Tips from a shopaholic

I thought that it would be timely to put some tips out there for my fellow shopaholics! Yes, I am a self-confessed shopaholic.... and here are some things  that try and trip me up very time - hopefully it will help, and if not - then make you smile!

1) Pester Power

During researching for a marketing paper I was doing, I stumbled across something called pester power. You may not have known what it was called but I am sure you know what it is.... its the child that tugs at your shirt/dress/leg or a combo of those ;-) when they see something they like and say, "Mum, mum, mum can I have, can I have.... mum, mum...... aaaawwwww mum, mum what about this..... mum, mum, can I please.... I want this... please can I have.... puuulllllllleeeeeaaasssseee..." Unfortunately as they get older it doesn't stop - it is just more sophisticated but remains just as annoying. I won't tell you what I used to do my boys-needless to say that if they were pestering me it must have been in their minds... Anyway, did you know that there is actually research that shows that pester power contributes to sales of products - I know? Amazing isn't it - so tip number one - to get around it - leave the pesterer's home  - why? because if you are truly a shopaholic - you don't need the extra push - you already have the desire to shop for any reason down pat ;-)

2) Brand Power

During the same research I found that BOYs get stuck on brand names...and develop brand loyalty quite early on. At the time, I couldn't imagine that my sons would be smitten by this bug but some years later I am witnessing it first hand and am amazed at the power that a BRAND NAME has over them! Actually, having said that - my niece demonstrates the same loyalty ;-). Not sure if there is a way to get over this as I certainly shopped for bargains all the boys lives and still do regardless of the brand - so tip number two, like tip number one - leave the little precious home.

3)  Beware of the'Demand'

Before my recent trip to Aussie, I and asked what they wanted.... The list was short and specific and all it included was a pair of LOWER jeans and a LOWER t-shirt. They researched the internet for their mother so I could see what the brand looked like and off I went. I walked the length and breath of both Melbourne and Sydney looking for these LOWER jeans..... and nothing! So I tell the boys and they are okay because I assure them that despite their mother spending enough money in Australia to keep at least 1/2 dozen African orphans alive for years! I have enough for them. I get home and just last week I go into a surfing shop to check out these LOWER jeans, shirts, and singlets. I say to the young shop attendant - "I tried looking all over Aussie for these but couldn't find them". "Oh, no we don't sell these in Aussie - its a New Zealand brand". OK - cool - I'm a buy New Zealand made person so I check out the prices and I almost hit the floor in hysterics. Singlets for almost $100, and jean shorts (that means half of the pants are actually missing!) are pressing $200. The confused shop attendant looks at me and tells me that "stock has to be replenished all the time because it is just sooooo popular, with some styles selling out". Now I don't know who is behind this brand but good on them - they have created a little market that is allowing people - harrased parents among that number, to buy these rediculously priced items of clothing - so beware of the demand - no tip, just beware of the products that have created a sensation from nothing. Hopefully, just as Mossimo was king when I was younger - hopefully LOWER will become an acquired taste for the rich and famous and not a must-have-or-I-may-not-live item for the real people. Tip - wait for a decade for the brand to die down in popularity ;-) or..... buckle under pressure ;-)

4) Packaging is just fancy marketing

I was out shopping for a farewell gift for a friend/work colleague the other night and was dazzled by the beautfiul packaging of the gifts available. Based on the packaging alone I was ready to drop mula all over the place - starting with a pretty bottle of perfume covered in butterflies, to a wrapped up gift of products I would have never ever used! Luckily I had a voice of reason (thank you Mandy) with me who quickly snapped me out of it and reminded me about the packaging and kept looking for the contents of the product... and although what we got in the end was aesthetically pleasing to this visual learner - it was economical as well ;-) So tip number four - take someone who doesn't suffer from your kind of disorder to keep it real for you!

5) Keep your balance

As a shopaholic I know that the bottom line of an account is seen as something to circumnavigate...however as I have grown older that has changed.... There are few things in life I don't know - actually, there is a lot I don't know and more things I forget!! But my balance is not one of those things. Always know your balance shopaholics and keep to it...which I guess separates us from normal shoppers - the inability or difficulty to stop - but for everyone's sake - do it! My tips - If you need a credit card - get a look alike one - where you can use it like a credit card but its balance is what you actually have on that card. Try and use cash - as it reminds you all the time when you are running low and sometimes guides your spending like a budget does for normal people ;-) And whatever you do...keep your family on side this christmas and have money for the new year to start over. Money is one of the main causes of divorce and fights and christmas is already stressful enough without our little problem raising its pretty little head!! 

Happy bargain hunting!!

Yours in friendship, Mxox

Transformation through education

I spent most of Saturday morning in tears.... I know, I have started my blog with this teary event often but I tell no lies - I had tears in my eyes for most of Saturday morning.

This is the line of work I am in - I truly believe that I am part of a revolution of claiming education for Maori,  Pasifica and the disconnected - and the rush of transforming lives is addictive, moving and humbling...

Transformation through education
On Saturday I was at a graduation for Maori, Pasifica and two Indians who were graduating from completing a Police preparation course and were now on their way to going to Police College. One of the stories that was shared by a student speaker was about his efforts over ten years of trying to get into the police force, and his failure on course after course until he enrolled on ours and he was finally taught in way that he understood. His life, by his own admission was never going to be the same. He like many other people had been transformed through education.

Transformation through generations
I have just returned from Australia with work. We were part of a contingent that visited our counterparts in Australia who also did work with Indigenous peoples. Sitting as part of a major Australian university is a quiet Koorie education revolution that is making a difference. One of the ways that was used to teach was similar to our noho model (residence) where students travelling for days stayed at campus for a week of intensive study - a few times a year. We were able to spend time in a housing establishment where students came to stay as they went through their studies - and what I liked was that the housing provided spaces for students with families. What was encouraging to hear was that cousins and family relatives also on the courses that were running often came and stayed together. The photos of graduates which lined the walls of these buildings and of the tutorial rooms and administration offices were evidence of this transgenerational and whanau (family) education...  I love it!

Transformation through life
Today I sat on an interview panel for people who had applied to be on one of our degrees. There were two people that I will never forget. One was a middle aged white male the other a young Maori female. Both had had spent time in prison and familiar with addictions and demons of a kind that bound their lives on a pathway to no good. Yet, here they both were, working through their past, recently completed a certificate and firmly rooted on a new pathway that they were hungry to advance. I was blown away with what I saw as transformation through education in reality. I witnessed the end product of people who had physically overcome barriers I would never know and had transformed their lives - it was humbling and I was touched.

Transformation through how we do things
Transformative education " is courses and assessments that enable people to change the way they think and act in society...." and it is a privilege to work in an organisation that does this every day. Seeing people that have had terrible primary and secondary school experiences learning new concepts that change their lives is amazing. Recently, a lecturers recalled an incident where one of his students, after learning about healthy relationships - 'up and left' a violent marriage with her children in tow. She took courage from the things that she learnt and had recognised in her own life the need for change. She re-evaluated her place in the community she existed in and chose a better way....

I believe the work that I am involved with, transformation through education, is like watching in real-time and real-life human metormorphosis and I consider myself privileged to be a witness of the growth in our students. If you ever want to see it in real life - come to a graduation at a campus near you - your life will never be the same!

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Order....

I have been thinking really hard lately about what I could blog enough. When I first started off on this little journey it was going to be an exercise, I like to write and had heaps of idea..... well the reality is that after so many weeks those ideas kinda putter out until today ;-)


Today I wanted to talk about order.

Your house
When it was getting close to my mother's passing away - we were told in a round about way that it was time to put things into order. This meant getting mum's things ready from her clothes, coffin, plot, programme, announcement and all of that. She was so organised in that emotional time that it took a lot of stress of us as her children and I have learnt from her to put things into order - especially my affairs.

The Bee Gees
One of the Bee Gees came to Aotearoa recently and was being interviewed. The question was asked what the secret was to his success and he responded that music comes down to eight notes and all you have to do is put them into the right order. I thought that was such a great answer - we all have the potential to make wonderful music because the musical alphabet is only 8 notes long.... all we need to do is to figure out in what order to play them.

Planning
One of the memories I am going to take of 2010 is the night when we sat down and talked with the boys about a plan for them which started with this year and through to when they were 22+. When their life was put up on the white board we then discussed distractions and how that would have an impact on the goals they have in life. It was a defining moment for out little family because it was then that we all agreed to a plan that we are working to.... we were putting out lives into order and in doing so it is easy now to recognise distractions easier...

Life
I few weeks ago I heard of someone that I grew up and around with was very very sick and was not expected to live for much longer. It really hit a chord with me because we are the same age... and it was sad. She is my age and a loved daughter, sister, mother and wife and she was is too young to die - and I thought about this 'order' thing and came to the conclusion that despite everything we do - there is only one that knows the exact way in which our life will roll out... and quite frankly - it scares the heck out of me!

Something to think about and sure it will sit for some time....

Yours in friendship

Mxox

Seventy times Seven

At the beginning of the month, I was at lunch with a couple of friends. While we were talking and sharing about our stressors, one of my friends shared with us a reading that she received that very morning. It started with a scripture found in Colossians 3:13 'Make allowance for each other's faults...' and went on to talk about forgiveness and gave me some food for thought for many days since. It is a topic I have tried to avoid because I'm not very good at it - struggling to even forgive myself for my many weaknesses, but am forever thankful for the great examples in my life that show me how... This is what I know so far...

1) A wife

The first time I had realised that forgiveness was a verb (doing word) was some years ago. My friend, and work colleague at the time had gone through a period where she had discovered that her husband had not only committed adultery but fathered a child to another woman while they were married. I asked her how she could forgive her husband, and her reply has stuck with me ever since, all these years ago. She shared with me that she could only have taken her husband back because she had really learnt the true meaning of forgiveness. She thought she knew what it was before but until she had to put it into practice she really learnt what it was to forgive. It was hard, and it took a lot of work on her part - but it was something that she believed in because she knew it. It makes me weepy remembering that conversation because she truly was and is the most amazing example to me. Today she is very much married, adding another baby to her whanau (at 40+ which is a whole other blog ;-) happy, caring, kind and awesome!

2) A parent
In May 2010, Emma Woods and her two sons were walking home from the supermarket when a 17 year old driver, lost control of his car, which left the road, went up on to the pathway and ploughed into Emma and children. Emma and her six year old were injured but Nayan, her four year old died at the scene. This week, the now 18 year old Ash Austin appeared before a judge for sentencing. Ash was spared a prison sentence - because the judge believed that Ash was genuinely remorseful and was grieving for what he had done. The amazing thing to consider was that the parents of Nayan Woods were strong advocates of Ash not going to jail. I watched with humility the interview of Nayan's father - Duncan, who was not only supportive of Ash Austin but had done something I am not sure I could do, but pray that I would - he had forgiven him.

3) A teacher
The greatest practitioner of forgiveness teaches in Mathew 18:21-23 when asked "Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times" to which the Lord replies "I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven". Between you and I - the number is less important than the action of forgiving over and over and over again until we stop counting and it becomes a part of our every day being....

4) Yourself
We are all humans that make mistakes, often and always. What I have learnt is that we are quick to forgive others but of ourselves we are too slow, if at all. It is not easy. In the reading that my friend shared there was a reference to Mathew 7:1-5 which talks about being careful not to judge others "For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again". So it makes sense that we strive not to judge others and/or ourselves harshly as that is how we will in turn be judged...... and even stronger are the words found in Romans 12:19 where it reads "God said, Vengeance is mine; I will repay." - So, the question is: who are we not to forgive - even if it is ourselves?

5) Families
Thomas S.Monson has said that "in many families, there are hurt feelings and a reluctance to forgive. It doesn’t really matter what the issue was. It cannot and should not be left to injure. Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals." He goes on to add the lines of George Herbert, and early 17th century poet which I have always remembered which are “He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven, for everyone has a need to be forgiven". Only forgiveness heals - now that is something I am sure we can all remember.

Have a great week friends and happy bridge building - may you find happiness and peace in doing so ;-)

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Listening

When I heard someone say that we have two ears and one mouth - because we need to listen twice as much as we spoke - I smiled and had to agree with that. Listening is one of the only things that I can nearly do exceptionally...which is great because recently it has been one of those subjects that has been a big part of my week and come up in conversations, presentations, and in a stake conference. It made made me think more about what it means to listen and what it really means to be a good listener. Here is what I am going to try harder to do....

1) Whakarongo
This week I was privileged to be a part of a leadership conference and the word whakarongo came up. It was mentioned not only as a leadership skill but a way of learning from others. The presenter shared his experience about learning to speak te reo Maori. Many years ago, when he wanted to learn how to speak Maori he was invited to learn with a Kaumatua who offered to teach him. He spent three weeks with him and was instructured throughout that time to "whakarongo" and not speak. The minutes ran into hours, hours into days, and after three weeks he left that wananga fluent in Te Reo Maori just by listening - amazing! He was able to absorb more as he trained himself to hear and learn what was being taught. Just imagine what we could accomplish if we all engaged in whakarongo.

 2) Active listening

About five years ago, I was teaching communication on a management programme when I came across this chinese character for "to listen". There are four elements to listening in this character 1) you 2) eyes 3) undivided attention and 4) the heart which really illustrates how we need to listen. I used this at a management training a couple of years ago to try and coach my team into the art of active listening and taking interest in what is being said without saying anything but listening. I would love to tell you it was successful - but that's another topic altogether ;-) Giving someone your undivided attention needs to be genuine and opening your heart to what is being said all makes for better listening. Next time someone is talking to you - see how many of the four elements you did....

4) Learning
This week I was part of an interview panel. As part of this interview the applicants had to do a verbal presentation. One of the applicants showed a slide that read "If all I do is hear, I will forget. If I hear and see, I will remember. If I hear, see and do, I will understand" I thought this was a brilliant statement because listening is critical to understanding each other, a subject, a feeling, family, friends etc. What we learn from this statement is that to truly understand something you need to hear it via listening, see it and then do it which make listening very much an active exercise.

3) Wairua
At a leadership conference I was at lately - our facilitator was talking to us about traditional Maori leadership models and the strengths and skills that we could take from their journeys to provide us with a pathway to becoming effective Maori leaders........ and one of the things he talked about was the "wairua" or translated to be - spirit. He taught in conjunction with karakia (prayer) to Te Io Matua (Heavenly Father) - that the wairua was the vehicle in which our people traversed mountainous seas and oceans and landed here in Aotearoa. I believe this principle and try it in my own life and know that wairua is real. One of my favourite scriptures tells us about the prophet Elijah who went to talk to the Lord and "the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice" (1Kings 19:11-12). That still small voice is the spirit and we need to be listening now.

5) Peace
The facilitator of my leadership conference works with hardened criminals (great preparation for our group ;-)) in Aotearoa's roughest prisons. He tells of one experience when he was called to a prison as they needed his help with some issues. When he got there and after he was already in he was told that there had been a six day war inside between two rival gangs. There were deaths, stabbings, fights and the tension was unbelievable. Our facilitator tells the story of going into lock down with the prisoners (how he runs his wananga) and the wairua told him to go outside and play touch. So he asked the guards to let them out. The only space there was a plot of shingle which was called the 'shingle pit'. He told the prisoners that they would play them at touch. Of course it was not a real game of touch, but this man and his colleagues held their ground and continued to play. As the game went on, the prisoners played and played, and one by one they dropped out, and still the facilitator continued with his colleagues continued to play until they were the last men standing. After that they all returned back into the cells and that was the session completed. When he was asked what had he done, as the attitudes of the men had changed significantly - he simply replied "we played touch". What I believe happened is that the wairua told him that there was another way to get through to these men - and he did what I need to do more - he listened.

Have a great week.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Have an attitude of gratitude

On our family white board, Maurice has written in big writing the words "attitude of gratitude". It is there as a reminder of some counsel that we were given in the weekend to have an attitude of gratitude. I thought it was being proactive of him to put that message up and it showed that he was motivated by those words which was awesome. However, it is slowly becoming annoying when, in the middle of a discussion, and in response to me sharing my opinion- all 100% fault free of it, he quietly points to the board where those words attitude of gratitude silence me immediately.... I think it is going to be a looooooonnnnnnnng week ;-)

What am I grateful for?

1) My children
My sons are 15 years old. One night while we were watching Police Ten Seven - there was a young man who was spotted doing a u-turn up the road from a booze bus. The police quickly chased the young man to see why he had tried to avoid the road block..... Some reasons were given - but it became clear and later confirmed by a breath test that he was three times above the adult limit and had been driving drunk. He was 15 - fifteen and drunk driving. So the first thing I am grateful for is the opportunity I have to be a mother (despite early medical advice that becoming a mother was probably not going to happen), and next - I am grateful that at 12.24am as I am penning this blog that my precious baby boys are asleep in their beds with the biggest issues facing them is their next facebook/internet/bebo/PS3/mobile phone and not driving up and down the streets drunk!

2) My husband
I never had a picture of who I wanted to marry. I hadn't spent a lot of time thinking of the characteristics he might have either. All I knew was what I had been promised was that someone was being prepared  and would be led to me.... A year after that blessing, I met Maurice... he appeared just like that! He was respectful, quiet, loyal, dedicated, friendly and soooooo good looking. He was good to my mother, brother and sister, Nanna (who lived next to us) and at that stage our two little chihuahuas. He was perfection (which changed after we married - but still okay ;-)). He is the love of my life and I never want to live a day without him. I am grateful for my husband.

3) My faith
My faith is what centres me. I don't talk about it or share it as much as I could - but I love it and believe in it and strive to live its teachings. If I could, I would teach the principles of my faith as a full-time job -but until then I am grateful that I have a faith to believe in, and a strong testimony of its teachings, readings, and values.

4) My family
Being in my family tree makes my world colourful and interesting ;-) However it is the role of being the eldest of three children, that I am most grateful. I have always taken my responsibility of looking after my brother and sister or taking care of my mother and now father seriously. I don't see it as a burden or added stress - but see it as part of me. I love my brother and sister and now that they are grown with their own families - this love has only extended onto their children whom I love as my own. I am grateful for being part of a family tree that is colourful and interesting.

5) Friends
What can I say...... I am grateful for my friends - especially the ones that read my blog ;-) For my friends - church friends,childhood friends,highschool buddies and my workmates - I am grateful for you. I haven't always been a good firend - I actually lost some really good ones while at highschool - and for that I carry regret with me, but for the ones that I have managed to keep - I am grateful for you - thank you.

To this list I would add my education - for without it I would not be able to help provide for my babies, my house - that my mother gifted to us to live in, my mother - whom I miss and being told I am turning into more and more every day, books - that provide my imagination with wonderful worlds that I will never inhabit in this life, Hawaii - where I was born and hope to return to, food - of which I eat too much but love and grateful for, and basically my life - I wouldn't have it any other way...

Have a go of counting your many blessings, name them one by one - it will change the way you feel when you have an attitude of gratitude.

Have a great week

Yours in friendship

Mxox

Its time to get checked!

I had a little cry on Saturday. Our little whanau was all dressed in pink and participating in the Dove Star Walk raising money for Breast Cancer Research. I was looking at the most loved people in my universe - my brother, sister, sister-in-law, children, nieces and nephews and I thought of my mother. I think she would have been proud of us all dressed in her favourite colour and the fact that her daughter was walking!! I thought of her and the significance of what we were doing and the many people that were doing the same thing for people that they loved..... It turned out to be a great evening and one that was full of love and a determined focus to find a cure!

These are the lessons that I have learnt about breast cancer.

1) The early bird gets the worm

Early detection of breast cancer is the best. Self examinations are recommended at a certain time of the month and at breastcancer.org there is an illustrated five step method that you can follow. It also tells you what to look out for. If you haven't done a self-examination - have a go. You can save your life by having a good feel of yourself or if you don't want to - there may be someone else who can do it for you ;-)

2) Breast screening

Free breast screening for women aged 45 to 69 years is provided by the national breast screening programme, BreastScreen Aotearoa. The aim of breast screening is to find very small cancers before a lump can be found on the breast. Early treatment has the best chance of success. I have friends (sisters) whose mother had breast cancer and because of that they treat themselves to a mammogram every year at their own cost. My sister and I also do this - but we are not as vigilant as our friends - and something we need to work on. I have done it through the health system because we have family history of cancer, it takes longer but costs nothing - if that is an option for someone.

3) This is a problem

According to http://www.cancernz.org.nz/ and many other sources, breast cancer is the most common cancer in New Zealand women and is the leading cause of cancer death in women in New Zealand. Each year in New Zealand about 1900 women are diagnosed with breast cancer and about 600 die of the disease. This should serve as a timely reminder to get checking ladies ;-)

4) Amazing People

I have meet the most amazing people through my mum's battle with breast cancer - and every one of those people are fantastic! These people lifted my mother's spirits and I will always remember them with gratitidue and love for treating her with respect and genuine kindness. I went with her to her hair appointments throughout and after chemotherapy which were emotional. You don't realise how much hair means to a woman until she loses it all. The most touching episode was when my beautiful mother went to a bra fitting with her prosthetic breast. I sat with her as she cried and the lovely ladies there let us be. It was such a moving experience that I will never forget. And of course - the people of Look Good Feel Better who guided my mother around how to use makeup to give her eyebrows that had dropped out during chemo. And then, last but not least the good folk at Hospice -they really make the end soooo comfortable considering!!

5) Hope, Joy and Love
Although breast cancer is a terrible disease that many have battled and won and some have battled and lost - it is a disease of hope joy and love. The highs of hope are life altering. It defintely teaches us about anticipating the future and settling for a better tomorrow. The joy that you find being with breast cancer sufferers is contagious. Even in the deepest darkest times - there is joy to be alive, joy to be with family. But the biggest thing I know about breast cancer is that out of it comes love, whether it be a love of life or people. This is what breast cancer has taught me and I am grateful for that.

To the ladies that I know that have had this disease and have beat it - congratulations, to those that are battling - kia kaha, and to those who have lost their courageous fight - you are loved and missed every day.

Yours in friendship

Mxox

Living on the smell of an oily rag

Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend a womens conference and stumbled into a session called 'living on the smell of an oily rag'. This saying based on an analogy of a car which keeps going with an empty tank and living off the fumes of an oily rag.... is usually used to describe situations where a person has made do with hardly anything and/or very little.

I was amazed that these women had some really great ideas that I have been looking for...

1) The candle
I learnt that if you light a candle and hold it up to any window in your house and if the flame flickers then it is an indicator that there is a draft coming from somewhere and you can then concentrate on blocking that draft. That tip grew into putting the candle in the fridge (or a torch) and shut the door. If you can see light coming from the fridge then your seals need replacing of fixing.

2) Shampoo & Conditioner
My sons have no hair yet they will use my good shampoo and conditioner regularly, and it is guaranteed that when I need it - there is none! NONE!!! So I listened attentively when one of the women gathered complained about her shampoo and conditioner having to be replaced every two weeks or so. So she got empty water bottles (Pump or H2Go) and filled them up with her hair products and she reckons this slows down the flow and lasts longer. So I am going to give that a go - now I just need to get my teenagers out of the showers after 2 mins!

3) Cleaning products
Have you ever heard of using baking soda and vinegar being used as cleaning products. One of the ladies gathered used to be a regular buyer of spray and wipe - going through it regularly (note to self: this lady must have a spotless house, followed by the thought - wow!! who cleans that much ;-)) and then by changing to baking soda and vinegar has not bought cleaning products in six months. Apparently, as I have not tried it yet - if you put baking soda on the surface you want to clean, then follow that up with vinegar, it creates a lather and then is ready to wipe.... Actually I once saw Martha Stewart use ketchup to clean the surface of a burnt pot bottom - ketchup! So great tips for cleaning and saving money this way - but this is food we eat so if it can clean surfaces - what is it doing inside our tummies, but that's a whole other story ;-)

2) Toilet Roll
A household of boys should not go through as much toilet paper as a house full of girls - so I have been scratching my head why or rather who has been responsible for the amount of rolls being used in ours. We narrowed it down to one particular son who takes a great deal of care - you know when. Fed up with this at our weekly family meeting - I brought a roll into our agenda and demonstrated how much was an ample amount of paper to complete business ;-). It was great to see that one roll lasted longer than normal - however, we returned to the one roll every four or five days! So when one of the ladies talked about toilet rolls - I could not believe my ears. She does this for her mokopuna which I could use on my teenagers. She gets the toilet roll and squashes it down so that the inner roll has a kink in it that requires the child to physically roll it around for more instead of it rolling freely.... I'll let you know how I go.

5) Do it yourself
Thinking about this conference reminded me of a cousin of mine who creates things herself and by doing so not only saves money, but things are more meaningful and I for one am so inspired. She is the daughter of a talented seamstress and clever Nan - I would like to think my side of the family contributed something as well, but I don't think so!! ;-) Anyway, an example of this is this coat she created (first attempt of sewing a coat) from a woollen blanket she bought from an opshop for $1! I thought it was great and only one of the many things she makes. I have been so inspired, that I have informed my husband that I want a sewing machine as well..... and lets just say - this news has kept him giggling for days!

So you see - there are always things we can do to help us save a little here and a little there from filling the freezer with scrunched up newspaper to try and trick it into thinking it is full, or like one lady suggested, fill half of it with water and letting that freeze and putting things on top of that to achieve the same thing.
Happy saving.


Yours in friendship,


Mxox

Lightning Strike!

Sometimes lessons come along and gently nudge you or tap you on the shoulder to remind you of things that you need to change or improve. Today I didn't get one of those - I got one of those other types - the ones that hit you over the head or like a great big lightning strike ripping through the clouds and striking you  in the "you should have known better" region ;-)

This lightning strike came to me today when I was one of 250 people who were asked to go home and get our 72 hour survival kit. We had half an hour to get ready. It was to test our preparedness for a disaster. Although uncomfortable and unwanted - it was a timely reminder that at any time we could find ourselves like the people of Christchurch who have survived a 6.1 earthquake and hundreds of after shocks, or the people who are cut off due to the flooding just up the road on State Highway 1. We just never know?

When the instructions were given I conducted a quick internal inventory on what my children and I had in terms of being ready.... and then the lightning hit - I need to get my butt into gear!

1) Something to cook with
A few years ago my sons had a camp which required them to take everything they needed in their backpack, including three days of meals, blankets, clothes and shelter. It was a great chance for us to get them real camping backpacks and cooking utensils with little gas stoves that they could cook with and on. We practiced at home how to cook and how to use the little gadgets and they didn't go hungry while they were away. Great right? Wrong - today I say to their father - where are the boys cooking stoves? Answer: Under the house somewhere! Lesson one - get the cooking things out from under the house and into the 72 hour survival kit.

2) Water
When the boys turned up today with their 72 hour kits, of the 200 people gathered, they were the only ones with enough water for 3 days. Yay!! for us. I know I could never imagine it - but we can survive without food but we will not live long without water. In Christchurch many people are still being required to boil their water - two weeks after the eathquake hit - so that's a lot of water ;-). Lesson two - stop teasing husband for filling every empty bottle with water and storing it all over the house!

3) Light
Just as the boys were leaving I remembered light. We ave lots of torches - but they are scattered throughout the house and some of them don't have batteries that would last past a couple of hours let alone 72. I could of at least have got some candles and matches!! The BIG lesson for me: purchase torches for every member of the family and include batteries.

4) First Aid Kit
We need a first aid kit. We have the basics that will cover a grazed knee, or treat a headache but nothing that would take care of a burn or a large wound. So far, in a tupperware (I love tupperware!!) container we all have plasters, panadol, voltaren (I know - you never know? ;-)), cotton buds, bandaging, ventolin and other basics - but in reality these things won't be enough. Note to self: Get a first aid kit.

5) Plan
For about ten minutes after our instructions were given - the boys had run off somewhere. Although I was fairly confident I knew where they were on this occasion, my greatest fear is that something will happen and I am not with them. I need to organise my family so that we have a plan and we are prepared and if we are either at work or school - we will all make our way to our designated spot.

I know that if we are prepared there is no need to be worried or frightened..... but the key is to be prepared otherwise that lightning strike that reminds us of what we need to be doing might not be enough and worse hit use too late - and turns into something we will be stuck with forever - regret!.

If this is news to you, at the back of the yellow pages and http://www.getthru.govt.nz/ the NZ government has suggested as Emergency Survival Items:
* Water (3 litres per person, per day for up to 3 days or more)
* Cnned, non-perishable food
* Torch and Radio (with batteries)
* Toilet paper, plastic bag, and bucket
* First Aid Kit and essntial medicings, including paracetamol for fever,
* BBQ or other means of cooking
* Face and dus masks

Happy gathering.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Time after Time

Thinking of lessons that I have learnt is proving to be more difficult than I thought until I thought about something that I am running out of - time. Is it just me or are the days passing by faster than ever? How can I reclaim time?

1) Create memories
I am a big fan of creating memories. When my children were smaller, I spent a lot of time doing things with them that would create memories. The only trouble is that my sons have no recall of all that trouble ;-) For example asking them what their favourite childhood memory is - resulted in blank stares.....I mean these children have travelled overseas since they were three years old ;-) The flip side to this is that when my time is stretched as thin as it is now - my son's recall of events have become amazingly crystal clear... like Mum you still owe me $40 from last week (and they have heaps of those memories!) All I need to do is to make memories for my sons now...

2) Capture the moment

The best item that I have ever bought is a digital camera. When I remember I take that little item with me and snap away. I am not going to win any photography awards but what I capture lasts much longer. Photos are one of the reasons why I joined facebook so that I could actually see people that I haven't seen for so long... In this photo here, which incidentally I got off facebook, are members of my whanau - my beautiful mother (sitting in the front with my sister), her parents, two sisters two brothers, one sister-in-law and one brother-in-law, my brother, and two of my cousins. The special thing about this photo is of the fourteen people captured in this picture - only six of us are left. I miss every person in this photo that is no longer here and looking at this picture reminds me of what it will be like to see them again. I can't wait!!

3) Slow down...
I think I am finally getting to an age where I am not in rush all the time. The urgency of matters is still critical and lets face it the older you get the more matters there are..... but I'm not in a rush. Something has happened inside me when I turned 40 that actually made me change the way I see things and take things slower....probably why I am always late ;-(

4) Major on the Majors, Minor on the Minors
I learnt this new phrase - major on the majors and minor and on the minors. It means to concentrate on the big things and let the little ones go. This is not as easy as it sounds but in order to make up time, it comes in handy. The time and energy put into chasing something is draining, so if you are following up something - make it count. My brother has had some personal information shared with friends overseas which has come back to him. He was upset about who told who and so on. I asked him - Was the information true? Yes. Well then, there isn't a problem... I figure my brother has two choices 1)He could go out and try and get some redress for this slip by one of his truest friends or 2) Let it go. For me it was simple - the information would get out to your friends anyway - and at least it was shared by someone you trusted so that it was factual... hurtful, but still the truth.

5) Spend it
I was travelling home from somewhere and I had an ephinany: I need to spend time to make time. I don't spend enough time with my sons and I need to do this. I keep thinking about the saying that you don't think about your work in your last hours - its your family that are going to occupy those moments. I now have to re-create that in my every day. So wish me luck as I do something that I should have been doing all this time....

An ode to Time
Time is free, but it's priceless.
You can't own it, but you can use it.
You can't keep it, but you can spend it.
Once you've lost it you can never get it back.”

Have a great week everyone. May you use the next seven days well..

Yours in friendship,


Mxox

Fathers teaching Fatherhood

Today I held a newborn baby in my arms for the first time in a very very long time. I looked down at this tiny little creature and tried to rack my brains for memories of holding mine and came up blank - that's how long its been... Instead I thought to myself - how did I do it? How did I get through those long nights and days without a clue? ... and then thankfully I handed baby back to his beautiful grandmother ;-)

The baby I was holding had his naming blessing today. Baby's father called on all the blessings a child would ever need to grow up strong and healthy. What impressed me was his request for his son to remain close to his mother! What a clever young (first-time) father he was... I am sure he learnt that from his own father who is a great example to me of a man who loves his wife and children....

Here is what I have learnt about fatherhood from five fathers...

1) From my Father in Heaven - Love abounding
I have learnt from my father in heaven that I am loved and that the love in which I receive is limitless, unconditional and abounding. I have read accounts of people who have have died and somehow returned (something called near death experiences) and the common thread amongst these strangers was the feeling of love they felt when they had moved into the next life. It was described in such a way that I know that it exists. What we feel towards each other is only a portion to what is to come and I for one am excited ;-)

2) From my father - The love of Music & Comedy
 My mother liked music but never played an instrument and although would sing aloud - was honest about her singing abilities (something shared with my brother and sister ;-)). Despite that, it was my mother who motivated me (seen as punishment as a young person) to get through my pianoforte exams and I will always  be grateful to her for that. However, my love for music definitely comes from my father. He cannot read music but can play any song note for note on the guitar. My favourites of his are Breezin by George Benson and Hotel California by the Eagles. I can even watch hours and hours of Michael Jackson with him without explanation - now that's love ;-) As for comedy - like I said last week - I have NEVER met a Samoan who was not funny ;-)This is something shared with my brother and sister....

3) From my brother - Fatherhood is playing.
My brother became a father at a very young age. I have watched him grow with his children (four daughters; one son) and although he is getting older - he is still young in heart and as such plays with his children. From him I have learnt that being a good father is playing with your children. He takes his children camping, hiking, swimming (in open sea), pig hunting, diving (for sea food), jumping off bridges (Raglan Walkbridge) and so on. He is lucky because besides his mother and at least one sister - his biggest fan has been his beautiful wife ;-) who allows him to do this...

4) From my father-in-law - Silence is Golden
Like my husband, my father-in-law is not a talker.... In fact none of the boys in the family are, and there are five of them. But you see - just because he doesn't talk much - doesn't mean that he doesn't teach. His example is louder than anything he could say. My husband learnt many things from his father by watching and following him. My father-in-law is a worker, a real plodder, and the go-to guy when you needed some kind of support with anything. He is innovative and a man who works with his hands - some things my husband is still learning ;-) and hopefully will catch up. I love my father-in-law.

5) From my husband - Being constant
My children are blessed to have a father who is constant. His values and priorities remain unwavering. His counsel to them will always be straight and laced with love. He is my partner in parenthood and I wouldn't or couldn't have asked for more.

So from the fathers in my life - thank you for teaching me every day.

Happy Father's Day.

Mxox

Brotherly love

Recently, our internet homepage was updated. On there was a video clip about two boys, Luke and Sam, who are described as "two brothers who struggle to understand and connect with each other." This video has also been circulating amongst my facebook friends. The message definitely resonated with me....

My sons may be identical twins - yet they are different in almost every other way. They are called mirror twins. One is left handed, the other right, one has bigger feet, one has a double crown, they have birth marks but in different places and on and on it goes. At school they have different friends, choose different subjects and move in different circles. Even the things they have in common have different outcomes - yet they share the same face and DNA ;-)

The struggle that Luke and Sam have gone through is something that I am interested in because I believe that my sons share this struggle. I know that as they mature, a lot of this sibling rivalry/challenges will slip away or somehow morph into a loving relationship... but for now I have to do something. Don't get me wrong - we are blessed because our sons do many things together without blood being spilt, they are self motivating, accomplish chores or tasks without being directed, complete homework, serve our community and so on..... I just want them to understand the importance and responsibility of being a good brother.

I have saved the video clip of Luke and Sam and want to watch it with them because I think there are some valuable lessons they can learn. What do I want them to learn?

LESSON ONE - Blood is thicker than water
I counsel my sons all the time that the bond between family should be the strongest there is. The threads that connect brother to brother should be of a thickness that time, money, girls, houses or physical things (water) cannot break. The lesson to be learnt is that friends, years, cars, and possessions will pass and/or change - but your family (blood) is constant and should never be diluted.

LESSON TWO - Your brother is your friend
I have never had many friends and can honestly count my friends on one hand - or maybe one and a half hands at a push ;-) I have never felt I needed any more, or felt cheated and lonely because my brother and sister and sister in-laws are counted as my closest and dearest friends. When I am at my lowest, my first call is to my husband and the next almost always is to my brother and sister. I have sat in the car bawling after a show down at work and they have talked me through it - reminding me of my worth and how they see me. They give me strength to go back into whatever was happening. Nothing would make me happier for my sons to have this relationship with each other.

LESSON THREE - This is how we roll
We have a rule in our home that when the boys leave the house - they do so together and they come home together. One one occasion one of our sons returned home alone and our little family kicked into overdrive to find the other who had wandered off with no consideration for time and parents. The son who had returned home had left the other because 1) his brother wasn't doing what he was meant to be doing and 2) he wanted to come home, which are both valiant reasons, but were discounted because he was alone. Since then they have learnt to come home together and on time and I know that when they get older they will realise that by doing so they have each other's backs even at a sacrifice to themselves. This is how we roll ;-)

LESSON FOUR - Respect one another
We are blessed that the lesson that no one has the right to hit or manhandle another person, is one that they boys are acutely aware of in our home. However, the verbal stuff is still a work in progress. The boys have various words and descriptions for each other that causes their mother physical reaction!! To combat this 'phase' I have written on our family whiteboard the following affirmation: I will respect my brother and treat him as I want to be treated. All I need now is the faith that one day they are going to get the message ;-) by osmosis at first and then actually becoming a part of their actions.

LESSON FIVE - Love unconditionally
I am teaching my sons to love each other unconditionally especially as twins and the only children of their chosen parents. I want them to grow up and realise they were lucky enough to be born with their mate and to love him regardless of his defects (perceived or real), characteristics and personality traits. This love needs to be unconditional - meaning it doesn't have rewards - like a longer turn on PS3, or restrictions - like time on the computer, and instead is not subject to any thing (phone credit), place (bebo or facebook) or person (girl or boy). This lesson is going to take a life time yet I look forward to the day when my sons can sit with each other, surrounded by their children and partners, in love and friendship.

I know for me this has made me grateful for my own brother and sister, and I thank them for helping me to be a better person.

Have a great week.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Having a Sense of Humour

I had to think twice about this entry - but have decided to go for it regardless. My 15 1/2 old dog, Simba went into renal failure last week and has been admitted to the vet (where she has been all weekend)... so talking about being happy is tinged with a bit of sadness this entry - but I guess it’s times like this, where the possession of a sense of humour is going to come in handy...

I want to dedicate this blog to my sister who helped me remember this week how good it is to laugh…

Here are some lessons that having a sense of humour has taught me.

LESSON ONE - Not everyone thinks you are funny.
I am half Samoan and I believe I am genetically geared to be hilarious. I have never met one Samoan that is not funny, and therefore have come to the conclusion that 90% (the drop by 10% to cover my lack of real data) of Samoans are funny! The only trouble is that not everyone thinks I am funny. Potentially this can break bridges and relationships before they even start. So lesson one is simple - having a sense of humour (either real or imagined ;-)) comes with a responsibility to tailor it to the people around you, and to only bring out the 'big guns (laugh out loud stories)' with people that really know, love and 'get' you.

LESSON TWO - The Act of Smiling ≠ Face & Chin Lift :-)
I remember when my sister and I were younger, one of us had read an article about achieving the same results as you would from a chin and face lift without surgery but by doing a smiling exercise. It started with placing your hands on your thighs, and stretching your necks up and slightly forward stretching your neck muscles. Make the biggest smile (teeth bearing) at the same time while pointing your chin slightly forward. You had to do this exercise then hold it for ten or so seconds and repeat it ten or so times every day..... We tried once, during a tea break in a job we had - doing these exercises which always ended up in fits of laughter watching the people going by who couldn't help but have repeat glances to make sure we were really doing what they thought we were doing....Lesson Two: Growing old is going to happen - get over it!! ;-)

LESSON THREE - Laughing tears are healing
Recently my sister and I spent part of a rare afternoon together. While we were returning back to work - she started recalling her son's speech and that's where the laughter tears began. Don't get me wrong - it would have been a great talk but that afternoon it turned into waves of side-splitting laughing which ended in tears of laughter. When I try and recall what was actually funny - I can't and have a sneaky suspicion it wasn't really funny - but it doesn't matter. In those beautiful precious moments - nothing else mattered, there was no other reality besides two sisters sharing laughter tears and it was healing. It transcended the stresses of our lives - hers as a working single mother, and mine as the grieving owner of a dying dog - totally unrelated events yet healed in those blissful moments.

LESSON FOUR - Laughter is the best medicine

I remember watching the movie Patch Adams where Robin Williams played the main character who used laughter as medicine alongside other sources. I remember being touched by Dr Adam's approach to the treatment of his patients. It was great to see that according to the official Gesundheit Institute website http://patchadams.org/ that a building dedicated to the real Patch Adam’s kind of work has started. The model of this organisation is organised around five principles one of which is that care is infused with fun and play. Truly inspirational.

LESSON FIVE - Never Underestimate a Smile

The Director of a show that I was in at highschool taught us that there were three types of smiles when performing that I have never forgotten. Smile one, was a normal smile with lips curled and mouth closed. Smile two (as pictured) was smile one with your lips opened to show some teeth. Smile three was a full on smile with your mouth slightly open, and a look of happiness and enjoyment to be wherever we were. Smiling on demand is not easy, especially while singing or dancing and especially when you weren't happy yourself but the impact of that simple act on the audience was immeasurable. I remember starting with a smile one and ending with smile two just by watching the reactions of the children in the front rows, or smiling because I wanted to while looking out and seeing people I cared about.... You can never underestimate the power of the smile - never - it is contagious and priceless.

So I head into another week, knowing that my beloved dog will not make it to the end of the month – and the song that comes to mind offer up words that I'm going to rely on.. I leave them with you..

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

You'll get by...If you smile

With your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you'll just...

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just...smile

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

I have no hands but yours

There are many versions of a story of a statute of Jesus Christ that was damaged by bombing during World War II from France to Germany. Regardless of its origin and despite the evidence or lack of - the story and its message has lasted generations. The story tells us that the hands of the statute were so damaged that they could not be reattached. The local townspeople discussed whether a sculptor should be called in to fashion some new hands but decided instead to leave it as it was. At the base of the statue of Jesus Christ, a sign was erected with these words: "I have no hands but yours"


So I have been thinking about this story and what that means to me....

I can have hands that serve others
I recently found my mother's journal and she wrote about one of her friends who were those pair of hands - hands of service. "Thursday 25 January 2007. My lovely frend, Dolly Keung, made me a lovely, lovely humungous special meal - pork bones, watercress, kamokamo, maori potatoes, dough boys. So delicious. Lloyd dropped the bowl of goodies. About an hour later I got up to see what there was and strated crying. How someone so kind can do such lovely things she does for others. One person I can honestly say that I love very much. Heavenly Father sure made her out of his heart - love you Aunty Dolly for who you are and for the sweet memories we can and do share with each other"

I can have hands that comfort
When my mother passed away - it hit me very hard. She was my best friend, confidante, and mother. The hands of comfort that came to me over the first few days and weeks could be numbered on one hand. I believe it is because people just don't know what to do or say.......yet thankfully, one family tried harder. They are not our blood relatives, but they have wrapped their love around me, my sister, brother and our families. They invite us for dinner, drop baking off, write cards and make phone calls and the best bit - they listen and really genuiunely care. What a comfort they have been to me and mine. I too can do this for others.

I can join hands with those I love
I remember the first time that my husband went to hold my hand - he actually asked me first ;-) He didn't take it for granted - but he asked. It is a simple gesture, but one that cements us as a unit, and a team. Whenever I get the chance I hold my sons hands too as if I am willing the love from me to pass through my fingers to them - of course they aren't so receptive these days now that they are all grown up... but regardless of their age - there is nothing that feels that same as having a child's hand in yours. I have a magnet that says that "A mother holds her child's hand for now and their hearts forever". To that I say AMEN ;-)

I can extend the hand of friendship
There are a couple of ladies that live nearby that I am going to visit this week. I know that both of them could do with some friends, and I am committed to doing this. I know that the hand of friendship extended to me has come at times that I needed it most. Now it my turn to reciprocate some of that to others.... It may be something you can try as well.

Have a great week friends... thank you for offering your hands of support to me this year and every week we meet here - same time same blogspot ;-)

Until the next time,

Mxox

Words of Wisdom - King Solomon stylez

It is amazing that words written in 900 BC would still apply to us today. At the time King Solomon was the leader of a very politically, spiritually, and culturally powerful and rich kingdom, and yet was not only for these things but also as being a wise man.... Here are his words and the lessons I am learning.

LESSON ONE - "To every thing there is a seaon and a time to every purpose under the heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1
After my mother recovered from her major surgery and treatment - I needed to return back to work and get some money. However as I was just starting out after the boys, and committed to being a full-time mother, my options were limited. A friend put me on to this two night a week spot doing data entry. Before I went in to sit a speed and accuracy test, I remember sitting in the carpark with my mother and crying my eyes out. Here I was an intellectual educated woman with three degrees about to work in a position that didn't need any of those skills or knowledge and I felt like a failure. After hearing her full grown daughter, a mother of her grandbabies bawling - all she said was "Dear (her endearment for me), every thing has a season - and your time will come - it will come". I held on to that for the following two years until I got a part-time job lecturing - and the rest is history. Not only King Solomon was wise, my mother was pretty on-to-it too.

LESSON TWO - "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" Proverbs 22:6
This is one of the things that I try and do raising my sons. I regularly observe and occasionally talk to women of sons for some guidance on what I can do and prepare for them getting older. The the advice is different and usually very helpful. The anecdotal evidence is sometimes hiliarious and always heart warming. Yet the most commonly held belief of these mothers is that ALL you can do as a parent is to raise your children the best you can, to ground them in good values, surrounded by love and the desire to want to do better. The rest will be up to them.... Some wise words are harder to apply than others - so if I make it through the next five years of teenagerhood, I'll let you know how I go ;-)

LESSON THREE - "A soft answer turneth away wrath" Proverbs 15:1
Its amazing that this was penned so long ago - as it has filled pages and pages of business and self-help books across the planet since then. In my current position I have had to employ this skill on more occasions that I care to remember and only survived because I have taken the less travelled path of softness and calmness. It typically has me apologising or as I call it eating 'humble pie' in many cases a pie that the yeller should be eating ;-) It sometimes ends in tears (never in front of the yeller) - because no one deserves to be yelled at, but that is a small sacrifice to pay to maintain control, integrity, dignity and the right to hold my head up high.

LESSON FOUR - " For as [s]he thinketh in his heart, so is [s]he" Proverbs 23:7
I wish it were true when we say - "Oops - that just slipped out" but the reality is that words don't just don't fall out of our mouths - because it is scientifically impossible for something to happen without a thought (unless you have turrets syndrome). What you think, is what you are- it really is that simple and something I reflect on everyday!

LESSON FIVE - "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches" Proverbs 22:1
Names are important to me - I believe they carry connections between this generation and those that have been and hopefully those to come. My names (both the one that I was born with and married into) place me fairly and squarely in a family tree that spreads across continents and it is awesome. It is important to live a life that is worthy of the name that we carry - because unlike riches, which will not last - it is one of the only things we will take with us into the next life...

Proverbs and Eccelesiastes are full of words of wisdom that still apply to us some thousand years later and I am praying that it doesn't take that long to learn and practice them :-)

Yours in friendship

Mxox

Everyday heroes ;-)

I sat today and thought about some every day heroes that I have in my life and wanted to write about them and dedicate this blog to them.

Heroine One
My first everyday hero lives near me. In my life she has been a youth leader, a musician, a neighbour and awesome to know. During my younger years of knowing her, she slowly lost her hearing yet she carried on hiking tramping and teaching me how to survive outdoors - something I don't say out loud ;-) In the last few years she has lost her sight. Even then she is the chorister for a large congregation and in order to lead everyone is singing she memorises every word. Today she had to memorise a whopping 1000 words, that's on average 7 songs a week! She is an amazing example to me of someone who has strives to live regardless of the restrictions of her body.

Hero Two
My next hero also lives nearby. I grew up with his children and think that he and his wife are the sweetest couple. Growing up,  he was a handyman/mechanic/a fixit man. There was always something going on at his place.... Over the last decade or so his eyesight was lost. He and his wife now walk everywhere because of her poor eyesight which prevents her from driving...I actually have never seen her drive ;-) To lose an important ability as eyesight would make a weaker man negative and bitter, instead what I love is that he is genuinely the funniest man around - with a sense of humour that lightens moods and rooms.

Heroine Three
I am reminded of one of my son's basketball coach/managers when they were at primary school. Basketball was obviously something that she knew a lot about and loved to be an active mother in her children's schooling and extramural activities. The problem was that an accident several years before made it extremely difficult for her to walk unaided. Such was the damage to her foot that years after this she lost her leg to her knee. She was an awesome coach then and even now I am sure she is working those sidelines from her wheelchair. I have not seen her for years, but her example will be with me forever.

Hero Four
I was at highschool with a young man who was severly disabled. His fingers were curled, his body was crooked and his speech was hard to understand. He could not walk well unaided and usually had crutches and later a bike. Regardless of the body that he was born into this young man was known to everyone, was friendly and has the greatest personality. His power to overcome his limitations and the attitude he possesses is mind blowing. Of all his achievements that he has done - I still remember hearing about him doing the New York Marathon! What an inspiration you are.

Just writing about these people makes me smile...and reminds myself (an 'able' bodied person) that life is for the living and if my heroes can do it with their physical challenges - so should I. There are no excuses..

Yours in friendship

Mxox                                                         

Journals....

Recently I have cleared out two bookshelves of "stuff" that I had once thought important enough to keep... and while doing that I made the mistake of sitting down to read. A mistake only because I became riveted to the same spot for hours going through my life in my own words. What an interesting experience. I did an exercise my sister and I used to do growing up, and picked a random date and read what it said in our journals :-) This time around I discovered that July was definitely not a popular month for journal entering - so I took the nearest one and here's what thirty years looks like in my own words....

Sunday 21st June 1981
This week was busy. The orchestra played up the hospital for ward 37 and 38. I played on the organ which I really enjoy. I played a solo on the piano an believe me it was a cranky one. We had afternoon tea.. We were planning the Skoda to be at our place on Friday because Grandad was going to bring it down. He did but it broke down in Huntly and Grandad hitched-hiked down here.The one thing I remember is that that Skoda never made it passed the mechanics - my mother's first car and it was a dud ;-) The orchestra went on to play at the School festival. I was sick as a dog, but my teacher came to my house to ask my mother if I could go.... and I did.

Saturday, 13th July 1991
Hello again. I  know I am useless. Anyway here's what has happened. Gwen got married last week. I got fired from Kentucky (still not over that). Sat my Renaissance Drama Exam, think I got wasted. Turns out I was physic - I got totally wasted ;-) My Public Law A lecturer is leaving. He had an affair with a few of the students - one of which had twins to him. Our [wedding] invites are here and most are sent. Nice. Mum, Dad and Beryl came down. Dad's had an accident. Rau is dying. Daddy may not be able to make it back to the wedding. [The lady who] is sewing the dress -  told Mum I'm too fat.... Not that I didn't know. I went on to get married a little over a month after this entry :-) I changed seamstress soon after and felt much better for it.

Friday, 28th July 1995
A whole week has past and can I remember where it went? All I know is Monday I was bored out of my treetop in my psych class, humbuggered in my psych tutorial AND almost passed out in my Masters class1-3pm..... Now its Friday. Emptied the babies cot. Can't wait for them to come especially get out of me. Not in a bad way just I'm not really enjoying it anymore. My pelvic bone hurts, I can't move and now I have to eat small frequent meals - I can handle frequent, but small!?! Mum found a really nice story. Im putting it in my journal. She read it to me and started crying. She's been crying heaps lately but I don't mind... On Sunday the 20th August, I gave birth to two beautiful little boys, 4lb5oz and his brother 5lb3oz. I graduated with my Masters in April 1998.

Tuesday 25th July 2000
Simba got groomed today and she looks lovely. Had to buy her a jersey from the op shop because being winter and all.... anyway mum came to watch the  boys before I went to Polytech and I'm very impressed with what she had planned - so happy with her. Very lucky the boys have her what a great learning opportuniy. Thank you. I started a teaching part-time (one lecture a week) and worked around my children and looking after my mother from 1998 until I started working where I am now in 2003.

Sunday 3 July 2005
Choir was something tonight. We should have been brushing up but couldn't because people are still learning so it was very interesting.. We have our last practice on Wednesday which hopefully will seal it. I'm going to make some muffins, buscuits, milo and soup for people to eat on Wednesday or something different. Speaking of eating my diet left the building today - escaped!! The diet is still missing and I've been looking for it ever since ;-)

Sunday 25th July 2010
Another blog entry.... and from my own words ;-)Yours in friendship,

Mxox

The sounds and images of a month

Today's blog is about some of the things that touched me in the last month. Every opportunity provided me with more life lessons that will make me a better person.

A great woman

In the weekend I had the privilege of travelling with a group of work friends to a little place called Ruatahuna for the unveiling of a friend who was also a work friend. The woman who had passed was a beautiful person both inside and out and her loss is still being felt by many. Being with our friend's people was an experience I will never forget. She was such a beautiful Cook Island/Maori woman, who taught me lessons in kindness. She is a great woman - who we love and miss every day.

Remembering a life
My sister and I have been looking for a way to remember our mother and found a
breast cancer pandora bracelet to help us. We are looking forward to adding charms one for every year. It is an exciting and wonderful way for us to share with each other our mother's love for pretty pink things....

They're gonna be alright...

I'm a mother who worries about her children. I worry that I am not doing something to help them prepare to be adults, good husbands and fathers. So I was chuffed recently, when preparing for their first ball, I wrote on my facebook the following "Here I am advising my sons that girls at their age can be heartless and not to be despondent when the little princesses reject them after being asked for a dance.... for one son to say "Mum, don't worry - I'm gonna say, "do you want a dance?" and if she says "no", I'm gonna say - "I wasn't asking you anyway" - and then... ask the next girl ;-)". I knew in that moment they were gonna be alright!

Life's not for quitters

I recently presented  a segment on attitude and the story that came to mind and the one I shared was that of Sally Robbins. Her Australian team were coming third heading into the final 500 metres of the race when she dropped her oar and rested on her team mate. As expected the Australian media vilified her with the Daily Telegraph reporting "In a team sport such as rowing what she did was unforgivable. It appears Robbins committed the greatest crime there is in honest sport: she quit".  I learnt that life is not for quitters and I do not ever want to be a Lay-down Sally.

A mother's love
In the last month I attended the tangi of a beautiful premature baby boy. His mother suffered physically bringing him into this world and knowing that his little life had ended must have made this process even more difficult. Having left the hospital to be with her baby at his tangi, I watched this wonderful mother struggling to walk, resorting to crawling in order to move - all so she could join her whanau (family) in farewelling their baby/brother/moko(grandchild)/nephew/cousin. I witnessed that day the love of mother and its limitless capacity to suffer and love for a child.

It was an interesting month and looking forward to plenty more like it ;-)

Yours in friendship,

Mxox