Goodbye 2011

I love this time of the year! I'm a great self reflector at the best of times, but getting ready for a new year is the perfect opportunity to review more than normal and without feeling bad about it.....

Here are my top five pieces of advice/emails/words/thoughts that I have received in 2011. Thank you to the wonderful people in my life that provided me with these words of love. They certainly helped me at the time and will be called on to help me navigate another 365 days on this planet :-) If you find something helpful for you - that is certainly a bonus!!

Step away from the chocolate
In my journal I have recorded the following words: "She told me to go home - like NOW, ring and make an appointment with *** and organised that first. She told me to go home, change the sheets on my bed and put the electric blanket on or hot water bottle and hop in there and SLEEP. She aslo advised me to find somthing to do like - write or she even suggested that I go to the temple (and this is someone not of my faith...) she advised me NOT to go home and pig out on chocolate and that because it will only make me feel sick......" Advising me not to go home and eat chocolate - what woman tells another woman to step away from the chocolate? A true friend, that's who....... 

One day at a time
In a question "how am I going to get through another day?" the reply was simple - "take one day at a time". This from someone that I trust implicitly and to make it even better - someone who had themselves, made it through some dark times in their own life....

Time Out for Women
At Time Out for Women Conference this year, Laurel Christensen presented some thoughts based on the scripture Mathew 7:9 which reads "... what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?" Her message was that if we want or need something, having prayed for it and specific in our requests, and done everything we can do ourselves to make something happen - then it is unlikely we will be given a 'stone'. She taught that in order for this principle to work, we had to do the following; 1) pray in faith, 2) think with faith and 3) live with faith. The conference was life-changing!

Birthday wishes
This year both of my sons gave me a card which was lovely.... but the words inside were priceless. For mums out there raising sons - you will know that emotions and actual words are an economy that boys don't spend often ;-) so when they wrote some thoughts - I was brought to tears.... In one card it read "On this great day mum I'd like to say happy birthday. When I saw this card I thought it was perfect because I wouldn't have to write anything because it already said what needed to be said. But just in case I'll tell you how much I love you which would be to heaven and back, although you may not hear me say it to you Mum, just know thats how I feel inside. I hope I'm not too much of a pain mum..." Isn't that beautiful, but what was so cool and reminded me that my blood does run through my babies - he added "....and I hope you get a job soon....." :-) Thank you babies xx

Quotes
There were so many so which ones made the cut?? Here are my top picks of the many that I have collected this year from unknown - "Now is the time, this is the place, you are the one", a prayer given by Pastor Joe Wright in the Kansas House Representatives on Janurary 23rd 1996 (check with Mr Google and he will help you), from anonymous "May you always have: enough happiness to keep you sweet, enough trials to keep you strong, enough success to keep you eager, enough faith to give you courage and enough determination to make each day a good one.",  and one from Marilyn Munroe "I believe that everything happens for a reason; people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together....."I know, Marilyn Munroe - who would've know?

But by far - my favourite from the movie New Year's Eve Movie by the character played by Hillary Swank at a press conference when the giant ball that falls every year at New York's Time Square becomes stuck "[The ball is] suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps - our promises made, and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures - or closed ourselves down, for fear of getting hurt. Because that's what New Year's is all about: getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight - and it will drop - let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long."

Happy New Year!!

Yours in friendship

Mxo

Just another day............ NOT!

I have heard a few times in my life people saying that Christmas is just another day..... and they don't really get into it.... Today, I was told that because  I was part of the "people who love Christmas" I didn't understand.... well, actually I do. I know that Christmas is commercialised beyond recognition, but here is what I have learnt about Christmas and why I get over myself and get into it!!
 

I want to thank my beautiful mother for instilling me the christmas spirit and regardless of her desperate situation - Christmas was never cancelled and it was never just another day..... Here was a single mother with nothing yet all I remember is the joy we got from putting up our tree, the love of the decorations (which I saw for the first time in a long time as an adult - and cannot imagine what we saw in them ;-)), and the Christmas story. It was never about presents (although I have to admit - I have never quite grasped this concept ;-) even my sons who think they are near to homeless will be getting something ;-)), but always about family and being together with good food. When she got a new tree it was a family decision and quite a large financial investment for her yet it was something that she valued and we learnt from that. The first Monday of December the tree would go up and we would decorate it after reading the Christmas story. The children would enact it. We had a lot of fun and love was abound!

It wasn't always that easy for her though. On the 20th of December 1983, my mother's sister, her husband, a family friend/relative and their six children were returning home after doing some shopping. A truck, according to the police reports, we later heard turned the corner and jack-knived into the path of their van. That accident killed my aunty, her husband, their only daughter (my cousin), a son (my cousin) and their friend/cousin and left their four reamining children orphaned and in hospital spread across northland. I remember vividly the instant my mother was told of the accident and will never forget that day. The pain, I am sure, my cousins feel every day and not just at Christmas time but has that been enough to cancel Christmas? No. I want to wish my cousins a very Merry Christmas and thank them for being an example of living through the worst day of their lives and yet turning out to be good people. I love them.

Some years ago, I ended up at the back of an ambulance and in hospital. It turned out after about two days in there that my appendix were moments away from bursting and already infected..... I was rushed into theatre for an operation on christmas eve and spent christmas day on morphine ;-) The children quickly learnt that Santa was actually not very well that year and after she got out of hospital would visit them.... I remember wrapping presents in pain because Santa's husband had NO idea ;-) Yip, I think that year the boys realised who Santa really was ;-) They were seven. I learnt that year that Christmas was about being grateful for good health and family and presents and even Santa was waaaaaay over-rated!! 

This year there are no presents under our tree. The boys think they are the ONLY ones in the world that are not getting presents this year! One of them is taking it into his stride and knows that things will turn around - he hopes ;-) The other one is struggling with the concept and has offered to go without food so he can see something go under the tree with his name on it ;-) I am grateful for their cousin who said that he was told that they wouldn't be having christmas presents this year and when he asked his mother for about the millioneth time - what they were getting for christmas - she said "vinyl & carpet" (for their beautifully renovated kitchen and dining room) ;-) I thank my sister-in-law for teaching my children that Christmas is about priorities and even though there are no presents this year - we are still having Christmas!

So, for me, when I hear people say it is just another day I wish them alittle bit of what I have. I wish them the spirit of giving and sharing, of laughter and family. It is one day when we should release ourselves from worldy troubles and remember the birth of the Saviour and how blessed our lives are for it. And however we chose to do it - either with new vinyl under our feet or a $2 secret santa gift - then so be it.

Whatever you do, please try and make it more than just another day - make it an awesome day of remembering. Enjoy it, even if you have to 'fake it 'til you make it' for the children's sake..... so that when they grow up to be my age - they know that christmas day is sooooooooo not like any other day of the year!!

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

My sista

On Saturday I watched my sister complete a 2km swim in the ocean as part of a team competing in a half ironman and I couldn't have been more prouder of her. I was so proud, my mother's genes overcame me and I shed some tears everytime I saw her get out of the water to round a peg to go back in to swim another circuit three times! I spent most of that day, afternoon and some time after thinking about her and her achievment and the reasons why those tears of pride and joy fell...

My sister is three years younger than me. She is the middle child of our family. She is pretty clued on when it comes to finances and business, and is technologically savvy (this is in comparison to me so not sure if that counts...)We have been described by people that know us to be totally different yet when people see us know that we are sisters. In fact, people are often getting us confused which is more of a insult to her than me - I mean, who wouldn't want to be seen as someone three years younger than they really are ;-) Our relationship has grown over the years but it as adults that we are getting to know each other and becoming friends. These are the things that she teaches me....

PEACEMAKER

When we were little, I remember my mother doing an activity that would get us to think of something positive about each other and we would share that. What I do recall from that activity the most is Zina being described as the peacemaker. This is actually funny considering the combats her and my brother used to engage in, but in general she has a soft heart and is caring, considerate and compassionate. She is often the inbetween of people and looks for the good to EVERY story and person. She is softer that I am in a lot of ways, and forgives easier which makes it quicker for her to find peace around her and within herself.

TENACITY

In the oxford dictionary this word means to hold or stick to something and this is something my sister teaches me all the time by her example. Her recent race is a good case in point. She started training for it quite late in the piece and was sick and injured during the build up but she was determined and focussed and there was no way she was going to drop out. Amazing....

COURAGEOUS

I think my sister is one of the most courageous people that I know, because she is living a life as a single mother of two growing children in a community that is away from her own support systems. She lives this life without fear and basically on her own, and she teaches me about having courage. If I think about the race she has just completed, I would not even have half of her courage to go into open water and swim - I am paralysed by just thinking about it - and yet, off she went, into the unknown and did it!! 

BUDGET

My sister is an accountant. If you know any accountants, I believe they are all the same - continually doing risk, benefit and cost analysis... Everything is about money either the productive and effective use of, or the waste, the re-cycling value of, or the loss and debt of something. I think that is a skill that I could use more... I love this about my sister because it puts 'real' back into money and she needs to remind me more about this lesson..... but I digress. The coolest thing about being an accountant is her ability to budget. Because of this talent, she has just taken her children on a two week overseas holiday. She has planned for it and budgeted it for it and done it all on her own and I am so proud of her.

FINISHER

If my sister starts something - she will finish it. She has been, and always will be like that. The journey may not be pretty and the end product may not be the most stunning but my goodness, heaven and earth will be moved so that she finishes. Watching her race on Saturday, although I know she struggled in places with people swimming over her and directly infront of her.... there was one thing for certain - she was going to finish....

Thank you sista for the wonderful lessons you teach me everyday and congratulations for completing your 2km skim. You were truly inspirational!

Mxo

Simba & Me

I can't sleep so here I am writing to you. It's not even my normal blog day but I had to do something. We have just had my beautiful seventeen year old Bichon Friese put down after suffering renal failure for some time. We had organised the vet to come to our home tomorrow but this evening her pain increased with an inflamed colon or bowel and I couldn't bear to hear her making these moaning noises so I rang the on-call vet. On arrival, we had a couple of options - to either give her some painkiller to get her through the night and go ahead with her euthanasia tomorrow or to put her down now. We chose the later..... It was quick for her but going to be a long journey for me.....

If you aren't an animal person - don't even bother reading ahead because try as you will - you are never going to get it..... This blog is personal and simple - it's about Simba and me.

OWNERSHIP

Simba was orginally my mother's dog. My mum was given a Bichon puppy to replace her two companion dogs (chihuahuas) who had both died within a short period of each other about a year earlier. We picked the puppy up from Papakura and brought her and and a sister home (the sister was destined for another friend). Simba's mother was a pedigree Bichon Friese, but by the looks of the litter - she had been visited by a little fox terrior if you know what I mean ;-) Simba and my mother bonded but it was never the same for Mum and Simba ended up coming to me. When my husband and I moved - we were unable to have pets so Simba had to stay behind with Mum but as soon as we could have the dog - Simba became a permanent part of my home and life.

CHILDREN

My children have grown up with Simba. She came to us in February 1995, six months before the boys and was only a puppy when they arrived ;-) My earliest memory of her is when, after feeding and changing the boys, I sat propped up in my mum's bed (we moved in with her after the babies were born) resting, with a twin in each of my arms and not to be outdone - was my other baby - Simba lying snuggled up around my neck and off the four of us would go into the land of snooze. The other memory is of her going crazy - running up and down the hallway trying to get my attention when the babies started crying like no one else in the neighbourhood would have heard 'that' racket ;-) I used to say to her "where's the boys?" or "let's go and get the boys" and off she would go to either find them or out the door to the car to get going.... Every niece and nephew that came after she arrived have a 'simba' story. She loved the children and she was loved by them....

LOAFER

Simba was a 'loafer' - she loved to roam - on foot of course, but if she could have chosen the mode of travel - it would be by car EVERY time. She loved to hang out the window and let that wind just about re-arrange her face. When she was younger she could hold herself up and perch out the window  for as long as the car was moving - summer or winter, even a bit of rain was tolerated, but not for long ;-) As she got older she would need some assistance so she would sit on someone's arm - whose kidding, on my arm so she didn't have to stand for long.... Sometimes she would sit on the back window area but her favourite was leaning out the window. I will miss my little loafer.

BEAUTY in the eye of the beholder

I thought Simba was beautiful. There is a saying that a dog starts looking like their owner... well if that was the truth then I was in good company ;-) The problem with Simba is her coat - when it got wet, it smelt like wet wool, when it grew too long it matted, and of course with a broken tail from a previous encounter with the tyres of a speeding car - the back end sometimes left a lot of work for me to do, if you know what I mean...... so we had her groomed every couple of months. I'm not sure if Simba minded or not - actually what dog does like a bath so she probably HATED it ;-), but I remember on one occasion early on, the groomer meeting me on my return to the practice to pick her up to inform me that she had to give Simba a sedative to get her groomed - a sedative! I never went back there because I believed the groomer had the problem not Simba.... anyway - with or without the groom she as beautiful... and by the way, she never ever needed a sedative again.... so I was right - it was the groomer and Simba WASN'T a drama queen ;-)

Unconditional LOVE

What I am going to miss above all else is the love that only a pet can give. She was happy to see me EVERY time, not just when she was in the mood - but EVERY day. If I remained in the car after arriving home either on the phone or just organising myself - she would stand on the porch and bark as if to say - "hurry up woman and get in here!" Before she got sick, and even well into her old age, she would play this game when she would come up to me then run away and around the kitchen and lounge or down to the room and back, and I would follow her, then she would stop then turn around and follow me back....  If I was missing from somewhere for too long - she would come and seek me out, if on the computer she would come and sit at my feet or on her mat until I went to bed and then she would follow me into the room and on her bed. Even in her last days she would walk around and make sure we were all okay. We have video footage of her checking on the boys in their rooms, me wherever I was, and her father recording her.... I will miss her for this the most - her unconditional love....

Rest in peace my Simba. Mummy loves you.

Mxo

A Bishop's Wife

Last week my husband was made a Bishop (Pastor) of our ward (Parish). This is great for him and he will do his very best and I know that he will fulfill his calling honourably. The reaction of people we know has been supportive and he has been a recipient of ALL the kind things that people say (many of whom genuinely feel it). The children and I are aware of our role as the support crew and are happy to do this for him and look forward to sharing this journey with one of the quite possibly humblest men on the planet....

As a result of this change in our whanau - many of MY/OUR friends have been jokingly/not jokingly approached me and shared their thoughts about what I need to do now as the wife of a Bishop which include behaving myself etc. Some of these people have known me for many many years, so they know what they are talking about ;-) This has got me thinking, "What am I going to do?". I started with the things that I need to change and that list was too long - so I thought about things that I can do better and that list was even longer - so eventually I gave myself a break and agreed there are some things that I do okay - that I could enhance, and this list was just right ;-)

1) PATIENCE

Many people have told me that I am patient person - granted they were not my husband or children - but I think this is something that I do exercise freely. I am going to need this more than ever as a wife of a very busy man and will learn not to expect him home for dinner that has been prepared for him - and actually get used to eating without him - and be patient because if there is one thing I know for sure - he will be home ;-) I am going to need to be patient and wait for my time with him.

2) HUMILITY

I can do humble. I have no options really given my choice of eternal companion - but I can do humility :-) For me, I have no feelings of jealously of my husband having all the accolades (for a lack of a better word) and of being the leader. I think once upon a time, I may have wanted or aspired to be a leader myself, but one thing time does - and that is teach you - and as a result any aspiration for positions of power have now been tempered with acceptance and understanding. My goal is to match the humility of my husband.

3) SELF-CONFIDENCE

Like a lot of women - low self esteem/confidence is something we share. For me, I my self confidence is usually okay thanks to years of developing a very good system of self-talking (especially after my number one fan/critical friend - my Mummy - passed away) that buoys my up and gets me going again... I am certainly going to need this system more than ever now...... An example - yesterday it took me longer than normal to choose what I was going to wear to church. There is no manual on what a wife of a Bishop has to wear - but I suspect she is not to look drabby, or like a drowned cat or the walking dead - you get my drift.... So as the wardrobe was being emptied on to the bed as I look for something that first of all I could fit, then look half decent in - my self talk kicked in and told me off. This is what it said " You are a daughter of God, an alright mother and I guess a lovely wife :-). You are basically a good person and try to be better so who cares what you wear M - just get dressed, don't be late, keep it together and be confident that you are going to be alright". And I was.....

4) RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships are among my most precious possessions. I value them and work on maintaining them carefully, thoughtfully and in love. Luckily for me that I already do this because I am going to need to practise it diligently as we go along this journey. The relationships that I need to focus on now more than ever are with my Heavenly Father, His son Jesus Christ, my husband and my sons. These are key to a happy life.

5) HUMOUR

I have this one down pat - and it is something that I have spent years refining ;-) I am going to need this more than ever to help us all enjoy this journey. I'm looking forward to it.

Well, that was my list. In the end I had to really had to scratch my head to come up with a couple - but they all seem about right....... I'll let you know how I go this time next year - who knows this list may change, or even get bigger ;-) Whatever happens - to our friends who read this and know us - your love and support means a lot and is most appreciated.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

The Blue Line

I don't really like police people. I'm not sure why this is, because if I was ever in trouble - they are the first people that I would call..... So I had a rethink and its not the police in general - its the people that make up the police force. But what do I really know though - since I have NEVER been in trouble and despite the odd speeding ticket - oh hang on - now I remember!!!

Anyway, my friend Mandy is training to be a police person. I think she will be great!! When she does become a policewoman - she will then boost my friends (or people I know and like) that work the blue line to a total of four ;-). One of these people that I like is my cousin who is a sergeant, married and a father of four.... what a life!! He is doing a great job and we are proud of him and his awesome wife! He shares some really great stories and lessons that he learns during his work. I've asked him if I can use them and he has allowed me to do that. I have taken out his name and references that might connect him to these stories ;-)

 I dedicate this blog to my friend Mandy who is an inspiration to us all that if you put your mind to something - you can do anything you want - and there are no excuses....

HOUDINI
"Picked up this drunk as dude today.. Only word i could get out of him was "yeh". dude was smashed.. So anywayz took him bak to the station n whilst searching him, discovered his pants was on backwardz.. I thort that was a bit strange. I told him to remove his belt.. The numpty just stood there staring at his belt.. he Couldnt find his buckle.. Cause his belt was actuali buckled up backwards as well.. I guess thts the reason he had peed himself.. Hahaha too funi.. He some kinda drunk houdini.."

HALLOWEEN
"My boyz are runin rownd the view scarin tha locals.. Im drivn round ***** doin the same.. Except i dnt hv a costume....im makin every day halloween. Hahaha.."

BLACK OPS for REALZ
"Had firearms training today.. One of the perks of the job.... 10 outa 10 wit the glock.....10 outa 10 wit the m4 bushmaster (rifle) Yeyah.. Beats black ops n e day.."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
"Spent my morning sorting out other peoples dramaz.. Brother and sister scrapping over who has to clean the house.. Sister rang the cops.. So i turned up. Told them to stop fighting and called mum hme frm work to sort her kids out.. Oh yeh and the kidz are in there mid twenties.. Hapi birthdae to me..yay..hahaha"

WHANAU 

"Heres a "better work story" Bout a month ago at wrk driving down the main street of ****, saw a couple of guys fighting in the middle of the road.. Jumped out n grabbed the guy who lukd lik he had the upper hand.. Dude turned n straight punched me right in the face..cheeky fula. so i pinned him against my car, thats whn six of his drunk agro mates surounded me. Back up was still 10 mins away.... Things were bout to get really messy. Thn a dude stepped up outta the crowd a says "hey ur ****, i remember u frm ****, do u need a hand" the agro dudes were tryn to push the cuzzy outa the way.. Gav me just enuff time to cuff my boy n turn to deal wit the crowd. shot cuzzy u savd my bacon.. I thnk he was one of the "*****" frm *****..lik the wise six60 said "dont forget your roots my friend, dont forget your family"... So true.. No mattr what, family always got ur bak.."

 

Cousin - you are a legend!! Mandy - wishing you all the best in reaching your aspirations! You are amazing!!

 

Yours in friendship,

 

Mxo

The View

The other day I was driving my son to his touch rugby practice and as I was driving along the familiar roads, I said to him - "Son, I have lived here practically all of my life", to which he replied "So have I" ;-) I smiled and had a bit of a chuckle and thought - you are right son! You see my son is the 4th generation child of my family to live here in what people call - The View or more recently - The Village.

Besides a short stint of living in another area of town, I have been here since I was a child. Until recently, I was kind of embarrased to live at the same address as I have done most of my life because I had never left. I have friends that I have grown up who live in the United States, Australia and even Hong Kong - yet here I am - still in the View.

Now, I have realised - that I can't imagine it any other way. My sons haven't been disadvantaged in any way. We live in a relatively crime free area and have never been subjected to gangs, drugs, alcohol, or any other substance abuse, tagging, robberies, fights and so on. Don't get me wrong - we aren't living in heaven - we still have late nighters, the random druggy and gangsta, and our share of domestics and so on - but my sons have never been exposed as much because of where we live. In fact, my children, I am 100% certain, would be welcome in the homes to my left and right - maybe not across the road (because of their scary dogs and acquaintances) - but everywhere else. Surely - that is not a disadvantage...

So it got me thinking - for a small place like this - what are the lessons that I have learnt from the View?

LESSON ONE - It takes a village to raise a family
I remember this African saying being turned into a book written by Hillary Clinton and discussed on Oprah some years ago. It always stuck with me because that's what I feel about the 'village' that I live in. I think about all the of the people that I grew up with and around - many of whom have now passed on, and some who are still here, and I remember the lessons they taught. As a solo parent, my mother needed support and many of the people who live in this community were there for her. They supported her to raise her family and I am grateful for that.

LESSON TWO - Chinese Whispers
One of the challenges in a small community is something like the game of chinese whispers. I guess people would call it gossip and being busy bodies - which is people thinking they know other people's business, but like the game of chinese whispers - often end up being totatlly wrong. So I've learnt from this and have tried very hard to know no one else's business but my own and it has kept me free from rumour, gossip and innuendo - actually I don't know if it has, but because I don't talk to other people about other people - I am happily oblivious. I have achieved this in some way by having my children educated outside of the View so they have friends both close and afar, and by seeking employment outside of where I live. This has helped to not only broaden my view but also to keep busy enough not to have enough time to be a busy body  ;-)

LESSON THREE - Whanau
I have learnt that whanau (family) is actually not only blood relatives. I grew up calling people that have no bloodlines to me - Aunty and Uncle. I still do it today and it feels normal. My neighbours have two little children and do you know what they call me and Maurice? They call us Aunty and Uncle. This makes me smile because we are not related at all and yet before their father (little Raha) was born - I was and still call his  grandmother - Aunty Emma. I love my View whanau (many of whom are my dearest friends, younger and older - it doesn't matter). In fact I know almost all of the people in the View by name (and if not by name by parent or grandparent ;-)) and like my sister says - she would have no problem asking anyone of them if she could use their toilet ;-) Not very scientific but I think you get the gist - we are whanau after all....

LESSON FOUR - History
My grandparents left their home in the Winterless north to come to the View - which at the time was peat and swamp land. Alongside many others, they raised their families as labour missionaries, while building from scratch the wonderful landmark buildings, and a community that exists even 53 years later. My Nanna and Grandad owned one of the first houses here and raised my Aunty and Uncles here in the View. Even though we are only talking about a relatively short span of time (53 years) in the bigger sense of things - it is 53 years of my history - which makes the View part of me, and I love it.

LESSON FIVE - Change
I was discussing some changes that are coming up with my sons and they couldn't understand why. I thought that was interesting because I know what they mean. They have been used to being with the same people all their lives and now there are about to be some shifts. I explained to them that the only thing constant everywhere is change and the View is no different. All we can do, and is something I have learnt from living in the same place for the best part of the last 35 years - is to accept the change, work with it, let it settle and move on because if there is one thing for certain - it is change.....

I thank the people from the View, past and present, that have had a profound influence on my life, and who  I have loved and they me. The lessons that I have learnt have made me the person that I am today - and in some ways - probably in many ways - are having that same, although Maraeaized, influence on my children - even, four generations later ;-)

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

What have you traded?

There is only one story that has been on my mind today and it is a story in the bible about twins -  Esau and Jacob.

Issac and Rebekah were married and it became apparent that Rebekah was unable to have children. Issac went to the Lord to ask for his wife to become pregnant and after his heartfelt pleas, Rebekah conceived. The pregnancy was difficult and it was Rebekah who then went to the Lord for counsel. A prophecy is given to her about her impending birth  and in Genesis Chapter 25 she is told that "Two nations are in they womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger"

The time came for the birth of her twins. Esau is born hours before his brother Jacob, and is  vividly described as being red and hairy - 'like a hairy garment' of which Jacob is not. Esau is a "cunning hunter" and is much loved by his father. Jacob in contrast is plain (which the footnote clarifies as being perfect, complete, whole, simple), dwells in his tents and is a pretty good cook. Jacob is favoured by his mother.

One day after a particular hard day in the "field" - Esau returns home hungry and thirsty. He asks his brother for some food because he is "faint". Jacob replies by saying to Esau - "Sell me this day thy birthright". Herein lies the first hold-the-bus moment for me. If I was Esau I would have asked "are you crazy?". You see the birthright was not just physical things like the land and possessions of his fathers which automatically goes to the the eldest child, but it also included the acknowledgement as the spiritual leader (and in all other ways) of the people.

Esau, says to his brother - in my words - Bro, I am about to die, what good will my birthright do for me? Jacob again says to his brother - "Swear to me this day" and herein lies the second hold-the-bus moment, Esau "sware unto him: and sold his brithright unto Jacob". Jacob gave Esau bread and a meal of which he drank and ate heartily. When he was finished he got up and left and it says "Esau despised his birthright".

By giving up his birthright, Jacob inherited the blessings of which Esau forfeited. Sure he was hungry and it does use the word famine for hungry - but really - something so insignificant for food? So I thought about this all day and pondered on the 'shortsightedness' of Esau. I ask myself, did he not know what he was giving up? How could he have been so ignorant? I know that he despised his birthright, and as the eldest child of my family - I understand the burden this can be - but was it so bad that he hated it sooo much he would trade it so easily?

My mind has been pondering on this as I liken it to myself and what my "pottage" may have been or could be that has cost me my "birthright" or values or things that really mean a lot to me. Within seconds my mind quickly turns to two of my own Esau moments where I have given up something of eternal significance for something with not so eternal consequences. There may be more...... many more....

The first concerns my role as a mother. For me being a mother has always been my number one priority - yet for years I let my life of other distractions take me away from this role. I traded in my blessing as a Mama, just as Esau did - not for food, but for a work that kept me away from my children and husband, and values once placed in my family being moved to being heavily invested (time, energy, focus) in money, a car, phone, laptop, travel and other 'bells and whistles'.

The second is in regards to my membership in my faith. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints church is part of my spiritual DNA - yet for years, just as Esau did for food - I let me life take me in to places and soaked in my activities that left me little time to connect spiritually. I became isolated from my place of strength and identity, slowly but surely.....

Have you traded something in at the expense of something that is highly valued eternally and spiritually? Is it time to stop and pause and take a stocktake of where you are?

I am blessed that unlike Esau who had lost his birthright forever, there has been a way to reverse these things- but is taking time. I have worked hard in the past few months to connect with both my family and my faith and am some way to getting a refund for these compromises. It has left me happier, poorer in temporal things - but rich in happiness and contentment.

Esau has taught me to stop and pause next time I do something or take on new roles and responsibilities outside of the home. He has taught me that I need to be considerate in what I do next.

Mxo

P.S: After years of trying to kill Jacob - for receiving a blessing intended for Esau from their father (under false pretences) - the brothers are reconciled many years later. Blood is, after all - thicker than water ;-)

Lessons from the RWC

New Zealand has just competed in a World Cup 45 day tournament for Rugby. Rugby is a 15-a-side game all centred around an oval ball. For a dummies guide to Rugby - not that you are a dummy - but rather the author is ;-) have a look at my 21st of August blog for a refresher ;-) There were 20 teams from across the planet competiting from Russia to Namibia, Argentina to Samoa and in between. The country plunged itself into the festivities and according to the media are confirmed as the bestess host country of this tournament EVER...

Anyway, love it or hate it, in New Zealand or America - it came, it saw and was conquered. Here are my lessons from the Rugby World Cup (RWC) 2011.

LESSON ONE - Get over it!
I don't particularly like Rugby. Like I have mentioned before, I was a rugby widow with small babies and it sucked. The older I get, and with the increase  of tv coverage of the sport - my middle-aged husband, whom I have been married to for 20 long rugby loving years - dominates the tv and I am subjected to games, re-runs of games, talk-shows on games, more talk shows on the rugby, seven days a week... only to have given birth to two sons, who have grown up to play and talk rugby!! So lesson number one - the RWC taught me to get over myself, and embrace it because it is something that the man and manchildren that I love - do! So I got a grip and got over myself and joined the hype ;-) and quietly between me and you - I actually enjoyed it!!

LESSON TWO - National Identity/Patriotism

One of the reasons I have had a difficulty with embracing Rugby is because of what it means to the country. It have a clear understanding that it is just a game - yet from what I have observed and by listening to commentators - both social and sports, the media - hard print and live coverage - it has been confirmed for me, that the country's well-being is heavily invested (financially, politically, economically, physically and psychologically) in how we do in Rugby. The latest tournament actually brought peoples together from this fair land in a way that a prime minister could only dream of doing. We had neighbours and strangers standing side by side willing on a single entity against the rest of the world... amazing!

LESSON THREE - Rugby is just a game - NOT

My case is highlighted by the fact that when the national team - the All Blacks lose, the domestic violence rate increases. So for me, the well-being of our menfolk is invested in a game and how well we do. To be fair I am sure that the rates for domestic violence probably spikes when we lose in the other codes - but the correlation with rugby is well documented. The day we can lose and lose graciously in our homes as well as in public - then rugby will truly be viewed for what it is - a game! This is something we can learn from the visiting teams and their supporters. How are we going to change this as a nation?

LESSON FOUR - Overcoming odds

My favourite player in the tournament was Piri Weepu. He is an example of overcoming the odds, and they were certainly stacked up against him in recent times. Firstly, he was unceremoniously dropped from the last world cup team just before the team left much to the dismay of his fans, his whanau and himself. Jo Public was unaware of the reasons - and we were not happy! When he broke his leg last year - it was with abated breath as we watched him recover, then slowly come back into his rugby with his local club, province, super 14 team and finally the All Blacks for the RWC 2011. In the semi-final Piri not only lead the empassioned haka (as he did for all the games), he had the kicking duties (should be number 10's job!), and played his own position while directing play from the backline - and all done as we are just learning - with the flu!! We won that game and Piri became a legend! Sure he played a shocker of a final - but this only goes a long way to telling the coaches - "Mate, one man shouldn't be doing everything!!"

LESSON FOUR - Redemption

The best example of this was in regards to a player called Stephen Donald.
Donald has played his rugby for my local province team for years, and the represented the Chiefs (also based locally) in a super 14/15 tournament with Australia and South Africa. He eventually made it into the All Blacks, however, his time in the black jersey was memorable for the wrong reasons, missed tackles, kicks, and calls.  In fact in his last outing against our arch rivals - Australia, Donald missed kicks costing us critical points and in fact was probably the most hated player in the country as he was blamed for that loss (remember lessons 2 and 3) - forget about the other 14 players ;-) So when we lost some key players to injury in the recent RWC tournament, Stephen Donald got the call and I would suggest the country laughed. He is known as Donald Duck to many of us because the worse thing you can get in another sport code - Cricket is a duck! and who better suited to that role as the last time he kicked he missed and we lost! So, after an unexpected injury to a key player - Donald was called on to play at 9:27pm Sunday, 23rd October in a little jersey that was obviously designed for the much smaller frame of the player he was replacing. Where I was watching - we didn't hold out much hope!! But Donald came on, with the weight of the country on him,  knowing that that same country was fractured in their support of his recall, and what does he do - he kicks a penalty square in between the uprights and won the game for New Zealand against France 8-7. And there you have it - redemption! From a zero to hero ;-)

Love it or hate it - the Rugby World Cup came, saw, and we conquered it. It brought me together with friends who are on the other side of the world, Aussie & even in Auckland as we ran a running live commentary on facebook while watching in different timezones...! It taught me some things about myself, and about the country in which I love - some things to be improved on - some things that are cool - and then other things that just 'are' the same yesterday, today and probably tomorrow, when it comes to the number one sport in the country - RUGBY.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

"I am not addicted!"

According to my son, my husband and I are the only parents on the planet that restrict our children's playing time on their PS3/Xbox games. When we got the boys their first PS2 we set aside one hour a week for them to play which was on a Saturday. As they have grown older - and the PS3 came along, this hour is still in place with a bit of leeway to accomodate for rewards (one son will take more time on his game than money) and holidays etc. These rules have somehow catapulted Maurice and I to the envious place as the worst (strictest) parents out there!! But, I don't care really because if it were not for those rules, I know that I would NEVER see one of my sons again as he would never come out of his room EVER!

Is he addicted? I tell him he is but as all addicted souls believe - his emphatic cry quickly comes back to me "I am not addicted!" Actually, I believe he isn't because he functions as a citizen in the world, attends school and church and actually can make words into sentences - so he's fine....its just that gaming sure is something he loves to to.


Logo for Hey U Guys Gaming
 (http://www.heyuguys.co.uk/)



So you can imagine the amusement we both shared (from different sides of the story) when in our local paper there was an article on page three entitled Online `snack' gaming now seen as mainstream fun or time filler. He was attracted to it because it had the word gaming ;-) and I wanted to see what the findings were saying about something we are both passionate about - albeit different ends of the spectrum.

The article is based on a study done in July 2011 by a university of 2428 people across 846 New Zealand homes, and here are my top five facts of interest:

ONE - Not just pimply geeky boys

My sons aren't either pimply or geeks ;-) so I already knew this. However, the study showed that 90% of New Zealand homes have some form of gaming device in the home. Nintey percent!

TWO - The average age of a gamer

"Research shows video games are no longer the domain of teenage boys, with the average Kiwi gamer 33 years old." and a key finding of this research was that 47% of gamers are girls. I wasn't suprised to see the first statistic because I know grown up men who play PS3 games, some of which don't have jobs, or are at school or on shift work. Of note here is that this survey actually included games on mobile phones, ipads, notebooks, computers and my personal favourite - social networds. I would suggest that this type of gaming is responsible for the spike in this statistic as adults can afford the higher end of technology and we play in our breaks, on the way to work and even for exercising (Wii) etc. What it shows is that that it is no longer a teenager 'thing'. as for the stats for girls - it is not suprising as the likelihood that girls will have mobiles and a heavy investment in social networking and other things that technology can provide to keep them connected to each other. Incidentally, this is my theory for why Scotty won American idol 2010 ;-)

THREE - Daily usage

My son had great delight in pointing out that 58% of people play either daily or every other day. I know when he comes back from school we will be talking about how his one hour a week can still be maintained ;-) That's a lot of time playing games people!

FOUR - Money, money, money

While I struggle to keep law and order in my house - the gaming industry bombards our children, and through other means entices grown ups to engage in some kind of gaming. Our phones now have access to a myriad of game options which can include battling others in games through our 'gadgets'. It is not going to stop or slow down. In in fact, the New Zealand gaming industry is going to be worth $192 million by 2015. That is a serious amount of money.

FIVE - Education

92% of parents who play computer games, use them to educate their children. I can understand that maths games and spelling games would be great tools - but I fail to see what my love for bejewelled blitz on facebook is going to teach my children :-) I would probably want to see this stat teased out a bit and explained more because as it is - it is most concerning to see that our children are being taught by a machine in the home and not by real people.....

So, where do you fit in terms of these findings? I know I'm going to be having a face-to-face verbal conversation (with no sign of any form of electronics in sight) with my son very soon to find out ;-).

Yours in friendship,


Mxo

Forget Me Not

I was privileged to be among thousands of women who gathered for an international broadcast for women. It was full of messages that were inspirational, however there is one that resonated with me as I go down this self directed journey of mine. The talk was by Dieter Uchtdorf and it was based on the forget me not flower.... As I listened to the words that were shared, I felt like every word was for me...Here is what I learnt ;-)

Forget not to be patient with yourself
The best comment that I got out of this was that "the Lord knows we are not perfect" (I already knew this to be true - and by experience no less!!) but what made me smile was when Uchtdorf added that "He also knows that the people that we think are perfect are not!" This is so true and something that I have learnt only in the last decade. For so long I used to look around and think that other families were more better, righteous, richer, happier, prettier, and the children were better behaved and so on... until you realise one day when you talk to these people, they are just like you. They have the same struggles and some are actually worse off. I apply this thinking when watching Keeping up with the Kardashians - and somedays it works :-)Uchtdorf encouraged us to be compassionate and considerate of ourselves and to stop punishing ourselves! We are to celebrate the small successes in our homes.... I need to be more patient with myself.

Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice
This is another lesson that I have just learnt in the last half of my life. I am an aesthetic person and a visual learner - so when I am asked to do things - the first thing I used to concern myself is with how things would 'look' and  stress over getting things perfect like the decorations - I'm pretty particular about that kind of thing - at the expense of the quality of what I was trying to teach or the objective of the exercise... I am still pretty ccommitted to things looking a certain way, but it more about the message and how that is shared that counts these days ;-) Uchtdorf encourages us to ask of ourselves "Am I committing my time and energy to things that matter most?"

Forget not to be happy now
Uchtdorf talked about the golden ticket in the children's story Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He used the behaviour of the people in the story who, upon the announcement of a winning golden ticket in five chocolate bars, became more concerned with getting the golden ticket and forgot about the actual joy of eating the chocolate. In most cases the bars without the tickets were overlooked and disregarded. Uchtdorf used this as an analogy for us to explain that "by putting happiness on hold (the life we have right now) in search of a golden ticket (more money, smaller body ;-), better this and better that) we will ulitmately miss out on the small pleasures and the simple and beautiful elegant moments" (notes or texts from friends, and beautiful meals with loved ones). What a wonderful reminder to be grateful for what you have!!

Forget not the 'why' of the gospel
This was directed at the women that were gathered who want to know how to do things and forget about why we do things. Every LDS woman is tasked with visiting other women every month of which most of us do. However we are taught that it should not be seen as an obligation, but rather as Uchtdorf encourages we would be better to remember why we are visiting, which is so that every home is visited and every woman knows that she is loved and supported.... A timely reminder!!

Forget not that the Lord loves me
In my notes I only recorded a few things but contained in those words were valuable messages - first, was "whatever our circumstances - we are not forgotten", secondly, "His love can heal any wound, and soften any sorrow". It was probably at this stage that I was touched the most because I believe this and know it to be true.... and I have never felt it more than I have done these past few months...

I walked away from this broadcast feeling that I was important. I realised and it was reaffirmed to me that my efforts are being counted and the matters that are important to me, and yet are minimal and go unnoticed by others, are actually important to my Heavenly Father...

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Lessons from Inspirational Women...

I have been waiting to tell you this story about some inspirational people that I am surrounded with. I am going to tell you this without them knowing (permission) because I don't want them to try and persuade me not to do this...... and knowing them as I do, I don't believe they realise the impact of what they have achieved has had on me, and I am sure the people around them..... 

I haven't used their real names but hoping they can add one and one together because I owe them so much....

I dedicate this blog to these inspirational women and thank them for the lessons their examples continue to teach me.

Claudia

I heard my friend Claudia speak somewhere and she told the people gathered (in my words and unfortunately from my memory :-)) that she was trying something new this year and had decided to only have one new years resolution and that was to be happy. To myself I thought wow, how cool is that, and I secretly wished I had picked one instead of my traditional ten plus goals..... A few weeks ago (and some nine months since I heard her speak about her one goal) we were talking and I asked her about being happy and she said she was the happiest that she had ever been. Although, no longer working full-time, and working at odd jobs (that she chose and at her pace), and having less money that when she was working full-time - her happiness factor had increased. She is a great example to me that less is more and happiness is achievable...To be happy - what a fantastic goal!

Ryder I

My friend Ryder is a single mother with four children who are well adjusted citizens of their community, church and the world and a privilege to know and love. But this is about Ryder and not the children. Ryder set a goal to be a policewoman last year and as part of that she is currently enrolled in a course which is two nights a week. Her babysitter arrives at her home on those nights to find that Ryder has prepared the children's dinner (and enough for me and my family whenever I have had to babysit), lunches for the next day are prepped, and children go to bed according to their established routine. This is an example to me that goals are not achieved without preparation and the little things. She can go to her class knowing that her children are taken care and therefore allowing her to concentrate on the tasks at hand.

Ryder II

The physical component of the course was always going to be a challenge yet Ryder again has been an inspiration here as well. On top of going to class which has a physical component to it, Ryder also trains six days a week outside of class. As a result Ryder is breaking her own personal best times and frequencies in different exercises regularly. From Ryder I have learnt more about goal setting than I have from any management book. She is a living example of long term vision and the painful yet rewarding steps to get there. Ryder teaches me every day, by her example, that motivation and grit and determination are real words and they are some of the hardest things to achieve...

Jack

My next inspirational person doesn't know what her example has meant to me. She is a married woman with two children. She is one of the kindest and hard working people that I know. Jack has always worked and comes from a hard working family. She had been working in a family owned internet business for some time and in the last few years it was sold and she was left with no job. When she was faced with that she got another job in an industry that couldn't have been further from what she was doing and actually had to re-train to do it. Re-train as in studying and sitting tests and all the things that people have nightmares about school again and she did it. It was hard at first but now she is qualified as a theatre (as in hospital and not acting) technician and is employable globally and I couldn't be more prouder of that. From Jack's example I have learnt that re-training is scary and hard and there is truth to the saying that when one door closes another opens....

French

I have a friend French who I have worked with on and off for many years in different roles and in the last organisation I worked for. She is an educated and intelligent woman, wife and mother of two children. Her role was quite high up in terms of the organisation structure, with her being in charge of a multi-million dollar budget, strategic planning and direction of a unit, and oversaw numerous staff. That alone is a wonderful achievement - however for me her next decision was the most inspirational. French resigned from that highly ranked position in our organisation to move on to something just as fantastic - to be a full-time mother. Her example has taught me about priorities and how life as a Mum can be fullfilling and that to be a Mum can restore the equillibrium to the twenty-four-seven struggle of balancing balance work and home.

There are many more that I could have featured here.... because you are all inspirational and thank you every day!

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Remembering.....

I can't imagine that there would be anywhere in the world where the words 'nine eleven (9/11)' doesn't conjur up something in our minds. I live a world away from New York but I can vividly recall where I was when I saw for the first of thousands of times - planes driven into symbolic buildings, damage done to the Pentagon, and the crash site enroute to the White House. Like the people around me, our minds could not register what we were seeing before us... and to this day, if it was not fact - it would still be unbelievable.

So on the 10th anniversary of that fateful day, there was never going to be another topic to blog about. Again, and with reason, we watch the footage of that day, and join with the people at 'Ground Zero' as they remember their lost ones. It is also, I would suggest a time for a nation to reassess their committment to a cause that has had to add many more lives to this list of loss. Aotearoa, has not gone without - our latest soldier being laid to rest some weeks ago.

Here are my picks of the day.

Remember by Christina Rosetti
Remember when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
Read by Dame Judi Dench at a memorial service held near the USA Embassy in London, England

Hello Darkness My Old Friend by Simon & Garfunkel
Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain,
Still remains, within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone, Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night, and touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw, Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening,
People writing songs, that voices never share.And no one dared, Disturb the sound of silence.
Sung by Mr Simon at the 9/11 Memorial Service, Ground Zero, New York

One father dedicated this poem in remembrance of his daughter.“If tears could bring you back to me, you’d be right by my side. For God could fill a river full with all the tears I’ve cried. If I could have one wish come true, I’d ask God in prayer to let me have just one more day to show how much I care.” 

The relection pools, are a breathtakingly beautiful memorial and have catapulted themselves to near the top of my MUST SEE before I DIE list. Deceiving from the spanned view of these pools, each one is actually an acre each in size. The whole site covers a 17 acre plot of space. My favourite feature beside the massive waterfalls, are the thousands of names carved into the sides of thes pools. Check out  http://www.nycinsiderguide.com/Ground-Zero-Memorial.html#axzz1YLNA0PAw .

Being so far away and removed from the physical loss yet connected because I have suffered loss - the most touching images of the day were of the people, in particular the ones where loved ones were seen caressing and kissing the name of their lost one engraved on the side of these enormouse pools... Some added flowers and notes. And I get that, and was moved by what I saw... and realised that loss is universal...

After all it is the names of almost 3000 souls that day and the many more who have followed, that we are called to rememberance on this day... wherever we are.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

The best advice....

Recently I spent an evening with a group of women talking about fathers. One of the topics for our discussion was the best advice from their fathers...

A lot of the fathers that were spoken about had passed away as recent as two years ago to almost three decades ago and yet the memories were vividly recalled. The room was filled with love of the first men in the lives of these women.... and here are my picks of the best pieces of advice that a group of fathers have given to their daughters ...

This is so true - you can do everything possible and yet there is someone who will not be happy with what you have done. I believe this father set up his daughter and his family to do the best that they could do, and to be prepared for detractors along the way. What a wonderful lesson to be learnt here.

This statement was shared by a 70+ year old daughter about her father. What was so touching about this was that her father taught her about being a peacemaker by his actions. She wasn't told to be this, but from watching her father, and learning from his example - he taught her. This reminds me of what Clarence Budington Kelland, a famous American writer once said "He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.".

I loved this advice that was given to a daughter who was quite young when her father passed away. What a priceless legacy he left behind for his daughters. The greatest lesson that a child can learn about love comes from watching how their father and mother treat each other.... something I need to work on ;-)


Another lesson learnt from the example of a father was about putting 100% of effort into everything that was done. This was learnt and put into practice for a daughter who still does this, even many decades later. The second part was indicative of a father taking time to watch football (soccer) and cricket - because if there is one thing that is most remembered about our parents, it is 'time', and how that is shared. The memories created between this father and his daughters have trancended generations.

On the wall I had put some quotes about fathers that I hoped would remind us, this Father's Day the worth of these men in our lives... One of these was a poem by Diane Loomans

If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd do less correcting, and more connecting,
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I'd run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd teach less about the love of power and more about the power of love.

Thanks to the group of ladies I had the privilege of sharing with and listening to, I have things that I can do to be a better mother, so when my sons are asked in 30 years what the best advice they were given, will not have me rolling around in my grave ;-)

Happy Father's Day.

Yours in Friendship,

Mxo