My sons are serving missions for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on a little Island called the Dominican Republic. You may not know where that is, and to be honest, neither did we -but it is a country in the Caribbean that shares the Island with Haiti....
They have been gone for over 100 days and it has been a learning experience for me like nothing I have ever experienced before.
If you are a follower of this blog - you will know that my children are my existence - honestly, they are my sun and my moon and everything in between. I had never realised that being a mother would have been so integral to my self identity until they left and I was home alone with a man I married over 20 years ago...
So what have I learnt as a missionary mother in the past 100 days?
1) You will not die!
I honestly had never felt such intense and profound loss as I did when the boys left since the passing of my beautiful mother. And it hurt like heck!! I may have felt - like physically felt that my heart was breaking and that I was going to die of heartbreak - but chin up fellow missionary mothers - you will not die!! It will hurt - but as a mother, what's a bit of emotional turmoil to keep it real ;-)
2) Be comfortable crying
I have never cried so much in my life - those big rolling fat tears that come out silently and on their own. No sound - just out they come, thick and fast.... 100 days on and I can still cry - but it's not so intense, it's not even every day - just on email days, and when I get a letter or see photos of the boys - y'know - so not as much ;-) So get comfortable crying.........
3) Birds of a feather, flock together
This has been a life saver for me. I was amazed, as I was when my mother passed, the world just keeps on moving. The clock doesn't stop, and although my world had tilted on its axis - it was only my world after all - well mine and Misters.. that was until I found a group of women spread across the world, and even better - here in Aotearoa, who felt exactly the same as me! So, after 100 days - these groups, facebook, and email - continue to be my lifesaver. I cry with them about their missionaries, as they do with mine - total strangers but bound together by this experience of being a missionary mother. Our first NZ Missionary Mama retreat is in July and I am looking forward to it!
4) Thank you for asking
If you care about me in any measure of all - one of the first questions that you have asked is "how are the boys!" and I have to say to all of my friends who have done this - thank you for asking. I can't tell you how that makes me feel to know that you care.... For anyone else, if you don't really want to know and just asking to create small talk - save yourself the trouble and don't ask... because missionary mothers can quickly sense the lack of interest when we watch your eyes roll back into your heads as we respond ;-) And that's fine.... just start with another question to fill in for small talk - and leave the missionary questions for others....
5) Money really is not everything - true story!
I have never felt so money and asset poor in my life! And just as equally, never have I been so blessing and tender mercy rich! It has taken a massive mindshift to adapt to this position, but the strength of my testimony grows every week by my sons' experiences that I can't say that I wouldn't love more money, but it has changed me enough to recognise that worldy possessions, or even a pedicure or a new dress or Overland boots ;-) do not bring me closer to my sons and our God.... but what is doing that is this beautiful connection with my sons on the other side of the world but our shared love for and belief in our faith.... and that my friends is a true story ;-)
So there you have it..... nothing mind boggling or earth shattering, but some very real lessons...
I'll catch you up at the second hundred!
Yours in friendship,
Mxox
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