How I met your father...

Recently, my husband and I were invited to dinner with some friends. At this dinner were four couples; one in their late 70s, another in their late 60s/early 70s, another in their late 40s and Mr M and I who are 41 and 42 respectively. After the beautiful dinner and dessert, we sat around and played a game. I had come up with a list of conversation starter type questions and each person took turns picking a question and answering it. We went around the room until all of the questions were answered. Some of the answers were hilarious, for example, the question was asked: "where is the worst place you have stayed?". In response to this, a story was told of someone looking for accomodation (50+ years ago),  in the dark on a tropical Island. After being lost and nowhere near where he was meant to be, he stopped at a place and was given accomodation there for the evening which he was grateful for. When he awoke and found his real accomodation - he was informed that he had actually spent the previous night at a brothel!! We had many laughs that night.

One particular question, Mr M picked up and it asked - "How did you meet your wife?". It was decided that all the couples would share their stories after Mr M. I was sitting across the lounge from Mr M and gave him the "please tell a nice version - or at least make something up if you can't remember" look and waited along with all the others as to what he said..... WELL, I have never heard a sader version of any story ever, and after listening to the other three couples tell their stories not only with excitement (like it was still the best love story ever), but happily retold with smiles, held hands, and lots of love - I came home and said to Mr M - "buddy you need to learn how to tell our story better than that!"

So here it goes - the PG version ;-) and as if I am writing to our boys....

Your father was new at the High School that I had been enrolled in since the 3rd form, so that alone drew the attention of all the girls to him. Without trying, he also caught many an eye because he was the best looking dude at school, he wasn't in uniform, and looked older - like an adult student. If you add all of those up and this was before he ran like the wind and broke some long standing athletic records - he as that faaaaaassssst and was in the First XV, Waikato rep team, A2s basketball team and so on.... so you get my drift, if I added those all up, he was the catch of 1988! (I say this with a smile because I know a handful of friends who ended up marrying their catches of 88 - so this story is not unique ;-))

As for me, I have to say I remember your father on the first day of school - only because I thought he was an adult coming back to school and wondering what was wrong with him AND I remember him running on athletics day because he ran soooo fast - but then I didn't even think about him again. Until one day I thought I'd take another look at what all the fuss was, did the maths and decided to find out out for myself... Should be easy right? Well, not really - your father was so focussed on whatever he was - that girls weren't even on his radar....

At the second dance of the year, I introduced myself to your father, and asked him for a dance.. and although we did spend the majority of the dance talking, we did dance with others - I think?? Anyway, I thought it was a good a time as any to find out why the guy was so determined or at least what his focus was and asked him what he planned to do after he finished school?.

Your father told me that he wanted to go on a mission (myself: check), live in America (myself: okay I could move, check), and marry an American (myself: check - I have an American passport) because they were more spiritual (by now - not to myself - "What??!") To this I said " Are you out of your mind? - there is NOTHING wrong with kiwi girls and in fact we were probably better than your American girls!! (of which I had no evidence or an opinion either way until that very moment) - look around you!!". And that's all I remember from that dance.... that and the fact that regardless of his warpt sense of America, I had fallen into the 'smitten with Mr M club'.

The following week, we went on our 7th form Geography/Science camp to Raglan. Because I was a returning 7th former I was asked to be a leader of one of the activities - which I did AND still don't understand what I was meant to be doing - sorry Matua Ken ;-), and moving people along, making sure that people stayed on task etc.... One night I was serving the dessert and your father comes a long and asked for extra scoop of icecream - and I gave him one, and then I gave him the container... I mean he was soooo good looking what else was I meant to do...?. I thought that, with this ice-cream gesture and our conversation at the dance the previous weekend,  I would be memorable, right? I thought so too, until one night he asked me what my name was? Really? What's my name?? I was gutted - this unbelievable guy didn't even know my name!!

So, I picked myself up - make that scraped myself off the floor and made it through camp.... we almost went for a walk together but I chickened out when I reminded myself "Chick! - he didn't even know your name!!"... so I lay low and not sure how, but we slowly talked and gradually got to know one another. He never mentioned marrying an American again - which probably saved his life and showed he was a quick learner - and I never asked him to dance again :-).

After this had been going on for a few months, your father called me up one night and asked me to meet him at a break up party (before Easter break) at College. I went and it wasn't much of a break up - who was I kidding these students (boarders) had no money so there was no food or anything much! I don't even think it was a break up?! What I did notice was that for some reason your father was nervous and more quiet than normal - which is pretty quiet..... and then, just before I had to go home, your father asked me out.....and the rest is history. I was 18 and your father was almost 18 ;-)

In his own time, and own way - your father, all those years ago, was the only person I was ever going to marry. I knew soon after I met your father he was "the one".... and have never regretted a day since.....well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it ;-)

All I we need to do is to get your father to embellish his version which he always starts off with - "it started over a scoop of ice-cream"....

Yours in friendship

Mxo

Fathers teaching Fatherhood

Today I held a newborn baby in my arms for the first time in a very very long time. I looked down at this tiny little creature and tried to rack my brains for memories of holding mine and came up blank - that's how long its been... Instead I thought to myself - how did I do it? How did I get through those long nights and days without a clue? ... and then thankfully I handed baby back to his beautiful grandmother ;-)

The baby I was holding had his naming blessing today. Baby's father called on all the blessings a child would ever need to grow up strong and healthy. What impressed me was his request for his son to remain close to his mother! What a clever young (first-time) father he was... I am sure he learnt that from his own father who is a great example to me of a man who loves his wife and children....

Here is what I have learnt about fatherhood from five fathers...

1) From my Father in Heaven - Love abounding
I have learnt from my father in heaven that I am loved and that the love in which I receive is limitless, unconditional and abounding. I have read accounts of people who have have died and somehow returned (something called near death experiences) and the common thread amongst these strangers was the feeling of love they felt when they had moved into the next life. It was described in such a way that I know that it exists. What we feel towards each other is only a portion to what is to come and I for one am excited ;-)

2) From my father - The love of Music & Comedy
 My mother liked music but never played an instrument and although would sing aloud - was honest about her singing abilities (something shared with my brother and sister ;-)). Despite that, it was my mother who motivated me (seen as punishment as a young person) to get through my pianoforte exams and I will always  be grateful to her for that. However, my love for music definitely comes from my father. He cannot read music but can play any song note for note on the guitar. My favourites of his are Breezin by George Benson and Hotel California by the Eagles. I can even watch hours and hours of Michael Jackson with him without explanation - now that's love ;-) As for comedy - like I said last week - I have NEVER met a Samoan who was not funny ;-)This is something shared with my brother and sister....

3) From my brother - Fatherhood is playing.
My brother became a father at a very young age. I have watched him grow with his children (four daughters; one son) and although he is getting older - he is still young in heart and as such plays with his children. From him I have learnt that being a good father is playing with your children. He takes his children camping, hiking, swimming (in open sea), pig hunting, diving (for sea food), jumping off bridges (Raglan Walkbridge) and so on. He is lucky because besides his mother and at least one sister - his biggest fan has been his beautiful wife ;-) who allows him to do this...

4) From my father-in-law - Silence is Golden
Like my husband, my father-in-law is not a talker.... In fact none of the boys in the family are, and there are five of them. But you see - just because he doesn't talk much - doesn't mean that he doesn't teach. His example is louder than anything he could say. My husband learnt many things from his father by watching and following him. My father-in-law is a worker, a real plodder, and the go-to guy when you needed some kind of support with anything. He is innovative and a man who works with his hands - some things my husband is still learning ;-) and hopefully will catch up. I love my father-in-law.

5) From my husband - Being constant
My children are blessed to have a father who is constant. His values and priorities remain unwavering. His counsel to them will always be straight and laced with love. He is my partner in parenthood and I wouldn't or couldn't have asked for more.

So from the fathers in my life - thank you for teaching me every day.

Happy Father's Day.

Mxox