather for people who are willing to come unto Christ in perfection. What a revelation or rather a remembering.... and goes with a quote I read recently from Russ Hill that "churches are not museums or catwalks for the perfected Saints, but rather labs for sinners" :-)

MY FAVOURITE 2 QUOTES (there were heaps more!!):

“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He can deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, and pour out peace.”    Ezra Taft Benson

“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ would take the slums out of people, and then they would take themselves out of the slums. The world would mould men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behaviour, but Christ can change human nature.” Ezra Taft Benson

I am grateful that I was able to join with so many women in hearing messages of hope, love, and "let's get better and keep improving and learning" also with the encouragement to everyone gathered that we all can do it and "we got this!!"

Have a great week

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Dear Emma

Dear Emma

Thank you for being a friend to me during the highs and my very low - when I was unwell. Thank you for the timely advice you gave me which is kind of ironic now since I have given the same advice to at least three other people since. Mind you, none of them took it, and as a consequence burnt and shrivelled up ;-) actually for all accounts and purposes they are doing okay. But most of all - thanks for being one of my hardcore blog followers which makes this letter and my lastest blog entry a direct hit ;-) - that and the fact that it is emailed directly to you ;-)

I'm writing this as I am waiting for my ride to come to see you and attend your dad's funeral service. Being here was a no brainer for me - pretty conflicting since I did have another gig with one friend (and a research project) to be at, and another friend of mine has lost her best friend - but there was no way I was going to miss being here for you - even if it is just for a few hours.... The funny thing is that when I got the notice that you had lost your dad and that the service was going to be held in Greytown, Wairarapa I called your fabulous PA to see what time I needed to be in town in order to make the ferry crossing.... You see - I knew the Wairarapa was in the North Island but that Greytown was in the South Island - so maybe the notice got a bit wrong ;-) Lucky Reti, put me straight with a note that a ferry would not be needed as Greytown is in the North Island.... - It wasn't until I met up with  Maurice later when he reminded me that Greymouth was in the South Island so Reti was right all along ;-)

I'm writing to share some advice with you that I have picked up on death, grief, loss, and how to cope. None of these are scientifically proven. In fact, my brother and sister who also have the privilege of being emailed my blog.... would wonder who was writing these as their sister has still lost the plot ;-) So here goes - my top five.

NOTHING WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY
Nothing I say is going to matter today. I write this knowing that this little blog doesn't even matter today :-) In fact for sometime nothing is going to matter except your pain and that of the rest of your family. And, you know what - that is totally okay. Who cares about next week - take every day at a time...

EMBRACE THE BEAST
Embrace all that hurt and sadness and let it wash over you... I mean, you are cautioned at other times not to feed your emotions because they can be greedy but this time let it go. I knew I was going to be some kind of drama queen when my mother died. I was at her side for her last 24 days, but we were close friends for years before.... so when she died my emotions took over, and in fact I had to be supported to the car to go to the funeral home - can you imagine this frame being supported ;-). But that was me... and I cried for months! I even heard Maurice cry - no see him cry but hear him sob... so embrace it - because the funny thing is - there will come a time when those emotions and the expression of them will be healing too.

TAKE YOUR TIME
There is no time limit on when you should get over it. I know of a woman who had lost her mother being encouraged a couple of weeks later by her husband "that is was time for her to get over it - and to move on"! He couldn't figure out what the hold up was.... Granted it was a man talking - but don't put a limit on the time to grieve. I'm talking about work Emma - take the time off or if you want to have a big fat sobby bawl - go out for some time...

TIME IS A HEALER
When Mum died - I thought I was going to die as well... People advised me at the time that time would be a healer and I thought they were stupid - because that hole in your pit of my tummy was going to be there FOREVER. The first year came and went and it was sad, the second year came and went and it was sad and so on and so on - and now  six years later - I can still miss her like HELL - but that raw sharp pain has eased and I am sooo thankful for it!! So time will take all that pain away - give it a makeover and give it back to you as a memory that when thought on will give you clarity....

THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH
Religious of not - one of the key parts to recovery or moving through the loss of a loved one is the belief that there is life after death. I mean why would there not be??


I write this knowing that today it ain't going to make a scrap of difference - but over time, and in time, every little bit will happen :-)

 Take care my friend....

Yours in friendship,

Mxo