The long Goodbye....

My friend Emma has already pre-empted what this blog is about so she is excluded from this - which will only leave you to read it.... so thanks for staying! Anyway, when I think about saying goodbye - yes Emma, you are right - the first thing I think about are my babies. They turn 18 this year and will be leaving for their missions shortly after their birthdays....soooo the long goodbye for me and them is this whole year....

Sometimes thinking about the end of things gets a bit sad.... I mean its going to be the end of two people depending on me, the end of thinking that "mum" will be able to sort it, the end of picking them up from school when people around me tell me "let them walk - or catch the bus", but above all else - its the end of me being the most important woman in their lives - well, maybe a few more years to go for that!! It has taken me almost 44 years to get to this point, and 18 years to happen. By this I mean that I have always been destined to have these two boys and when they were born, after coming out of unconciousness and finding out they were boys, I made a committment that I would do everything to get them on missions and become good fathers, husbands, and fine upstanding men of their communities.... a bit steep for a set of 4 week premature baby boys - but that's the commitment I made and I've been sticking to it ever since....

What I decided the other day as I could feel myself sinking in all this sadness of losing my sons, - was the thought that I don't want to spend the year mourning my 'empty nest' and wasting the time I had while it's still 'full'. I mean why be sorry and sad for them going when they are still here. Instead I am learning to enjoy my time with them, and as the months move on, already three have past - I pick them up from school because I love to see them and hear them moan and groan because I am late.... I have to love it because at this time next year - I will have no one to pick up from school - and the only one moaning will be me or Mr - and to each other ;-)

Tomorrow, I start a month of handing over a job that I had previously held for six years. If you know my story, you will know that I had this job, I burnt out, then recently had the opportunity to do it again while a replacement was found - and one has been found..... so this time I get to leave, healthy, excited for new adventures, and happy. If there was going to be any sadness, it would be about people.... The people I will miss the most are the women that hold the same position as myself in other rohe (regions) of our organisation..... so the long good bye was held in Christchurch a few weeks ago and it was awesome.... and although our lives will disconnect through work - they will remain connected through friendship and a once common experience. Thank you ladies xx

While I was in Christchurch, and now I can hear Emma's eyes rolling into the very back of her head ;-) - she knows me that well! I was physically moved by an art piece that I thought was beautiful. Based on Van Gogh's painting of a chair, an artist arranged on a corner of grass 180 white chairs in 18 rows of 10 to represent the 180 empty seats left by the people who died in the Christchurch earthquakes. The seats were large, small, wheelchairs, a high chair, office chairs, wooden, material, and cane. They were for little people, big people - and missing people. I thought of the long goodbyes these families are facing without their loved ones and it brings everything back into perspective....

So as I carry on my long goodbye to things along the way - before my boys leave - starting a new job whatever that is, I am more determined than ever to hold on to the most important thing I have at the moment and that is the present!! Really - living life as it goes and soaking up every loving minute of it and just going for it! Should make for a wonderful 2013. May you have a good one as well.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo