How I met your father...

Recently, my husband and I were invited to dinner with some friends. At this dinner were four couples; one in their late 70s, another in their late 60s/early 70s, another in their late 40s and Mr M and I who are 41 and 42 respectively. After the beautiful dinner and dessert, we sat around and played a game. I had come up with a list of conversation starter type questions and each person took turns picking a question and answering it. We went around the room until all of the questions were answered. Some of the answers were hilarious, for example, the question was asked: "where is the worst place you have stayed?". In response to this, a story was told of someone looking for accomodation (50+ years ago),  in the dark on a tropical Island. After being lost and nowhere near where he was meant to be, he stopped at a place and was given accomodation there for the evening which he was grateful for. When he awoke and found his real accomodation - he was informed that he had actually spent the previous night at a brothel!! We had many laughs that night.

One particular question, Mr M picked up and it asked - "How did you meet your wife?". It was decided that all the couples would share their stories after Mr M. I was sitting across the lounge from Mr M and gave him the "please tell a nice version - or at least make something up if you can't remember" look and waited along with all the others as to what he said..... WELL, I have never heard a sader version of any story ever, and after listening to the other three couples tell their stories not only with excitement (like it was still the best love story ever), but happily retold with smiles, held hands, and lots of love - I came home and said to Mr M - "buddy you need to learn how to tell our story better than that!"

So here it goes - the PG version ;-) and as if I am writing to our boys....

Your father was new at the High School that I had been enrolled in since the 3rd form, so that alone drew the attention of all the girls to him. Without trying, he also caught many an eye because he was the best looking dude at school, he wasn't in uniform, and looked older - like an adult student. If you add all of those up and this was before he ran like the wind and broke some long standing athletic records - he as that faaaaaassssst and was in the First XV, Waikato rep team, A2s basketball team and so on.... so you get my drift, if I added those all up, he was the catch of 1988! (I say this with a smile because I know a handful of friends who ended up marrying their catches of 88 - so this story is not unique ;-))

As for me, I have to say I remember your father on the first day of school - only because I thought he was an adult coming back to school and wondering what was wrong with him AND I remember him running on athletics day because he ran soooo fast - but then I didn't even think about him again. Until one day I thought I'd take another look at what all the fuss was, did the maths and decided to find out out for myself... Should be easy right? Well, not really - your father was so focussed on whatever he was - that girls weren't even on his radar....

At the second dance of the year, I introduced myself to your father, and asked him for a dance.. and although we did spend the majority of the dance talking, we did dance with others - I think?? Anyway, I thought it was a good a time as any to find out why the guy was so determined or at least what his focus was and asked him what he planned to do after he finished school?.

Your father told me that he wanted to go on a mission (myself: check), live in America (myself: okay I could move, check), and marry an American (myself: check - I have an American passport) because they were more spiritual (by now - not to myself - "What??!") To this I said " Are you out of your mind? - there is NOTHING wrong with kiwi girls and in fact we were probably better than your American girls!! (of which I had no evidence or an opinion either way until that very moment) - look around you!!". And that's all I remember from that dance.... that and the fact that regardless of his warpt sense of America, I had fallen into the 'smitten with Mr M club'.

The following week, we went on our 7th form Geography/Science camp to Raglan. Because I was a returning 7th former I was asked to be a leader of one of the activities - which I did AND still don't understand what I was meant to be doing - sorry Matua Ken ;-), and moving people along, making sure that people stayed on task etc.... One night I was serving the dessert and your father comes a long and asked for extra scoop of icecream - and I gave him one, and then I gave him the container... I mean he was soooo good looking what else was I meant to do...?. I thought that, with this ice-cream gesture and our conversation at the dance the previous weekend,  I would be memorable, right? I thought so too, until one night he asked me what my name was? Really? What's my name?? I was gutted - this unbelievable guy didn't even know my name!!

So, I picked myself up - make that scraped myself off the floor and made it through camp.... we almost went for a walk together but I chickened out when I reminded myself "Chick! - he didn't even know your name!!"... so I lay low and not sure how, but we slowly talked and gradually got to know one another. He never mentioned marrying an American again - which probably saved his life and showed he was a quick learner - and I never asked him to dance again :-).

After this had been going on for a few months, your father called me up one night and asked me to meet him at a break up party (before Easter break) at College. I went and it wasn't much of a break up - who was I kidding these students (boarders) had no money so there was no food or anything much! I don't even think it was a break up?! What I did notice was that for some reason your father was nervous and more quiet than normal - which is pretty quiet..... and then, just before I had to go home, your father asked me out.....and the rest is history. I was 18 and your father was almost 18 ;-)

In his own time, and own way - your father, all those years ago, was the only person I was ever going to marry. I knew soon after I met your father he was "the one".... and have never regretted a day since.....well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it ;-)

All I we need to do is to get your father to embellish his version which he always starts off with - "it started over a scoop of ice-cream"....

Yours in friendship

Mxo

Career advice....

I have always wanted to be the guest speaker at a graduation ceremony - ALWAYS - but I have never seemed to reach the level high enough for a gathering group of students and their teachers to care aout what I have to say ;-) So as they say - those who can - do, and those who can't - blog ;-)

Anyway, last week I had the privilege of watching a friend of mine (since highschool) graduate with her degree in Midwivery. I am soooo proud of her achievement and know that she has been rewarded for all of her hard work with a qualification that will now set her up for life. She has something now that can, if she chooses, see her practicing a skill anywhere in the world where babies are being born ;-)

There are many things that I am going to remember - 1)she looked fabulous in a a friend's korowai, 2)her ceremony was the first of its kind on her school campus - so it was a pretty big deal, 3) I was there not only with her parents and her daughter, but with four others - all of whom I have known for almost 30 years!!, and 4) the graduation speech from the guest speaker Te Anga Nathan (General Manager of News and Current Affairs, Maori Telelvision).

Nathan was asked to provide some career advice to the graduates and it was very good - good enough for me to share with you - and that's something - because as you can imagine I have enough advice for plenty of s put together ;-) I'm not sure if Nathan  was aware that quotes are taken from graduation speeches - especially as the people who give them are always as the peak of their profession/career and idustry.... but he did a great job and totally quotable ;-)

Anyway, the three tips he wanted the graduates to know in order to cope out there in the big wide world were 1) Follow your passion, 2) Know the rules of engagement and 3) Have humility.

Follow your Passion

The first one is pretty self explanatory - I mean, if you have a passion then go for it. Don't let anything stop you from doing it..... Nathan shared a well known quote that if you "find a job you love then you never have to work a day in your life" which is sooo true. I am evidence of that - when I am in the zone running a holiday programme with a friend of mine, its like playtime every day... and I wish I could do that all the time. Not only that, I have sat around countless tables with friends in the last three weeks talking about opportunities that can be started so that they can be free of jobs that no one liked doing things they loved and earning enough to raise a family. Find your passion.

Know the Rules of Engagement

Nathan was telling the graduates that they needed to know the rules of their job, to understand the policies and rules of their trade and industry. He suggested that it was good to push boundaries as long as you did it for the benefit of your organisation and not for your own gain. He used his own experience and told the story about the time when the family of Anthony Ratahi who was shot dead by the police in Taranaki, came to Maori Television for help. In particular, was their disgust in the way that their father was killed which was by a bullet through the eye. In their opinion, the whanau believed that there were other ways to shoot someone to stop them, without killing them.

The whanau wanted the tūpāpaku (body) to be shown on television which not only pushed the boundaries of tikanga, but also the The Broadcasting Act 1989 section 1 which is that "every broadcaster [is] to be responsible for maintaining in programmes and their presentation, standards which are consistent with a) The observance of good taste and decency." As the General Manager of News and Current Affairs, aware of the rules of engagement within his industry (the Broadcasting Act), Nathan made the call to push the boundaries and aired the report.

Instead of the complaints that were expected, but deemed a consequence worth taking, Native Affairs when on to win the 2011 Aotearoa Film and Television Awards (AFTA) for best current affairs series.

Have Humility

Nathan spoke of his own humble beginnings starting with his father who was a coal miner in Huntly, and my favourite quote was how he shared with the graduates that his father "fed our family on the width of a 'banjo' shovel" . What a powerful statement! Nathan warned the graduates, based on his own experience which he shared, that "when you think you are at the top of your game - remember to be humble." He followed this with some advice that "losing your reputation is easier than gaining respect of your peers."

And that was it - a very fine graduation speech - and the reason I now know why I have not had the invitation to speak at a graduation - I have to keep learning!!

Have a great week and congratulations for all the things you are achieving....

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Love is...

As a rule I do not go to theatres to watch 'chick flicks' that are guaranteed to make me cry. For example, I am one of the handful of people who have never seen 'The Notebook', and I made sure that I never saw 'P.S, I love you' unless I was alone..... so it was out of the ordinary, you could say, that I went with my firend today to watch the movie 'The Vow'.

The Vow is based on true events (which is always a worry because the events made it into a movie because they were EXTRAORDINARY unlike the rest of us who are ORDINARY ;-)) and tells the story about a happily married couple who have a car accident and as a result of that, the wife - Paige, loses her memory. She does not have any recollection of her husband Leo or their life of her as an established artist (sculptor) and estranged from her family. In fact, she only remembers her life about five or so years earlier when she was still in contact with her family, engaged to another guy and at Law school.

It was a lovely movie and of course Leo was the perfect husband (and if these really were true events, and this is what he really did do!! what a hero!) who loved his wife so much that when he realised that she was never going to remember him or love him again - he walked away and gave her up. One the most touching scenes is when he is telling a friend about his decision, and he is recalling the first time Paige told him that she loved him and he says - "it only took her two weeks to know she loved me" and now after trying for months to woo her back - he realised she no longer could love him..... Love is selfless!!

Anyway, lately, and quite separate from this movie - but probably why this movie had an impact on me more than normal.... is I have been thinking about love and marriage. In particular, just  recently three women I have known have passed away. All were widows, and had been for some time - one for forty years, and the other two for twenty plus years. I could not help but think about and find myself reflecting on this, even now, how joyous their reunions with their eternal companions would have been... Love is joy!!

Just the other day, I overheard an 82 year old friend of mine talking about her husband 'in absentia' .... and this is one of the things I love about her... you see, although she has been a widow for well over twenty years, she knows she is still married and talks about her husband as such, and treats her being alone without him as if he is just in another room going about his business. She knows that he loves her and misses her too. It reminds me that marriage is for this life and the next - I love it - thank you Rebe xx Love is eternal.

My son found this picture off the internet and I can't seem to take my eyes off it. I think it is beautiful and captures the circle of life perfectly. I look at it and I can see where he is in this cycle and where I am and where I am going and with who... I know if I go now or later, I am not afraid, because I know that Mr M and I are sealed for this life and into the next.I want him to know even though he may want a trade in or up in wives :-), that he is the perfect man for me and I love him dearly... Love is a circle.

I thought about Mr while I was in the movie and over the last several weeks and have come to realise how blessed I am that our paths crossed when they did... and for the blessings that have come into my life because he is my Mr ;-) I want him to know that even though our lives will NEVER make the big screen - that our love story is pretty cool.... because he's in it! Love is a blessing!

Anyway, I know that there are writers who made up the actual vows in the movie but I was so touched by them  and with all that has been happening around me, that I have decided that I am going to give these a go for 2012 and see if I can keep these promises.... I'll let you know how I go :-)

I vow to help you love life                                   
to always hold you with tenderness                  
and have the patience that love demands         
to speak when words are needed                      
and to share the silence when they're not       
and to live within the warmth of your heart
and always call it home

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

I would ask if all is done?

Today I taught a class of 12-13 year olds. The lesson was about pressing forward in the steadfastness of Christ. I tried to remember what I was like at that age and the truth is I can't remember a thing about what I learnt at that age. I can tell you who liked who, what clothes I wore, and even songs from that time - but not too much else..... so while the children in my class were participating, and no one fell asleep, I quickly realised while preparing, while I was deliverying, and now some hours later - this lesson was for me. In particular a question that a man called Nephi asked of his people "if all is done?"

This question probably resonates a little more this week than it would at some other time, because this week my family and I have been involved in a tangi for a woman that was most loved and tresaured not only by her family, but also her friends and the commmunity. Her life long service to many was acknowledged when she was awarded a QSM (Queen's Service Medal) award - so you can tell she was very special.... During the week, people have talked about how busy she was, and the work that she would do for so many people, and for her selflessness.  The answer to the question "if all is done" can only be a resounding yes!

My friend has recently lost a nephew who was born into a body that did not work properly. He was not quite one yet, but in the months that he lived he had been through more operations, procedures, helicopter and ambulance rides, and needles than most of us do in a life time. The question - if all is done - can be asked here. The answer again - has to be yes. For whatever reason, this little boy was born into this life - he gained a body, he bore his trials and is now free.

Nephi knew his people very well, and once he asked the question if all was done? He answered no, it is not.

A good example of this I take from my sons who were asked to do the dishes. One washes and the other dries. I am grateful that at 16 years old, they listen and do the dishes without question. If I was to ask them - if all is done? They would happily report - yes and for them they have discharged their duty, EXCEPT for the fact that as we look and see there on the bench are lovely washed and dried dishes, granted not the normal - the tupperware, ice tray etc, but still dishes! So in fact, is all done?  - the answer - NO!

So what does Nephi teach the people? He goes on to teach his people that although the work is not completed - we all need to press forward in the steadfastness of Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men."

Today, a friend of mine shared with a group of us ladies a story about a man that ran in the 1968 Mexico Olympics marathon - John Stephen Ahkwari from Tanzania. After suffering a bad fall and dislocating a joint in the process this amazing man continued running to the end (he press forwarded :-)) and completed the race an hour after the winner crossed the finish line. In fact, the winner had already had the medal ceremony, it was nightfall, and the stadium was almost empty - but this man kept going and going. When asked why he didn't quit - he replied according to the documentary "my country did not send me 5000 miles to start a race, they sent me 5000 miles to finish the race." The question asked of this man "if all was done?" - the answer would be yes & eventually! He kept going when it was easier to stop.... He showed us what it will take for us to press forward with the steadfastness in Christ. His example also demonstrates what it is like to have a brightness of hope. As long as we keep going, one foot in front another - moving all the time, we will get to where we are going.

So today I learnt heaps about the question that I should ask of myself if all is done? For me, there is much more to do. I am inspired by the people around me to keep moving - to press forward in the steadfastness in Christ, to have a brightness of hope and to love those around me and my God..... Now I just have to get cracking!!

Have a lovely week and see you next time.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo