To Forgive & Forget?

Recently, I was asked to teach a lesson and without hesitation I said - it was fine..... Later, when I saw the topic - I couldn't believe it!! Teaching a lesson on forgiveness could not have come at a time when I obviously needed it ;-) So this week, my blog comes from the words of George Albert Smith and serve not only as a reminder but are timely and necessary...

LESSON ONE: "By forgiving others, we free ourselves from the burden of hatred and prepare ourselves for eternal life."

LESSON TWO: "At times we find little difficulties arising among us, and we forget the patience our Father in Heaven exercises towards us, and we magnify in our hearts some trivial thing that our brother or sister may have done or said concerning us. We do not always live that law which the Lord desires us to observe in regard to these matters. We forget the commandment He gave to the Apostles in the words of the prayer, wherein they were told to pray that they might be forgiven their debts even as they forgive their debtors [see Mather 6:12]. I feel that we have to learn a great deal in this regard."

 

LESSON THREE (this story is amazing... and something I need to do!!) 

In 1897, while still a young man, George Albert Smith enlisted in the Utah National Guard. At the encouragement of some of his companions, he ran for an elected office in the Guard, but during the weeks leading up to the election, a rival guardsman began spreading false rumors accusing George Albert Smith of unethical practices. As a result, Sergeant Smith lost an election that he felt he should have won. What made the situation more difficult was that the man who spread the false rumors had once been a friend.

Though he tried to brush it off, the offense filled George Albert Smith’s heart with bitterness. He went to church the following Sunday, but he did not feel right about taking the sacrament He prayed for help and realized that he needed to repent of the resentment he was feeling. He decided to seek out his friend and be reconciled with him.

George Albert Smith went directly to the man’s office and said in a soft voice, “My brother, I want you to forgive me for hating you the way I have for the last few weeks.” Immediately his friend’s heart softened. “Brother Smith, you have no need forforgiveness," he said. “It is I who need forgiveness from you.” They shook hands, and thereafter they remained good friends.

 

LESSON FOUR: "We have no hard feelings toward any of our fellowmen; we have no occasion to. If they misunderstand us, misquote us, and persecute us, we should remember they are in the hands of the Lord. … So when we partake of the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper, … let us purge from our hearts all feeling of unkindness toward one another and toward our brothers and sisters who are not of our faith".

LESSON FIVE: "May we have the Spirit of the Master dwelling within us, that we may forgive all men as He has commanded, forgive, not only with our lips but in the very depths of our hearts, every trespass that may have been committed against us. If we do this through life, the blessings of the Lord will abide in our hearts and our homes."

 

I know - I have a loooooooong way to go ;-)

 

Yours in Friendship,

 

Mxo

I already knew - but it's good to know....

My mum passed away five and a half years ago and although I no longer cry for her every day anymore - sometimes I just yearn to talk to her...  Sometimes, and like recently, I find myself in these little spaces in time, like little melancholic holes that can last for seconds or days.... Anyway, so there I am in this little gap and to keep myself busy, I decided to clean out a drawer that has a lot of my nick nacks. In doing this, I was led to another container and there I found a diary/journal that was terribly water damaged. After getting over the "who the heck let it get wet" then because of the extent of damage "why was it here and why didn't Mr M not throw it out"....I finally open it.....

And there in my hands was my mother's 2004 diary/journal where she has written some of her thoughts and had glued in all the cards and letters and things that she was given. I was taken aback and yes Mr M, I gave a silent "thank you" for saving it.... I have to admit I had to sit down as I was overcome with this sense that my mum was there with me. I could hear her voice in my mind and I felt loved by my mummy.... and although I already knew, it was sooo good to know!! It snapped me back and I love her more for that...

The gems that made my day.

A letter from a son about his mum
"I can't wait to go on my mission but I will miss my mum (he's talking about me ;-)) but I know that I [will] come back some day. I hope I [get] called to preach here at my home. I know that wherever I go I'll still be with my mum and dad also my nan." My 8 year old son about me.

The love of a mother for her children

 11 June 2004. "Saw my son-love him very much - my son. So thankful for my big daughter (that's me :-)). What does a person do to deserve such a special person.... Miss Z - sometimes I wish she was here so I can see and touch her. Never mind...."  I knew she loved me and my brother and sister, but I can't tell you how good it was to hear her tell me - and how happy it made me to know...

She knew....

I always knews that my mum knew I loved her.... but it was soooo good to know she knew... "Maraea cooked a lovely meal tongiht. They asked me to come to their house for dinner, but it was too cold, too late, too lazy, too anything. So she packs up all her food and the boys an they came over to my house for dinner. When she walked in the door I said "why" and she said something that I'll remember for a long time. "That's what families are all about". How special. Had a huge lovely meal - beautiful" June 2004   

Kumfs shoes

One of the side effects of the chemotherapy regime my mother was on was the deterioration of the nerves in her extremities, namely her feet and fingers. I remember going with her to a podiatrist for the first time and how humbling it was for her to have someone take care of her feet for her. At that appointment she was told to get some 'real' shoes after years and years of wearing the cheapest shoes she could get. Like a lot of mothers, my mume never spent any money on herself - it always went to me and my brother and sister and then when our babies came -everything she had went to them..... so when we went to get some new shoes it was s big deal. She recounts" Went to town with Maraea and brought a lovely pair of closed in show from Kumfs - very nice and very nice price." I remember that day clearly - she thanked me for practically forcing her to go and do something she would NEVER have done by herself - and buy her something...... I always knew but it was good to know of what it is like to be humble....

Service

"We are on this earth to servce, not here to be served"

Recipes...

I remember my mother collected recipes. I have no idea when she was going to get around to cooking all of those things - but I thank her for it because some eight years after collecting them and five and a half years since she passed - she made me smile with the things she had glued into this journal. I've decided I'm going to have a go and make them for her and thank goodness they don't look too difficult... Tomato Relish, Date Loaf, Apple Crumble, Superb Scrambled eggs... watch this space ;-)

I always knew but I can't tell you how good it is to know that even after she is gone.... my mummy still lives on in me - and her journal - however water damaged it is....

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Travelling for beginners...

I'm 43 years old and I finally got to go to the USA. I was born in Hawaii and been there many times but to get to the states has been a long time coming!! So I get to go with my husband and our 17 year old sons and my husband's sister.... and this is what I learnt that hopefully will save you some time ;-)

DIETING BEFORE YOU GO HAS AN UP SIZE AND A DOWN SIZE ;-)

I went on a diet before I left. It was one of those ridiculous quick-loss ones where you eat 'air' practically every day ;-) I went on in specifically for one reason - to make sure I fit the rides. You see I am a big girl with a bigger appetite so there was no guarantee that I was going to be able to fit some things..... as it turned out - even after quitting my diet prematurely (before I got on the plane!!) I fit ;-) So tip number one - if you are going to go on a diet make sure it works (the downsize) and be prepared to have to go back on it after your holiday (due to the upsizing)!!

BUDGETING

We have friends that travel regularly and they have a formula of spending $100 a day between the both of them. So we figured we could do the same EXCEPT we hadn't figured into the equation that the children have to eat too (and making them pay for their food out of their spending money was a bit harsh ;-)) - so we quickly did some re-thinking on that one...which least to tip number two - figure out a budget that is realistic AND be prepared to make some changes all the time. The last thing you want to do is fight over money while on holiday.... that's a bit of a drag ain't it Mr M....

GET GPS

I don't know how people used to do it in the olden days - but thank goodness we didn't have to do it just recently....We almost left the airport without one due to booking problems so make sure you have booked and CONFIRMED your car booking WITH a GPS before you leave home. You may find that your GPS has a hard time breaking the male hearing barrier as I found with Mr M being not too good at listening to it (we heard "re-calculating" quite frequently) - but one thing I will tell you for free - Mr M got us to where we needed to go EVERY TIME ;-) Thank heavens for the GPS!!

PLAN, PLAN, PLAN

Some people like to turn up to things and see how they feel before making decisions which is awesome - however, tip number four is that unless you have perfect travelling conditions (weather, children, money, car, air conditioning - EVERYTHING is perfect!!) then I would suggest you plan as much as you can. I used expedia, vegas.com, and paid and printed tickets (even parking coupons) directly from amusement parks before we left the country. This cut down on heaps of waiting time in lines for tickets - HEAPs. Mr M went alittle further and had an itinerary - which was great but sometimes changes had to be made so as long as your plan has room for unexpected turns..... then it will work a treat!

ACCOMODATION

The one thing we got told to look out for was the best advice we could get - and that was to book accomodation that offers a free breakfast! Thankfully we did that and it was great - however the next time, I will investigate exactly what is breakfast as we had a range of a muffin and juice and/or a hot drink to a full cooked breakfast and two of our seven hotels had none (although one did give coupons for 20% off from a local eatery) The other thing I would make sure we have next time is free Wi-Fi - all but one had, however even with it - coverage was sketchy some days so it will pay to read the customer comments to make sure.... Why Wi-fi? For us it was so handy because I would go online every night and have a look for addresses for things that we were going to do the next day so all we had to do was input it in the GPS and after a few re-calculations we made it there...

FINALLY,

• Remember that the intention for all holidays is to make memories so do whatever you can to make sure that the ones being collected are the very best.
• Make sure you schedule in rest days or be prepared to recover when you get back because you have to make up those 'rest' hours somewhere.
• If you have been to somewhere before and travelling with people who haven't - be gracious about it and try and find something different or interesting because the people who are travelling with you are discovering things for the first time and it is ALL AMAZING!!!
• Not everyone wants to see what you do - so be prepared to go on your own...
• Take a camera.... and all the cords you have to keep it charged and all the connectors to take it off your camera and download to a laptop or an external source...
• Do what our friends told us to do but I didn't and will NEXT time - take the very bare minimum of clothes with you as you will find that your shopping will keep you dressed for some time....
• Travel with people you like and can be yourself with....
• Front of line passes are worth it at Disneyland but maybe not so needed at other places - so ask around...
• Ask around from people who are well-travelled for some more tips - you can never have enough although don't forget - no two people's experiences are going to be the same...
• Remember how blessed you are to be travelling and realise that many people you know will NEVER get this wonderful experience so be grateful for every one you have, and lastly,
• PLEASE  take me with you..... ;-)

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

What I learnt from a hole in the ground....

When I was booking tickets to go on a bus tour to see the Grand Canyon, I was surprised that Mr M had no interest in going to see a "great big hole in the ground"!! OMGoodness - seriously?? Regardless of this, my sons and sister-in-law went ahead and booked a tour to see one of the wonders of the world and I loved every minute of the trip. When I got there I knew I was going to be writing this blog - and here I am... These are the lessons I learned from looking at the this great big hole in the ground ;-)

THERE IS A GOD

I don't care what anyone else says - when I saw the Grand Canyon, that's the first thing that came to my mind - there is a God. Man, even in a million years could never produce or even replicate such beauty and magnificence. The earth opened up one day and revealed these beautiful colours which over time have been added upon... amazing!!

BREATHTAKING

One of the words that will describe my experience of seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time was breathtaking. When our tour guide advised us that "we were ten seconds away from seeing the Grand Canyon" - I was prepared to see something awesome but what we saw absolutely took my breath away. I wasn't the only one - the whole bus seemed to inhale all at once and in its place was a collective sigh/breath/wow moment. Breathtaking - as it took my breath AWAY!!

 

FEAR

The Grand Canyon will probably be the hughest structure that I am ever going to see... and I have to tell you I was fearful. I don't know why exactly but all I can say is that as the boys got closer to the edge my heart had palpitations.... ridiculous I know but the heights and breathe of this beautiful event were unbelievable.... Anyway, I say to an Indian (I loved his face!!) "it's really scarey here" to which he replies "It's not scarey!! It's only a rock!". So true and something I will remember forever - the fear was all up in my head - because the grand canyon was just 'being'...

TIMELESS

There are some things in life that are timeless... or as I learnt from the Grand Canyon, that I, as a 40 something year old am soooo young compared to these beautiful rock formations. Like the rings of a tree trunk, the layers and layers of colours in the rocks were amazing and captured a time on this planet so long ago that is mind boggling and certainly reminds you that our planet is timeless. Timeless, especially because after I am long gone - the Grand Canyon will live on - timeless!!

PERSPECTIVE & SIGNIFICANCE

From the Skywalk you can see the Colorado River and it only looks like a stream when in fact it is a significant body of water....From certain places where you stand, it can look that you are standing in the midst of the rock when you are merely on the side... The Indians called one of the places the Eagle Landing because the rock formation looks like a great big Eagle (and I think it is beautiful!!) but it took some people a long time to actually make out the shape of the Eagle - it's all about perspective! This photo is a good case in point - because in the top left-hand corner of this shot of my son is a helicopter! We really are insignificant compared to this beautiful planet!!

I am blessed to have had the opportunity to see the Grand Canyon and although I want to return, if that never happens, the lessons I have learnt from that single day in its presence will live with me forever!!

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

P.S: Happy 40th birthday Zina xx

The lessons I learnt on the Santa Monica Pier

I'm a musician at heart. So as I was strolling along Santa Monica Pier during a recent family vacation, I happened to hear a street singer singing and his voice and the tone of his guitar stopped me in my tracks.... My ears had met Ned Landin. I don't know if it was the weather, the occasion or whatever - I became a fan right there and there and bought his CD.

In the short encounter that we had - I learnt that his travelling companion (his dog Potato) of many many years had passed away so he kept a spot free for where his dog sat - so for that alone (given that I miss Simba everyday!!) I was so touched and luckily for me, he didn't have anything else to sell because after that story I would have bought the lot ;-))!!

 

A couple of days later we had a looooooooong drive from LA to St George (the photo is to show you that road was LOOOOOOOOOONNNNGGG), so we popped in the CD and I liked what I heard all over again - but this time I read the pamphlet that Ned gave out and that is where my lessons for this blog come from.....

Here is what I learnt from Ned from the Santa Monica Pier - thanks Ned.

The World Forgives

"When is started playing on the streets I was a lonely kind of a cguy and had a hard timemaking firends. I thought I would just do it for a little while. Just while I gained a little more confidence and learned a few more songs. What I discovered was a whole world of friendly supportive people. I was a really bad performer and wrote stupid songs when I started. But I discovered that the world forgives you for being bad and stupid. It just wants you to try. It rewards you for trying." Ned Landin

Human Interaction
"Even though people seem to yearn for more human interaction, folks become less and less able to sing along"

A Changing World

In the pamphlet Ned compares an event in a small town in Portugal where at the end of a hard working day, the people would congregate at a bar and while filling a room, would bust "a gut and [raise] the roof in an acapella chorus that would put any Grammy winner to shame" and when that older generation went home, it would be replaced by a younger crowd where there would be "several guitars in the room stuffed with about 80 people" and "there commenced three to four hous of an 80 person harmony in that ceturies old room before the blazing fire". This event was compared to a time when on a "Monday night ... one of the best pick-up bands in the world used to perform with folks who back up the best names in the business on tours. Every week famous folks would stop in to jam. Strangely enough, with all this talent displayed only about 20-30 folks could manage to make it out to witnesss the event from a city of 12  million..... and the night was cancelled."

Artistic express and creative application
"Artistic expression and creative application is something we all can do and is always better when we find ways to share it". I think we are squished in this culture to believing that we are not good enough and that no one will like what we have to offer so why should we try". Ned goes on to say that "If we are convinced we can't do something, we are dependent on those who package a product and convince us it will satisfy our needs".

Saving the World
To counteract this, Ned proposes a three step plan to Save the World - which I like :-) :

1. "Sing at least on song every time you take a shower.
2. Everytime you talk on the phone, doodle on a piece of paper and when it is full put it on the refrigerator and start your own gallery.
3. Keep a piece of paper with you and everytime you have an idea, no matter how silly, write it down"

He ends with saying "Trust me. The fruits of your creativity are good".

What a message! And something that I am going to start to do... How about you??

Thank you Ned Landin (www.nedtv.com, or ned@nedtv.com)

Have a listen.... and enjoy.



Yours in friendship,

Mxo

P.S: I know what Ned is suggesting because I used to teach this on a Human Development paper and know that research done on the creative flow supports these comments... ;-)  

How strangers become family

I thought I had an understanding of love but I have learnt more about it in the last month of so... You see there is a beautiful couple (Leon and Nola Felt) who met my husband in 1987 and introduced him to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints of which he became a part of. This beautiful couple then sponsored his last year at High School at Church College of New Zealand (where I met him ;-)) and then went on to support him on his two year mission in Sydney, Australia. On his return, they not only contributed to his wedding, but Leon actually performed the marriage ceremony.

You see somewhere along the line these strangers with no blood ties or legal connection of any kind became my husband's family. They took him into their lives and he has remained a part of it ever since. I know that this phenomen exists because I have dear friends who have become adoptive parents and love their children as if they were their own blood. I have seen it happen, and now I have felt it! My question is: how does it happen?? This is what I have learnt.

The Felts have taught me that the most important thing to building a family is LOVE. They love Maurice as if he were their own. They hold him in their hearts and take a keen interest in all that he does and accomplishes. They are proud of what he does and it is LOVE that turned him from a stranger they bumped into in a littleplace called Kamo, into a son. If blood is said to be thicker than water - I would defy anyone to tell me that blood is thicker than love ;-)

The Felts, althought thousands of miles away keep Maurice in their family by their memories and stories. When we met the Felt's son Bruce for the first time, he said something that I will never forget - it went something like (and I apologise if I got it wrong Bruce) "I know Maurice, I've grown up with stories about him - he's just like my brother!" You see genetics is not what passes down the characteristics and personalities of strangers who become family - what fuels these relationships are stories and the sweet memories which are shared regularly.

Acceptance of new members into a family can be stressful sometimes. I know already that my future daughter-in-laws will experience this first hand ;-) However, with the Felt family - my husband has been accepted wholeheartedly into this family. Maurice was told by the Felt's son Stephen that because Maurice" brought so much joy and happiness to his parent's life - that was enough for him", and the doors to his heart, house, and family were opened. It was amazing for me to see this and I am grateful for being accepted.

Nola and Leon Felt have known and loved my husband longer than I have (by a year ;-)) but that has not stopped them from limiting their love to him. Instead they have included the children and I, Maurice's parents and siblings. Their capacity to love us all has been humbling and I have learnt a lot from their example.

When we arrived and the Felts introduced us - they told people - this is our son and his family.... I have no half-brothers or sisters, no steps in my family, so this 'adoption' concept has been a new experience for me and I have loved it. I know now what it really means to love another as if they were your own because I have been schooled by the best - Nola and Leon Felt.

Their example on how strangers can become family will live with me into the eternities.....

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Swimming Lessons

I learnt how to swim when I was little but I was never particularly good at it or very fast. In fact my sister and brother are the swimmers in the family... What I can say with some authority is that I am better in the water than I am out of the water ;-) So it was a no-brainer for me to re-acquaint myself with my old friend - the pool, when I chose swimming as my preferred weapon against the bulgeS!! :-). It is amazing where lessons can be learnt - so here are some of my swimming 'lessons' (30+ years since learning how to swim).

Size does matter

I have been doing the same routine that my old swimming coach set me a long time ago. He obviously knew that I have the attention span of a nitwit so he gave me a routine that would have me changing strokes often..... Before starting a new stroke - I have to do 50m kick in that stroke...So for the longest time I had been wondering why on earth I wasn't MOVING when I was freestyle kicking.... I mean it felt like I was in the same place for a long time and moving ever so slowly. I asked my brother about the technique of kicking thinking perhaps it was what I was doing that was having an impact on my ability to move. I even asked around about how to hold the flutterboard given that I thought that may of had an impact on my ability to move.... But the funny thing has happened as I have recently learnt - it is actually the size of the kicker that impacts on the ability to move :-) I mean think about it - it makes perfect sense - kicking to push along an elephant (moi) is going to make a HUGE difference in speed when compared to the same kicking to push along, well, a little elephant ;-) Size does matter!

Speed is relative

The other day I was swimming along and I could see in the next lane an elderly lady (waaaay older than me) and she was blitzing me. I was getting some feelings and tried to increase my speed - only to watch her pass me.  As she past me and in between my strokes I watched in amazement until I saw that the woman had flippers on ;-) So of course she was going to be faster than me and in that moment I realised that I could have swum my personal best but there was never going to be a way for me to pass someone with flippers...  The neighbouring swimmer was going fast for someone with flippers and I was going.... well I was swimming just as fast for someone without -  Speed is relative.

For everyone

Once when I was swimming - like Dory in the movie Finding Nemo just "swimming, swimming - just keep swimming" I was stopped in my tracks by I swear the biggest person that I have ever seen... You will need to know that I wear prescription glasses - so the exact size will remain a mystery ;-) But I will stick to my story that he or she was long as they were wide, very dark, long hair and I have to say - cut a very imposing figure. So I navigate past him/her and I swim up the lane and turn around and then there were two of them!! The next time I come around they had disappeared. When I finished I saw them with their group of people who were doing exercises and it made me smile as I realised that the pool is for everyone. Whether you are an elephant-like swimmer like me, a little person, or a mysterious giant - the water is for everybody.

Rythum

When I was unwell last year, I remember swimming through that time. My head was so full of all this stuff going on in my life that it wasn't peaceful at all. I used to have this sense of drowning (which is probably more reflective of how I was feeling at the time) and had this ongoing panic-like feeling. It was so chocoblock up 'there' it is amazing that I made it through....I know that on most occasions I used to force myself to keep going and to push through all that busyness - and just keep swimming, up and down, up and down, up and down..... And as I got my rythum back and my breathing sorted the feeling of anxiety and losing breath has slowly dissapated.   In its place I am now steady and at peace... I mean it probably looks like someone bashing the heck out of the water as I slice my way through - but under there - its finally peaceful and my mind is clear.....

The equalizer
The greatest equalizer in the pool is a simple three letter word - a.i.r.  None of us can live without it - that is for certain, however it is not until you are emerged in water that you realise quickly how critical breathing is. You gain an intimate understanding of how desperately you want to keep breathing and how priceless air is. It is a wonderful equaliser - because no matter who you are - you need it! For me it has reminded me how much I have to live for and by sucking in the air I get to live some more....

Have an awesome week.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo