Lessons from a King

Recently I have been studying the life of King David and this is what I have learnt.

LESSON ONE: If you've got it - you've got it!
The story of David and Goliath is one that is been told throughout time and places and is one that has so many lessons to it. The first lesson I learnt is that when someone is chosen to do something - who are we to argue? Really - who are we to know better? The prophet Samuel was sent to look for a son of Jesse, and Jesse, trying to protect his youngest - had David do some errands to evade detection. Despite those attempts - David whilst doing his fathers' bidding, was discovered by Saul and fulfilled his part in the fight against the giant Phillistine - Goliath.

LESSON TWO: Teenagers are invincible ;-)
Years ago I taught Human Development and was most intrigued by the adolescent part of a human life. At the time my children were only little and read where tenagers view themselves as being invincible as most disturbing given the dangers that this particular agegroup encounter such as, navigating through the onset of hormones, resisting peer pressure and other social conforming attitudes. Today I realised besides the most important fact that when David stood before Goliath, his God was with him that day, this child, who with very little resources at his disposal - had in fact a healthy dose of invincibility. He had faith in God, but he also had no fear. This will help me raise my sons to know that they can walk with no fear during these teenage years, and even think they are invincible - but only with the back up from their God.


LESSON THREE: True Friendship
Today we talked about Jonathan. We don't know much about him except he was a true friend to David who is described to have loved David "as his own soul". You and I would be blessed to have such a friend, however what makes this remarkable is that  Jonathan had a plethora of reasons to hate and despise David. You see, Jonathan was the son of the King Saul and should have been the next in line for the throne - however David was chosen instead. He should have been in charge of the Kings armies - but again David was chosen. We read that David reaps praises of the people that even surpass that of Jonathan's father - the King, yet Jonathan does not turn away from their friendship. Instead, Jonathan is such a true friend that he talks of David's achievement and greatness to his own father, and where Saul kills priests who show David kindness, Jonathan shares the King's intelligence with David and helps him elude the murderous King. This all done at risk to his own life. Jonathan is a true friend.

LESSON FOUR: Jealousy can happen to all of us... 
David was chosen to be the King to follow after Saul. Yet after David had won one too many battles and the love of the people started to include David, King Saul became jealous. His jealously grew so much that he tried to kill David not once, but three times. First he arranged to have him sent to war where he would be most vulnerable, the second with a javelin aimed at David and missed, and the third when he arranged for David to be killed in the morning, only for his daughter (David's wife) to have forewarned David and helped him to escape. The lesson here is that jealously can happen to all of us, and need to be aware of it and not let it stay in our hearts otherwise added to pride and other emotions, it will make us bitter, twisted and unproductive - and even lead us to make wasteful decisions.

LESSON FIVE: Revenge 
When David is presented an opportunity to exact his revenge on King Saul - he doesn't. Instead when he sees King Saul again, David bows before him and says "My lord the King". David goes on to tell King Saul that although his men were telling him to kill the King, he refused because that judgement was for God to make - and he spared his life. Saul realises what David has done, or rather not done, and cries and knows that he has in fact committed a far greater wrong against David and is broken. Today we were asked: What does David's example teach us about revenge?  I hear often of how revenge is rewarding, but in this instance I learnt 1) it is better, once you are in the position, to let your offender know that if you wanted, you could exact revenge, but more importantly, 2) the judgement of the offender is perhaps not ours to make - and that there is a higher judgement that will come.

There are so many lessons from a King who lived so many years ago, yet just as relevant today as then. Hope there is something there for you too...


Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Thank you Mr and Mrs Inventor

This week I endured four flights on four little aeroplanes. On one of those particular trips, I actually said a prayer for what looked like beautiful clouds from far away, to get the heck out of our path because of the 'turbulence' it was causing our little plane..... I then spent the rest of the week wondering how lucky we were to be alive (probably wasn't even that bad!! ;-)) and to ponder the invention of the aeroplane and how grateful I am for the people that made them strong enough to carry me and keep me in the air.

What are my top five inventions that I am grateful for?

INVENTION ONE: The hair straightener.
And the hairdresser to go with it. How could I have ever forgotten the role of the hair straightener ;-) Thank you Mandy Smiler for introducing me to what could be the most important invention in my lifetime!!


INVENTION TWO: The flush toilet.
According to http://www.toptenz.net/ one of the top five inventions of all time is the flushing toilet - so I am not alone with this one. When I was asked once, what two things would I take to a deserted Island, the first was easy - a flushing toilet! Thank you Mr or Ms Plumber!

INVENTION THREE: Anaesthetic.
According to http://www.toptenz.net/, anaesthetic makes it into the top ten inventions of all time. It also makes it into my top five. I have had both local and general anaesthetic and all I can say is I would have never lived through any of the procedures/operations I had done without it! Thank you Mr or Ms Anaesthetic.

INVENTION FOUR: Air Conditioner
Although we are going into winter and my memory of sweating is diminishing, I can still recall many sweaty days and nights without a fan! So a working air conditioner is in my top five inventions of all time! Thank you Mr & Mrs Air Conditioner Inventors.

INVENTION FIVE: Technology
When I was at university the electric typewriter was a winner - however judging how long to leave 'white out' or 'twink' to dry before typing over a mistake was problematic. By the time I did my Masters we had a computer but still it had its limitations. Now I not only have a computer, but I have met and fallen into a relationship with email and the mobile phone - and could not imagine a life without them. Thank you Mr and Ms inventors!

So those are my top five, and as I am writing more have popped up. What are yours?

In friendship,

Mxox

I should've known that!

Last night I dragged myself out of my sickbed to fulfill a prior engagement and  attended a quiz night. My friend Mandy had got our theme sorted and the poster all done. Being foodies at heart out table ran out of answers but was well stocked in munchies!! We didn't come last so that was a bonus - but we did come close ;-)

I don't particularly like losing so I have thinking all day about the answers I should've known...
 
QUESTION ONE: What town has a steam engine but no railway line?  Answer: Kaitaia
Our answer was Kawakawa ;-)

"There were plans to extend the Okaihau Branch railway to Kaitaia and construction was undertaken in the 1920s, but with the line nearly complete to Rangiahua, a review in 1936 determined that the branch line would not be viable and construction was abandoned.


The line therefore terminated in Okaihau until it was closed on 1 November 1987. Despite the failure of the railway to reach Kaitaia, D 221, a tank steam locomotive of the NZR D class, has been on static display at Centennial Park since 1967." http://erwin.bernhardt.net.nz/oceania/newzealandkaitaia.html
 
QUESTION TWO: What was the name of the first Maori King? Answer:Potatau Te Wherowhero
Our answer: Potatau Te Wherowhero
 
"In April 1857, at Rangiriri, Potatau agreed to become king. He was crowned and anointed at Ngaruawahia in June 1858. At his installation, many chiefs of the North Island laid their lands and service at Potatau's feet. Many mountains, the pou (boundaries) of the Rohe Potae (Kingitanga territory), were named as the guardians of the territory under Potatau's dominion. Potatau's subjects hoped to keep the lands and their communities together by removing the temptation of ready money through selling. These lands were to become the 'Crown lands' of the Maori kingdom.

In his speech of acceptance Potatau stressed the spirit of unity symbolised by the kingship, likening his position to the 'eye of the needle through which the white, black and red threads must pass'. He called on his people to 'hold fast to love, to the law, and to faith in God'. " http://www.nzhistory.net.nz/politics/the-maori-king-movement/potatau-te-wherowhero

 QUESTION THREE: What are the Maori days of the week? Answers: Rāhina (Monday), Rātū (Tuesday), Rāapa (Wednesday), Rāpare (Thursday), Rāmere (Friday), Rāhoroi (Saturday) and Rātapu (Sunday)
Our Answers: Mane, Turei, Wenerei, Taite, Paraire, Hatarei & ? ;-)

QUESTION FOUR: Who joined Tainui and Kahungungu iwi together? Answer: Mahinarangi raua ko Turongo 
Our Answer: was close but not close enough;-)
This is a lovestory that everyone should know...... I should have remembered Turongo, and now I will never forget. See  http://teaohou.natlib.govt.nz/journals/teaohou/issue/Mao03TeA/c11-22.html for more.

QUESTION FIVE: What is the largest city in Africa? Answer: Cairo
Our Answer: Johannesburg
One of our teammates said Cairo - but the majority overruled him and it cost us dearly - not really we were already losing by this point ;-) "The capital of Egypt and the largest city in Africa, the name means "the victorious city". It is located on both banks of the River Nile near the head of the river's delta in northern Egypt and has been settled for more than 6000 years, serving as the capital of numerous Egyptian civilizations." http://www.ask-aladdin.com/  I should've known this ;-)

How well did you fair with these questions? As for us, we had fun and lots of treats to eat - and maybe next time we will have a few more right answers ;-)

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Choices

We make choices everyday. Some of these are of no consequence - and others can be life changing. This week I have made both kinds and rather spectacularly, some have not been the best decisions either.

CHOICE ONE
Last week I received tickets to listen to a band. As the hype built up over the following days, so did my decision to go. I changed my attitude from being nonplussed - to actually attending. The problem was the venue. I had never been to a venue like that before because of my faith and beliefs. So why did I do it? After a few days of healthy self-reflection, the only logical reason I came come up with is 'peer pressure'. Yep, forty years old and still making choices based on not what others would think about me - because at forty I simply don't care anymore - but choices based on an invite to somewhere I would never have gone to before, by someone whose respect I value. The choice to attend this gig compromised my lifelong standards.What did I learn? I learnt that this choice, although the wrong one in so many ways - helped me solidify my standards yet again. Some choices help remind us of better ones made before.

CHOICE TWO
I have been living with a tooth problem for about three years. I had a root canal done in 2006 and a bit of the filling cracked and it was never the same again. Every now and then I would have a terrible toothache that I medicated with whatever I had, usually painkillers. A couple of months ago, an abcess developed that I found some penicillan that seemed to reduce the size and the pain. This week, I was quietly celebrating to myself that I could chew chewing gum on side of my mouth. So away I chew..... and glunk - out came the filling in my tooth that used to sit on top of the site of my root canal. Needless to say, a trip to the dentist, the very place I was trying to avoid - became a necessity - and no longer a choice. I learnt that some choices need to be made while we still have freedom to do so....

CHOICE THREE
I was part of a panel that was appointing a senior management role where I work and we narrowed the search to two candidates. I went with my gut feeling as to the quality of the applicant and my opinion was based on that. Some choices require trust in your own instincts and the value of good advice.

CHOICE FOUR
I had a report due this week and was running late. After being off work for two days, I decided to stay at work longer and write it before coming home. I had previously arranged to be home by 7pm  however when I checked the clock, I still had a bit of my report to go and it was already just past 7pm. In that instance I made the choice to stay at work and complete my report. I got the report done, but by then it was almost 9pm. I rang the boys and asked them why they hadn't called? Their father got on the phone and reported that there had been a power cut and the boys had been sitting in the dark for a couple of hours, sitting around with candles - and no way of contacting me.  Was my report worth having my two babies that I love more than life sitting in the dark without their mother? Some choices are are between good and better. My sons have to become the better choice for me!!

CHOICE FIVE
Yesterday my husband and I finally decided that we are going to get another car. He has traditionally chosen every vehicle we have owned for the last twenty years. However, he has finally decided that we will be deciding together what car we drive this year - and I cannot wait. I haven't owned a new car since, since, since - forever. This particular decision is the culmination of 20 years of car choosing domination that I am finally being let into. Some choices take patience ;-)

I am going to work on making better choices this week. I wish you well with yours.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Dear Nan

On Friday night I went to a tangi for a sister of one of my managers. As the tupapaku (body) was being brought onto the Marae - the karanga heavy with grief was stirring and emotional. However, it was who came with the tupapaku that affected me. Although saddened by watching her grieving husband, her sons and daughters, and siblings accompanying this loved woman, what broke my composure was the sea of 40+ tamariki and rangatahi (children and youth) that followed. These babies were obviously her mokopuna (grandchildren) and the sound of crying, sniffling and sobbing was heartbreaking. As it was time to sit, they were all pressed up to their Nan, so close to each other, that it looked like they couldn't get close enough and I cried for them - because their loss was so real.

It reminded me of my mother's passing and the impact of her loss on her mokopuna. It's been three years since her passing (May 24th), so after reflecting on my recent experience, I asked my mother's moko (my children and 3 nieces) for the one thing they missed about their Nan in their own words (so not a long blog today ;-))

I dedicate this to all the Nans out there. You make a difference and hold a revered place in the hearts of our babies, and I join the chorus of parents who thank you for providing the link from our hearts to theirs.

1) I miss Nan's Cooking
14 now: 11 at the time of Nan's passing
When asked what it was about her cooking this particular moko missed - the answer was that it was 'yum'. My mother always said she couldn't cook - but to her moko - her cooking was beautiful. Her baking is missed, her fresh bread, scones, slices, cinnamon buns (maybe I added those for me?), and the fact that she collected more recipes than she had time to make them. Her pantry was always stacked with goodies dedicated for her moko and her only son (my brother). Nans spoil our children!

2) I miss talking to her
14 now: 11 at the time of Nan's passing
This particular moko does not talk much, so this was pretty significant for him. When I asked him what does he remember talking about I tried to prompt him with the things my mother said they had discussed and he would share with her like "Nan, what am I going to do when you die? What am I going to do?" and so on. I asked if he remembered saying this and he said "No." Then he piped up "I did ask her if I could have her house when she died?" :-) Nans can break down communication barriers.

3) Nan used to buy me NEW clothes
9 now: 6 at the time of Nan's passing
I asked this moko "What did Nan buy you?" to which my niece replied "pjamas (PJs) and a 'costume' for my birthdays, like new shorts and a new top." I asked her, "How did this make you feel babe?" her reply was simple - "Special". My mother used to have a very very good relationship with Pumpkin Patch and other clothing outlets ;-) Every birthday and christmas her moko got a new outfit. She was renowned for buying in the off-season and stashing them away. The trouble is that those clothes had a habit of coming out of the stash 'just because'. For Easter - she did not buy eggs, instead buying pairs of pjamas for each of her moko which was always a buzz for a room full of moko. Nan's make better santas than santa!

4) I miss her cuddles
16 now: 13 at the time of Nan's passing
My beautiful niece held a special place in her Nan's heart as she was our first. When I asked her what she missed most about Nan, she told me that it was her cuddles. So I asked "how did her cuddles make you feel?", to which she replied "it made me feel happy and loved." A Nan's cuddle is priceless.

5) I miss Nan's voice
12 now: 9 at the time of Nan's passing
When I asked this moko, what she missed the most - her instant reply was "her hugs", but because her big sister had tagged that one, her reply was "Nan's voice". I asked her what she missed about her voice, and we shared laughter as we recalled her Nan calling her often as this moko was her worker and help mate. Actually 'often' is an understatement, - her name was called regularly!!;-) When I asked my niece "How did it make you feel hearing her call for you all the time?", she replied, "it put a smile on my face even when she was growling me." The voice of a Nan is magical.

We miss you mum. See you in the hereafter.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

To my beautiful niece - Happy 16th birthday!!!

To my beautiful niece,

I thought I would dedicate my blog to you on this wonderful day. A day that marks the start to a magical dawn of awesome possibilities, a little bit of scary things, huge decisions with miles and miles of potential - your 16th birthday.

Here are my five birthday wishes for you beautiful....

1)You are loved and treasured
Babe, don't ever forget that you are loved by those around you and a treasured part of our lives - especially in the lives of those that have gone on and those who are still waiting to come. You are the first baby that I ever saw born and I thank your mother that I was able to hold you when you were minutes old (my first and last ;-))My love was sealed on that day because you were the most beautiful baby on the planet!!

I know at times it may feel that no one 'gets' you or that you may be alone, or that you are not good enough - but at that moment, babe, remember you are precious and you are loved, by someone who is waiting to hear from you in a prayer.. you are never alone.

2)Learn from your Aunty's mistakes
My second wish is for you to learn from my mistakes (and I include your father's here as well ;-)). Use the lessons from these errors in judgement as lightstones to line your path through this life. If you make a mistake and even repeat one of the many we have made - kei te pai babe. We are still here and living life, so surely it couldn't have been that bad. It's going to kill us to see you hurt, but we will be there to help you live through any slips.... and unfortunately there will probably be some of those babe ;-)

3)Future full of memories worth reliving
My third wish for you is to live a life that once you get to my age and older - that when you reflect on it - you smile more than anything else... Make the best out of your life darling. Take calculated risks and live outside of your little box. Travel, and get an education and enjoy yourself. An education is a must babe!! Just don't forget to write to me while you are doing it ;-)

4)Friends that are worthy of your friendship
My fourth wish is that you will blessed to have a circle of friends who will end up seeing you through the ups and downs of life without adding to your burdens. I wish you a life of friends that share their dreams and troubles without miminising yours and making you feel like you have to change so that you don't outshine theirs. I wish you friends that in thirty years time that when they call you - the years slip away and you can still talk on the phone for hours...

5)Love like mine and Uncles :-)
My last birthday wish is for you that in years to come that you will find someone who treats you like a princess.I was just a few years older than you when I found Uncle and the rest is history ;-) However I nearly missed him altogether because I was in a hurry, so my wish for you is that you use the years to come to look out for things that you want in a companion and stick to that babe. Don't be in a hurry babe.... and hopefully he will be just like Uncle - only better at cooking ;-)

Love you forever,

Aunty Mxox

Go, Son, Go!!!!

I love my sons and yes, I have to admit - that when they play sports I am alittle loud at times. In my defence, it is always, in support of the instructions the coach has given... So when my son asked if it was alright if his father went to a Touch final instead of me it made me think...

The first time this particular son asked me to stop 'shouting' at him was when he was playing basketball at the ripe old age of ten. What he called shouting I called "getting his intention to remind him of how to play", like reminding him to "put your arms up son", "get the ball son!!" or "don't let him get your ball son!!" and always with a bit of "way to go son!!" and "go, son, go!!" I couldn't believe that out of all the parents, the only voice he heard was mine. I wish I could say that it was the only voice that mattered, but apparently it was the very one that wounded him. He did not find then, or recently, any of it to be motivating or otherwise.

So yesterday, we are preparing to go to my sons' first Rugby game since they were 5 years old, and I am more than excited. My son turns and says "Mum, have you read the Code of Conduct for Parents and Supporters yet?", "The what?" I ask. He then goes and grabs this document he has been leaving around for his number one supporter to read and obviously hadn't picked up, and..... ohmigosh what a timely document his High School has released.

Here are my top five picks (there must be some excited parents at this High School because there are ELEVEN considerations) :-).

MY CODE OF CONDUCT PICK ONE
Being part of a team is a commitment; assist your son to live up to his commitments, Do not accept your son letting his team mates and coaches down.

This is a great one for teaching children the importance of being in a team. It is something my husband and I feel very strongly about, and so pleased that our sons are learning this lesson first hand. What an awesome High School that encourages parents to teach this!

MY CODE OF CONDUCT PICK TWO
Show appreciation for the people who make it possible for your son to play sport. They are invariably volunteers and are involved because they enjoy the game.

This is a lesson that I am still learning.My husband reminds me all the time that their coach is just a parent like us and not the All Black or All White (last year) coach ;-)"Yes" he tells me "You are right - but would you just keep quiet!!" :-)

MY CODE OF CONDUCT PICK THREE

Watch your son play whenever possible.

Nothing is more satisfying than watching your children play anything. We have friends who run themselves raggard on Saturday mornings to get to all if not most of their children's games. I thank them for their example to me. Our children are worth the investment of our time.

MY CODE OF CONDUCT PICK FOUR

Remember your son is playing sport for his reasons not yours

I love it and thank the High School for reminding many parents of this!! For me it is important for my sons to learn how to be part of a team - because in the big corporate world, team work is a skill that many people struggle with. Playing team sports helps bridge that gap, and provides years of experience without having to go to uni for one day. This is hilarious because I just asked my son why he was playing Rugby – and his answer simply was "because Soccer is boring".

MY CODE OF CONDUCT PICK FIVE

Sport is about having a positive attitude. You can assist in setting a postive tone and help to make sport an enjoyable experience

This is a skill that as parents we need to learn and learn well - because I have been with children who have felt totally destroyed by their parents commentary and made a promise to myself never to do that to my sons... and it is pretty hard after some games ;-)Be positive and make it a good experience otherwise they will never want to 'try' again.

I congratulated myself after the tournament yesterday because I had kept most of the code of conduct. My son got the first try in the first game - and I did cheer him on then beeped our truck horn for added measure! ;-) Luckily my son heard the horn and was okay with that….. but he didn’t hear his prideful mother yelling at the top of her lungs "Go, Son, Go!!!"

Yours in friendship

Mxox