As soon as I read that, I thought about my attempts thus far....
1) Regrets can teach us lessons.
Even regrets can teach us lessons. Rushing a conversation with my Nanna was a regret that I had. I was 19 years old. I had come out of class at university and was trying to get a hold of someone... and she answered the phone and wanted to have a little chat. I was busy and running late for a private piano theory lesson which was about 20 minutes drive (on my scooter) so I hurried our conversation in order to get moving. The regret I have was that my Nanna died hours after talking to me...... For years I carried that regret of rushing her and especially without saying a proper goodbye. However, it is because of this REGRET - that I make sure that I end every phonecall with my family with a "love you"... just in case... even my 38 year old little brother can't escape it :-)!
2) Forgiveness is real
Everyone has regrets and the worst are with whanau. One of mine involves a custody issue. This regret is a heavy little beggar which I am still chipping away some three years after getting it. The relief from this heaviness has come in the form of two dreams in which an Uncle who has since passed, has come to me and showed me that forgiveness is real. He looked free of any troubles, any hurt feelings, and genuinely happy to see me and I tell you in those brief seconds - I feel forgiven... and it is good. My advice, forgive yourself for your part in any regretful situation - that's where the challenge continues to be for me - but when we do, it promises to be the moment that we will be free from the burden called regret!
3) Don't be Stupid Dear
I'm not sure its actually a regret but its something that I think about often specifically looking for things I could have done better to help my mother... Days before my mother passed, her local GP came to check on her and advised me that she had maybe three to five days or a week to live.... It was after I had told the Hospice nurse what the Dr had said - that she advised me to 'prepare for three days because your mother's time was very near" - that I LOST it (for maybe 20 secs)..... I pulled myself together (worthy of an academy award) and went into Mum's room. She asked me "what did the Dr say?" and I said "nothing....." HELLO - how stupid did I think she was?? That's the regret.... Anyway, I have come to understand that I did the very best I could for my Mum and although I should have told her the truth about what the Dr said - because she already knew it!, I KNOW that she loves me and any regrets about that time are RUBBISH. In fact if she were here, she would actually say - "don't be stupid dear!!".... Have a look at your regrets - are they silly? They probably are - so let it/them go!
4) True friendships are resilient
Last year a friend of mine found out that I thought that they may have been having an affair. I know you can imagine what happened next and although several months later I still feel stink about that - what I learned from my mate was that true friendships are resilient and although ours had suffered a little blip - nothing had changed for them - and we are still friends. By continuing to fret over it - it then is only MY problem and I have had to learn to get over myself!! Thankfully, true friendships are resilient!!
So, from someone who has regrets and is always looking for a way to get over them - 1) always learn the lesson, 2) forgiveness is real, even forgiveness of yourself, 3) review the things that you think are regrets - because seriously - some of them are probably silly, 4) if they are a true friend - they will be your friend regardless of your words, and lastly, 5) let's get over ourselves, because like my aunty said - "don't habour regrets [as] it does no good for anyone". ;-)
Let me know how you go...
Yours in friendship,
Mxo
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