Parenthood

Recently my husband and I were invited to join other parents on a panel  to answer some questions about parenthood. In the audience were about 20 + teenagers from about 14-17 years old.... two of which were our 15 year old twins.... 

1) What is the most enjoyable thing about being a parent?

My response: To hear the words "mum" and "mother".... I couldn't think of anything more enjoyable than that - except for when the word 'Mum' is followed in quick sucession with, "can I? ....can I?... can I?.... will you?.... awwww but mum". Maurice and I value being parents because we were told it was unlikely ever going to  a mum and a dad due to ongoing girly problems.... so hearing the word 'Mum' is pretty special ;-) What is yours?

2) What is the biggest challenge you face as a parent?

My response: As a mother of sons, my biggest challenge was being able to communicate with my babies... because my sons just stopped talking once they hit 13/14 years of age.... and I remember clearly when one of them was littler - and he used to yack and yack and yack until I had to ask him to be quiet so his brother could get a word in..... and now - SILENCE. What is yours?

3) How would you judge if your child was successful?

My response: I would  judge my children's success by them going on their missions, marrying in the temple (to someone who would let me have the grandchildren), going to university, getting a good job (and well off enough to keep me in my old age) . Obvsiously aimed to lift the mood of the room of teenagers - these fell flat on the floor and I didn't even get a smile from either of my two babeis... What I should have said and I wish I said so that my son's could hear - was I would judge my child's success when they are happy in what they do, where and how they do it, and is an outstanding father and loving husband.... it's all about how the game of life is played - not really anything to do with what you get at the end... How will you judge your child's success?

What is some advice you would give your children on how to be a good parent?

Well, by now my son's would have wished a big great gaping hole would have swallowed them alive... because when it came around to my turn -  I said something like don't try and find someone to marry now - you are young - be young, and enjoy - then I said something about the young women about letting the boys do their thing and don't interfere... I know I said that to the girls in the class - practically putting a great big warning out there ;-) I think that my son's believe that I totally destroyed any chance of them ever getting married now ;-) What is your advice?

How do I feel about the counsel given that our children have claim upon their parents for maintenance until they are of age?

I have absolutely no problem with this - It really is the only reason I work and live for. The question around - what is "of age" - well for me it's obvious - until they die...... I truly believe that... I brought my children into the world, so it is mine and my husband's responsibility to love them and look after them forever, even with grandchildren.... and I guess a wife ;-)

How would you have answered these questions?


Yours in friendship,


Mxox

What more can we do?

I recently joined Greenpeace.

The only reason I joined was the young man used the words "te Whānau ā Apanui". Having just been blessed enough to be at a conference where Dayle Takitimu spoke about the struggles of her iwi - it made perfect sense to do something - and joining Greenpeace made perfect sense.

In the media here in New Zealand the plight of this Iwi has been brushed under the mat - or almost ignored which I cannot believe. It is not a Iwi issue - it will affect everyone.

Recently companies have tendered for the right to explore for oil after some of our most pristine water in what is known as the Raukumara basin. It is a multi-BILLION dollar operation. The New Zealand government awarded, a Brazilian company, Petrobra, an exploration permit for 12,330 km. I've had the privilege to swim in the water where this exploration will share and it is perfect water - perfect, and now this.

Here are some things you need to know:

Who are Petrobra?
I would probably not be alone if I thought that zero incidents would be acceptable for the oil drilling industry, but Petrobra has had many, of which six happened in the course of one year with an oilspill of more than one million litres polluting Rio de Janeiro's picture-postcard Guanabara Bay. A decade later – there are still no fish or crab growing. http://youtu.be/WBZNKcQ4ba8 The website page “Caddie in the Council” reports that “the influential publication Bloomberg Business Week made the dire assessment that the Brazilian owned Petrobras is ‘more exposed than any oil company on the planet to the risk of an accident similar to the Deep water Horizon spill in the Gulf of Mexico, the largest in U.S. history’ http://manu.org.nz/2010/07/05/whats-wrong-with-drilling-east-cape/ This is the company that the government awarded an exploration permit.

A Picture paints a thousand words




 

This is what the water looked like when I was there last year. I wish I could do justice by describing what it was like to swim there. At the time this photo was taken there was a local kura exploring the sides and eventually went for their swimming session there and activity that can be potentially lost forever... .

 

 



Government reaction

The most disturbing factor that I have had the most difficulty understanding has been the government reaction to an Iwi, or basically the local community of the Raukumara Basin. Recently, without consultation or information, the local waters of Whanau-a-Apanui have had the following visitors, a Petrobras survey boat, Flotilla observing (1 arrest made on Te te Whānau ā Apanui skipper), 3 Navy warships, and Airforce aircraft and police mobilization. Not only this the Iwi has been told that there has been notification lodged, of which the government is entertaining a permit for for petroleum and gas exploration inland at Raukumara ranges / forest park – with no consultation to date with Iwi.

The risk is too great

According to the information that is at hand, Petrobras will be drilling three times the distance of the latest BP rig disaster off the Coast of Mexico. There is no existing technology to support this kind of drilling. The floor in which the drilling will be down has been proven to be tectronically unsafe with an earthquake being recorded the week of the conference.

The Land of the free – just not a free trade agreement

One of the greatest things about living in Aotearoa is the green clean image and being the land of democracy. However, this goes to show that there are some things that our government is willing to do - at the expense and regardless of the voice of the people, to make some money and be a part of a free trade agreement.



Robert Ruha has said "Te Whānau ā Apanui will continue to oppose deep sea drilling in its waters now and forever. We will continue to let the Government know that te Whānau ā Apanui will oppose this exploitation of the environment for as long as it takes, and in as many forms as that opposition is necessary, until deep sea oil drilling and inland mining in our tribal territory is off the agenda forever." To which Greenpeace Executive Director Bunny McDiarmid added, from the waters of the Raukumara Basin, as skipper on Tiama.“This is a determined opposition, a united front against deep sea oil exploration that sent a clear message to international oil giants that New Zealanders do not want deep sea oil exploration”,

So I joined Greenpeace and stand with te Whānau ā Apanui in defending their tribal waters and land

Mxo

 

The perfect wife

If you aren’t from New Zealand – you may have to find an equivalent sport to relate to this – but for me and my household the predominant sport is Rugby… and that is followed closely (as in millimetres) by any other sport that has a ball – whether it be green (tennis), red (cricket), white (golf) or oval (football, league, etc). I think you get the picture. In fact, I had an Uncle that used to watch as much if not more sport than my husband and I remember being amazed that he would even watch golf of all things….. only to find that twenty years later my companion that I am meant to live this life and the next with, has become that man!!

But I digress. Let me share with you what can make a normal wife - into the perfect wife of a sports crazy man.

Last night, after dinner, Mr and Mrs were sitting in the lounge and Mr was channel flicking (a talent that he is developing although if there was an Olympic sport – he would win gold already) between rugby, rugby league, this country, that country, that code, this code etc…. and I looked at him and I asked “am I the perfect wife – if I just sit here and let you continue flicking through the channels?” Mr replied, “Yes.”

Mrs asked – “as the perfect wife, would you like me to continue sitting here quietly without any interruption?” Mr replies, “you can make some comments here and there.” Mrs had to get some clarification – and it was brought to her attention that general comments like “the boys are fighting, or the toilet is blocked” were not included.. The words that could be used had to be about the ‘play’, the ‘moves’, the ‘ball’, and include words like, ‘tackle’, ‘wide!!!’ and passit!!. On this note, I actually think my friend Mandy would make a perfect wife.

Mrs asked a question she already knew the answer to, but on a roll and couldn’t stop now… “Would the perfect wife talk to you through the rugby?”. Mr answered – “no she wouldn’t”. By now we had almost had a whole conversation….

Judging the situation Mrs started rounding up this one sided conversation and asked “would I be the perfect wife if I got up and made a smoothie for our pudding (after cooking a beautiful meal)”. Mr smiled and looked me directly (remember this is during a game so any seconds away from the action is measured in momentous ;-)) and said “yes”.

Then Mrs asks her final question “is there anything else that a perfect wife could do for you…..?”, and Mr said the words that would seal his fate - “if you could just clean the house, that would be perfect”....

To that Mrs looks around the lounge, tiring herself out in doing so, sighs, and then replies…“well, when you become the perfect husband we will talk, and as for tonight – you can sleep in the perfect spare room ;-)”

Mxox

The greatest Man on Earth

Here are five of the best passages/readings about the greatest Man to have ever walked the earth - Jesus Christ.  Happy Easter everyone and regardless  of what faith you belong or don't belong to - have a read and enjoy.He became like us - that we might become like Him.

He was rejected - that we might be accepted.
He was condemned - that we might be forgiven.
He was punished - that we might be pardoned.
He suffered - that we might be strengthened.
He was whipped - that we might be healed.
He was hated - that we might be loved.
He was crucified - that we might be justified.
He was tortured - that we might be comforted.
He died - that we might live.
He went to hell - that we might go to Heaven.
He endured what we deserve - that we might enjoy what only He deserves. Dr Peter Hammond

Greatest man in history, named Jesus, had no servants, yet they called him Master. Had no degree, yet they called him Teacher. Had no medicines, yet they called him Healer. He had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him... He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

 Annonymous, Retireved off facebook
 

Christ chose to be a teacher. It is highly significant to realise that the greatest intellect in human history - the most talented individual ever to grace this globe - chose to be a teacher! He chose this way of carrying out part of this awesome assignment. Spencer W. Kimball

The best of men
That e'er wore earth about Him was a Sufferer,
A soft, meek, patient, humble, tranquil spirit;
The first true gentleman that ever breathed.Thomas Dekker

Do we find it a burden to give of our time to others? Did Christ not heal all those who were brought to him even though many a day and a night it seemed like the whole city was gathered around him? Are we sometimes asked to do for others what may seem to be beneath us or what is tiresome and monotomous? Was not the Son of God born in a stable? Did he not make himself a servant, even to washing the feet of his Disciples, saying to them, "the servant is not greater than His Lord?" Love One Another. Serve your fellowman. The example has been given you. Ezra Taft Benson

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Don't sweat the small stuff

I have a book written by Richard Carlson, called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work". Without reading the full title - I picked it upm purchased it, and thought about putting it beside my bed so that I could flip through its pages and pick up some bits of inspiration.... only to find when I got home - it was about work! And the whole title of this little book was "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work: Simple Ways to Minimize Stress and Conflict While Bringing Out the Best in Yourself and Others"... OK - so it has the longest title in the world..... but almost two years after buying it I opened it to find that it also has some good tips....

Here are my top five (of 100 ;-)):

Learn to Say No Without Guilt
I have a classic example of this just recently. I was part of this group of individuals who were part of a wonderful concept to give young people the greatest opportunity through offering a business type programme with mentors. I was getting despondent because of some of the people that I had to work with - not the participants/students - drove me crazy and it was getting harder for me to attend the classes.

So one day while sharing my frustration and my unwillingness to go to the next lesson -my friend asking me a simple question - "why can't you tell them you don't want to attend anymoret". It was like a great big lightbulb went off in my head! It was just so simple. It wasn't a calling, it wasn't my job, it wasn't adding to my family life - so why was I doing it? I enjoyed meeting the students, listenting to the travelling lectures - and I was asked by someone I respected - but that was all..... so I wrote to the person who invited me and he graciously accepted my withdrawal from the programme.... and guess what? No one died, or was hurt - and I lived ;-) I don't know why I haven't done this earlier. Say no without the guilt!

Learn to Delegate
The best advice I ever got was from my husband whenver I would tell him about how hard my job was, and how busy I was and so on and so on was something someone had told him -  "Delegate or die". To this day I am not very good at it but I am much better at it. Carlson says "when you allow others to help you, when you put your faith in them and trust them, it frees you up to do what you do best" - brilliant advice!

Stop Procrastinating
I am the perfect procrastinator - and may even be perfect at it ;-( Carlso suggests, and I think he was talking directly to me, that if you struggle to be on time for things that we should try being a little earlier next time so that you are on time... and throw away the excuse of "I ran out of time" because as he suggests - we are all capable of calculating the time it is going to take to complete a task at the time we were given it. To think otherwise - doesn't look good...

Strengthen your Presence
We know this as being in the moment.... Carlson says that "the way to strengthen your presence is to understand its value. Make an ongoing effort to stop your mind from wandering. When you are with someone, be with them. When your mind wanders, gently bring it back. When you are doing something, don't be thinking about something else." He also add that when we are 'present' the people around you will be more relaxed and you will be seen as more trustworthy.... interesting. I have a talent of listening to people, but am I present? Something to work on.

Remember the Motto, "You Catch More Flies with Honey"
All I have to add here is AMEN. Carlson shares that there are times to be agressive and pushy but when we are kind and loving and patient, fair, a good listener and when we genuinely care about others - our attitude comes across in all that we do. As a result, people will side ith us, share their secrets of success, and want to assit us in any way they cant. Very simply, they will delight in our success. Have a go and see what it does for you. Its something that employ already but never really thought about it much.... now I know what I can do to improve myself... how about you?

Well - that was five quick ways to minimise stress and conflict while bringing out the best in yourself and others.

Good luck with your quest to stop sweating the small stuff at work.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

What would you do?

Last week, my sister and I came across a book teaching people about financial literacy. It was part of a course that teaches people the basics about their money and the resources were awesome enough that I enrolled ;-)

Anyway, this book was teaching the reader about putting things into priority so that the reader would then be able to determine for themselves where their energies/money/attention needed to be focussed. One of the questions that was used really struck a cord with me: If the Dr told you today that you had 6 months to live, what would you do?

1) Quit work
The first thing I would want to do is to quit work - but then you would need the money so you would have to work until you weren't physically able - but like the quote that many of us have heard before goes something like - there is no one on their death bed wishing they were in the office more or could have worked more.... So what would I do - probably quit work and take my annual leave and my four weeks notice payment and run!

2) Pull sons out of school
The next thing I would do - and on the same day - is take my boys out of school because I would want to spend every living moment of the next six months with my sons which meant no school. this of course would only last a day or two - before I begged them to go back ;-) I would then spend my time filming for them to look a later, and write them letters for every occasion I could think of... so they never ever forgot that they were never ever far from my thoughts!

3) Near the sea
I would go near the water - any water. It was my mother's favourite place and mine as well. I would swim as long as I could and have as much fun as I could.

4) Read/ listen and watch everything
I would read as much as I could, listen to music that I love over and over and  even watch my most favourite movies - to create more memories that I could jam into  my little old head - because let's face it - there is nothing that you can take with you except what you carry around in that grey matter... NOTHING.

5) Be happy
The last piece of advice my mother gave me from her dying bed was to be positive. and I want to leave this life on that note - positive. I want my last six months to be surrounded by my husband and sons, my brother, his beautiful wife and tamariki, my sister and her babies...and if Simba is alive - her as well - facing the end like a big brave girl and happy ;-)

Now this exercise is meant to give me some idea about what I need to be doing in my life which I found very interesting. According to this, I am looking for opportunities where I can increase time with family, while having time to have fun and play, being laid back and enjoyable. The funny thing is that I think I am on track. I've quit my highly stressful job of the last five years (although the transition period has been extended another 30 days :-)), started a company with a friend running holiday programmes, and meeting with another friend about doing some consulting work - from home - and all of which have happened in the shortest of times and very exciting...

So have a go - if your Dr told you that you only had 6 months to live, what would you do? And then ask what do I need to be doing in my life today to make those things happen? Don't wait until the Dr tells you that you have a limited life span - make it happen for you now.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

To: Bullying From: My teenager!!

My 15 year old son recently completed his speech and came home with an excellent for his grade. To tell you the truth I thought he should have got brilliant ;-)

Bullying!!!!

Everyone has heard it before….. But what is it? What is the impact of bullying? What can be done to stop it?

My definition of bullying is a person or a group of people who intimidate someone by the use of verbal (point to mouth) or physical (smack hands together), or even the latest way to bully someone – cyber bullying (pull out cellphone)…..

The intention of a bully is to make the victim feel small and useless while making themselves feel big and powerful.

A recent study on bullying in New Zealand schools, based on interviews of 821 students aged 15–16 years old from 107 schools, showed that:

§   50% of those interviewed had been bullied,

§   33% admitted bullying others and

§   9% were bullied once a week or more.

To me and too many other people this is not acceptable for students to live with everyday.

If the purpose or the reasons of the bully are different from the ones I mentioned earlier, one thing that will NOT change, and I REPEAT will NOT change, is the negative impact it will have on the victim and the bully.

For the bully, it is proven they will go on to more criminal and antisocial behaviour such as fighting, vandalism and stealing.

For the victim, they often loose self esteem, start having trouble in school, and they even withdraw from friends and social activities. If the bullying is not stopped, and continues for long enough, victims of bullying can suffer these problems permanently.

Recently, a 13 year old student attending Morrinsville College was cornered and attacked by a group of bullies in the girl’s toilets. The victim was so severely beaten that she was left with a brain injury.

I believe more has to be done to stop bullying because nothing good comes out of it and nothing good ever will. We are the ones to stop it by;

1)   If you know someone who is bullying others, tell a teacher, tell a junior leader or prefect. It is part of their role to help us. Keep telling someone until they hear you, and

2)   Be a friend. Be the person that someone sees as the one they can tell and be prepared to tell someone, because bullying has to stop, and we are the ones to stop it.

In conclusion, I believe that bullying is no good and nothing good will come of it. With over 50% of 15-16 year olds being bullied, it has to stop. If you know a bully, tell someone, and be prepared to stand against them. The very least all of us can do, is to be a friend, and the one that will help to make the bullying stop.