What were you thinking?

I used to teach human development to Rangatahi who were starting to train as nurses or midwives and the one thing that I remember to this day is the phase that adolescents go through called - invincibility. This is where a young person has the perception that nothing negative is going to happen to them...

At that time I didn't have children and couldn't fathom what would make an otherwise normal human being all of a sudden assume the role of superman and transformer all at once. Several years later, I'm writing as a mother of two little super transformers that I pray will reach 25 years old and out of this phase ;-)

Anyway, recently, I have been reading The Politically Incorrect Guide to Teenagers by Nigel Latta and for the first time ever, someone actually explains what happens inside a young persons brain and after reading it - I felt a little bit better, still nervous and anxious, but better...

FACT ONE The brain is still developing in a teenager. I had always believed that the first three years were most important and anything past that was a bonus, but basically it was a done deal…. According to research, and Nigel Latta – the teenage brain is different from a child and an adult and in fact the changes that occur to the brain during this time are some of the most dramatic and important changes over the human lifespan.

FACT TWO The pre-frontal cortex is the last to develop. The part of the brain that is described as being the seat of reason is called the pre-frontal cortex. “This part of the brain is involved in such things as learning rules, understanding consequences, working memory, and how we make sense of emotions”. There seems to be a sudden increase of activity in this region which peaks at about 11 ye ars old for girls and later for boys…

FACT THREE Changes in the reward centre of a teenager's brain makes them prone to seek out the 'buzz' or short-term, risky activities. Because of this, teenagers seek out those things rather than focus on things that have long-term gain. According to research, this desire for this 'buzz' like feeling increases when they are around others of the same age. Latta writes about an experiment that had teenagers put in an MRI scanner and asked to do a simple task and watched the lights go off however, when the teenagers were told that  they were being watched by other teenagers, the screens light up like fireworks.... Parents know that  that when teenagers are with their friends they will take unnecessary risks - now nueroscience proves it.

FACT FOUR The wiring in the brain isn't fully insulated by the myelin sheeth until in the early twenties. This decreases the speed and efficiency of thinking. Latta compares this to a computer when he says that "whilst adults have the equivalent of high-speed connections between the left and right side of their brains, teenages are still working on the uninsulated dial-up version. Whilst we can point and click at mental web pages which load pretty much instantly, teenagers have to spend a bit longer wiating for the site to load before they can make a decision".

FACT FIVE Teenages can make good decisions in theory (such as not to swim with sharks), but it take them longer than adults to reach those decisions and they use different parts of their brain to do it. MRI scans showed that although when the same scenario is presented to adults and teenagers the decisions were the same - different parts of the brains were used. The adults were able to summon up the end 'picture' and made decisions immediately based on that outcome. Whereas it appears that teenagers break things down and go through each scenario and depend on rationalisation.... For me the most crucial bit of this is that teenagers can make good decisions - and I'm holding on to that ;-)

So you see - there is more to a teenager's brain than many of us knew and does it make a difference? For me it 1)explains how my sons are thinking and hopefully I am reminded that how I got to my decisions and thinking process won't even be close to theirs, and 2) I will also try to remember that my decisions are based on my life - and theirs is still being formulated.

Mr Latta may know what he is talking about but for me - the most important thing I got going for me is the faith that how I have raised my sons - will count for something ;-).

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Lessons from a King

Recently I have been studying the life of King David and this is what I have learnt.

LESSON ONE: If you've got it - you've got it!
The story of David and Goliath is one that is been told throughout time and places and is one that has so many lessons to it. The first lesson I learnt is that when someone is chosen to do something - who are we to argue? Really - who are we to know better? The prophet Samuel was sent to look for a son of Jesse, and Jesse, trying to protect his youngest - had David do some errands to evade detection. Despite those attempts - David whilst doing his fathers' bidding, was discovered by Saul and fulfilled his part in the fight against the giant Phillistine - Goliath.

LESSON TWO: Teenagers are invincible ;-)
Years ago I taught Human Development and was most intrigued by the adolescent part of a human life. At the time my children were only little and read where tenagers view themselves as being invincible as most disturbing given the dangers that this particular agegroup encounter such as, navigating through the onset of hormones, resisting peer pressure and other social conforming attitudes. Today I realised besides the most important fact that when David stood before Goliath, his God was with him that day, this child, who with very little resources at his disposal - had in fact a healthy dose of invincibility. He had faith in God, but he also had no fear. This will help me raise my sons to know that they can walk with no fear during these teenage years, and even think they are invincible - but only with the back up from their God.


LESSON THREE: True Friendship
Today we talked about Jonathan. We don't know much about him except he was a true friend to David who is described to have loved David "as his own soul". You and I would be blessed to have such a friend, however what makes this remarkable is that  Jonathan had a plethora of reasons to hate and despise David. You see, Jonathan was the son of the King Saul and should have been the next in line for the throne - however David was chosen instead. He should have been in charge of the Kings armies - but again David was chosen. We read that David reaps praises of the people that even surpass that of Jonathan's father - the King, yet Jonathan does not turn away from their friendship. Instead, Jonathan is such a true friend that he talks of David's achievement and greatness to his own father, and where Saul kills priests who show David kindness, Jonathan shares the King's intelligence with David and helps him elude the murderous King. This all done at risk to his own life. Jonathan is a true friend.

LESSON FOUR: Jealousy can happen to all of us... 
David was chosen to be the King to follow after Saul. Yet after David had won one too many battles and the love of the people started to include David, King Saul became jealous. His jealously grew so much that he tried to kill David not once, but three times. First he arranged to have him sent to war where he would be most vulnerable, the second with a javelin aimed at David and missed, and the third when he arranged for David to be killed in the morning, only for his daughter (David's wife) to have forewarned David and helped him to escape. The lesson here is that jealously can happen to all of us, and need to be aware of it and not let it stay in our hearts otherwise added to pride and other emotions, it will make us bitter, twisted and unproductive - and even lead us to make wasteful decisions.

LESSON FIVE: Revenge 
When David is presented an opportunity to exact his revenge on King Saul - he doesn't. Instead when he sees King Saul again, David bows before him and says "My lord the King". David goes on to tell King Saul that although his men were telling him to kill the King, he refused because that judgement was for God to make - and he spared his life. Saul realises what David has done, or rather not done, and cries and knows that he has in fact committed a far greater wrong against David and is broken. Today we were asked: What does David's example teach us about revenge?  I hear often of how revenge is rewarding, but in this instance I learnt 1) it is better, once you are in the position, to let your offender know that if you wanted, you could exact revenge, but more importantly, 2) the judgement of the offender is perhaps not ours to make - and that there is a higher judgement that will come.

There are so many lessons from a King who lived so many years ago, yet just as relevant today as then. Hope there is something there for you too...


Yours in friendship,

Mxox