Mr Mxo: Lessons of a Just Man

I have been married for 21 years. Having come from a single-parent family - I had no idea what being married looked like, so have pretty much gone along these last couple of decades learning HEAPS about what marriage is. But to tell you the truth, even after all this time - I am still pretty clueless - and getting through on sheer luck some of the times ;-) Fortunately, because of the man that I married it hasn't been too bad (for me ;-))

Anyway, a couple of months ago, I had to speak at a LDS Lawyer's Conference about what it is like to be married to a lawyer and a Bishop, so I thought that in honour of our 21st anniversary - I would share an abridged and adapted (because I'm doing it from memory ;-)) version and called it Mr Mxo: Lessons of a Just Man. Happy Anniversary Mr Mxx

It's what he does

Being a lawyer is something that Mr M does - it is not who he is - and it cetainly does not define him. Regardless of being a lawyer, Mr M is first and foremost a child or God, a priesthood holder, a loving husband and a devoted father ;-) So what I have learnt from Mr M is that it isn't what we do that defines us - but the things that we do with the people that we love that build eternal legacies...

Be the Rock

A few years ago, Mr M was involved with a legal matter that continues to this day. On one occasion, I was in Wellington and I knew that he was going to be in Auckland meeting solicitors and it would not be a good time for him. I didn't know when the meeting was and I still to this day do not know all the details..... but I sent him a text and said "You are a good and just man. You are the best man that I have ever known. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise". When I got back from Wellington, he told me that he received my text just as he was about to get into the elevator at the Solicitors and it gave him courage to continue with an otherwise rotten afternoon. Someones my Mr doesn't have all the answers or are the strong ones... so on this occassion (and many more before and to come) I was his ROCK!!

Silence is Golden

Mr M comes from a family of silent men. Being married is already difficult according to Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus..... so I can tell you being married to a man from Mars who doesn't talk much is a challenge.... However this has taught me ONE thing -  and that is to really really listen - sometimes you just need to shut your pie-hole and shhush, and not just listen to what is being said but to read and feel all the other bits (that aren't said)..... I know, sounds easy right?? ;-)  So even though silence is golden and frustrating - understanding how your Mr ticks is where the real magic is!

Be Loyal

I am loyal by nature so this is something that comes naturally. However, being married takes loyalty to a WHOLE new level. I mean lets' be honest - sometimes the last person you want to be in the same room is the very one you are tied to.... so being married surely teaches you just what being loyal is. In my book - the true definition of loyalty is being Mr M's hugest fan, and even if the stadium empties out - I will still be right there, not only stage front and centre but the crazy person CHEERING my Mr on!!

A Just Man

You can tell the time by some people, whether it's because they are ALWAYS 15 minutes late (like me) or 15 minutes before (like anyone other than me....) I am both lucky and blessed because for me, I am only able to recognise lies and deceit in others because I live with a man that is honest and true every day of his life.... My sons and I are blessed because we know what truth and honesty looks like because our very own Mr M is "a just man, [who] walk[s] uprightly before God; and observe[s] to do good continually, [and] keep[s] the commandments of the Lord his God" And quite frankly, you can't top that...

 

So you can see - I have  A LOT to do to catch up to Mr Mxo and thank him for a wonderful 21 years and look forward to sharing the next round of 21 ;-)

 

Let your own Mr or Mrs know you love them and tell them how much you love them....because - we will never be the same without them in our lives and every day is a good day because they are in it!!

 

Yours in friendship,

 

Mxo

Dear Skinny....

I'm writing this blog while I am chomping down on my spinach salad like it was a big juicy burger and having a little giggle to myself. I'm having a laugh because, as I'm yumming and mmming over a salad - I'm remembering just the other week I was watching a programme and the people were going out for dinner - and I watched as they ordered and thought to myself - "whatever - who would order a salad for a main meal!!??" Isn't that so funny - because here I am 40-something years old and on this eating programme where for the next 12 weeks I am going to be doing just that - eating a salad as a main meal.... Is that irony or what??

So I thought to myself I would write a letter to my inner skinny to let her know....

Dear Skinny - I hope you are doing alright? I know that you have been stuck inside for 24+ years but if I can just keep on this latest eating regime - you may actually get out of there ;-) I'm not really expecting you to look like you did 24 years okay - and in fact I would settle with you looking like you did before you had the boys ;-) but I guess that's part of the excitement of seeing each other again.

It's not like it is going to be difficult or anything right? All I have to do is stop eating all the food that I believe makes the world a better place like: bread with or without butter, for special occasions or just because, bread freshly baked or toasted - heck any kind of bread; KFC, Mommas donuts, burgers - chicken, mince, homemade or from Wendys, Maseis pizzas, chop suey, rice, mayonaise, hot chips, crispy chips, twisties, peanut slabs, hershey peanut butter cups, and whatever else my little fingers can get a hold of ....

It's not even like there was anything wrong with not being able to fit my clothes. I have a farmers card (yes Mr - it has some recent charges) and clothes are on special all the time especially after the season is over.... My other clothes hang-outs are great too because they are always sending me brochures so that I don't even have to leave the house.... And if all else fails, the good old safety pin trick is tried and true. C'mon Skinny you know that trick - the one where I use the safety pin to join the top of the zip to the top of my pants ;-) In my mind I see you in my clothes but then I look in the mirror you disappear - what's up with that??? But don't worry Skinny, you'll be coming out in 80 more days ;-)

  

So I know its been a while Skinny - but thankfully Mr remembers what you look like. It helps as well that his parents have a giant wedding photo of Mr and I when you were on the outside ;-) I have to say the best photo though that reminds me of what you look like, is that photo that we used as a engagement photo and ended up including in our wedding invitations. You know the one Skinny, right there in the hallway - when you come out of the bathroom.  I think Mr is secretly waiting for you to come out of hiding.... but I have told him that you are looking just as haggard and he can kiss that engagement photo goodbye, because I have seen your hair - and you cannot hide those grey ones or silence those getting older aches and pains either...  Shouldn't be a problem really - in 11.5 weeks the two of you can see each other again.

But seriously, Skinny, it's been great writing to you. I know that you are waiting to get out but I just have to tell you that even when do - I'm still going to be me okay.... Who cares if you can fit really cool clothes, and can run and jump around like a teenager - you will always be the same.... and if you don't behave - back inside you go!!

Well, I better get going skinny. See you in 1920 hours - but who's counting ;-)

Yours in Friendship,

Mxo

How I met your father...

Recently, my husband and I were invited to dinner with some friends. At this dinner were four couples; one in their late 70s, another in their late 60s/early 70s, another in their late 40s and Mr M and I who are 41 and 42 respectively. After the beautiful dinner and dessert, we sat around and played a game. I had come up with a list of conversation starter type questions and each person took turns picking a question and answering it. We went around the room until all of the questions were answered. Some of the answers were hilarious, for example, the question was asked: "where is the worst place you have stayed?". In response to this, a story was told of someone looking for accomodation (50+ years ago),  in the dark on a tropical Island. After being lost and nowhere near where he was meant to be, he stopped at a place and was given accomodation there for the evening which he was grateful for. When he awoke and found his real accomodation - he was informed that he had actually spent the previous night at a brothel!! We had many laughs that night.

One particular question, Mr M picked up and it asked - "How did you meet your wife?". It was decided that all the couples would share their stories after Mr M. I was sitting across the lounge from Mr M and gave him the "please tell a nice version - or at least make something up if you can't remember" look and waited along with all the others as to what he said..... WELL, I have never heard a sader version of any story ever, and after listening to the other three couples tell their stories not only with excitement (like it was still the best love story ever), but happily retold with smiles, held hands, and lots of love - I came home and said to Mr M - "buddy you need to learn how to tell our story better than that!"

So here it goes - the PG version ;-) and as if I am writing to our boys....

Your father was new at the High School that I had been enrolled in since the 3rd form, so that alone drew the attention of all the girls to him. Without trying, he also caught many an eye because he was the best looking dude at school, he wasn't in uniform, and looked older - like an adult student. If you add all of those up and this was before he ran like the wind and broke some long standing athletic records - he as that faaaaaassssst and was in the First XV, Waikato rep team, A2s basketball team and so on.... so you get my drift, if I added those all up, he was the catch of 1988! (I say this with a smile because I know a handful of friends who ended up marrying their catches of 88 - so this story is not unique ;-))

As for me, I have to say I remember your father on the first day of school - only because I thought he was an adult coming back to school and wondering what was wrong with him AND I remember him running on athletics day because he ran soooo fast - but then I didn't even think about him again. Until one day I thought I'd take another look at what all the fuss was, did the maths and decided to find out out for myself... Should be easy right? Well, not really - your father was so focussed on whatever he was - that girls weren't even on his radar....

At the second dance of the year, I introduced myself to your father, and asked him for a dance.. and although we did spend the majority of the dance talking, we did dance with others - I think?? Anyway, I thought it was a good a time as any to find out why the guy was so determined or at least what his focus was and asked him what he planned to do after he finished school?.

Your father told me that he wanted to go on a mission (myself: check), live in America (myself: okay I could move, check), and marry an American (myself: check - I have an American passport) because they were more spiritual (by now - not to myself - "What??!") To this I said " Are you out of your mind? - there is NOTHING wrong with kiwi girls and in fact we were probably better than your American girls!! (of which I had no evidence or an opinion either way until that very moment) - look around you!!". And that's all I remember from that dance.... that and the fact that regardless of his warpt sense of America, I had fallen into the 'smitten with Mr M club'.

The following week, we went on our 7th form Geography/Science camp to Raglan. Because I was a returning 7th former I was asked to be a leader of one of the activities - which I did AND still don't understand what I was meant to be doing - sorry Matua Ken ;-), and moving people along, making sure that people stayed on task etc.... One night I was serving the dessert and your father comes a long and asked for extra scoop of icecream - and I gave him one, and then I gave him the container... I mean he was soooo good looking what else was I meant to do...?. I thought that, with this ice-cream gesture and our conversation at the dance the previous weekend,  I would be memorable, right? I thought so too, until one night he asked me what my name was? Really? What's my name?? I was gutted - this unbelievable guy didn't even know my name!!

So, I picked myself up - make that scraped myself off the floor and made it through camp.... we almost went for a walk together but I chickened out when I reminded myself "Chick! - he didn't even know your name!!"... so I lay low and not sure how, but we slowly talked and gradually got to know one another. He never mentioned marrying an American again - which probably saved his life and showed he was a quick learner - and I never asked him to dance again :-).

After this had been going on for a few months, your father called me up one night and asked me to meet him at a break up party (before Easter break) at College. I went and it wasn't much of a break up - who was I kidding these students (boarders) had no money so there was no food or anything much! I don't even think it was a break up?! What I did notice was that for some reason your father was nervous and more quiet than normal - which is pretty quiet..... and then, just before I had to go home, your father asked me out.....and the rest is history. I was 18 and your father was almost 18 ;-)

In his own time, and own way - your father, all those years ago, was the only person I was ever going to marry. I knew soon after I met your father he was "the one".... and have never regretted a day since.....well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it ;-)

All I we need to do is to get your father to embellish his version which he always starts off with - "it started over a scoop of ice-cream"....

Yours in friendship

Mxo