Adoption: An Aunty's tale

I'm not going to even pretend that when it comes to sharing - I'm not very good at it. In fact, if someone wants something that I have, I would rather give it to them than share it. Or if we go somewhere to eat, I would rather buy more of something so that we can enjoy equally and separately :-). Every.Time.

Anyway, the first time I ever heard the saying "sharing is caring" was when my brother's girlfriend (who would eventually be his wife) came into our family. Obviously from a big family who had to make things spread amongst everyone, she learnt how to share and would often be telling us that "sharing was caring", as she cut something into smaller slices so no one missed out. We used to have little giggles about it as a family because our sister-in-law is so good at sharing, yet it never quite stuck with us or maybe it was just me!

So, why am I talking about sharing all of a sudden? Today, I learnt about sharing. Today I attended a baby's blessing. It is one of the formalities that takes place for a baby in our faith. When a baby is born, he or she is given a name (similar to a christening without the water) that will be known on the records of the church and then given what we call a father's blessing. This is where, the baby's father blesses the child to have a good life and all the things he wants to bless the child with. Today was no different. The young proud father gave his beautiful baby girl a name and a lovely blessing that she would be happy and find joy in life.

It was really nice, and such a wonderful blessing, yet in equal parts it was one of the saddest moments in my life. Sharing in the joy of the day with the baby girl's parents and both sets of grandparents and their family was too much for me today. I could hardly breathe, let alone contain my sobs and literally ran from the building as soon as the blessing ended with 'amen'.. 

As I stood outside, I cried and cried and cried for my loss. Because the little baby girl wasn't just anybody, no, this precious baby was my family's first moko, She was given to her new family by my niece. So the name that was given today was not ours, but our baby's new family name.

While I sat in the car with my brother, the baby's maternal birth-grandfather, I sobbed freely and all I wanted to do was run to my mother's graveside! The loss I felt was akin to that of losing her. All the potential of having a moko was given to someone else to enjoy. And the thought, as is our belief, the baby would be sealed to her new parents for all eternity was just a little more than I could take today.

And although sharing is caring, on this side of the adoption equation, and I pray for only a brief season, it bites!!

In my head, I know that our baby has gone to parents who will love her just as much if not more than us. She has gone to a mother and father who love each other and who are sealed to each other forever. My beautiful grand niece has two sets of grandparents who are faithful members of our church. She will have awesome role models of womanhood, because her new mum and grandmothers are strong, hardworking and beautiful. 

But in my heart, I also know that she will never hear me telling jokes. She is never going to hear stories that we have told all of our children. She won't get to ride in the car while I make it bunny hop! She will never get a bear hug from me that every niece and nephew has to endure. She will probably be grateful for it, but she will never hear me snoring, and listen to me sleeping through movie marathons. She will never hear me laugh or sing. She is never going to know me. She will never know how much she is loved by me.... 

And sadly, she will not know until she is older, and only if she wants to know us, how much it hurt to give her away.

And in the height of all ironies, it is through the ultimate sacrifice of giving her up for adoption by her tummy mummy, that her Grand-Aunt has finally learnt that sharing is caring. 

Bye bye my baby niece.

Love, your Aunty Mxo