Forget Me Not

I was privileged to be among thousands of women who gathered for an international broadcast for women. It was full of messages that were inspirational, however there is one that resonated with me as I go down this self directed journey of mine. The talk was by Dieter Uchtdorf and it was based on the forget me not flower.... As I listened to the words that were shared, I felt like every word was for me...Here is what I learnt ;-)

Forget not to be patient with yourself
The best comment that I got out of this was that "the Lord knows we are not perfect" (I already knew this to be true - and by experience no less!!) but what made me smile was when Uchtdorf added that "He also knows that the people that we think are perfect are not!" This is so true and something that I have learnt only in the last decade. For so long I used to look around and think that other families were more better, righteous, richer, happier, prettier, and the children were better behaved and so on... until you realise one day when you talk to these people, they are just like you. They have the same struggles and some are actually worse off. I apply this thinking when watching Keeping up with the Kardashians - and somedays it works :-)Uchtdorf encouraged us to be compassionate and considerate of ourselves and to stop punishing ourselves! We are to celebrate the small successes in our homes.... I need to be more patient with myself.

Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice
This is another lesson that I have just learnt in the last half of my life. I am an aesthetic person and a visual learner - so when I am asked to do things - the first thing I used to concern myself is with how things would 'look' and  stress over getting things perfect like the decorations - I'm pretty particular about that kind of thing - at the expense of the quality of what I was trying to teach or the objective of the exercise... I am still pretty ccommitted to things looking a certain way, but it more about the message and how that is shared that counts these days ;-) Uchtdorf encourages us to ask of ourselves "Am I committing my time and energy to things that matter most?"

Forget not to be happy now
Uchtdorf talked about the golden ticket in the children's story Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He used the behaviour of the people in the story who, upon the announcement of a winning golden ticket in five chocolate bars, became more concerned with getting the golden ticket and forgot about the actual joy of eating the chocolate. In most cases the bars without the tickets were overlooked and disregarded. Uchtdorf used this as an analogy for us to explain that "by putting happiness on hold (the life we have right now) in search of a golden ticket (more money, smaller body ;-), better this and better that) we will ulitmately miss out on the small pleasures and the simple and beautiful elegant moments" (notes or texts from friends, and beautiful meals with loved ones). What a wonderful reminder to be grateful for what you have!!

Forget not the 'why' of the gospel
This was directed at the women that were gathered who want to know how to do things and forget about why we do things. Every LDS woman is tasked with visiting other women every month of which most of us do. However we are taught that it should not be seen as an obligation, but rather as Uchtdorf encourages we would be better to remember why we are visiting, which is so that every home is visited and every woman knows that she is loved and supported.... A timely reminder!!

Forget not that the Lord loves me
In my notes I only recorded a few things but contained in those words were valuable messages - first, was "whatever our circumstances - we are not forgotten", secondly, "His love can heal any wound, and soften any sorrow". It was probably at this stage that I was touched the most because I believe this and know it to be true.... and I have never felt it more than I have done these past few months...

I walked away from this broadcast feeling that I was important. I realised and it was reaffirmed to me that my efforts are being counted and the matters that are important to me, and yet are minimal and go unnoticed by others, are actually important to my Heavenly Father...

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Lessons from Inspirational Women...

I have been waiting to tell you this story about some inspirational people that I am surrounded with. I am going to tell you this without them knowing (permission) because I don't want them to try and persuade me not to do this...... and knowing them as I do, I don't believe they realise the impact of what they have achieved has had on me, and I am sure the people around them..... 

I haven't used their real names but hoping they can add one and one together because I owe them so much....

I dedicate this blog to these inspirational women and thank them for the lessons their examples continue to teach me.

Claudia

I heard my friend Claudia speak somewhere and she told the people gathered (in my words and unfortunately from my memory :-)) that she was trying something new this year and had decided to only have one new years resolution and that was to be happy. To myself I thought wow, how cool is that, and I secretly wished I had picked one instead of my traditional ten plus goals..... A few weeks ago (and some nine months since I heard her speak about her one goal) we were talking and I asked her about being happy and she said she was the happiest that she had ever been. Although, no longer working full-time, and working at odd jobs (that she chose and at her pace), and having less money that when she was working full-time - her happiness factor had increased. She is a great example to me that less is more and happiness is achievable...To be happy - what a fantastic goal!

Ryder I

My friend Ryder is a single mother with four children who are well adjusted citizens of their community, church and the world and a privilege to know and love. But this is about Ryder and not the children. Ryder set a goal to be a policewoman last year and as part of that she is currently enrolled in a course which is two nights a week. Her babysitter arrives at her home on those nights to find that Ryder has prepared the children's dinner (and enough for me and my family whenever I have had to babysit), lunches for the next day are prepped, and children go to bed according to their established routine. This is an example to me that goals are not achieved without preparation and the little things. She can go to her class knowing that her children are taken care and therefore allowing her to concentrate on the tasks at hand.

Ryder II

The physical component of the course was always going to be a challenge yet Ryder again has been an inspiration here as well. On top of going to class which has a physical component to it, Ryder also trains six days a week outside of class. As a result Ryder is breaking her own personal best times and frequencies in different exercises regularly. From Ryder I have learnt more about goal setting than I have from any management book. She is a living example of long term vision and the painful yet rewarding steps to get there. Ryder teaches me every day, by her example, that motivation and grit and determination are real words and they are some of the hardest things to achieve...

Jack

My next inspirational person doesn't know what her example has meant to me. She is a married woman with two children. She is one of the kindest and hard working people that I know. Jack has always worked and comes from a hard working family. She had been working in a family owned internet business for some time and in the last few years it was sold and she was left with no job. When she was faced with that she got another job in an industry that couldn't have been further from what she was doing and actually had to re-train to do it. Re-train as in studying and sitting tests and all the things that people have nightmares about school again and she did it. It was hard at first but now she is qualified as a theatre (as in hospital and not acting) technician and is employable globally and I couldn't be more prouder of that. From Jack's example I have learnt that re-training is scary and hard and there is truth to the saying that when one door closes another opens....

French

I have a friend French who I have worked with on and off for many years in different roles and in the last organisation I worked for. She is an educated and intelligent woman, wife and mother of two children. Her role was quite high up in terms of the organisation structure, with her being in charge of a multi-million dollar budget, strategic planning and direction of a unit, and oversaw numerous staff. That alone is a wonderful achievement - however for me her next decision was the most inspirational. French resigned from that highly ranked position in our organisation to move on to something just as fantastic - to be a full-time mother. Her example has taught me about priorities and how life as a Mum can be fullfilling and that to be a Mum can restore the equillibrium to the twenty-four-seven struggle of balancing balance work and home.

There are many more that I could have featured here.... because you are all inspirational and thank you every day!

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Remembering.....

I can't imagine that there would be anywhere in the world where the words 'nine eleven (9/11)' doesn't conjur up something in our minds. I live a world away from New York but I can vividly recall where I was when I saw for the first of thousands of times - planes driven into symbolic buildings, damage done to the Pentagon, and the crash site enroute to the White House. Like the people around me, our minds could not register what we were seeing before us... and to this day, if it was not fact - it would still be unbelievable.

So on the 10th anniversary of that fateful day, there was never going to be another topic to blog about. Again, and with reason, we watch the footage of that day, and join with the people at 'Ground Zero' as they remember their lost ones. It is also, I would suggest a time for a nation to reassess their committment to a cause that has had to add many more lives to this list of loss. Aotearoa, has not gone without - our latest soldier being laid to rest some weeks ago.

Here are my picks of the day.

Remember by Christina Rosetti
Remember when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
Read by Dame Judi Dench at a memorial service held near the USA Embassy in London, England

Hello Darkness My Old Friend by Simon & Garfunkel
Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain,
Still remains, within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone, Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night, and touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw, Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening,
People writing songs, that voices never share.And no one dared, Disturb the sound of silence.
Sung by Mr Simon at the 9/11 Memorial Service, Ground Zero, New York

One father dedicated this poem in remembrance of his daughter.“If tears could bring you back to me, you’d be right by my side. For God could fill a river full with all the tears I’ve cried. If I could have one wish come true, I’d ask God in prayer to let me have just one more day to show how much I care.” 

The relection pools, are a breathtakingly beautiful memorial and have catapulted themselves to near the top of my MUST SEE before I DIE list. Deceiving from the spanned view of these pools, each one is actually an acre each in size. The whole site covers a 17 acre plot of space. My favourite feature beside the massive waterfalls, are the thousands of names carved into the sides of thes pools. Check out  http://www.nycinsiderguide.com/Ground-Zero-Memorial.html#axzz1YLNA0PAw .

Being so far away and removed from the physical loss yet connected because I have suffered loss - the most touching images of the day were of the people, in particular the ones where loved ones were seen caressing and kissing the name of their lost one engraved on the side of these enormouse pools... Some added flowers and notes. And I get that, and was moved by what I saw... and realised that loss is universal...

After all it is the names of almost 3000 souls that day and the many more who have followed, that we are called to rememberance on this day... wherever we are.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

The best advice....

Recently I spent an evening with a group of women talking about fathers. One of the topics for our discussion was the best advice from their fathers...

A lot of the fathers that were spoken about had passed away as recent as two years ago to almost three decades ago and yet the memories were vividly recalled. The room was filled with love of the first men in the lives of these women.... and here are my picks of the best pieces of advice that a group of fathers have given to their daughters ...

This is so true - you can do everything possible and yet there is someone who will not be happy with what you have done. I believe this father set up his daughter and his family to do the best that they could do, and to be prepared for detractors along the way. What a wonderful lesson to be learnt here.

This statement was shared by a 70+ year old daughter about her father. What was so touching about this was that her father taught her about being a peacemaker by his actions. She wasn't told to be this, but from watching her father, and learning from his example - he taught her. This reminds me of what Clarence Budington Kelland, a famous American writer once said "He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.".

I loved this advice that was given to a daughter who was quite young when her father passed away. What a priceless legacy he left behind for his daughters. The greatest lesson that a child can learn about love comes from watching how their father and mother treat each other.... something I need to work on ;-)


Another lesson learnt from the example of a father was about putting 100% of effort into everything that was done. This was learnt and put into practice for a daughter who still does this, even many decades later. The second part was indicative of a father taking time to watch football (soccer) and cricket - because if there is one thing that is most remembered about our parents, it is 'time', and how that is shared. The memories created between this father and his daughters have trancended generations.

On the wall I had put some quotes about fathers that I hoped would remind us, this Father's Day the worth of these men in our lives... One of these was a poem by Diane Loomans

If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd do less correcting, and more connecting,
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I'd run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd teach less about the love of power and more about the power of love.

Thanks to the group of ladies I had the privilege of sharing with and listening to, I have things that I can do to be a better mother, so when my sons are asked in 30 years what the best advice they were given, will not have me rolling around in my grave ;-)

Happy Father's Day.

Yours in Friendship,

Mxo