"I am not addicted!"

According to my son, my husband and I are the only parents on the planet that restrict our children's playing time on their PS3/Xbox games. When we got the boys their first PS2 we set aside one hour a week for them to play which was on a Saturday. As they have grown older - and the PS3 came along, this hour is still in place with a bit of leeway to accomodate for rewards (one son will take more time on his game than money) and holidays etc. These rules have somehow catapulted Maurice and I to the envious place as the worst (strictest) parents out there!! But, I don't care really because if it were not for those rules, I know that I would NEVER see one of my sons again as he would never come out of his room EVER!

Is he addicted? I tell him he is but as all addicted souls believe - his emphatic cry quickly comes back to me "I am not addicted!" Actually, I believe he isn't because he functions as a citizen in the world, attends school and church and actually can make words into sentences - so he's fine....its just that gaming sure is something he loves to to.


Logo for Hey U Guys Gaming
 (http://www.heyuguys.co.uk/)



So you can imagine the amusement we both shared (from different sides of the story) when in our local paper there was an article on page three entitled Online `snack' gaming now seen as mainstream fun or time filler. He was attracted to it because it had the word gaming ;-) and I wanted to see what the findings were saying about something we are both passionate about - albeit different ends of the spectrum.

The article is based on a study done in July 2011 by a university of 2428 people across 846 New Zealand homes, and here are my top five facts of interest:

ONE - Not just pimply geeky boys

My sons aren't either pimply or geeks ;-) so I already knew this. However, the study showed that 90% of New Zealand homes have some form of gaming device in the home. Nintey percent!

TWO - The average age of a gamer

"Research shows video games are no longer the domain of teenage boys, with the average Kiwi gamer 33 years old." and a key finding of this research was that 47% of gamers are girls. I wasn't suprised to see the first statistic because I know grown up men who play PS3 games, some of which don't have jobs, or are at school or on shift work. Of note here is that this survey actually included games on mobile phones, ipads, notebooks, computers and my personal favourite - social networds. I would suggest that this type of gaming is responsible for the spike in this statistic as adults can afford the higher end of technology and we play in our breaks, on the way to work and even for exercising (Wii) etc. What it shows is that that it is no longer a teenager 'thing'. as for the stats for girls - it is not suprising as the likelihood that girls will have mobiles and a heavy investment in social networking and other things that technology can provide to keep them connected to each other. Incidentally, this is my theory for why Scotty won American idol 2010 ;-)

THREE - Daily usage

My son had great delight in pointing out that 58% of people play either daily or every other day. I know when he comes back from school we will be talking about how his one hour a week can still be maintained ;-) That's a lot of time playing games people!

FOUR - Money, money, money

While I struggle to keep law and order in my house - the gaming industry bombards our children, and through other means entices grown ups to engage in some kind of gaming. Our phones now have access to a myriad of game options which can include battling others in games through our 'gadgets'. It is not going to stop or slow down. In in fact, the New Zealand gaming industry is going to be worth $192 million by 2015. That is a serious amount of money.

FIVE - Education

92% of parents who play computer games, use them to educate their children. I can understand that maths games and spelling games would be great tools - but I fail to see what my love for bejewelled blitz on facebook is going to teach my children :-) I would probably want to see this stat teased out a bit and explained more because as it is - it is most concerning to see that our children are being taught by a machine in the home and not by real people.....

So, where do you fit in terms of these findings? I know I'm going to be having a face-to-face verbal conversation (with no sign of any form of electronics in sight) with my son very soon to find out ;-).

Yours in friendship,


Mxo

Forget Me Not

I was privileged to be among thousands of women who gathered for an international broadcast for women. It was full of messages that were inspirational, however there is one that resonated with me as I go down this self directed journey of mine. The talk was by Dieter Uchtdorf and it was based on the forget me not flower.... As I listened to the words that were shared, I felt like every word was for me...Here is what I learnt ;-)

Forget not to be patient with yourself
The best comment that I got out of this was that "the Lord knows we are not perfect" (I already knew this to be true - and by experience no less!!) but what made me smile was when Uchtdorf added that "He also knows that the people that we think are perfect are not!" This is so true and something that I have learnt only in the last decade. For so long I used to look around and think that other families were more better, righteous, richer, happier, prettier, and the children were better behaved and so on... until you realise one day when you talk to these people, they are just like you. They have the same struggles and some are actually worse off. I apply this thinking when watching Keeping up with the Kardashians - and somedays it works :-)Uchtdorf encouraged us to be compassionate and considerate of ourselves and to stop punishing ourselves! We are to celebrate the small successes in our homes.... I need to be more patient with myself.

Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice
This is another lesson that I have just learnt in the last half of my life. I am an aesthetic person and a visual learner - so when I am asked to do things - the first thing I used to concern myself is with how things would 'look' and  stress over getting things perfect like the decorations - I'm pretty particular about that kind of thing - at the expense of the quality of what I was trying to teach or the objective of the exercise... I am still pretty ccommitted to things looking a certain way, but it more about the message and how that is shared that counts these days ;-) Uchtdorf encourages us to ask of ourselves "Am I committing my time and energy to things that matter most?"

Forget not to be happy now
Uchtdorf talked about the golden ticket in the children's story Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He used the behaviour of the people in the story who, upon the announcement of a winning golden ticket in five chocolate bars, became more concerned with getting the golden ticket and forgot about the actual joy of eating the chocolate. In most cases the bars without the tickets were overlooked and disregarded. Uchtdorf used this as an analogy for us to explain that "by putting happiness on hold (the life we have right now) in search of a golden ticket (more money, smaller body ;-), better this and better that) we will ulitmately miss out on the small pleasures and the simple and beautiful elegant moments" (notes or texts from friends, and beautiful meals with loved ones). What a wonderful reminder to be grateful for what you have!!

Forget not the 'why' of the gospel
This was directed at the women that were gathered who want to know how to do things and forget about why we do things. Every LDS woman is tasked with visiting other women every month of which most of us do. However we are taught that it should not be seen as an obligation, but rather as Uchtdorf encourages we would be better to remember why we are visiting, which is so that every home is visited and every woman knows that she is loved and supported.... A timely reminder!!

Forget not that the Lord loves me
In my notes I only recorded a few things but contained in those words were valuable messages - first, was "whatever our circumstances - we are not forgotten", secondly, "His love can heal any wound, and soften any sorrow". It was probably at this stage that I was touched the most because I believe this and know it to be true.... and I have never felt it more than I have done these past few months...

I walked away from this broadcast feeling that I was important. I realised and it was reaffirmed to me that my efforts are being counted and the matters that are important to me, and yet are minimal and go unnoticed by others, are actually important to my Heavenly Father...

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Lessons from Inspirational Women...

I have been waiting to tell you this story about some inspirational people that I am surrounded with. I am going to tell you this without them knowing (permission) because I don't want them to try and persuade me not to do this...... and knowing them as I do, I don't believe they realise the impact of what they have achieved has had on me, and I am sure the people around them..... 

I haven't used their real names but hoping they can add one and one together because I owe them so much....

I dedicate this blog to these inspirational women and thank them for the lessons their examples continue to teach me.

Claudia

I heard my friend Claudia speak somewhere and she told the people gathered (in my words and unfortunately from my memory :-)) that she was trying something new this year and had decided to only have one new years resolution and that was to be happy. To myself I thought wow, how cool is that, and I secretly wished I had picked one instead of my traditional ten plus goals..... A few weeks ago (and some nine months since I heard her speak about her one goal) we were talking and I asked her about being happy and she said she was the happiest that she had ever been. Although, no longer working full-time, and working at odd jobs (that she chose and at her pace), and having less money that when she was working full-time - her happiness factor had increased. She is a great example to me that less is more and happiness is achievable...To be happy - what a fantastic goal!

Ryder I

My friend Ryder is a single mother with four children who are well adjusted citizens of their community, church and the world and a privilege to know and love. But this is about Ryder and not the children. Ryder set a goal to be a policewoman last year and as part of that she is currently enrolled in a course which is two nights a week. Her babysitter arrives at her home on those nights to find that Ryder has prepared the children's dinner (and enough for me and my family whenever I have had to babysit), lunches for the next day are prepped, and children go to bed according to their established routine. This is an example to me that goals are not achieved without preparation and the little things. She can go to her class knowing that her children are taken care and therefore allowing her to concentrate on the tasks at hand.

Ryder II

The physical component of the course was always going to be a challenge yet Ryder again has been an inspiration here as well. On top of going to class which has a physical component to it, Ryder also trains six days a week outside of class. As a result Ryder is breaking her own personal best times and frequencies in different exercises regularly. From Ryder I have learnt more about goal setting than I have from any management book. She is a living example of long term vision and the painful yet rewarding steps to get there. Ryder teaches me every day, by her example, that motivation and grit and determination are real words and they are some of the hardest things to achieve...

Jack

My next inspirational person doesn't know what her example has meant to me. She is a married woman with two children. She is one of the kindest and hard working people that I know. Jack has always worked and comes from a hard working family. She had been working in a family owned internet business for some time and in the last few years it was sold and she was left with no job. When she was faced with that she got another job in an industry that couldn't have been further from what she was doing and actually had to re-train to do it. Re-train as in studying and sitting tests and all the things that people have nightmares about school again and she did it. It was hard at first but now she is qualified as a theatre (as in hospital and not acting) technician and is employable globally and I couldn't be more prouder of that. From Jack's example I have learnt that re-training is scary and hard and there is truth to the saying that when one door closes another opens....

French

I have a friend French who I have worked with on and off for many years in different roles and in the last organisation I worked for. She is an educated and intelligent woman, wife and mother of two children. Her role was quite high up in terms of the organisation structure, with her being in charge of a multi-million dollar budget, strategic planning and direction of a unit, and oversaw numerous staff. That alone is a wonderful achievement - however for me her next decision was the most inspirational. French resigned from that highly ranked position in our organisation to move on to something just as fantastic - to be a full-time mother. Her example has taught me about priorities and how life as a Mum can be fullfilling and that to be a Mum can restore the equillibrium to the twenty-four-seven struggle of balancing balance work and home.

There are many more that I could have featured here.... because you are all inspirational and thank you every day!

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Remembering.....

I can't imagine that there would be anywhere in the world where the words 'nine eleven (9/11)' doesn't conjur up something in our minds. I live a world away from New York but I can vividly recall where I was when I saw for the first of thousands of times - planes driven into symbolic buildings, damage done to the Pentagon, and the crash site enroute to the White House. Like the people around me, our minds could not register what we were seeing before us... and to this day, if it was not fact - it would still be unbelievable.

So on the 10th anniversary of that fateful day, there was never going to be another topic to blog about. Again, and with reason, we watch the footage of that day, and join with the people at 'Ground Zero' as they remember their lost ones. It is also, I would suggest a time for a nation to reassess their committment to a cause that has had to add many more lives to this list of loss. Aotearoa, has not gone without - our latest soldier being laid to rest some weeks ago.

Here are my picks of the day.

Remember by Christina Rosetti
Remember when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
Read by Dame Judi Dench at a memorial service held near the USA Embassy in London, England

Hello Darkness My Old Friend by Simon & Garfunkel
Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain,
Still remains, within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone, Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night, and touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw, Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening,
People writing songs, that voices never share.And no one dared, Disturb the sound of silence.
Sung by Mr Simon at the 9/11 Memorial Service, Ground Zero, New York

One father dedicated this poem in remembrance of his daughter.“If tears could bring you back to me, you’d be right by my side. For God could fill a river full with all the tears I’ve cried. If I could have one wish come true, I’d ask God in prayer to let me have just one more day to show how much I care.” 

The relection pools, are a breathtakingly beautiful memorial and have catapulted themselves to near the top of my MUST SEE before I DIE list. Deceiving from the spanned view of these pools, each one is actually an acre each in size. The whole site covers a 17 acre plot of space. My favourite feature beside the massive waterfalls, are the thousands of names carved into the sides of thes pools. Check out  http://www.nycinsiderguide.com/Ground-Zero-Memorial.html#axzz1YLNA0PAw .

Being so far away and removed from the physical loss yet connected because I have suffered loss - the most touching images of the day were of the people, in particular the ones where loved ones were seen caressing and kissing the name of their lost one engraved on the side of these enormouse pools... Some added flowers and notes. And I get that, and was moved by what I saw... and realised that loss is universal...

After all it is the names of almost 3000 souls that day and the many more who have followed, that we are called to rememberance on this day... wherever we are.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

The best advice....

Recently I spent an evening with a group of women talking about fathers. One of the topics for our discussion was the best advice from their fathers...

A lot of the fathers that were spoken about had passed away as recent as two years ago to almost three decades ago and yet the memories were vividly recalled. The room was filled with love of the first men in the lives of these women.... and here are my picks of the best pieces of advice that a group of fathers have given to their daughters ...

This is so true - you can do everything possible and yet there is someone who will not be happy with what you have done. I believe this father set up his daughter and his family to do the best that they could do, and to be prepared for detractors along the way. What a wonderful lesson to be learnt here.

This statement was shared by a 70+ year old daughter about her father. What was so touching about this was that her father taught her about being a peacemaker by his actions. She wasn't told to be this, but from watching her father, and learning from his example - he taught her. This reminds me of what Clarence Budington Kelland, a famous American writer once said "He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.".

I loved this advice that was given to a daughter who was quite young when her father passed away. What a priceless legacy he left behind for his daughters. The greatest lesson that a child can learn about love comes from watching how their father and mother treat each other.... something I need to work on ;-)


Another lesson learnt from the example of a father was about putting 100% of effort into everything that was done. This was learnt and put into practice for a daughter who still does this, even many decades later. The second part was indicative of a father taking time to watch football (soccer) and cricket - because if there is one thing that is most remembered about our parents, it is 'time', and how that is shared. The memories created between this father and his daughters have trancended generations.

On the wall I had put some quotes about fathers that I hoped would remind us, this Father's Day the worth of these men in our lives... One of these was a poem by Diane Loomans

If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd do less correcting, and more connecting,
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I'd run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd teach less about the love of power and more about the power of love.

Thanks to the group of ladies I had the privilege of sharing with and listening to, I have things that I can do to be a better mother, so when my sons are asked in 30 years what the best advice they were given, will not have me rolling around in my grave ;-)

Happy Father's Day.

Yours in Friendship,

Mxo

"I do" - forever ;-)

Recently, I have just celebrated 20 years of marriage and looking for something quirky or different to blog about or say about marriage. I thought maybe some advice - but what do I know, my in-laws have been married over 50 years, or perhaps say something romantic - and then remembered the words of the poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning to her husband (her "How do I love thee" poem is one of my all times favourite) wife and then today came along....

I had the privilege of hearing a lesson from my 80+ year old friend on marriage which is based on a talk given by Richard G.Scott called 'The Eternal Blessings of Marriage'. It was beautiful and I learnt heaps from it.

I got the distinct impression today that I should not only be celebrating our 20th milestone but I need to continue learning and trying - aiming for another twenty and better still - an eternity.

I dedicate this blog to by better half.

1) Be the one you want

To prospective husbands Richard G Scott says "if you want to have a wonderful wife, you need to have her see you as a wonderful man and prospective husband." This applies to us all. To get the best, we need to be the best.... I am blessed that I met a man who is makes me better. In my card to my husband I wrote "the way you made me feel, like the most important, cherished person on the planet - make that princess & the universe is the same way I feel when I am with you twenty three years later. You are the perfrect man for me. You have allowed me to become the person I was meant to be and I thank you for that...." For me, I got a bunch of 20 white roses - one for every year ;-)

2) Loyalty

Are you loyal to your marriage covenants by never engaging in conversation with another person that you wouldn’t want your spouse to overhear? Wow! I need to really think about this one and make some major improvements... I talk to my friends about my husband in FRONT of him, but is this being loyal....??

3) Love

Scott shares "I learned from my wife the importance of expressions of love. Early in our marriage, often I would open my scriptures to give a message in a meeting, and I would find an affectionate, supportive note Jeanene had slipped into the pages. Sometimes they were so tender that I could hardly talk. Those precious notes from a loving wife were and continue to be a priceless treasure of comfort and inspiration". Maurice & I used to do this when either one of us was travelling away. The note would be tucked in a place that would slip out during unpacking, or searching in a bag or a pocket and always unexpected and always appreciated... I also used to put notes in my children's lunches - & their reactions are priceless ;-)...

4) Gratitude

Scott asks a simple question that can be applied to us all: do [we] tell our [spouses] often how very much [we] love [them]?  He counsels that "it will bring great happiness. I’ve heard men tell me when I say that, “Oh, she knows.You need to tell [him]/her."  Express gratitude for what your spouse does for you. Express that love and gratitude often. That will make life far richer and more pleasant and purposeful. Don’t withhold those natural expressions of love. And it works a lot better if you are holding her close while you tell [him]/her."  

My sons surprised me this year for my birthday with a card each. The surprise was not the card - but from the words - one wrote "Thanks for being my biggest fan. Thank for being the coolest mum ever" - this from the son who calls me 'dry' and gets embarrased when I call out his name in a game ;-) and the other wrote "I love you which would be to heaven and back, although you may not hear me say it to you mum, but because thats how I feel inside...."  Knowing you are loved and appreciated comes when you least expect it...

5) Family & Friends

I just wanted to share something with my friends and family who are yet to find 'the one', or found the one who turned out to be wrong - I want to thank you for being a part of my life because you make me a better person when I am with you, and in doing that - a better wife and mother. Never underestimate the influence you have as a single person in the lives of your married friends. Learning comes from everywhere...You are loved and I thank you....

Yours in friendship,
Mxo

Rugby for dummies (or people that don't really care)

The only good thing about being a rugby widow of 15 years of my married life is that you learn pretty much everything there is to know or don't want to know....So, this blog is for the thousands (I only have a readership of seven - but you get my drift) of people who don't know much about rugby and aren't too fussed either way ;-) I don't know anyone in that catergory except myself (but that's because I have done my rugby time...)

1) The objective and points
The objective, as with every game is for one team to get more points than the other. In this country everyone believes the national team is going to win - actually, all countries believe their national team is going to win the World Cup. If you don't have a team yet - pick one. Points are achieved by either scoring a 'try' (when the ball touches your oppopent's end of the field) which is worth 5 (five) points, kicking a 'conversion' (straight after the try, the team that scored gets to convert the try) which is worth 2 (two) points, kicking a 'penalty' which is worth 3 (three) points, or when someone in the team thinks more highly of themselves and kicks a random 'drop kick' which is worth 3 (three) points.

2) Players - Forwards

retrieved from
http://news.bbc.uk/

There are 15 players on the field at one time. The first eight numbered players are what are called 'forwards'. Numbers 1,2,3 are usually a stocky 5ft something and main goal in life is to get the ball. Not known for their speed, but their strength - one of their roles is to throw the ball in during the line outs, keep the scrum focussed, and lifting the tall guys up in the line out to help them catch the ball... Numbers 4-5 are usually the tallest men on the planet and had the choice to play basketball but chose this sport, and 6-8 are a mixture of tall and brawn. Numbers 6-7 are called loose forwards and are pretty agile and help the team drive the ball up the field and can be seen running the ball. They create opportunities... Our most famous are Richie McCaw (current captain) or one of my all time favourites - Micheal Jones. The number 8 position is the only one that does not have a specific or fancy name and is called  'number 8'. Our famous number eight is the great Buck Shelford.

3) Players - Backs

If the main goal of the forwards is to get and protect the ball, the backs are responsible for getting the tries. Number 9 is called the 1/2 back and I'm not sure if this is actually a requirement but I have yet to be proven otherwise when I say, they are usually, next to numbers 1-2, the shortest on the field ;-) Their job is to get the ball from the forwards and pass it out to the backs. Numbers 10,12 &13 are the midfield people who pass that ball either to the left of right, or a mixture and can either score the tries through manoevres or pass it to numbers 11 and 14 who are on either side of the fields and are called wings to score. It is normal practice that the number 10 does the conversion kicking, and the kicking in general. Our most famous 10 is Daniel Carter - the underwear model and Jonah Lomu is our most famous wing (number 11)... The last man of defence, stuck at the back is 15 who is full back - it is their role to get the ball out of their teams line and back down to the opposite end of the field...

4) Jargon
Like every universe - the rugby universe has its own language. Here are few words that you will hear and I offer my lay-man explanations.

Retrieved from
www.players.indoor.com

Tackle - is not the same as used when fishing. It is when a player uses their own body to stop the movement of another. The most effective way is by grabbing the legs of the opposition - and is only limited by the imagination of the player. It can not be done around the neck... The bigger tackle, the louder the cheers from the crowds.

retrieved from
conversationalrugby.com

Ruck - is when a team is trying to get the ball back off the opposition once a tackle has been made. The players must remain on their feet... but even I get confused about what they are doing - all I know is that the sprigs of a boot are usually used, officially to dislodge the ball from someone's grip - and even for the 'hell' of it...I should know - my player always had sprig marks in places I know there was no ball there ;-)

Maul - a maul is kind of complicated. It looks like a mangled mass of bodies - but there apparently is some order to it. Judging by the excitement of the commentators you will get some idea is a maul is working or not...

Scrum - A scrum looks like a team meeting at the end of a game, but it is all business in a rugby game. You will hear the referee calling crouch-pause-engage-scrum followed by the crunching of the forwards of both teams connected by shoulders as they pit themselves against the strength of each other trying to gain advantage moving towards their opposition's goal line...

Line Out - the line out is when the ball has gone out of play and needs to be throw in again so people can start playing. It is similar to the throw in ball used in soccer except in rugby the forwards are lined up to catch the ball. There are strict rules around the distance between the two teams and the ball has to be thrown in STRAIGHT ;-)

5) Essentials

This last tip is offering three essential catchcrys when watching a game with enthusiasts - so you aren't seen as anti-social ;-)

'passit' - this is a favourite - whenever you see someone with the ball - yell at the top of your voice - passit. You are encouraging the person to give the ball to someone else to do something with it...
'wide' - another favourite - this just means that you are yelling at the tv or at a game for the player to passit wide - as in out to the wings so they can get a try...
'kickit' - the third in the list of preferred catchcrys is kickit. All this means is that you are yelling at the tv or at a game for the player to kick it out, down, away or somewhere else ;-) You will hear other cries but as this is a family friendly blog... you'll need someone else to explain those ones ;-)

Well, that's about it from me.... and if you really want to know what the official word on any of these things are - go to http://www.irb.com/ or http://www.nzrugby.co.nz/

Good luck and go Namibia!! ;-)

Yours in friendship

Mxo