Brotherly love

Recently, our internet homepage was updated. On there was a video clip about two boys, Luke and Sam, who are described as "two brothers who struggle to understand and connect with each other." This video has also been circulating amongst my facebook friends. The message definitely resonated with me....

My sons may be identical twins - yet they are different in almost every other way. They are called mirror twins. One is left handed, the other right, one has bigger feet, one has a double crown, they have birth marks but in different places and on and on it goes. At school they have different friends, choose different subjects and move in different circles. Even the things they have in common have different outcomes - yet they share the same face and DNA ;-)

The struggle that Luke and Sam have gone through is something that I am interested in because I believe that my sons share this struggle. I know that as they mature, a lot of this sibling rivalry/challenges will slip away or somehow morph into a loving relationship... but for now I have to do something. Don't get me wrong - we are blessed because our sons do many things together without blood being spilt, they are self motivating, accomplish chores or tasks without being directed, complete homework, serve our community and so on..... I just want them to understand the importance and responsibility of being a good brother.

I have saved the video clip of Luke and Sam and want to watch it with them because I think there are some valuable lessons they can learn. What do I want them to learn?

LESSON ONE - Blood is thicker than water
I counsel my sons all the time that the bond between family should be the strongest there is. The threads that connect brother to brother should be of a thickness that time, money, girls, houses or physical things (water) cannot break. The lesson to be learnt is that friends, years, cars, and possessions will pass and/or change - but your family (blood) is constant and should never be diluted.

LESSON TWO - Your brother is your friend
I have never had many friends and can honestly count my friends on one hand - or maybe one and a half hands at a push ;-) I have never felt I needed any more, or felt cheated and lonely because my brother and sister and sister in-laws are counted as my closest and dearest friends. When I am at my lowest, my first call is to my husband and the next almost always is to my brother and sister. I have sat in the car bawling after a show down at work and they have talked me through it - reminding me of my worth and how they see me. They give me strength to go back into whatever was happening. Nothing would make me happier for my sons to have this relationship with each other.

LESSON THREE - This is how we roll
We have a rule in our home that when the boys leave the house - they do so together and they come home together. One one occasion one of our sons returned home alone and our little family kicked into overdrive to find the other who had wandered off with no consideration for time and parents. The son who had returned home had left the other because 1) his brother wasn't doing what he was meant to be doing and 2) he wanted to come home, which are both valiant reasons, but were discounted because he was alone. Since then they have learnt to come home together and on time and I know that when they get older they will realise that by doing so they have each other's backs even at a sacrifice to themselves. This is how we roll ;-)

LESSON FOUR - Respect one another
We are blessed that the lesson that no one has the right to hit or manhandle another person, is one that they boys are acutely aware of in our home. However, the verbal stuff is still a work in progress. The boys have various words and descriptions for each other that causes their mother physical reaction!! To combat this 'phase' I have written on our family whiteboard the following affirmation: I will respect my brother and treat him as I want to be treated. All I need now is the faith that one day they are going to get the message ;-) by osmosis at first and then actually becoming a part of their actions.

LESSON FIVE - Love unconditionally
I am teaching my sons to love each other unconditionally especially as twins and the only children of their chosen parents. I want them to grow up and realise they were lucky enough to be born with their mate and to love him regardless of his defects (perceived or real), characteristics and personality traits. This love needs to be unconditional - meaning it doesn't have rewards - like a longer turn on PS3, or restrictions - like time on the computer, and instead is not subject to any thing (phone credit), place (bebo or facebook) or person (girl or boy). This lesson is going to take a life time yet I look forward to the day when my sons can sit with each other, surrounded by their children and partners, in love and friendship.

I know for me this has made me grateful for my own brother and sister, and I thank them for helping me to be a better person.

Have a great week.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox