Being a Woman

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine set up a facebook page called NRG Godesses. The idea behind it was to celebrate the brilliance of being a woman and empowering womanhood in each sister that contributed. An invitation was extended to each woman to supply a photo and a saying or mantra that they practice in their life. I continued to watch the posts of amazing women and the profound things they have to share, and then, I decided I was going to contribute a photo as well....

Although a simple request, I have been surprised at the depth of the self-reflection that has gone into this process. In fact, it has turned out to be a little more complicated than what I thought. Not wanting to just supply a selfie from my iphone, I decided that if I was going to get a photo taken, I would get a real photographer to do it. And if she was going to be real, then I better look real, and got a hair and make up artist to work her magic as well.... I can tell you from this simple exercise - I have been enlightened for sure.

So I start off my re-launch of my blog - 'bout that! with what I have learnt about being a woman. I do so, using the photos from my recent photo shoot.

Beautiful

I have discovered that beautiful is a word that I use a lot and as I get older, I actually mean it. No longer is the word just attached to how someone looks, but it could be an accomplishment, a song, a poem, a conversation, a dress, or an action. It is becoming more of a word attached to a feeling than just a description. I have also learnt that we can all be beautiful, regardless of what the outside shell looks like - because it is the life that you lead, the works and service that is done that makes someone beautiful. You need to be humble to become beautiful, because you have to give up or in popular vernacular of the day - "let go" of your self-hatred, and poor self-image/esteem - because these are prideful and the humble are beautiful...

My makeup artist - Lucie Tuia and photographer - Kimberley Berryman, both gifted in their work, not only made me feel beautiful on the outside, but I was surprised that what they actually achieved was matching what people would see with how I feel inside. I also learnt while I was going through this process that instead of waiting for Mr to send me a "you are beautiful" bone after 25 years of marriage, it was up to me to re-affirm that I am a beautiful person for myself and not to rely on what others think. I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin! Well, I am trying!

Take the time

On the day of the photo shoot, I finished work a little early and came home so Lucie could get started. She asked me when the last time I had my makeup done for me and I said my wedding day, and I realised how sad that was. This was confirmed when Mr came home from work and started wondering what was going on, and commented that he hadn't seen me like this since our wedding day! Why hadn't I taken the time out of the last two decades to get myself done up? Why had I not bothered to have some 'M' time and feel like a princess, or be a woman! Why shouldn't I feel like a princess everyday? I am a professional working woman and I need to take the time to be that on the outside and the inside. Definitely a work in progress. 

Remember!

This whole experience has made me realise that I had forgotten what it is like to be a woman, or rather forgotten that I was a woman. Instead I am caught up in my life and busy, busy with things going on. This experience has made me stop and re-evaluate what I wanted my image to look like - and what I want people to see. I give thanks to a talented Kimberley who listened to my vulnerable ramblings and deciphered what I said and went on to capture the woman inside me! I look at these photos and I have to remind myself that that is me. I may live my life in a man-dominated economy and political environment, and even in a house of males - but I am essentially and always will be a 'girl'/woman and need to act that way (whatever that is!). When Mr came home and saw the transformation of his every day wife into someone else - he couldn't believe it. I learnt in that instant, that just because a man doesn't say anything - it doesn't meant that he doesn't care! The way he looked at me reminded me of how he used to watch me when we were at High School! I had forgotten how nice that felt! 

Go for it!

All my friend wanted was a photo with a saying/advice to add to it, which I was able to do. However, I believe I got more out of it than she will ever know. I got to push myself out of my comfort zone, and come out from behind the scene and take a seat in the front, left right and centre! With all of these feelings I was having, and after a great deal of self-talk - I went for it!I didn't wait until later, or until I lost weight - I made the decision then did it. I did something for me - and all about me! I didn't wait for anyone to tell me what do to and how to do it!

Be Happy

The one thing I have discovered during this experience is about being happy. There is no use hanging on to things that can't be changed or not in our control. We are responsible for how we react to things. Be happy with your physical flaws, your imperfections because that's what makes you, you. I have tonnes of them, but during this experience, I realised who am I kidding? I need to be in control of how I feel, and what a feel - and I want to be happy as I am. It took over 45 years to get here - but I am happy and I wouldn't have it any other way!

What makes you the woman you are? Share what you think 'bout that!

Yours in friendship,

Mxo                                                                                     

My Superhero Sons

My sons would be so embarrased to know that I was blogging about them - but I had to share this with you. My twin sons are serving missions for our church in the Dominican Republic. It has been hard work and besides learning a new language they have had to adapt to new culture, and live with conditions they are not used to - like taking bucket showers and using bleach to wash dishes.... and they are loving it!! They are my new superheroes and their super powers are the fact that they are able to turn this old, crabby mother of theirs into a bumbling mess of tears with just a sentence or two, a hand written letter and those most beautiful photos I get nearly every week.... And on top of that - they have teaching me things that I will work on always! What d'ya think about those powers??

Here is what they are teaching me:

To be grateful
"when you lose everything you have and realise you can live like this or that people do live like this -there’s no other life. Last night we taught a lesson at 8pm with no lights. It was so so dark! We still taught and still felt the spirit. That’s what it’s about!"" What an inspiration you are to me my son - be grateful for whatever I have, even if it is nothing - be grateful!

Perseverence

"The missionaries found Sister ####  in 2011 and she continued coming to church every Sunday and hasn’t missed a day since. She has never partaken of the sacrament but always sits there reverently, anyway me and my companion found her in our area booklet and decided to drop by. She explained that she [was ready and wanted] to be baptized so me and my companion re-taught everything which she knew and then got permisson.... So after 3 years of perseverance she finally got what she has been waiting forever for. She participated of the sacrament yesterday for the first time. What an experience that was." I always need to be more persevere more!!

Time for Work and a Time for Play



I have learnt from my baby boys that they are working hard and not to worry that they are idling away their time :-) It's good for me to remember this always.... Seeing their busy desks makes me happy to see first they have a lot of the things they were sent with ;-) and also they know how to organise themselves ;-)

Prioritising

After skyping with happy to see first sons (first time we have seen each other in four months -  one of two calls a year),  and showing us his split sole at the bottom of  his shoe - he sends this email "I miss you both a lot even though it’s only been 10mins but I love you both heaps and heaps was nice talking to you both too. Miss home a lot but yeah remember my shoes please haha but yeah. " He knew what was important - but he knew his shoes were a priority!

Happiness

One thing I have learnt from mymissionaries, something I always knew but has been rewarding to re-know it - is what happiness is as a parent. True happiness for me, as a missionary mama is to see my sons happy - like joyful happy, regardless of their surroundings, environment, new language, different culture and practices - they are happy - and because of that - because I can see the light in their eyes - my life is happy!

 I hope you are learning from those around you because lessons can be found anywhere!

Yours in friendship

Mxo

If only I was that clever!!

I have thought about blogging so many times but just never made it to my computer.... hopeless I know.... but today I left a meeting where I felt if I didn't blog it - I would be the most ungrateful soul EVER!!

And it is all because of a story that I re-knewed today.... I had it marked and the passages are annotated so I had obviously seen it before but today it was meant to be for me - and I wanted to share the lessons I am grateful to have learnt....

 

Found in the pages of the Old Testament, the story is read from Numbers chapters 22-24 and 31.

 

Balak is the  King of Moab and is concerned about the rising and possible invasion of the Israelites who outnumbered his people "And Moab was sore afraid of the people, because they were many: and Moab was distressed because of he children of Israel" (Numbers 22:3).  Balak calls for Balaam - described by many as a soothsayer, or someone well-known for his ability to bless and curse people - and King Balak asks Balaam to curse the Israelites.

 

Each time he sent the request for this curse, Balak send more promises of wealth, with the status of his messengers rising with each request.

 

Balaam sought the Lord and asked if it was something that he should do and upon each request, the Lord forbid Balaam to do such a thing. After getting a 'no' many times, the Lord tells tells Balaam - to go but he can say "only the word that I shall speak unto thee" (Numbers 22:35)

 

This story is known as the Doctrine of Balaam and is applicable to all of us. You see, the Doctrine of Balaam talks about people (members of the church) who 1) seek exception to God's counsel and commandments, 2) seek earthly rewards and honours and 3) try to introduce worldy ideas, practise or standards into the church. Here are the lessons I picked up.

 

No means no!

I can't believe that someone would be so arrogant, ignorant, or just plain 'simple' - to not get it the first time. If the Lord, or my church leaders gave me an answer I would do well to listen to them. If my leaders, were then to "say to me, okay then, after saying 'no' on every earlier occasions,  and then after not listening - to all of a sudden get a 'go ahead and do it' then I would really know I was in big trouble!... the lesson: Listen in the first place.

 

Keep your eye on the ball!

I'm not going to win any prices EVER for my sporting prowess, but it doesn't mean I can't learn from others who do possess it ;-) For example, I understand very well one of sporting's well-known catch-cries "keep your eye on the ball" - or in lay-man's words - FOCUS people ;-) King Balak upped the ante each time he requested this curse from Balaam by sending  Princes of Moab and promised to honour Balak by making him more "honourable than they [Princes]" if he would come to him and perform this curse.(Numbers 22:15). In the end, Balak went, with the Lord's concession for a "house full of silver and gold" along with the honours of prior requests. Balaam went to Balak knowing that he would only be able to say whatever the Lord allowed him to say. Balaam's focus was set.... However, the only trouble with that is that an Angel appeared to Balaam a number of times along his travel - yet he never saw it!! His focus was on the wrong thing... The lesson: I pray that I always keep my family, and everything that will make me a better mother as my focus in this life.... not the honours of men, nor riches..

 

Changes for no-good

The story goes on to tell us that Balaam reached the Moabites, and as the Lord said, Balaam was only able to utter what the Lord put into his mouth - which was not a curse, but instead a blessing on the people of Israel!! Of interest  here is that Balaam did manage, not by cursing the Israelites, but by introducing  'new ways' to whittle away the commitment of the members of the church as they "commit[ted] trespass against the Lord... and there was a plague among the congregation of the Lord" (Numbers 31:16). The lesson: the introduction of worldy ideas, practices and standards into the church is never going to happen and that is why I love it.... God is the same yesterday, today and forever and I like it exactly how it is.

 

A talking donkey

One of the coolest elements of the story was the talking donkey. I love animals and think they are cleverer than a great deal of people that I know - so if one was to talk to me - I would clap my hands and say "about time!!" The bit I like about the donkey is that an angel of the Lord appeared to Balaam, and because he was so caught up in the riches and honours that he would be getting, his whole judgement was clouded and he didn't see anything. So when the donkey stopped three times, Balaam beat it for stopping. Then when the donkey asked - "what's your problem?" Balaam said "that if he had been in possession of a sword he would have killed the donkey!!" Then the Lord appears... I loved the talking donkey!

 

Don't overanalyse things

And it is What I love most about the talking donkey is that an animal recognised the angel of the Lord..... because it is what it is.... the donkey didn't stand there and try and second guess itself like I probably would have, it saw and it did. Sometimes we have to do the same - look at things, be prompted to do things, be guided to places and to people and just do it. We will never know the danger that was averted or the impact that decision has made on us and on generations to come.... The lesson: we just need to take the lead from this clever talking donkey - and do!! If only I was do clever ;-)

I want to thank my friend Anne for helping me to re-know this story. She is such an awesome teacher and I look forward to next week to learn more from her.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

A Missionary Mother - 100 days on

My sons are serving missions for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on a little Island called the Dominican Republic. You may not know where that is, and to be honest, neither did we -but it is a country in the Caribbean that shares the Island with Haiti....

They have been gone for over 100 days and it has been a learning experience for me like nothing I have ever experienced before.

If you are a follower of this blog - you will know that my children are my existence - honestly, they are my sun and my moon and everything in between. I had never realised that being a mother would have been so integral to my self identity until they left and I was home alone with a man I married over 20 years ago...

So what have I learnt as a missionary mother in the past 100 days?

1) You will not die!

I honestly had never felt such intense and profound loss as I did when the boys left since the passing of my beautiful mother. And it hurt like heck!! I may have felt - like physically felt that my heart was breaking and that I was going to die of heartbreak - but chin up fellow missionary mothers - you will not die!! It will hurt - but as a mother, what's a bit of emotional turmoil to keep it real ;-)

2) Be comfortable crying

I have never cried so much in my life - those big rolling fat tears that come out silently and on their own. No sound - just out they come, thick and fast.... 100 days on and I can still cry - but it's not so intense, it's not even every day - just on email days, and when I get a letter or see photos of the boys - y'know - so not as much ;-) So get comfortable crying.........

3) Birds of a feather, flock together

This has been a life saver for me. I was amazed, as I was when my mother passed, the world just keeps on moving. The clock doesn't stop, and although my world had tilted on its axis - it was only my world after all - well mine and Misters.. that was until I found a group of women spread across the world, and even better - here in Aotearoa, who felt exactly the same as me! So, after 100 days - these groups, facebook, and email - continue to be my lifesaver. I cry with them about their missionaries, as they do with mine - total strangers but bound together by this experience of being a missionary mother. Our first NZ Missionary Mama retreat is in July and I am looking forward to it!

4) Thank you for asking

If you care about me in any measure of all - one of the first questions that you have asked is "how are the boys!" and I have to say to all of my friends who have done this - thank you for asking. I can't tell you how that makes me feel to know that you care.... For anyone else, if you don't really want to know and just asking to create small talk - save yourself the trouble and don't ask... because missionary mothers can quickly sense the lack of interest when we watch your eyes roll back into your heads as we respond ;-) And that's fine.... just start with another question to fill in for small talk - and leave the missionary questions for others....

5) Money really is not everything - true story!

I have never felt so money and asset poor in my life! And just as equally, never have I been so blessing and tender mercy rich! It has taken a massive mindshift to adapt to this position, but the strength of my testimony grows every week by my sons' experiences that I can't say that I wouldn't love more money, but it has changed me enough to recognise that worldy possessions, or even a pedicure or a new dress or Overland boots ;-) do not bring me closer to my sons and our God.... but what is doing that is this beautiful connection with my sons on the other side of the world but our shared love for and belief in our faith.... and that my friends is a true story ;-)

So there you have it..... nothing mind boggling or earth shattering, but some very real lessons...

I'll catch you up at the second hundred!

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Happy 50th Anniversary

We have just celebrated my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary...... now just take a moment and think on that - 50 years - five-zero, five decades, that's half a century of marriage! What an amazing milestone! Not only that - but my mother-in-law also turned 70 years old ;-) Those numbers are amazing to me - for the most part - because none of my mother's siblings have made it to 60 yet - although there is a good chance the last two will ;-) and also - I don't have anyone in my family that has been married for 50 years and more! So it is an amazing and wonderful time for our whole family....

Here are five lessons I have learnt from my beautiful in-laws:

1) A legacy

Having two parents together has been foreign to me, let alone parents who celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.... and the cool thing is that it isn't going to be foreign to my sons... What a wonderful legacy my in-laws are giving my boys, their grandchildren - to know through their wonderful example that marriage can be forever...

2) It won't be easy but it will be worth it
I have heard a quote about life not being easy, but looking back we will be able to say it has been worth it and this applies here as well. My in-laws have not had an easy life. They will not be known for their riches, awards, honours, and status symbols. What they will be known for is being hard working parents of six children who and are all normal, well adjusted citizens making contributions of consequence in their own families and communities. And now, as they sit back now and watch their grandchildren go through life, they can see that their hard work has been worth it... I look forward to this day....

3) The tough get going!

Billie Ocean sang a song in the 80's which says "when the going gets tough - the tough get going" and this has been so true of my in-laws. What I love about this is that my husband has been raised by parents who married 50 years ago and through thick and thin - have stayed together. What this means in my life is that when things go 'south' as they often do in a relationship - my Mr M is unmovable. The first thing to go - is not his marriage.... Too many times, wedding vows become a by-product so easily discarded as soon as challenges arise....

 

4) Love is not what I thought it would be

Before I was married - I thought that love was going to be all that I needed.... turned out it actually took a lot more than that -  like a job, money, a house, children, education and all that jazz. It finally dawned on me that love is still the glue - but it certainly isn't the love I started off with in the beginning. Instead after years of marriage - love is not what I thought it would be - it has turned out to be everything!

3) What parents do matters

Mr M is an awesome husband - even when he is pushed to his limits, he will still be remembered as a wonderful man. His outlook on life, especially in his relationship with his wife and his sons is tender yet strong and powerful. He loves hard and deeply yet is not loud and overly affectionate. He is just right and sometimes can almost be perfect ;-) And do you know where he learnt that from?? His father.... and his relationship with his mother.... so you see, what we do as parents, whether we are married or not - is critical - because our children are always watching and learning from us....

I want to thank my in-laws for being wonderful examples of resilience, commitment and demonstrating what the true meaning of marriage vows are.... I want to thank them for all of the lessons that their love for each other teaches me every day.... Here's to many more!! ;-) xx

 

Yours in friendship

 

Mxo

 

From the Mouth of Babes: Forgiveness

My son and I are going through some challenges at the moment. We love each other dearly and out of him and his brother - her is probably the most like me, so we clash sometimes ;-(

Today we spent some time together and I asked him if he would forgive me for making him feel or saying things that made him feel anything other than loved... In return he told me this story he had recently come across:

"There once was a professor who was teaching  forgiveness. He called a student to the front and gave him a glass and told him to break it. The student dutifully dropped it on the ground and it broke. The professor then asked the student to say sorry to the glass, in which he did. The professor asked the student - "Did saying sorry to the glass fix it?" The student said "No.".

The professor then said to the student - "Do you think you could fix it if you put the pieces together?" The student said "Yes" and proceeded proceeded to pick the pieces up and glue them back together. The student was then asked, "Is the glass fixed? Is the glass fit for purpose?", to which he shrugged his shoulders and said "I don't know." The professor then filled it with water and water leaked out through the cracks. He looked at the student and asked "did putting it back together fix it together fix it?" to which the young student said "No".
 

The professor said "leave it alone and go over there", and when the student had turned away, he asked, "Did you fix it by leaving it alone?". The young man said "no".

Then lastly, the professor said to the student - "Replace it", to which the student got another glass and replaced the broken one. The student was then asked "by replacing it - did you fix it?", to which he replied "No, I just replaced it."

The professor then said - this is what forgiveness is like."

I don't know if I was the glass or the student in this story but I certainly him nice and clearly and today out the mouth of babes I was schooled.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Lessons from a Mayfly

Mr M and I were sitting watching a nature show - if you are a follower of my blog - you know we love those programmes!!, and we were watching one by accident and we came across a tiny little insect called a Mayfly. I hate flies so I am sure I would hate one if I ever saw it - but I watched in utter amazement. Since then I have learnt that these little insects start as a little nymph and at a certain time in their life cycle - their tummies fill up with air and they float to the top. It is amazing watching them because if it's not timed right - and they float to the top of the water too early - they become someone's fodder..... Here are my lessons that I have learnt from a Mayfly. I know - lessons from a Mayfly!!

  

1) God is in control
So when a little nymph gets to the top it waits and at a certain temperature - an exact temperature - not a degree more or less - they morph into their next stage with wings.... It was amazing to see this calm water and then all of a sudden these little flies pop up everywhere - trillions of them!! What did I get from this - easy - God is in control. I mean an exact temperature - is an exact technicalityl! He created everything including perfect timing. Amazing.

The next things I learnt come from a mixture of the next stages in the Mayfly's life cycle.

2) Growing up changes you
The next stage in the life of a Mayfly sees them growing wings and flying. They look nothing like their previous stage yet they are the same insect. The metamorphosis process is spectacular. Growing up changes us and depending on the environment - and thankfully for most people - and with maturity - a change for good.

3) Sacrifice for greater good
Between the next two changes in the Mayfly's cycle - the body changes to such an extent that its entire digestive system is replaced with reproductive parts. This means it no longer eats or drinks - and its function from then on - until it's death is focussed on its next generation. This thought made me stop and think about the sacrifice that each fly makes for something bigger than themselves. I could not fathom this on a human level, I mean the Saviour did this for us, but what about on a normal person's level - normal like you and I. What do we sacrifice? Remember - this insect's whole digestive system is replaced!

4) Time is precious

What is so amazing about this little fly - is that it only has 24 hours to live once it has undergone its last change - 24 hours! And in that time, it has to mate and get eggs fertilised before dying. I am ashamed to even think about what I have accomplished in 24 hours... A lesson for me again, and a reminder for us all - that time is precious. We may not have 24 hours to live and die but we do have time to use wisely. Something for me to remember!!

5) Live life to its potential
When a Mayfly has finished what is charged with doing, exhausted - it dies. As there are trillions born at the same time, you would think finding a mate would be easy - but obviously not, as there are many that die without having laid its eggs or having their egg fertilised. This got me thinking about living life to its potential so that at my end, I can be justifiably exhausted because I lived every minute to its potential!

 A Mayfly might be the size of the tip of a tweezer or as big as the tip of a finger - its lessons have been MIGHTY!! What do you think?

Yours in friendship,

Mxo