Dating Rules: A generation later

I had the worst mother in the world.

She was so strict I could hardly breathe without her knowing what I was doing. I don't know how she did it but she didn't need GPS to find out where I was - and she had nothing on the CIA, FBI, DEA or any other agency when it came to finding out who I was with. Her rules were just as bad. School, home and church were the only sanctioned venues on the 'allowed to visit' list :-) And time allowed to get to and from each of those places and home was 15mins. 

My mother was strict alright, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I am so grateful for that. She is the reason I am where I am today. She is the reason my moral compass has a true north. She is reason I have a great life now - all because of her hard work she put in when I was growing up. 

She deserves a medal awarded posthumously for putting up with me and my siblings and just quietly, I think she would be tickled pink to see me having some of those same struggles with her moko - especially around her dating rules! Like me as a teenager and young adult, her moko do not understand the rationale behind the dating rules especially, and like myself back in the day, they have friends who live lives quite happily without any rules, or very relaxed ones. The counter arguments  such as "your rules don't make sense, they are out-of-date, aren't logical and/or have no doctrinal basis" are the same in 2017 as they were during 1985-91! What's ironic is the answers (more like comebacks) back then are the same as today which is going to be one of two things - as my mother said and I heard Mr repeat - "if you live in my house - these are my rules!" And probably most importantly, "keeping our rules is about one thing: RESPECT!"

For us, our sons have done most of their courting overseas in the homes of their one true loves and totally subject to the rules of their in-laws. So for the most part Mr and I have missed out on establishing our rules. However, we both agree that whatever happened overseas did not or does not change what Mr and I have in our home. Recently, Mr had the opportunity to outline the dating rules 2017 which he had memorised from the same ones my mother outlined for him while we were dating from 1988-91:

1) Don't go in the rooms alone. You can't get up to mischief if you are out in the open and everyone can see you.  I remember clearly, there was nothing more I wanted to do than to be with my boyfriend alone every chance I could.

2) Don't stay in the house together alone. You must have super powers far exceeding anything ever known if you can be in a house alone and keep your hands to yourself, and lastly

3) Whenever you are sitting around keep your feet on the ground. Basically, don't lie around together.  Besides taking up more room on the sofas - it's not cool. Sit up and be present. 

Straight away I recognised in my son the "look" I had. The disbelief that a parent would second guess ones noble intentions. The lack of faith in ones ability to withstand temptation was written on his face. And although my son assures me, nothing further could be from his mind, as parents we're equally vehement in our surprise because every other human we knew and know felt like we did. And that was that all his father and I wanted to do at his age, was to get married and honeymoon away our lives right then and there.

Why rules at all? Well, in my faith, there is no sexual connection before marriage, that's all saved for after the wedding. And the ultimate goal for most LDS young men and women is to be married in the temple. A wedding in the temple seals that marriage for time and all eternity, not just for this life, but into the next. And there should be no sex before that day. So the rules help to keep everyone safe and satan well away! And even more basic than that, back in my day, it was to ensure that my sister and I never got pregnant before we were married. 

And it worked - just. Lets just say, Mr and I had a very tactile relationship. We were affectionate and enjoyed PDA (public  displays of affection) that must have had my poor mother on HIGH alert every minute! Although Mr and I tried our hardest to be together and alone at every opportunity, we kept the rules, if for  no other reason than out of respect for my mother and her rules of the house.

My horrible mother - how I love her. I am sure she was seen as being odd with such strict rules, just as Mr and I may appear so now. But I don't care. She was the worst mother in the world to whom I owe much of what I have. I thank her for putting rules in my life to keep me safe from my own poor judgement and decisions.

What are the dating rules you have in your household? How are they working for you? Maybe you deserve a medal as well :-)

Yours in friendship

Mxo