Simba & Me

I can't sleep so here I am writing to you. It's not even my normal blog day but I had to do something. We have just had my beautiful seventeen year old Bichon Friese put down after suffering renal failure for some time. We had organised the vet to come to our home tomorrow but this evening her pain increased with an inflamed colon or bowel and I couldn't bear to hear her making these moaning noises so I rang the on-call vet. On arrival, we had a couple of options - to either give her some painkiller to get her through the night and go ahead with her euthanasia tomorrow or to put her down now. We chose the later..... It was quick for her but going to be a long journey for me.....

If you aren't an animal person - don't even bother reading ahead because try as you will - you are never going to get it..... This blog is personal and simple - it's about Simba and me.

OWNERSHIP

Simba was orginally my mother's dog. My mum was given a Bichon puppy to replace her two companion dogs (chihuahuas) who had both died within a short period of each other about a year earlier. We picked the puppy up from Papakura and brought her and and a sister home (the sister was destined for another friend). Simba's mother was a pedigree Bichon Friese, but by the looks of the litter - she had been visited by a little fox terrior if you know what I mean ;-) Simba and my mother bonded but it was never the same for Mum and Simba ended up coming to me. When my husband and I moved - we were unable to have pets so Simba had to stay behind with Mum but as soon as we could have the dog - Simba became a permanent part of my home and life.

CHILDREN

My children have grown up with Simba. She came to us in February 1995, six months before the boys and was only a puppy when they arrived ;-) My earliest memory of her is when, after feeding and changing the boys, I sat propped up in my mum's bed (we moved in with her after the babies were born) resting, with a twin in each of my arms and not to be outdone - was my other baby - Simba lying snuggled up around my neck and off the four of us would go into the land of snooze. The other memory is of her going crazy - running up and down the hallway trying to get my attention when the babies started crying like no one else in the neighbourhood would have heard 'that' racket ;-) I used to say to her "where's the boys?" or "let's go and get the boys" and off she would go to either find them or out the door to the car to get going.... Every niece and nephew that came after she arrived have a 'simba' story. She loved the children and she was loved by them....

LOAFER

Simba was a 'loafer' - she loved to roam - on foot of course, but if she could have chosen the mode of travel - it would be by car EVERY time. She loved to hang out the window and let that wind just about re-arrange her face. When she was younger she could hold herself up and perch out the window  for as long as the car was moving - summer or winter, even a bit of rain was tolerated, but not for long ;-) As she got older she would need some assistance so she would sit on someone's arm - whose kidding, on my arm so she didn't have to stand for long.... Sometimes she would sit on the back window area but her favourite was leaning out the window. I will miss my little loafer.

BEAUTY in the eye of the beholder

I thought Simba was beautiful. There is a saying that a dog starts looking like their owner... well if that was the truth then I was in good company ;-) The problem with Simba is her coat - when it got wet, it smelt like wet wool, when it grew too long it matted, and of course with a broken tail from a previous encounter with the tyres of a speeding car - the back end sometimes left a lot of work for me to do, if you know what I mean...... so we had her groomed every couple of months. I'm not sure if Simba minded or not - actually what dog does like a bath so she probably HATED it ;-), but I remember on one occasion early on, the groomer meeting me on my return to the practice to pick her up to inform me that she had to give Simba a sedative to get her groomed - a sedative! I never went back there because I believed the groomer had the problem not Simba.... anyway - with or without the groom she as beautiful... and by the way, she never ever needed a sedative again.... so I was right - it was the groomer and Simba WASN'T a drama queen ;-)

Unconditional LOVE

What I am going to miss above all else is the love that only a pet can give. She was happy to see me EVERY time, not just when she was in the mood - but EVERY day. If I remained in the car after arriving home either on the phone or just organising myself - she would stand on the porch and bark as if to say - "hurry up woman and get in here!" Before she got sick, and even well into her old age, she would play this game when she would come up to me then run away and around the kitchen and lounge or down to the room and back, and I would follow her, then she would stop then turn around and follow me back....  If I was missing from somewhere for too long - she would come and seek me out, if on the computer she would come and sit at my feet or on her mat until I went to bed and then she would follow me into the room and on her bed. Even in her last days she would walk around and make sure we were all okay. We have video footage of her checking on the boys in their rooms, me wherever I was, and her father recording her.... I will miss her for this the most - her unconditional love....

Rest in peace my Simba. Mummy loves you.

Mxo

A Bishop's Wife

Last week my husband was made a Bishop (Pastor) of our ward (Parish). This is great for him and he will do his very best and I know that he will fulfill his calling honourably. The reaction of people we know has been supportive and he has been a recipient of ALL the kind things that people say (many of whom genuinely feel it). The children and I are aware of our role as the support crew and are happy to do this for him and look forward to sharing this journey with one of the quite possibly humblest men on the planet....

As a result of this change in our whanau - many of MY/OUR friends have been jokingly/not jokingly approached me and shared their thoughts about what I need to do now as the wife of a Bishop which include behaving myself etc. Some of these people have known me for many many years, so they know what they are talking about ;-) This has got me thinking, "What am I going to do?". I started with the things that I need to change and that list was too long - so I thought about things that I can do better and that list was even longer - so eventually I gave myself a break and agreed there are some things that I do okay - that I could enhance, and this list was just right ;-)

1) PATIENCE

Many people have told me that I am patient person - granted they were not my husband or children - but I think this is something that I do exercise freely. I am going to need this more than ever as a wife of a very busy man and will learn not to expect him home for dinner that has been prepared for him - and actually get used to eating without him - and be patient because if there is one thing I know for sure - he will be home ;-) I am going to need to be patient and wait for my time with him.

2) HUMILITY

I can do humble. I have no options really given my choice of eternal companion - but I can do humility :-) For me, I have no feelings of jealously of my husband having all the accolades (for a lack of a better word) and of being the leader. I think once upon a time, I may have wanted or aspired to be a leader myself, but one thing time does - and that is teach you - and as a result any aspiration for positions of power have now been tempered with acceptance and understanding. My goal is to match the humility of my husband.

3) SELF-CONFIDENCE

Like a lot of women - low self esteem/confidence is something we share. For me, I my self confidence is usually okay thanks to years of developing a very good system of self-talking (especially after my number one fan/critical friend - my Mummy - passed away) that buoys my up and gets me going again... I am certainly going to need this system more than ever now...... An example - yesterday it took me longer than normal to choose what I was going to wear to church. There is no manual on what a wife of a Bishop has to wear - but I suspect she is not to look drabby, or like a drowned cat or the walking dead - you get my drift.... So as the wardrobe was being emptied on to the bed as I look for something that first of all I could fit, then look half decent in - my self talk kicked in and told me off. This is what it said " You are a daughter of God, an alright mother and I guess a lovely wife :-). You are basically a good person and try to be better so who cares what you wear M - just get dressed, don't be late, keep it together and be confident that you are going to be alright". And I was.....

4) RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships are among my most precious possessions. I value them and work on maintaining them carefully, thoughtfully and in love. Luckily for me that I already do this because I am going to need to practise it diligently as we go along this journey. The relationships that I need to focus on now more than ever are with my Heavenly Father, His son Jesus Christ, my husband and my sons. These are key to a happy life.

5) HUMOUR

I have this one down pat - and it is something that I have spent years refining ;-) I am going to need this more than ever to help us all enjoy this journey. I'm looking forward to it.

Well, that was my list. In the end I had to really had to scratch my head to come up with a couple - but they all seem about right....... I'll let you know how I go this time next year - who knows this list may change, or even get bigger ;-) Whatever happens - to our friends who read this and know us - your love and support means a lot and is most appreciated.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

The Blue Line

I don't really like police people. I'm not sure why this is, because if I was ever in trouble - they are the first people that I would call..... So I had a rethink and its not the police in general - its the people that make up the police force. But what do I really know though - since I have NEVER been in trouble and despite the odd speeding ticket - oh hang on - now I remember!!!

Anyway, my friend Mandy is training to be a police person. I think she will be great!! When she does become a policewoman - she will then boost my friends (or people I know and like) that work the blue line to a total of four ;-). One of these people that I like is my cousin who is a sergeant, married and a father of four.... what a life!! He is doing a great job and we are proud of him and his awesome wife! He shares some really great stories and lessons that he learns during his work. I've asked him if I can use them and he has allowed me to do that. I have taken out his name and references that might connect him to these stories ;-)

 I dedicate this blog to my friend Mandy who is an inspiration to us all that if you put your mind to something - you can do anything you want - and there are no excuses....

HOUDINI
"Picked up this drunk as dude today.. Only word i could get out of him was "yeh". dude was smashed.. So anywayz took him bak to the station n whilst searching him, discovered his pants was on backwardz.. I thort that was a bit strange. I told him to remove his belt.. The numpty just stood there staring at his belt.. he Couldnt find his buckle.. Cause his belt was actuali buckled up backwards as well.. I guess thts the reason he had peed himself.. Hahaha too funi.. He some kinda drunk houdini.."

HALLOWEEN
"My boyz are runin rownd the view scarin tha locals.. Im drivn round ***** doin the same.. Except i dnt hv a costume....im makin every day halloween. Hahaha.."

BLACK OPS for REALZ
"Had firearms training today.. One of the perks of the job.... 10 outa 10 wit the glock.....10 outa 10 wit the m4 bushmaster (rifle) Yeyah.. Beats black ops n e day.."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
"Spent my morning sorting out other peoples dramaz.. Brother and sister scrapping over who has to clean the house.. Sister rang the cops.. So i turned up. Told them to stop fighting and called mum hme frm work to sort her kids out.. Oh yeh and the kidz are in there mid twenties.. Hapi birthdae to me..yay..hahaha"

WHANAU 

"Heres a "better work story" Bout a month ago at wrk driving down the main street of ****, saw a couple of guys fighting in the middle of the road.. Jumped out n grabbed the guy who lukd lik he had the upper hand.. Dude turned n straight punched me right in the face..cheeky fula. so i pinned him against my car, thats whn six of his drunk agro mates surounded me. Back up was still 10 mins away.... Things were bout to get really messy. Thn a dude stepped up outta the crowd a says "hey ur ****, i remember u frm ****, do u need a hand" the agro dudes were tryn to push the cuzzy outa the way.. Gav me just enuff time to cuff my boy n turn to deal wit the crowd. shot cuzzy u savd my bacon.. I thnk he was one of the "*****" frm *****..lik the wise six60 said "dont forget your roots my friend, dont forget your family"... So true.. No mattr what, family always got ur bak.."

 

Cousin - you are a legend!! Mandy - wishing you all the best in reaching your aspirations! You are amazing!!

 

Yours in friendship,

 

Mxo

The View

The other day I was driving my son to his touch rugby practice and as I was driving along the familiar roads, I said to him - "Son, I have lived here practically all of my life", to which he replied "So have I" ;-) I smiled and had a bit of a chuckle and thought - you are right son! You see my son is the 4th generation child of my family to live here in what people call - The View or more recently - The Village.

Besides a short stint of living in another area of town, I have been here since I was a child. Until recently, I was kind of embarrased to live at the same address as I have done most of my life because I had never left. I have friends that I have grown up who live in the United States, Australia and even Hong Kong - yet here I am - still in the View.

Now, I have realised - that I can't imagine it any other way. My sons haven't been disadvantaged in any way. We live in a relatively crime free area and have never been subjected to gangs, drugs, alcohol, or any other substance abuse, tagging, robberies, fights and so on. Don't get me wrong - we aren't living in heaven - we still have late nighters, the random druggy and gangsta, and our share of domestics and so on - but my sons have never been exposed as much because of where we live. In fact, my children, I am 100% certain, would be welcome in the homes to my left and right - maybe not across the road (because of their scary dogs and acquaintances) - but everywhere else. Surely - that is not a disadvantage...

So it got me thinking - for a small place like this - what are the lessons that I have learnt from the View?

LESSON ONE - It takes a village to raise a family
I remember this African saying being turned into a book written by Hillary Clinton and discussed on Oprah some years ago. It always stuck with me because that's what I feel about the 'village' that I live in. I think about all the of the people that I grew up with and around - many of whom have now passed on, and some who are still here, and I remember the lessons they taught. As a solo parent, my mother needed support and many of the people who live in this community were there for her. They supported her to raise her family and I am grateful for that.

LESSON TWO - Chinese Whispers
One of the challenges in a small community is something like the game of chinese whispers. I guess people would call it gossip and being busy bodies - which is people thinking they know other people's business, but like the game of chinese whispers - often end up being totatlly wrong. So I've learnt from this and have tried very hard to know no one else's business but my own and it has kept me free from rumour, gossip and innuendo - actually I don't know if it has, but because I don't talk to other people about other people - I am happily oblivious. I have achieved this in some way by having my children educated outside of the View so they have friends both close and afar, and by seeking employment outside of where I live. This has helped to not only broaden my view but also to keep busy enough not to have enough time to be a busy body  ;-)

LESSON THREE - Whanau
I have learnt that whanau (family) is actually not only blood relatives. I grew up calling people that have no bloodlines to me - Aunty and Uncle. I still do it today and it feels normal. My neighbours have two little children and do you know what they call me and Maurice? They call us Aunty and Uncle. This makes me smile because we are not related at all and yet before their father (little Raha) was born - I was and still call his  grandmother - Aunty Emma. I love my View whanau (many of whom are my dearest friends, younger and older - it doesn't matter). In fact I know almost all of the people in the View by name (and if not by name by parent or grandparent ;-)) and like my sister says - she would have no problem asking anyone of them if she could use their toilet ;-) Not very scientific but I think you get the gist - we are whanau after all....

LESSON FOUR - History
My grandparents left their home in the Winterless north to come to the View - which at the time was peat and swamp land. Alongside many others, they raised their families as labour missionaries, while building from scratch the wonderful landmark buildings, and a community that exists even 53 years later. My Nanna and Grandad owned one of the first houses here and raised my Aunty and Uncles here in the View. Even though we are only talking about a relatively short span of time (53 years) in the bigger sense of things - it is 53 years of my history - which makes the View part of me, and I love it.

LESSON FIVE - Change
I was discussing some changes that are coming up with my sons and they couldn't understand why. I thought that was interesting because I know what they mean. They have been used to being with the same people all their lives and now there are about to be some shifts. I explained to them that the only thing constant everywhere is change and the View is no different. All we can do, and is something I have learnt from living in the same place for the best part of the last 35 years - is to accept the change, work with it, let it settle and move on because if there is one thing for certain - it is change.....

I thank the people from the View, past and present, that have had a profound influence on my life, and who  I have loved and they me. The lessons that I have learnt have made me the person that I am today - and in some ways - probably in many ways - are having that same, although Maraeaized, influence on my children - even, four generations later ;-)

Yours in friendship,

Mxo