Get the girls out ;-)

Lately on tv a Breast Screen Aotearoa advertising campaign to encourage women to have breast checks/mammograms has been running. The last one I saw was when the Aunties - Ella Henry and Whetu Fala were visiting a building/construction site and were talking to the men there about why it was important for the women in their lives to go and get checked. It ends when Aunty Ella asks one of the builders "so when you get home tonight, what are you going to say to your Mrs?", he smiles and replies "get the girls out". Of which they all join in with "get the girls out!"

Although breast cancer is serious, the ad made me giggle and smile. It also makes me think that my sister and I need to get checked out as well - so I guess the ad has worked for me ;-) I also like the ads because they are keeping breast cancer issues to the forefront which is awesome.

This year marks the 5th year of the passing of my mum to breast cancer. I wanted to do something for her that wasn't staying at home and crying a river - but something memorable and she would be happy with. With that in mind, I decided to host a Pink Ribbon Breakfast. I wanted to keep it personal to me and my family - but invited anyone who wanted to be there. Friends provided the music, were the inspiration speakers (3),  my husband and sons helped me decorate, and another friend sponsored 2 lots of her gourmet cupcakes and a special breastcancer cake to be auctioned off (which combined raised over a hundred dollars) and I was the MC. What was so touching was that the musicians on the day had lost their mother to cancer, the cake maker's mother had had breast cancer and lived and of course the ladies that I asked to speak were breast cancer survivors and inspirational!! It was a lovely morning and in the end raised over $1600 with my organisation donating $500. A big thank you to the people, and especially my friends who came and helped out - my life is blessed because of you.. So, my pink ribbon breakfast was a fitting way to remember our mum who, had she lived, and as she spoke about doing when she got better, would have gone on to be a volunteer for the breast cancer society because of the service that they had done with her. I think this is going to be the next step for me - so watch this space!!

Breast cancer is a big deal in my life and the life of my family - starting with my mother's favourite colour pink. For my mum's funeral, at her request, everyone wore pink. Her grave was surrounded by pink balloons that each grandchild released once she was buried. At her unveiling we were all dressed in pink and each grandson, son and son-in-law have pink ties that they wear often in memory of their Nan and mother/in-law.

Every opportunity I have I purchase Breast Cancer Society/ Foundation merchandise in support of  eradicating this disease that claims so many beautiful people. What is more important though, is because of breast cancer history in our family (my mother's sister also had a lump discovered at the time of her passing), it is critical for my sister and I and even our nieces to get checked regularly - or as the ad encourages us to Get the Girls Out!

Here are some things that we all need to know:

Symptoms of breast cancer can include:

• A new lump or thickening in the breast or armpit area,
• A change in skin of the breast, areola or nipple which can inclue the colour, dimpling, puckering or reddening,
• A newly retracted/inverted (pulled in) nipple,
• A discharge from the nipple that occurs without squeezing, or
• A change in breast shape or size.

Risk factors for breast cancer
The main factors for breast cancer are 1) being female (although 1% of breast cancer occurs in males) and 2) increasing age as it becomes more likely that abnormal changes may occur in the over 50s however, breast cancer in younger women also is occuring and is usually more agressive. Other factors may include:

• Family history and genetics. If your mother, sister or daughter has had breast cancer - make those check ups regular!
• Body size. Overweight and obese women have a post menopausal breast cancer risk 20-40% higher than lean women.
• Diet. Studies have suggested that eating a diet high in fat or red meat may increase the risk of breast cancer. Women with the highest intake of fat and red meat would have a breast cancer risk 10-20% higher than a women with a low intake.

Risk reduction factors are physical activity and maintaining a healthy weight..... now don't even get me started on how many healthy and fit people you and I know with breast cancer......

How can we help?
Here are some practical things you can do when someone you care about has breast cancer:

• Keep in touch. You may feel awkward and don't know what to say - there are no 'right' words. Just keep in touch as time passes. Mum had a few friends that visited often and they made her day every time that came. Our family loves these beautiful women.
• Listen. Pay attention to her cues. Don't be afraid to ask her what she wants.
• Prepare meals. Aunty Dolly brought my mum some of her yummy cooking every week and my mother loved every last drop. The only downside to this is that I think we still have her bowls ;-(
• Offer to drive and stay with her through appointments. I was with Mum for every oncologist appointment and 95% of her treatments, however, on that odd occasion I (or my siblings) couldn't pick or drop her off to treatment, we had our friends pick her up... it was always a surprise for Mum who would pick her up ;-)
• Ask when, not what. Instead of asking what can I do - say "when can I do your grocery shopping?" - this apparently makes it easier for someone to accept.
• Support her partner. Mum didn't have a partner as such but in supporting me, I was able to be strong and take care of her....

So my friends - that's about it for this blog. Get the girls out and get checked. The information that I have shared today has come straight out of The Breast Book which is published by the New Zealand Breast Cancer Foundation. It is a very informative read, and if you want to know anything about breast cancer - this publication and other information from their website may be the start you need to get informated.

Remember the best cure for breast cancer is EARLY DETECTION!! So - let's get them girls out!!.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

When You Lose - Don't Lose the Lesson

When the Dalai Lama penned the phrase - "when you lose, don't lose the lesson" I got the distinct impression that you didn't have to win to get a lesson. He was actually talking to many of us normal people that lose arguments, money, battles, loved ones, jobs and so on and telling us to learn a lesson from that loss. In a strange way, I know what he means.



My beautiful mother passed away in 2007 from secondary breast cancer to her liver. She fought that disease for seven years before there was nothing the doctors could do. So we sat with her for her last three weeks watching her life leave her body....



Her loss affected me deeply. I wanted to die too. Not even my georgeous sons or their father could take this cloud from me. My best friend, mentor, moral compass, and confidante had died and the loss was unbearable. Until, and here is where the Delai Lama got it right, until I reflected on the legacy of lessons that she left for me and my brother and sister, did things change.



My mother was my first teacher, and when I recalled the lessons she left, and imagined, and in some cases felt the love in which she taught them, the dark cloud of loss passed, and I slowly clawed myself back into the light of living and started to heal.



The lessons are not hard ones, and you may even say they are rudimentary - but they worked for me and may work for you:



1) Get back to basics. Everytime we had a problem - our mother's catchphrase was to "get back to basics" - which meant to get the little things perfect (like personal and family prayers), and the other things in our life would fall into place. The problem we would have never had a direct correlation to the 'basics' but it worked every time. It somehow got us to strengthen ourselves so that we could handle whatever came next.



2) Keep it simple. I can tend to be what people call OTT (over the top) but this lesson has helped me to refocus on the important things in life - my sons, my husband, my family and my faith. I now remember the reason why I am doing something and it keeps me in line. This taught me to recognise people for what they really were and what they meant to me - and realise that my friends cared more about me than about whether my house was new or very very old.



3) Be positive. Some of my mother's last words to me were to be positive. I thought I was a ray of sunshine, but obviously, she bought this up for a reason, so I had to be positive. I need to be grateful for the things that I have, the things that people do for me and around me - and to say the words 'thank you' more. Putting this into action actually brightens my own day. Amazing!



4) Be Kind. Be kind to others because you do not want to find yourself in a time of need surrounded by people that you were unkind to. Its not hard to be kind and inexpensive, but the power of it is immeasurable. So tomorrow, say a nice word to the taxi driver, smile while you are in a hurry, and say a kind word to your husband before you leave for the day.



5) Remember. Don't be afraid to talk about your loved ones - and remember them - the good, the bad and the ugly. I talk about my mother as if she is still around me. Her teachings are living and somehow she still lives too. I no longer feel dark and alone but I remember that I am loved by a mother who misses me just as much as I do her. In fact, today we are gathering to watch some long lost video coverage of her which we have not seen before - so we will be seeing her again for the first time in over two years. She is remembered.



So that's my first post of five lessons that can be read in two minutes.



Yours in friendship



M