Teaching an old dog new tricks....

Now I have an old dog. I've talked about her before and could easily fill a book about her.....

I got Simba (a Bichon Friese cross) when she was a little puppy the year my sons were born. Originally intended for my mother - she quickly attached herself to me like a paua ;-) I have heaps of memories of her but my fondest are when she was a puppy and she would be all curled up under my neck while I had a son on each arm propped up by pillows and off we would head into our little afternoon nap....   or when the boys would be in their cot and start crying which would set off this little dog who would run up and down the hallway to try and get my attention, so I would know that they needed me - as if the crying of twin babies wasn't enough to wake the neighbourhood ;-) I love my dog.

She has seriously grown old. Cataracts in both eyes which give her that classic glassy look that our old folks get, absolutely deaf, fused bones in her back, arthritis, a pair of struggling kidneys and now a weeping benign tumour on her back that is refusing treatment - but she will still get up when she knows I am home - something that used to take her seconds now takes a good several minutes.... but she comes and I love her.

I can't teach her anything new... unless it is around the location of her food and water ;-) She can still, at respectable 16 years is old remember the old ones - she can fetch tennis balls, and catch a tennis ball in her mouth, but forgotten a really important one like scratching the door if she needs to go out, or bark for one of us to open the door....

Here are some things I am doing to teach myself new tricks

Just do it!!
I have an appreciation of what it must be like for Simba in terms of getting old - but I am tryying to break the cycle as someone who is slowing becoming more forgetful with age - and learn a new trick. I am learning a whole second language ;) Recently I have enrolled in a Te Reo Maori course called Te Putaketanga o Te Reo through Te Wananga o Aotearoa 

It may take longer - but it is worth it.
One of the first things we were asked to do was to find and write our pepeha (our connections) and recite it in front of our class first and then later in the evening in front of other classes....Now I guess this would have been an easy task for most of the class as they knew theirs - or are still connected to their Marae and their whanau. It appeared easy for the young ones because they pick things up soooooooo quickly. But for a number of us, age and upbringing was against us, in terms of having little to no exposure to the language or the culture... and off we went. The learning took most of the day - but I said it aloud to my class mates then I did it off by heart in front of a crowd of about sixty people - and almost died!! - but I did it and it was awesome. The recitation wasn't awesome - in fact it will go down as one of the worst speeches I have ever made, EVER - but the accomplishment was choice and the learning - beautiful.

Make it relevant
My Kaiako (tutor) talked us through the many parts of a pepeha and the significance of what we were saying and I felt myself learning.. which helps when learning something new. New things have to mean something when you get older. For my brain to learn it, it needs to put it into a context and prioritise it with everything else that is going on. When once, it would have been learnt and stored in minutes or seconds - now it has to be given a place in my fading memory and the explanations made it read and worthy of a spot up there in my brain ;-)

Be ready - and don't waste any more time.
It took longer than it probably would have when I was younger - but I wasn't ready for this journey until now. In fact, its twenty two years since I first took a Te Reo Maori class at University and I am finally ready for this. I am a second chance learner, I am older and I am learning a new trick.....

Don't be afraid to take on new things. It's not going to be easy peasy like it was back in the day but like the Hair Dye advertisement - you are worth it. If the truth be known - research shows that the best way to keep your brain nice and fresh (although getting older) is to learn something different all the time ;-)

Have a great week whanau

Yours in friendship

Mxox

Begin with the end in mind

I heard these six words from a mother talking about how she had helped her son gain this awesome achievement and I thought it was the most profound six words I had heard in a very long time. It struck me and has rattled around in my mind since then, because you see, I believe I am on this path which I call happiness.... To be happy is the ultimate goal or the end that I have in mind for me...

This is what I am doing...

I am not my job

For the last five years I have had this really great job - the money is the best I have ever made, its doing something that I enjoy, it comes with a car and a blackberry and all the trimmings that a manager at my level would ever want for. However, what it didn't come with was the luxury of time with my children and husband.... so after five years of saying that I was going to put them first - I have and I quit. Granted it took a week to get that organised in my head - I am now the happiest I have ever been for the last..... five years!

I no longer welcome excess

At the beginning of the year I set my goals and as I do every year I make a word chart and on my chart I have added some health and exercise words because at that time I had made the decision to do something about my excessive lifestyle and three months into this year - I feel the best that I have for the last three years -and I am happy! I am exercising at least three times a week for the first time in too long and I am happy.

I am a mother

During the summer holidays, my son stayed at a friend’s place, and he talked about the beautiful meal that he had had - but his comments struck me the deepest when he said - "how come you can't be like the other mothers and be home when I get home from school".... that started the wheels rolling for me and definitely reminded me that I have a role greater than anything I will ever achieve in this world and that is of a mother. So far this year, my babies are coming to me more often to help them with their schoolwork, because I am home more and it is so satisfying. I get to teach and share and it is makes my soul smile.

When a door closes - another opens

Whether you are religious or not - I believe that we have a kind and caring Heavenly Father that knows us and loves us and listens to the words of our heart. In just the short amount of time that I have made some massive changes to my lifestyle - I have had opportunities present themselves to me from the most unexpected directions... It has allowed me the luxury of considering a number of options very carefully.

Love is healing

In the past five years, I have had the chance to work with so many different people and it has been, both, challenging and difficult as well as some of the most rewarding in my lifetime. It has also introduced me to some of the most unattractive souls that I have met to date. However, recently, those events that have marred a lot of my daily work have been washed away by the genuine love of my family, friends and my closest colleagues and I am blessed.

Begin with the end in mind

I can literally see my word chart unfolding before me and I am happy. Don't get me wrong, there have been tears of frustration and joy along the way. I am nervous, and alittle scared and definitely unsure of what is coming up - but it is going to be okay because I have already started with the end in mind…. now I just need to keep working my way towards it ;-)

You don't have to make the big changes - but be brave and make some that will help you have a better life - especially quality of life.

I look forward to seeing you on your journey....

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Waitangi Day

What do you know about Waitangi Day or more importantly the Treaty of Waitangi? Up until the early 90s I didn't know very much either. I knew it affected me as a Maori but I didn't know how or what happened. At law school I learnt that the legislature was flawed in terms of its failure to consider Maori in its legislation, but it wasn't until I had to teach it that my eyes were opened. I am amazed today at the misconceptions that people have about this day and the actual treaty - so here are my top five must knows.

1) Protection
The people were seeking protection from the British because of the unrest and lawlessness of the settlors, mistreatment of the people and the fear of an invasion by the French. Maori also saw a relationship with the British would help them protect the encroachment of the settlers onto their land. Remembering, Maori were 40:1 in terms of population, and the land ownership reflected this. Prime real estate was owned and treasured by Maori and protection from the crown would help them keep themselves and their land safe.

2) The Treaty vs the Treaty
There are two versions of the Treaty of Waitangi - the first is in english, a language that many of the people charged with signing, did not understand and did not read. The other version was in Maori which many of them signed. They were exactly the same weren't they? No. Firstly, it is widely regarded that the man responsible for the translation of the English version into Maori, had the weakest command of Maori and chosen for this reason. I am confident that had his choice of  Maori words of the english text, been correctly translated and represented in the Maori version of the treaty - many, if not all, would have seen the things they would have had to relinquish untenable.

3) Tino rangatiratanga vs Kawanatanga
One of the words most discussed are the use of the word kawanatanga (governship) in the maori version and the word that should have been used -  tino rangtiratanga (Chieftainship). Basically, if the word tino rangtiratanga was used it would have highlighted to the people the intention of the Queen to own and rule the land  - as it refers to control of all things - and people would have been less likely to sign. Instead the word kawanatanga was used which basically talked about governship would be handed over (the protection of the people), and Maori chieftainships would remain in control. The rest as they say - is history.

4) Treatment of the treaty
Seven years after the treaty was signed, dissatisfied that their land was still being encroached on, and the protection they believed they were going to be afforded was not realised, one of the first cases landed in court. The judge held that the treaty was 'not binding'. This was followed in 1877 with the words of Judge James Prendergast who called the Treaty ‘a simple nullity’ and claimed that it was neither a valid treaty nor binding on the Crown. In 1938 in Te Heuheu Tukino v Aotea District Maori Land Board, the Treaty was seen as valid in terms of the transfer of sovereignty, but the judge ruled that as it was not part of New Zealand law it was not binding on the Crown. In 2005, Doug Woolerton introduced the Principles of the Treaty of Waitangi Deletion Bill which would see the elimination of all references to the expressions "the principles of the Treaty" and other versions of this from all New Zealand Statutes.

5) Contract law
My favourite activity when teaching the Treaty is to treat it like a contract which is basically an agreement between two parties. The attitude changes after this exercise were always promising..... From a contract point of law (and I see the Treaty as a contract of sorts between two parties) - there are six essential elements to a contract which are: 1) All parties must have capacity to enter the contract, 2) An offer must be made - protection for letting the british st, 3) Consideration must be exchanged, 4) The parties must be in mutual agreement, and 5) The contract's object and purpose must be legal. What do you think? Did Maori get a good contract? Has there been multiple breaches of what was signed up?

Next Waitangi Day - take the time to learn something more about the Treaty of Waitangi. Yes, it is a public holiday which is great - but really, make the effort to learn something new because this country is already full of the uneducated who base the little they know on misconceptions that are portrayed negatively through the media, and worse - other uneducated people....Definitely something to think about over the next 364 days.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Family Planning

Today I was part of a team that presented - the topic that we were given was Family Planning. Not the kind of family planning that you might think of, but the kind that sets your family up for the next week, month, year, five years and so on.

Here's how it went.

1) Begin with the end in mind.
What a wonderful phrase - and a great reminder to start something, knowing where you wanted to go and how you were going to get there. One of the presenters used the analogy of a jigsaw puzzle. If everyone was given a single piece and they had to put it together - it would be near impossible to complete. However, if they had the big picture to refer to - it could be completed - it would have taken some time - but definitely possible. So when planning - think of the end result and use goals and short term goals to get there. Begin with the end in mind.

2) Treasure Map
I talked about a treasure map that was given by Thomas S Monson in a talk given in 2003. The map had three simple parts 1) Learn from the past, 2) Prepare for the future and 3) Live in the present. Firstly, take the good bits from the past and bring those into 2011 and try and repeat if not enhance them. Secondly, put your plans together for the future and don't look back, and lastly, live in the 'now'. Don't wait for a special occasion or a special somebody because if we keep waiting for tomorrow, we'll end up with a whole heap of wasted yesterdays.... Get your treasure map or your road map out and go for it.

3) Bruce Lee
My friend Mandy spoke. I chose her because she is a single mum of four who happens to be one of the most organised people I know on the planet! She spoke about her marriage ending when she was pregnant with her fourth child, and left with another three under five and how she not only coped but how she has to be organised to do it. When she talks about having the "end" in mind, for her it's referring to the next hour to bedtime, making it through the next day or getting through the next week without little to no money. She spoke about the need to have a house of order, one of prayer, study, love and so much more. I always learn from her, and today she shared a quote by Bruce Lee that is a keeper - "Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do." Its not enough to know all of this information, and how we are meant to do things or even tips on how to get through - we have to apply it and do it.

4) 99 Years old
Get a piece of paper. Now imagine that you have woken to a beautiful morning and you are 99 years old. Personally, I have given my friends permission to run me over when I get to 65, but that's another story..... Now write a list of all the things you wish you had done more of or less of. The answers today ranged from less growling through to sky diving.....interesting ;-) Next, write four things you would do now so that it would change your life when you get to 99 years old.... these form the base of the goals that we should have in out lives. The last thing to do is to take your current age and subtract that from 99 and that shows you how much time you to have to achieve those things you need to do to be happy... but get started now ;-)

5) SMART planning
Everyone needs a SMART plan. What's a SMART plan? SMART is a well-known acronym that is used in leadership and training sessions throughout the world and can be changed to suit the audience. Today, it was presented as follows: S is for specific - make sure it is clear and tailored to something specific, M is for measurable - make sure you will be able to measure success or room to improve, A for achieveable - don't set plans that are impossible and unlikely to be achieved, R is for realistic - make your plans real and not hollywood like - because there are no happy ever afters unless you make them... ;-) and T is for Timely - keep a timeframe so you you know when you want to have something down by.

Well, hope there was something in there for you. There was plenty for me.... and grateful that I am surrounded by people who live what they teach.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Temptation

Today was a great day for learning - and it came from a source I should already be familiar with... the good book of Mathew out of the Holy Bible. The book of Mathew contains insight into temptation and it blew me away because of its pure simplicity. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, and for those of you who are - check out or reunite yourself with the story of Jesus Christ who after fasting 40 days and nights is confronted by satan....

Basically there are three things that the Saviour was tested on - and this is where the pure genius lies - because it is the three things that tempt us today - physical appetite, pride and power. Whether you are religious or not, whether you read the bible or not - there is learning here for everyone...

1) Man should not live by bread alone
Satan tells the Saviour (and I paraphrase liberally here - so don't look for these quotes ;-)) "[I know you're hungry so if you are truly the son of God - why don't you turn those stones into bread and have a feed....]" I love the reply found in Mathew 4:4 "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God" which basically means, and I paraphrase -  No! Food is not where my strength comes from - that comes from knowing the truth. The lesson: overcome the basest of our physical appetites so that we are free to make the choices that achieve physical, spiritual, and emotional happiness.

2) Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God
Satan then takes the Saviour to the pinnacle of the temple and tells him (remember - paraphrasing here ;-)) "[Why don't you jump of this building - because there are angels that are charged to look after you and they will save you and won't even let you stub your toe...]" The reply found in Mathew 4:7 "Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God" which basically was - No! I don't have to prove that I am loved and looked after by my Father. He has more important things to do. The lesson: pride can be a killer - don't even make it a part of your character.

3) Thou shalt worship the Lord they God
Satan then takes the Saviour to the top of a mountain and after showing him all the kingdoms of the world, he says "[I will give you all of this if you would bow down and worship me]" The reply is found in Mathew 4:10 "Get thee hence Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve" which means - No! - there is only one God and to him and only him do I serve. The lesson: know where your loyalties lie and be true to them. There is only one God.

Satan departs after this last episode dejected in his failure to fall Jesus Christ.

However, he is not one to give up - as he is having small gains every day through tempting the weaker of us. He does it through appealing to our desires to quench our appetities, our pride - therefore not humble and teachable, and our human need to have power to rule over others....

Having said that, we are on this earth to have a happy life that can have an extraordinarily happy ending. It is up to us to avoid temptations and if we slip - to overcome that, and carrying on.. Dieter F. Uchtdorf shares "Enduring adversity is not the only thing you must do to experience a happy life. Let me repeat: how you react to adversity and temptation is a critical factor in whether or not you arrive at your own “happily ever after.”

So, for this week my friends - lets get on with it....

Mxox

Are you the captain of your ship?

Recently I heard a speech about the Titanic - yes, we all know the story and believe me I was the first to be prepared to bunk down and score me some shut eye and a nanny nap. However, reflecting on it - a week later, it has still caused me to ponder the question that was posed - Are you the captain of your ship? Which meant - Am I in control of my destiny, do I know where I am going, how, why and with who/m?

What the speaker did was compare ourselves to the Titanic and described how things were severely compromised and ultimately failed - and drew analogy to ourselves and how we can be the same or make choices that make us very different.

This is my take on that talk...

1) We are not invincible

The Titanic was an enormous boat that was tagged as being unsinkable. It was celebrated as the greatest engineering achievement of the time, the fittings were the latest and lavish in design and fashion and so on and so on.... The analogy is that we as humans are children of God and as such the materials that we are made of are supreme. We are even told that we are made in the likeness of the image of God - and that's a pretty good template - YET, like the Titanic, we, despite our genetic makeup, our beautiful souls, and perfect creation are capable of the most appalling failures. We are not invincible.

2) Our inner self

As mentioned the parts of the boat were made of materials that should have been the strongest, fastest and the best. I suspect in most cases they were however not the rivets. Sitting on the window seat in a small aeroplane gives you an appreciation of the job a rivets do in holding the wings up and keeping us in the air... There were two choices of the type of rivets to be used  - one superior, and I would imagine, expensive, the other substandard and affordable. The latter was chosen. Once the water came on board in such volume and velocity - those rivets did not do their job, and because of that fundamental failure - the bottom of the boat was sucked off the boat..just like that. 

The analogy - we are made of the very best materials - there is nothing substandard about us. However if we continue to bombard ourselves with unhealthy food and practices - like the water on board the Titantic - the parts that hold us together, even being perfect in their origin, will, like the Titanic - fall away.

3) Communication

The boat was fitted with the latest communication technology which allowed people to communicate with others that were ahead of the boat. The rich people dominated this service and at a handsome price - it became a money making venture. However, during this time while busy relaying messages to land, the crew received numerous warnings of the approaching icebergs. These notices and warnings were never acknowledged and were ignored. Yet messages from the passengers out to land continued. The rest is history. The analogy - we are in receipt of inspiration, revelation, warnings, and blessings every day of our lives - do we acknowledge these or do we ignore and prioritise other things. We need to be still and listen and learn...

4) It takes time

It took 14 hours for the Titanic to sink. Fourteen hours... The analogy is simple: We are not going to fall apart in a day - it will take time for that to happen.... Marriages do not fall apart in a single moment, hurtful words do not accidently happen, and businesses do not instantly crumble. We need to heed the warning signs, be it from a partner, a colleague, a sibling or a child - take the time, and be careful with it. Let's use the time to strengthen ourselves so we are ready to face the icebergs that are coming.

5) Am I my captain?

When the Titanic hit the iceberg - the captain was asleep. Asleep instead of watching over the 1500 passengers in his care.... The question/analogy to answer/ponder is simple: Am I the captain of my ship, or will I too be asleep? For me I ask myself - will I or have I become too complacent with how things are that I am in "cruise" mode and let something else lead me along - basically deferring my captaincy?

I decided then and there - I am the captain of my ship and the co-captian of my family. I will be responsible for myself and to myself and my family.....and 2011 will be a great year!

Are you the captain of your ship?

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Bring it on!

I know that at the beginning of every year we are somehow compelled to review the year before and make plans for the new year. We are familiar with the the phrase 'New Years Resolutions' but after a recent presentation on goal setting - I was approached by several women that don't set goals at all. I was surprised and alittle taken aback because I had thought that everyone goes through this annual ritual... then I thought about these people, like many that I am surrounded by and I know these people have ambition, vision, drive, motivation and the tenacity to move towards something that they want. It may not be called a goals but it certainly is direction.

Whatever it is called in your world - here is what I know about goals....

A life time of practise
Goal setting is something that I have done since a child. This was encouraged in my home where my mother had us setting goals for ourselves every year, for school, for church, and for sports and for family goals.... She led by example by setting her personal goals for us children which was to see her children active in our faith and to be temple patrons. As we work towards achieving these ourselves - her example always enlightens the way for her children and her grandchildren. If goal setting is new for you - start today by making the decision to stop doing something that you shouldn't be doing and never repeat it... and add to that something that you want to start doing - and start today. Write it down and check on your progress daily, weekly, fortnightly. It doesn't matter as long as you keep checking... Turn goal setting into a habit and you will achieve things that you would not have not thought possible...

All of you
There was something I read and it made such an impression that it formed the way I viewed goal setting for myself since that time. The programme was about encouraging people to be well rounded culturally, spiritually, emotionally, physically and educationally. This probably resonated with me as it again was something that our mother ensured that I lived by having learnt an instrument, played team sports all the way through school, in a performing arts group and then doing my school work so that I could to get to university... So every year since then - and with interesting results ;-) our little family, small as it is, sets goals under the following three headings: education, physical, spritually and without naming it have goals that touch on emotions and culture.

Be Smart
Goals are not meant to be stressful but should be always achievable! So be smart when setting them, not too easy that you don't have to try, and not hard enough that you will need to win lotto to afford it, or die trying to achieve it.

Be realistic
Set goals that are realistic to you and keep it all about yourself. I always set goals around things that I need to improve, my work performance, how I treat others etc. Every year there is something included about the most important role that I will ever play in this life - being a mother.  So for 2011 - this goal is simple - to always remember that my job is just a job! It is not my life, it is not a child, and although sometimes rewarding it is just a job. Instead of putting things down like - to be a better mother I am going to say 'no' more to work and 'yes' more to my sons and husband... After 16 years - I finally got real about how I am going to achieve my ultimate goal of being a mother - it took a while but I am going to get there!

4 Step Process
I found a simple formula for goal setting that I presented that may help.... 1) Review: review where you are and where you want to go - write it down, 2) Plan: how are you going to achieve these goals, what are the short term goals that will help you achieve your long term ones - write this information down, 3) Act: get moving on them - write them up, put them up, display them, email them, and then do it! 4) Report: report back to the family, report back into your journal - reward where you achieve and re-evaluate where you need to improve...

The best two quotes - and there are so many to do with goal setting was by Jeffrey R. Holland " The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn... then we look ahead. Faith always points toward the future" and secondly, "God doesn't care nearly as much about where you have been as He does about where you are and with His help where you are willing to go"

So whatever works for you, set those goals (or whatever you want to call them), write them up, display them somewhere that you will see them every day and remember one thing; with God - nothing is impossible!

Bring it on 2011!

Mxox