What have you traded?

There is only one story that has been on my mind today and it is a story in the bible about twins -  Esau and Jacob.

Issac and Rebekah were married and it became apparent that Rebekah was unable to have children. Issac went to the Lord to ask for his wife to become pregnant and after his heartfelt pleas, Rebekah conceived. The pregnancy was difficult and it was Rebekah who then went to the Lord for counsel. A prophecy is given to her about her impending birth  and in Genesis Chapter 25 she is told that "Two nations are in they womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger"

The time came for the birth of her twins. Esau is born hours before his brother Jacob, and is  vividly described as being red and hairy - 'like a hairy garment' of which Jacob is not. Esau is a "cunning hunter" and is much loved by his father. Jacob in contrast is plain (which the footnote clarifies as being perfect, complete, whole, simple), dwells in his tents and is a pretty good cook. Jacob is favoured by his mother.

One day after a particular hard day in the "field" - Esau returns home hungry and thirsty. He asks his brother for some food because he is "faint". Jacob replies by saying to Esau - "Sell me this day thy birthright". Herein lies the first hold-the-bus moment for me. If I was Esau I would have asked "are you crazy?". You see the birthright was not just physical things like the land and possessions of his fathers which automatically goes to the the eldest child, but it also included the acknowledgement as the spiritual leader (and in all other ways) of the people.

Esau, says to his brother - in my words - Bro, I am about to die, what good will my birthright do for me? Jacob again says to his brother - "Swear to me this day" and herein lies the second hold-the-bus moment, Esau "sware unto him: and sold his brithright unto Jacob". Jacob gave Esau bread and a meal of which he drank and ate heartily. When he was finished he got up and left and it says "Esau despised his birthright".

By giving up his birthright, Jacob inherited the blessings of which Esau forfeited. Sure he was hungry and it does use the word famine for hungry - but really - something so insignificant for food? So I thought about this all day and pondered on the 'shortsightedness' of Esau. I ask myself, did he not know what he was giving up? How could he have been so ignorant? I know that he despised his birthright, and as the eldest child of my family - I understand the burden this can be - but was it so bad that he hated it sooo much he would trade it so easily?

My mind has been pondering on this as I liken it to myself and what my "pottage" may have been or could be that has cost me my "birthright" or values or things that really mean a lot to me. Within seconds my mind quickly turns to two of my own Esau moments where I have given up something of eternal significance for something with not so eternal consequences. There may be more...... many more....

The first concerns my role as a mother. For me being a mother has always been my number one priority - yet for years I let my life of other distractions take me away from this role. I traded in my blessing as a Mama, just as Esau did - not for food, but for a work that kept me away from my children and husband, and values once placed in my family being moved to being heavily invested (time, energy, focus) in money, a car, phone, laptop, travel and other 'bells and whistles'.

The second is in regards to my membership in my faith. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints church is part of my spiritual DNA - yet for years, just as Esau did for food - I let me life take me in to places and soaked in my activities that left me little time to connect spiritually. I became isolated from my place of strength and identity, slowly but surely.....

Have you traded something in at the expense of something that is highly valued eternally and spiritually? Is it time to stop and pause and take a stocktake of where you are?

I am blessed that unlike Esau who had lost his birthright forever, there has been a way to reverse these things- but is taking time. I have worked hard in the past few months to connect with both my family and my faith and am some way to getting a refund for these compromises. It has left me happier, poorer in temporal things - but rich in happiness and contentment.

Esau has taught me to stop and pause next time I do something or take on new roles and responsibilities outside of the home. He has taught me that I need to be considerate in what I do next.

Mxo

P.S: After years of trying to kill Jacob - for receiving a blessing intended for Esau from their father (under false pretences) - the brothers are reconciled many years later. Blood is, after all - thicker than water ;-)

Choices

We make choices everyday. Some of these are of no consequence - and others can be life changing. This week I have made both kinds and rather spectacularly, some have not been the best decisions either.

CHOICE ONE
Last week I received tickets to listen to a band. As the hype built up over the following days, so did my decision to go. I changed my attitude from being nonplussed - to actually attending. The problem was the venue. I had never been to a venue like that before because of my faith and beliefs. So why did I do it? After a few days of healthy self-reflection, the only logical reason I came come up with is 'peer pressure'. Yep, forty years old and still making choices based on not what others would think about me - because at forty I simply don't care anymore - but choices based on an invite to somewhere I would never have gone to before, by someone whose respect I value. The choice to attend this gig compromised my lifelong standards.What did I learn? I learnt that this choice, although the wrong one in so many ways - helped me solidify my standards yet again. Some choices help remind us of better ones made before.

CHOICE TWO
I have been living with a tooth problem for about three years. I had a root canal done in 2006 and a bit of the filling cracked and it was never the same again. Every now and then I would have a terrible toothache that I medicated with whatever I had, usually painkillers. A couple of months ago, an abcess developed that I found some penicillan that seemed to reduce the size and the pain. This week, I was quietly celebrating to myself that I could chew chewing gum on side of my mouth. So away I chew..... and glunk - out came the filling in my tooth that used to sit on top of the site of my root canal. Needless to say, a trip to the dentist, the very place I was trying to avoid - became a necessity - and no longer a choice. I learnt that some choices need to be made while we still have freedom to do so....

CHOICE THREE
I was part of a panel that was appointing a senior management role where I work and we narrowed the search to two candidates. I went with my gut feeling as to the quality of the applicant and my opinion was based on that. Some choices require trust in your own instincts and the value of good advice.

CHOICE FOUR
I had a report due this week and was running late. After being off work for two days, I decided to stay at work longer and write it before coming home. I had previously arranged to be home by 7pm  however when I checked the clock, I still had a bit of my report to go and it was already just past 7pm. In that instance I made the choice to stay at work and complete my report. I got the report done, but by then it was almost 9pm. I rang the boys and asked them why they hadn't called? Their father got on the phone and reported that there had been a power cut and the boys had been sitting in the dark for a couple of hours, sitting around with candles - and no way of contacting me.  Was my report worth having my two babies that I love more than life sitting in the dark without their mother? Some choices are are between good and better. My sons have to become the better choice for me!!

CHOICE FIVE
Yesterday my husband and I finally decided that we are going to get another car. He has traditionally chosen every vehicle we have owned for the last twenty years. However, he has finally decided that we will be deciding together what car we drive this year - and I cannot wait. I haven't owned a new car since, since, since - forever. This particular decision is the culmination of 20 years of car choosing domination that I am finally being let into. Some choices take patience ;-)

I am going to work on making better choices this week. I wish you well with yours.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox