Raising Teenager Boys

I don't purport to know much -and being the mother of teenagers is proving this right! What I do know is that I am learning more and more everyday being the parent of teenagers. I remember dreading the day that the boys would get to adolescence and now I am here I am willing us all (teenager and parents) to get to adulthood intact ;-)

Here is what I am learning.

LESSON ONE - Seize the moment
Teaching moments are golden and I have found that they come around at the odd times, like when I am least prepared, or in the middle of doing something else... The lesson that I have learnt is there is nothing more important than my teenagers and if there is a window of opportunity worth seconds or minutes to impart something from me to them - then I seize it. Its not's a time to lecture - its a time to share. You take too long - they zone out. You start preaching - they tune out. However, if you share something from what you are going through and ask what they think - then you have an 'in' moment. Be open to being taught by your teenager.... I have and its amazing what they know ;-)

LESSON TWO - Build a bridge - go to them
Recently, I happened to sit on the side of my son's bed as I had noticed he was "off" and asked him what was the problem. All he said were six words - "I need a meeting with Dad" and it was done. Yes, I am the parent and my teenager should come to me, but I am also the adult who has the skills and tools to build a bridge between parent and teenager. It is not a sign of weakness to go to your teenager, and in fact teaches them that they too can cross the bridge...

LESSON THREE - Listen & Zip it
I don't know what happens when teenagehood comes along but the word count in my house dropped by thousands.... I hope it recovers because although the incessant talking of one of my sons was a pain when he was little - I had no idea that the upcoming silence when he became a teenager would be far worse... So I have learnt that where parents are concerned - there must be a word count which is kept to pretty rigidly... so I listen very carefully to what is said. I have always been a good listener and this has helped me communicate effectively with my teenagers - however the key skill that I utilise the most is when listening to my teenager is 'to shut my mouth' - because any interruptions can kill conversations - so listen and zip it.

LESSON FOUR - Keep your judgments to yourself
As parents and adults we become pretty good at judging people and situations and making decisions based on that. This is both a handy skill but can also hinder growth and the opportunity to cease new challenges. With my teenagers - it is important to keep judgements to myself. What I think my sons are feeling, doing or about to do is not necessarily the case. My judgements are built on a lifetime of experience. My teenagers don't have that because they are the beginning of their lifetime. There are other ways to teach and I have learnt that how I respond to my teenagers is critical to their experiences and will add to their skills to judge situations later in life. So in reality my thinking as a parent and that of my teenager son can literally be lifetimes apart.....

LESSON FIVE - I love you
I tell my sons that I love them every day.  As children, the last words they heard before they went to sleep was that I loved them and they would respond in kind. As teenagers - this still happens - when their mother can remember... I am sure that my teenagers are amongst the few who end their phone conversations with 'love you'. For me, it was important that my sons knew this and as growing men - saying "I love you" is viewed as normal and acceptable behaviour. It is something that they can have that was a part of me into their new lives and eventually into their families long after I am gone..

I figure we have five more years to get through the teenager/young adult years.... so I am sure that these lessons will keep growing. I wish us all well in this important work - being parents of teenagers!

Yours in friendship,

Mxox