Sunday, March 7, 2010

All the single ladies....

I was raised by a single lady! Despite not having much, my sister, brother and I were loved, we were educated,grew to be good citizens,we eventually married and she went on to be the perfect grandmother.Her lessons permeate my life even after her death.

I am surrounded by women like her and marvel and am amazed at the the things that they overcome and achieve just to get through a day. These women raise their children alone by choice because they chose to stand by their convictions, religion, beliefs, and never compromised which left them without husbands, partners and with fatherless children. There are women who have found themselves lost in a marriage, and are moving forward to a new life in the search for themselves. Many of these women were humiliated and discarded by their wayward husbands.

These women are my friends, and I dedicate this blog to them and thank them for the lessons they teach me.

1) Dignity
From my mother I learnt about dignity. She never spoke bad about the people that hurt her and to me that restraint made her even more precious. We eventually learnt for ourselves the character of others as we experienced them and were not coloured and tainted by hers.

2) Courageous
Being a single mother/lady raising children alone is not a choice one makes lightly. For the single woman that is teaching me the lesson on courage - this is so true. When it appears easier to return to a life she is familiar, yet was so miserable, it is the path that will take more courage leading her to finding herself, that, she is following. She is courageous not only for herself but for her children, and I admire her for that.

3) Parenting with God
One of my favourite sayings/mantras of my friend’s is that she is not a “single parent because she is parenting with God”. And this is how she lives - her life is filled with children, yet there is room for her Father in Heaven who provides the unwavering support that she needs. Her teachings are Christ centred – and it hasn’t made things easy, but it is making a difference. Return to your convictions to find the added strength you will need.


4) Friendship - 'It takes a village to raise a child'
What I learnt is that being a friend with a single parent/mother/lady is not something to be taken lightly. These women already have a full life dealing with being the sole provider for their family so they don’t have time for girly friend games. You are either in a friendship or not. Being in, means you are there to babysit, you get to hear the sad stories, the screaming at the top of lungs, troubles, worries, fears, and the good times. If you are ‘in’ you are committing to being part of a ‘village’ that will help her raise her babies. If you can’t do these things – then you are wasting her time. She has already been let down by a partner that did not have ‘her back’ – and she certainly does not need any more dramas. So make up your mind – she doesn’t have time to do it for you.

5) Humour
A single mother’s life is intense – yet is made up of some hilarious moments. So I’ve learnt to share in the sound of laughter in her home or in our conversations. She’ll have enough things going on in her life to provide the remaining gamet of emotions. Help her laugh (and cry) at herself, at her children, at the world, at anything and everything. It’s when she laughs that the healing can get in and she will become whole again - and you want to be there when that happens.

I love these women, and the few men that find themselves in this situation as well ;-) Have a great week people.

Yours in friendship

Mxox

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