When You Lose - Don't Lose the Lesson

When the Dalai Lama penned the phrase - "when you lose, don't lose the lesson" I got the distinct impression that you didn't have to win to get a lesson. He was actually talking to many of us normal people that lose arguments, money, battles, loved ones, jobs and so on and telling us to learn a lesson from that loss. In a strange way, I know what he means.



My beautiful mother passed away in 2007 from secondary breast cancer to her liver. She fought that disease for seven years before there was nothing the doctors could do. So we sat with her for her last three weeks watching her life leave her body....



Her loss affected me deeply. I wanted to die too. Not even my georgeous sons or their father could take this cloud from me. My best friend, mentor, moral compass, and confidante had died and the loss was unbearable. Until, and here is where the Delai Lama got it right, until I reflected on the legacy of lessons that she left for me and my brother and sister, did things change.



My mother was my first teacher, and when I recalled the lessons she left, and imagined, and in some cases felt the love in which she taught them, the dark cloud of loss passed, and I slowly clawed myself back into the light of living and started to heal.



The lessons are not hard ones, and you may even say they are rudimentary - but they worked for me and may work for you:



1) Get back to basics. Everytime we had a problem - our mother's catchphrase was to "get back to basics" - which meant to get the little things perfect (like personal and family prayers), and the other things in our life would fall into place. The problem we would have never had a direct correlation to the 'basics' but it worked every time. It somehow got us to strengthen ourselves so that we could handle whatever came next.



2) Keep it simple. I can tend to be what people call OTT (over the top) but this lesson has helped me to refocus on the important things in life - my sons, my husband, my family and my faith. I now remember the reason why I am doing something and it keeps me in line. This taught me to recognise people for what they really were and what they meant to me - and realise that my friends cared more about me than about whether my house was new or very very old.



3) Be positive. Some of my mother's last words to me were to be positive. I thought I was a ray of sunshine, but obviously, she bought this up for a reason, so I had to be positive. I need to be grateful for the things that I have, the things that people do for me and around me - and to say the words 'thank you' more. Putting this into action actually brightens my own day. Amazing!



4) Be Kind. Be kind to others because you do not want to find yourself in a time of need surrounded by people that you were unkind to. Its not hard to be kind and inexpensive, but the power of it is immeasurable. So tomorrow, say a nice word to the taxi driver, smile while you are in a hurry, and say a kind word to your husband before you leave for the day.



5) Remember. Don't be afraid to talk about your loved ones - and remember them - the good, the bad and the ugly. I talk about my mother as if she is still around me. Her teachings are living and somehow she still lives too. I no longer feel dark and alone but I remember that I am loved by a mother who misses me just as much as I do her. In fact, today we are gathering to watch some long lost video coverage of her which we have not seen before - so we will be seeing her again for the first time in over two years. She is remembered.



So that's my first post of five lessons that can be read in two minutes.



Yours in friendship



M