War Stories

I have never served in a war and I don’t particularly rate my chances or suitability of being a soldier. I usually let my sister do the physical fighting because she has always been the ‘strong’ one and I can be found one of two or more steps behind her. I would rather talk my way through conflict, so in terms of the things I know about war – I would not have lived long ;-)

This is what I have learnt from the wars of those that have gone before. These are now my war stories:

WAR STORY ONE – Pearl Harbour

I was born on the other side of the Island from Pearl Habour, yet it took me over 30 years to visit it. By then I had two little boys and it was more like a day trip rather than the most sobering event of my time in Hawaii. The tour starts with a video presentation and then you get on a boat and travel to a floating platform above the resting place of the USS Arizona. The USS Arizona was left there as a memorial to the loss of life that was suffered so many years before.

In that small area of water there were many other ships that were cut down and it was easy to imagine what it may have been like. I shamelessly shed tears on that day as I watched the oil from the sunken boat rising to the surface and saw the wall of names of the people who were killed during that conflict. I will never forget that experience and on Anzac Day it is a memory that is easily recalled.

WAR STORY TWO – My fallen soldier - Tame Bryers

A few years ago, our little family went to the Auckland Museum to take advantage of the renovations that had been undertaken. One of the main rooms is dedicated to the fallen soldiers of war. It is a white hall- like room with high ceilings and is covered from wall to wall in names of the men who were killed in the First World War. I knew that my grandmother’s brother was killed there, so I searched the walls for his name – and there he was. I can’t explain how touched I was to see his name recorded as someone who had lost his life so that I could have a better one. It served as another sobering reminder of consequences of war. I always knew him as Tame Bryers and was pleasantly surprised to find him in the 28th Maori Battalion database as Thomas Peter Waiata Bryers, Serial No: 25824. His Next of kin on enlistment was Mr E.N. Bryers (father), Rural Delivery, Okaihau, New Zealand. Uncle Tame reached the rank of Corporal and died on the 20th of April 1943 in Tunisia.

WAR STORY THREE – Pioneer Maori Battalion

Today I sat in a meeting where the speakers were talking about their experiences of military service and/of living through war times. The average age of the presenters was 70 years of age and I loved listening to their comments. Of significance was the father of one of my high school friends who served in the Special Forces

for New Zealand. He taught me about the little known Maori Pioneer Battalion who preceeded the 28th Maori Battalion. These men were never rated as soldiers yet their contribution was significant.
They were a group of 500 Maori men who went before the others and prepared roads, and dug trenches, all while being attacked themselves. What a wonderful service they provided - and are the unsung heroes of that time for me.

WAR STORY FOUR – The Love of those left behind
I was deeply touched by my friend's father who talked about his own father who having been a soldier abroad, and having returned home albiet unwell from the effects of the war, passed on three months before his son was born. The impact of this is that the son never ever met his father. When the son eventually joined the military he enquired of his commanding officer what the significance was of a set of medals that he had been playing with as a child, After a few days his commanding officer presented him with a dossier of the life of his father, and it was in reading this, that he finally came to know his father from his physical traits to any positions that he held. I gained an understanding of the strength of knowledge, love and the importance of relationships between a father and his son.

WAR STORY FIVE – Maori Battalion
For many this is called the Maori Battalion March to Victory composed by B Company’s Anania (Nan) Amohau and set to the music of an American marching song which became the Battalion’s rallying cry. To me, it represents the thousands of men who died so that I never have to become a soldier, and can live free in the land that I love.
Maori Battalion march to victory
Maori Battalion staunch and true
Maori Battalion march to glory
Take the honour of your people with you
You will march, march, march to the enemy
And will fight right to the end
For God, for King and Country au e
Ake ake Kia kaha e

Have a great week whanau.

Yours in friendship,
 
Mxox

Date Night

On Friday I went to the movie Date Night with a friend and I haven't laughed as much as I did for a long time. If you haven't heard - its a movie about a couple (the Fosters) who have been married for some time and life has drifted into ho-hum times; working, looking after children, home, work, children, home and so on. When one of their friends announce their marriage breakup - referring to their marriage as a couple of people who had become 'excellent roomates' -  it sparks the Fosters to rethink things and go a bit wild by spending their date night in 'town' - and there starts their adventure. I laughed throughout the movie because the conversations rang true -everyone one of them.

Instead of writing about the five lessons I learnt from the movie, I thought I would find five popular date ideas - that anyone could do. Some are hiliarious, some are things that we have tried, and others may be an alternate idea to try again. Whether the date ideas have been tested or not, the one thing I do know is that trying to 'hook up' with someone we love it not enough - we really have to make it happen and be resentful of anything that may impact on that time and activity. Here we go....

DATE NIGHT IDEA ONE - Learn to Dance
From http://www.getromantic.com/ was suggested that a great idea for a date is to take dance lessons.

How many of us, can aswer the same as in the movie Date Night when Tina was asked "when was the last time she had danced with her husband?", she answered - "our wedding day"?. I have a friend who took up dancing with her husband when her children left home, now they enter competitions and she loves it. Is it for you?

DATE NIGHT IDEA TWO - Go out for Pizza

From http://www.redbookmag.com/, Amy Keyishian suggests that when you go out 

for pizza - ask the pizza people to cut the pie into the shape of a heart. Can you imagine the look on their face as well as your partner when most of the good bits have been cut off ;-) Its a thoughtful suggestion - maybe not one of the best suggestions - but you can not go past a great pizza :-)

DATE NIGHT IDEA THREE - Star gazing

This must be pretty popular because it came up a few times. According to http://www.hotdateideas.com/  all you need is a blanket and some munchies and watch the stars and its pretty romantic. I think its funny because we have tried to do things on our deck and/or under the stars, and have instead rushed back indoors because it was too cold....maybe we aren't romantic enough - or old, or just too fussy ;-). Alternatives to this is going on to your roof, or balcony (who has one of those?) and watch shooting stars....

DATE NIGHT IDEA FOUR - Picnic and movie

Another popular idea that seems to be floating around is filling a room with candles

and sitting on the floor and having an indoors picnic while watching a movie. I haven't sat on the floor to eat my food for a very long time - so not sure how that would go - but lighting candles and having them dotted around the house, bathroom, hallway all seem to top the romantic list :-)

And my favourite...

DATE NIGHT IDEA FIVE- Write a letter

http://www.coolestdates.com/ suggested for the agegroup between 40-49, that you show up with two pieces of stationary with envelopes (one for each of you) and some paper and pens. You then write each other a letter describing how you feel about the other person or anything special about the relationship and where you think you'll be or what you think you'll be doing in a certain amount of time. Then, agree to open your notes in a week, month or year. What a wonderful idea to remind each other of the reason why....

So there you go - five date night ideas. If you have more, drop them down and share....

Have a great week.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Being a Kiwi Mum..

In the newspaper lately the findings of an online study into the psyche of Kiwi mums was released and showed that of the 4708 women that answered, just over 80% of women are feeling overwhelmed, undersupported, unsexy and terrified of making the wrong choices.

Honestly, I am definitely one of these women. I feel all of these things on any given day, or at least one or more of these ALL day. After 40 years, I have finally got my "stuff" together and now, after years of torment, I am finally happy being who I am, where I work, what I do, who I am with, and where I am going on most days.

The authors of this study suggested tips on how to get reclaim their 'sexiness' which I found to be reasonable - and chose my top five. My choices had nothing to do with being sexy but more about finding that strong woman who dwells inside everyone one of us.

TIP ONE - Reconnect with your passion
"Reconnect with what you enjoyed before children."
I think this is great advice but for me, my passions changed because I had children. I added another dimension to what I was already interested in. So, you may find that has happened for you. I would suggest that it would be better to find something that you are passionate about while your children are growing or do something that supports you while you are being a mum. Just remember when you are starting out, or on your own, you aren't going to have a lot of resources, including time - so learn patience quickly ;-)

TIP TWO - Spend time around other happy and positive mums
I think this is also great advice. When you are with people that are like minded (as long as your minds are positive) you will be able to make things happen. It is a skill that you can learn early and apply into your professional life and practice. Surround yourself with good people. If the mothers you hang out with are moaners - move on - otherwise they will end up sucking the life out of you...

TIP THREE - Drown out the noise
You don't always have to listen to what everyone else is telling you to do
I love this advice. I have to admit being a mother is pretty noisy up there in our minds and heads. But we need to be more like the American Idol contestants who, after getting conflicting advice week after week from the judges, were asked "who are you going to follow this week, Randy or Simon?" to which they replied "myself". Own it ladies - you know yourself the best, and like every doctor I visited with my children, told me - "You know your children better than I do :-)". So listen to yourself.

TIP FOUR - Give up the guilt
Give up the guilt - it's a wasted emotion for mums.
I love it and couldn't say it better myself.

And my favourite....

TIP FIVE - Remember
Remember that hearing the word "mummy" is a gift, not a given - many women have trouble even conceiving, so it's important to remember that being a mother is something to be thankful for.
I love this tip because just the other day I had a 'woe be me' moment because I didn't have a daughter - but hey I have two handsome sons, so I quickly checked myself and started counting my blessings again! Sometimes the self adjustment takes longer but the opportunity to be a mother is indeed something to be thankful for. Never forget it ladies....

So, I guess - after all these tips, nothing is more sexier/attractive than a woman who is 'right' in her head, meaning she forgives herself of her flaws while being happy, kind, loving, confident, and satisfied with being herself.

Have a great week.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

MOSES - a leadership model

In the organisation that I work for I am privileged to be a part of forum that meets once a month where we discuss how we can improve the quality of educational leadership, services and products that we are engaged in through our different roles.

At one of these meetings, after returning from some time spent with leaders from across the United States at Harvard University, a Kaihautu (Director of Education) presented us with a leadership scenario that he studied and discussed while he was away. It was entitled 'Moses and the Israelites'. We then went on to discuss the leadership traits/characteristics/style that Moses displayed in leading the Israelites out of bondage and into the land "flowing with milk and honey".

This is what I learnt from the leadership of Moses

1) Leaders are born and are made
Moses should not have been alive for there to be a story about him. Instead his mother broke the law to save her son by putting him in a basket and sending him away. Pharoah’s sister also broke the law and having felt compassion for the little stowaway raised him as her own. That is more than luck – some believe it is foreordination – he was fore ordained to be alive and eventually lead the people to freedom. I believe that he was born to be a leader of the people just as I believe that many of us are born to be something in our own lives and to our children and family.

2) Leaders need to have convictions
Once Moses realised what his mission was, he had to go back to the people that he was raised with and tell them that they had got a few things wrong. Now that takes conviction and because of that he was not afraid, of if he was afraid, he did it anyway because he believed it to be right. Leaders need to have the fortitude to stand by what they believe in even if is different to the people who once were their friends.

3) Leaders know their weaknesses
When Moses was called to be the leader - he was reluctant to take it on. He was a realist and knew that one of his weaknesses was with speaking. I'm not sure if he had an impediment or just that he was not a convincing or strong speaker - but whatever it was, his requests for help were answered by Aaron became his spokesman. A leader knows their own weaknesses and are confident enough to surround themselves with people who can fill any skill gaps.

4) Leadership is not easy
The people of Israel were slaves for generations before Moses led them out of Egypt. The by-product of this was that they had been used to being given directions and followed them to the letter. So when they left their homes for the promise of a land of freedom - only to find that they were to trek for some time without the pleasures of their former life, they began to murmur(rebel, moan, discontent). Moses ended up leading this murmuring people for 40 years wandering the wilderness without getting to the land that he knew was there for them. If you are leading a dysfunctional team, I would hope that you would not be doing so for 40 years - but take courage from Moses that despite it all - he continued leading that people and never lost a milligram of integrity. The people eventually got to where they needed to go and because of that we now talk about him hundreds of years later...

5) Leaders ask for help
One of the best characteristics of Moses was that for everything that the people rquested of him - Moses always sought help. The tasks before him was huge and he knew that. Asking for help, or consulting with others to help you develop your own answer - is not a sign of weakness. Instead it is a strength and skill that will make us, as it did Moses a well-rounded leader. He was better supported in his decisions because of it.

What we need to realise is that when leadership is done well, - it can be worthwhile, and for those that we lead, and the ones that follow - finding the land flowing with milk and honey is definitely possible.

Yours in friendship

Mxox

That's What Friends are For

Over the last couple of days I have reduced the amount of friends that I had in one of my social networking websites. It made me think about the functions of a friend and the amount of energy either party to the friendship was contributing to keep the relationship alive. It also forced me to come up with some criteria for maintaining a friendship. Originally I collected friends to build up my friend numbers, but in the end I was sharing my life with people that I either knew too long ago to remember, or worse - to care.

It made me think - what makes a good friend?

1) Someone who is a good listener
When choosing your friends, choose the ones that listen. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason - so that we can listen twice as much as we talk. Apply that formula to the people around you. If they continually talk about themselves - then you are a 'sounding board'. Sure there is some of that in a friendship - but again go back to the formula, you should be able to listen as well as share.....

2) Someone who genuinely cares

I am blessed to have friends who genuinely care about me. These friends are the ones that come to me when the rest of the world seem to stepping away so as to not get involved... It is when you are at your lowest that you learn who these friends are. They are not necessarily the friends that you talk to everyday about every little thing - but they are the first ones you call when your world has turned upside down. These friends are at my work, live on my street, or on my email or phone list... and more often or not are there already!

3) Know you and still love you

Your friends know you and still love you. I have known the ladies in this photo for over 25 years, and in one case - over 30 years. There is nothing much they don't know about me and I them - but we still love each other and are friends. I don't know about getting older and getting wiser - but I do believe that as friendships develop over years they tend to get richer and more meaningful. A lunch, or an email, or a phonecall bridges time and all is good until the next visit.

4) Someone who tells you the truth

You want to surround yourself with friends that tell you the truth. They are the best kinds of friends to have because unlike the Emporer that was told that he looked lovely - when he was in fact naked - they will tell you if you need to pluck your eyebrows, or change that top because it is too tight, or tell you that your son or daughter really was one of the naughty children. If your friendship is worth it, you will take that truth even though it may hurt - and you will believe it because you trust her to do that for you.

5) Someone you can be yourself with.

Find friends that you can be yourself with. People that you can laugh out loud with, or cry big fat tears of joy or deep groans of emotional turmoil. There is nothing worse that being with people where you are pretending to be something that you are clearly not! Leave the acting to the professionals ;-)

More important than finding people that can be these things for you - be these things for someone else. Be the one that listens twice as much as talking, genuinely cares for another, loves, and lets those around you to be themselves... and as Dionne Warwick sings  

Keep smilin', keep shinin'

Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure

That's what friends are for

For good times and bad times

I'll be on your side forever more

That's what friends are for

Yours in friendship

Mxox

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Yesterday I had the opportunity to be a part of an assessment panel for a man that was refered to as a tohunga whakairo. My grandmother talked about a tohunga as someone who was spiritual in nature, of someone who can see things that others couldn't. In the context of where I was, this particular man, who was given blocks of wood and given some learning outcomes to achieve, produced three stunning, amazing creations. To put into context what he had made - these pieces were being sold for $120,000 for the largest and my favourite was being sold for $75,000.

I sat there amazed that this man could see the end results from looking at planks of wood. He could see the beauty in something that others would easily overlook and turned something ordinary into these magnificent pieces of art. In fact one of the bases of his creations had been discarded rimu that you could tell was once twisted and unattractive.

This caused me to reflect on how we as people look at others. What are some of the things that we should look for, sometimes unseen by others, in those people around us that help us recognise and in some cases remember that they have unlimited potential?

1) Eyes
The eyes are said to be the windows to the soul. Let's look for people whose eyes are friendly, cheeky, happy, caring and giving.

2) Words
Listen to the kinds of words that are being spoken. Do the people you are surrounded with tell the truth? Do they write words of inspiration? Here are some words that a husband (Robert Browning) wrote on his wedding morning to his bride (Elizabeth Barrett):

"You will only expect a few words. What will those be? When the heart is full it may run over; but the real fullness stays within....Words can never tell you....how perfectly dear you are to me - perfectly dear to my heart and soul. I look back and in every one point, every word and gesture, every letter, every silence - you have been entirely perfect to me - I would not change one word, one look,.....you have given me the highest, completest, proof of love that ever one hunan being gave another. I am all gratitude - and all pride....that my life has been so crowned by you".12 September 1846

3) Actions
Watch for the actions of those around you. Are they actions of someone who loves easily, or judges harshly? Or they like the people described by Albert Einstein when he said "The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing". Let's choose to be around others like those Edward Everett Hale talks about when he said:

I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.

4) Touch
How do people you associate with touch others around them. Do they push and shove others? Do they embrace those in need? Today I sat next to a woman who was crying. I sat there for a moment, then I reached for her hand and held it. I don't know if it helped at all, but it was the only way I could tell her that I cared without saying a word.

5) Smile
One of the Directors where I work has a saying that a smile increases the value of his face.... which actually led to him being called Mr Sunshine. True to form everytime you see him he is smiling. What better weather pattern to be than sunshine!

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder - so lets have another look this week at the people around us finding the potential they have to become great and marvellous individuals. We are not looking for things that others see - we are looking for the things that only we know of them ;-)

Yours in friendship

Mxox

A dog's life!

Dr Doolittle was on to a good thing. The ability to talk to the animals is far more useful than talking to a great deal of humans. Like it or not – we aren’t exactly the smartest species on earth. We are by far the greediest, but wisest – I think not. I can’t communicate to animals like Doolittle, but just as in the movie Marley and Me – at every juncture in my life – there has been an animal beside me and I have had a better life because of it.

1) The heart is mighty
My mother’s constant companions during my childhood were called Four Star Silver Rose and Pedro. Silver and Pedro were Chihuahuas and came to us as a pair. Chihuahuas are one of the smallest dogs, with big bulging eyes on tiny little heads and are pretty vocal too. I would call it a bark but that would mean it sounded like one – instead, the noise they actually make is more like a yap;-)! Pedro and Silver were hard out watchdogs for a tiny pair of dogs! Nothing (including ankles) came within metres of our place without Pedro and Silver alerting the family. Basically, anyone outside of the family was the enemy!

Even though their bodies were tiny – it housed the mightiest of hearts.

2) Love is not just a human emotion
When Silver died after having a massive stroke, Pedro was never the same. His partner in life was gone and his loss was evident. I don’t care what psychologists say about projecting human feeling on to animals – from these tiny Chihuahuas I learnt that love for each other is not limited to humans. Those dogs loved their master and they also loved each other. Pedro died within months of his mate.

3) Adversity is for getting over
The next lesson I learnt from my whangai (adopted) dog who turned up one day and then never really left.

He was a beautiful strong black Labrador called Blackie who had belonged to the neighbour’s neighbour. During the transition between our houses, he was in a terrible accident
that caused his front leg to be amputated. I needed not worry about Blackie, because this dog overcame adversity to live a life that included all the wonderful things a dog would. He never gave up and was a good dog and much loved.

4) You are not your past

We came home from the beach one day – and there was our next pet. A little black cat with white feet and a white bib who we called Whisper. She was born and had lived outside, which made her wild. This meant that it was hard for her to enjoy some of the perks of being a pet, like being held, being stroked gently, and to sleep and live inside. I learnt from her that despite your upbringing or the past, you can overcome it because Whisper eventually learnt that she had a home, she was not going to be hurt, that she was going to be fed - and ultimately let us hold her, kiss and rub her - and even slept with us! Whisper moved with us four times, and never left.

5) Unconditional love comes in all sizes
Simba was the product of some hanky-panky business between her pedigree Bichon Friese mother and the Fox Terrier up the road. Originally for my mother to replace Pedro and Silver, it soon became evident who was the chosen master – ME! Simba came to me

before the boys….but will not be here for much longer. She is currently coping with old age, and the gradual loss of sight and hearing – yet she remains the first to greet me, the first to look for me when I am gone and she lightens my life for it. Despite her own afflictions – I am still the most important person to her – and like all animals – they have much to teach us about unconditional love.

Have a great week - love the ones around you.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox