Career advice....

I have always wanted to be the guest speaker at a graduation ceremony - ALWAYS - but I have never seemed to reach the level high enough for a gathering group of students and their teachers to care aout what I have to say ;-) So as they say - those who can - do, and those who can't - blog ;-)

Anyway, last week I had the privilege of watching a friend of mine (since highschool) graduate with her degree in Midwivery. I am soooo proud of her achievement and know that she has been rewarded for all of her hard work with a qualification that will now set her up for life. She has something now that can, if she chooses, see her practicing a skill anywhere in the world where babies are being born ;-)

There are many things that I am going to remember - 1)she looked fabulous in a a friend's korowai, 2)her ceremony was the first of its kind on her school campus - so it was a pretty big deal, 3) I was there not only with her parents and her daughter, but with four others - all of whom I have known for almost 30 years!!, and 4) the graduation speech from the guest speaker Te Anga Nathan (General Manager of News and Current Affairs, Maori Telelvision).

Nathan was asked to provide some career advice to the graduates and it was very good - good enough for me to share with you - and that's something - because as you can imagine I have enough advice for plenty of s put together ;-) I'm not sure if Nathan  was aware that quotes are taken from graduation speeches - especially as the people who give them are always as the peak of their profession/career and idustry.... but he did a great job and totally quotable ;-)

Anyway, the three tips he wanted the graduates to know in order to cope out there in the big wide world were 1) Follow your passion, 2) Know the rules of engagement and 3) Have humility.

Follow your Passion

The first one is pretty self explanatory - I mean, if you have a passion then go for it. Don't let anything stop you from doing it..... Nathan shared a well known quote that if you "find a job you love then you never have to work a day in your life" which is sooo true. I am evidence of that - when I am in the zone running a holiday programme with a friend of mine, its like playtime every day... and I wish I could do that all the time. Not only that, I have sat around countless tables with friends in the last three weeks talking about opportunities that can be started so that they can be free of jobs that no one liked doing things they loved and earning enough to raise a family. Find your passion.

Know the Rules of Engagement

Nathan was telling the graduates that they needed to know the rules of their job, to understand the policies and rules of their trade and industry. He suggested that it was good to push boundaries as long as you did it for the benefit of your organisation and not for your own gain. He used his own experience and told the story about the time when the family of Anthony Ratahi who was shot dead by the police in Taranaki, came to Maori Television for help. In particular, was their disgust in the way that their father was killed which was by a bullet through the eye. In their opinion, the whanau believed that there were other ways to shoot someone to stop them, without killing them.

The whanau wanted the tūpāpaku (body) to be shown on television which not only pushed the boundaries of tikanga, but also the The Broadcasting Act 1989 section 1 which is that "every broadcaster [is] to be responsible for maintaining in programmes and their presentation, standards which are consistent with a) The observance of good taste and decency." As the General Manager of News and Current Affairs, aware of the rules of engagement within his industry (the Broadcasting Act), Nathan made the call to push the boundaries and aired the report.

Instead of the complaints that were expected, but deemed a consequence worth taking, Native Affairs when on to win the 2011 Aotearoa Film and Television Awards (AFTA) for best current affairs series.

Have Humility

Nathan spoke of his own humble beginnings starting with his father who was a coal miner in Huntly, and my favourite quote was how he shared with the graduates that his father "fed our family on the width of a 'banjo' shovel" . What a powerful statement! Nathan warned the graduates, based on his own experience which he shared, that "when you think you are at the top of your game - remember to be humble." He followed this with some advice that "losing your reputation is easier than gaining respect of your peers."

And that was it - a very fine graduation speech - and the reason I now know why I have not had the invitation to speak at a graduation - I have to keep learning!!

Have a great week and congratulations for all the things you are achieving....

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Love is...

As a rule I do not go to theatres to watch 'chick flicks' that are guaranteed to make me cry. For example, I am one of the handful of people who have never seen 'The Notebook', and I made sure that I never saw 'P.S, I love you' unless I was alone..... so it was out of the ordinary, you could say, that I went with my firend today to watch the movie 'The Vow'.

The Vow is based on true events (which is always a worry because the events made it into a movie because they were EXTRAORDINARY unlike the rest of us who are ORDINARY ;-)) and tells the story about a happily married couple who have a car accident and as a result of that, the wife - Paige, loses her memory. She does not have any recollection of her husband Leo or their life of her as an established artist (sculptor) and estranged from her family. In fact, she only remembers her life about five or so years earlier when she was still in contact with her family, engaged to another guy and at Law school.

It was a lovely movie and of course Leo was the perfect husband (and if these really were true events, and this is what he really did do!! what a hero!) who loved his wife so much that when he realised that she was never going to remember him or love him again - he walked away and gave her up. One the most touching scenes is when he is telling a friend about his decision, and he is recalling the first time Paige told him that she loved him and he says - "it only took her two weeks to know she loved me" and now after trying for months to woo her back - he realised she no longer could love him..... Love is selfless!!

Anyway, lately, and quite separate from this movie - but probably why this movie had an impact on me more than normal.... is I have been thinking about love and marriage. In particular, just  recently three women I have known have passed away. All were widows, and had been for some time - one for forty years, and the other two for twenty plus years. I could not help but think about and find myself reflecting on this, even now, how joyous their reunions with their eternal companions would have been... Love is joy!!

Just the other day, I overheard an 82 year old friend of mine talking about her husband 'in absentia' .... and this is one of the things I love about her... you see, although she has been a widow for well over twenty years, she knows she is still married and talks about her husband as such, and treats her being alone without him as if he is just in another room going about his business. She knows that he loves her and misses her too. It reminds me that marriage is for this life and the next - I love it - thank you Rebe xx Love is eternal.

My son found this picture off the internet and I can't seem to take my eyes off it. I think it is beautiful and captures the circle of life perfectly. I look at it and I can see where he is in this cycle and where I am and where I am going and with who... I know if I go now or later, I am not afraid, because I know that Mr M and I are sealed for this life and into the next.I want him to know even though he may want a trade in or up in wives :-), that he is the perfect man for me and I love him dearly... Love is a circle.

I thought about Mr while I was in the movie and over the last several weeks and have come to realise how blessed I am that our paths crossed when they did... and for the blessings that have come into my life because he is my Mr ;-) I want him to know that even though our lives will NEVER make the big screen - that our love story is pretty cool.... because he's in it! Love is a blessing!

Anyway, I know that there are writers who made up the actual vows in the movie but I was so touched by them  and with all that has been happening around me, that I have decided that I am going to give these a go for 2012 and see if I can keep these promises.... I'll let you know how I go :-)

I vow to help you love life                                   
to always hold you with tenderness                  
and have the patience that love demands         
to speak when words are needed                      
and to share the silence when they're not       
and to live within the warmth of your heart
and always call it home

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

I would ask if all is done?

Today I taught a class of 12-13 year olds. The lesson was about pressing forward in the steadfastness of Christ. I tried to remember what I was like at that age and the truth is I can't remember a thing about what I learnt at that age. I can tell you who liked who, what clothes I wore, and even songs from that time - but not too much else..... so while the children in my class were participating, and no one fell asleep, I quickly realised while preparing, while I was deliverying, and now some hours later - this lesson was for me. In particular a question that a man called Nephi asked of his people "if all is done?"

This question probably resonates a little more this week than it would at some other time, because this week my family and I have been involved in a tangi for a woman that was most loved and tresaured not only by her family, but also her friends and the commmunity. Her life long service to many was acknowledged when she was awarded a QSM (Queen's Service Medal) award - so you can tell she was very special.... During the week, people have talked about how busy she was, and the work that she would do for so many people, and for her selflessness.  The answer to the question "if all is done" can only be a resounding yes!

My friend has recently lost a nephew who was born into a body that did not work properly. He was not quite one yet, but in the months that he lived he had been through more operations, procedures, helicopter and ambulance rides, and needles than most of us do in a life time. The question - if all is done - can be asked here. The answer again - has to be yes. For whatever reason, this little boy was born into this life - he gained a body, he bore his trials and is now free.

Nephi knew his people very well, and once he asked the question if all was done? He answered no, it is not.

A good example of this I take from my sons who were asked to do the dishes. One washes and the other dries. I am grateful that at 16 years old, they listen and do the dishes without question. If I was to ask them - if all is done? They would happily report - yes and for them they have discharged their duty, EXCEPT for the fact that as we look and see there on the bench are lovely washed and dried dishes, granted not the normal - the tupperware, ice tray etc, but still dishes! So in fact, is all done?  - the answer - NO!

So what does Nephi teach the people? He goes on to teach his people that although the work is not completed - we all need to press forward in the steadfastness of Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men."

Today, a friend of mine shared with a group of us ladies a story about a man that ran in the 1968 Mexico Olympics marathon - John Stephen Ahkwari from Tanzania. After suffering a bad fall and dislocating a joint in the process this amazing man continued running to the end (he press forwarded :-)) and completed the race an hour after the winner crossed the finish line. In fact, the winner had already had the medal ceremony, it was nightfall, and the stadium was almost empty - but this man kept going and going. When asked why he didn't quit - he replied according to the documentary "my country did not send me 5000 miles to start a race, they sent me 5000 miles to finish the race." The question asked of this man "if all was done?" - the answer would be yes & eventually! He kept going when it was easier to stop.... He showed us what it will take for us to press forward with the steadfastness in Christ. His example also demonstrates what it is like to have a brightness of hope. As long as we keep going, one foot in front another - moving all the time, we will get to where we are going.

So today I learnt heaps about the question that I should ask of myself if all is done? For me, there is much more to do. I am inspired by the people around me to keep moving - to press forward in the steadfastness in Christ, to have a brightness of hope and to love those around me and my God..... Now I just have to get cracking!!

Have a lovely week and see you next time.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Long Live the Baking Soda!!

For those of you that read my blog - you would know I have not been working for the last little while.... :-) which means that just as I have am the happiest I have ever been - money is not readily avaiable, BUT even this has an upside.

For example, I have rediscovered my dormant cooking skills  - I can even make pretty good chocolate chippy cookies, chocolate chip bread, herb & garlic bread and meat patties (that others call rissoles) to die for!! On top of that - I know it only gets better - and this is the biggest breakthrough of them all EVER - given 'my name is M and I am a shopaholic' - wait for it........ I can actually for the first time in decades - I can window shop! I know it's amazing  - and so ridiculously simple yet life changing that I can walk in and out of a shop without spending one cent ;-) Not only that, if there is something that I really, really want - I can leave it behind and wipe it from my mind..... And who said there are no modern day miracles!;-)

Another thing that has happened since I have not been working is that I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time wiping surfaces, dishes, dusting and I guess you would have to call it general cleaning ;-) Although Mr M will heartily disagree with the progress I have made down this path - I will admit I am not very good at cleaning by choice, thanks to my memory of an over enthusiastic clean freak mother ;-), but it seems that I actually like to see tidy surfaces... which leads me to today's blog....

I came across a book by Sophie Gray called Live Well Spend Less: Destitute Gourmet (also see destitutegourmet.blogspot.com) and thought I would go through it. Of interest to me and this blog is Chapter six called Clean Up Your Act.  What got me was the lead sentence which reads "I have to confess that I am not a 'cleanie'. When the dust bunnies escape from behind my fridge, I consider it's time to move" (p.126) And with that I read on!

I had heard through the women's grapevine that baking soda is pretty good for cleaning - BUT I had no idea it was this good!!

Home made cleaning products are easy to make. Really? Really!

The recipe for the main cleaning product in this chapter and newly to be released in my house is a mixture of baking soda, white vinegar and bleach in various combinations. The various combinations suits me - so experimenting we go!

Microwave

"To remove the [splats] of food from the microwave roof and sides [(or is ours the only one that has these??)] dissolve a couple of tablesppons of baking soda in water in a microwave-safe bowl., then bring to the boil in your microwave. Let it sit for a minute or two, then you should easily be able to wipe out any baked on stains; the microwave will smell fresh too" (p.129).... I know? Pretty cool right?

Sinks

"Sprinkle the sink with baking soda and wipe with a damp sponge....."(p.130) I've since done this and I got sparkle - it took a bit of elbow grease - but cheaper and more environmentally friendly than other cleaning products - so I'm wrapped (or overly excited??)!!

Taps

"Spread a thin paste of baking soda on taps and when dry polish off with a rag for the shiniest, shiniest tapes you've ever seen "(p.130) Amen to this!! My taps are looking pretty stunning -  granted I only tried the kitchen ones - the others will follow.... ;-)

Fridge

"Dissolve a couple of tablespoons [of what? you guessed it] - baking soda in a bowl of warm water and wipe the interior for a clean and odour-free fridge" (p.130)

Stains on clothes

"Make a paste from baking soda and water and rub it into the stain prior to washing". (p.132) I did this and it worked!! It is soooo much cheaper than Nappisan or buying frend!! Try it yourself.

The Loo

"An all purpose spray cleaner, baking soda, bleach or white vinegar will all clean the toilet hygenically and cheaply." (p.134) This is about to become my son's favourite!! ;-)

And the list goes on and on... so check out the book or ask Ms Google to help you find more recipes. Besides being a bit of worry that we put baking soda in our cooking (like my chocolate chippy biscuits and banana cake) - in terms of a cleaning agents, and saving heaps of dollars a year - long live the baking soda!!

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Kindness Begins with.........

When I was little I was taught a song called "Kindness Begins with Me". It has been taught to children across the world in my faith for generations past, present and to come. Its tune is catchy, the words - simple "I want to be kind to everyone for that is right you see, so I say to myself remember this, kindness begins with me".... and the message long lasting.

I recently read an article by Stephanie Dowrick (http://www.stephaniedowrick.com) in a Good Health magazine called "Born to be Kind". At the time I was looking for something I could do to improve myself in the new year and liked the idea of BEING KIND and was something I could actually do....... Unfortunately heading into month three of 2012 - the motivation to be kind has not only worn off, but I have failed at it horribly! For this reason, I thought it was time to bring that article back and bump it up my 'Get Crackin M' list ;-) So for the next 21 days (in order to make it a habit ;-)) Kindness is really going begin with me - Dowrick styles - easy right? Right!ish....

Here are some of her suggestions.

Embrace yourself and your body
Dowrick suggests that we can do this by taking more care about how we regard ourselves as women and support other women to do the same. The other suggestion is that we appreciate our bodies, its health and what it allows us to experience. Who says being kind is going to be easy!?

Ban Criticism from your Relationship
Dowrick encourages us to 'ban' bad-tempered, critical comments or disparaging remarks for specific time periods. I'm going to try this from 3pm - 8:30pm - which covers the time I pick up the boys and their father comes home from work - and I reckon its going to be pretty quiet around these parts ;-), but by doing that Dowrick reports that I will be able to see a positive affect on my sense of self as well as my relationships. Some suggestions on the 'how' is to make a daily habit to notice what's right: be encouraging, and appreciative of the small things as well as the large. The most interesting one is that Dowrick suggests that we need to apologise for bad behaviour, rather than defending it.....hence, my turning a new leaf ;-)

Make Your Child (and Yourself) Likeable
Dowrick suggests we can achieve this by "teaching our children - by setting the example - to be the thoughful, delightful type of person that others want to be around. Show them how to have concern for others, to be courteous, enthusiastic, appreciative and interested. Teach our children the art of a meaningful apology and to teach our chidren that life is a precious fight that is to be celebrated every day."

Care More about Others
Dowrick suggests that we do this by being courteous - speaking kindly, showing interest and listening well. WE are encouraged to think about and take responsibily for how our words and actions, affect others. The last one is to CHOOSE to be kind and include other people instead of leaving them out.

Treat your partner as your Best Friend
Dowrick provides some things we can do to help us with our partners or other relationships we may have. 1)Deliberately cultivate a loving friendship with your partner - deliberately, sounds like making an effort...., 2) Show respect for, and an interest in each other, - for me this entails me sitting and watching endless hours of sports..., 3) validate and encourage each other every day - she says EVERY DAY - I got soo much work to do here.... and 4) talk and listen - this shouldn't be too hard given that Mr doesn't talk much.... just hope I don't fall asleep ;-) If I can do all of these things - and these habits are established -  Dowrick says that they will reduce the bad times and support the good. I can do this! - can you?

 Dowrick says that "when we are consistently kind to people, [our] trust and faith in [our] relationships increases, as does [our] self- esteen. This comes partly from knowing that [we] are capable of making good choices when it comes to [our] way of relating, and that [we] are capable of making amends if [we] hurt someone.... [Kindness] creates harmony between [us] and others and builds resilience and positivity."

Sooooo, as you can see there is much work to be done...... I wish us all the best in being kind to everyone. Here goes - 21 days of kindness coming up! ;-) Wish me well - because I am going to need it!!

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

A Cat's tale

Recently, I watched a movie about a Dolphin called Winter who lost a tail and was fitted with a prosthetic one. I didn't want to watch it because I have a problem with sea animals being in captivity and the rest of it.... but found myself being drawn into the story and the plight of this little dolphin and because of the care she received in captivity - is alive and well.....What a remarkable story! I even checked the webcam at http://seewinter.com/  this morning to see if she was still okay... and she appears to be doing just like she did in the movie... very well!

Two things came to mind after watching this story/movie. 1) I have to get to Clearwater, Florida to see Winter and it has made it to one of my top places to visit before I die ;-) If it was a surety that Harry Connick Jnr (who played one of the main characters in the movie - and one of my favourite big band crooners ;-)) would be there to personally show me around the complex - it would be closer to the top of my list ;-).... and 2) Tails are very important to all animals.

I don't have a dolphin - but - it appears I now have a cat. Simba, my dog who passed away had a broken tail so I never saw that thing do anything but hang down. The totally opposite applies to this cat and I'd never seen anything like it. So intrigued about this, I asked Mr Google, "Dude - what is up with this cat's tail?" and what a tale he told.

At http://user.xmission.com/~emailbox/tailtalk.htm  it gives you little pictures of cats tails and their interpretation which are helpful but can't be copied or distributed. At http://cats.about.com/ cat's tails are discussed along with heaps of issues cats and their owners face. But today I am going to refer to http://www.feednfarm.com/cattails.html which if you are an animal lover, as I am, will find this more than a tiny bit interesting...

The most common cat tail talking our cat Skinny (although since adopting us - no longer applies to her) uses:

1. Tail curves gently down and then up again at the tip. The cat is relaxed and all is well in her world.

2. Tail slightly raised with a soft curve. Something has peaked her interest. 

3. Tail is held erect but the tip is tilted over. Cat is in a friendly mood with slight reservations.

4. Tail is fully erect with the tip stiffly vertical. This is a wholehearted greeting with no reservations and

5. Tail held still, but the tip is twitching.

The cat is showing its mild irritation. If the twitching increases a swipe from a paw may be imminent. For me, this is telling me to quit annoying the cat, and stop treating it like a toy ;-) otherwise I am going to get scratched again! and,

5a. Tail is swishing violently from side to side - not like a dog - it is not wagging its tail in joy.

This often means that the cat is about to attack. For me, I now know it's a bit late once the cat gets to this stage and I pretty much deserve EVERY scratch and bite I get ;-)

Have fun matching the tail meanings with your cat and if you really want to get a pet that tells you exactly what it feels - without having to watch and interpret a tail - get a dog ;-) That's the lesson I've learnt.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

 

The Mind-Body Connection

Every year our family plough through heaps of magazines looking for inspirational words we can cut out and make a collage that will represent our goals and aspirations for the year....... Last night we got around to do that for 2012 and like always, there were pauses during the evening as we would get caught in reading the articles. There were at times, not much cutting and pasting being done....

I was just as guilty as the boys and their father, but instead of pausing to read, I liked what I read so much I started ripping pages and pages out, not to cut up and use as a collage but because 1)the Good Health Magazine is the best magazine find in a long time and 2) the articles were just too good to be cut up - instead they needed to feature in the 5n2mins blog ;-)

One of the articles I managed to salvage in time was called the Mind-Body Connection by Helen Foster who writes "Your feelings and the way you interact with others, impact on your overall health in some surprising ways" Of the 12 surprising ways your feelings can impact on your health, I have chosen my top 5 - not the top 5 easiest but rather the top 5 I need to concentrate on!.

Expressing love can help to lower your cholesterol

After Professor Kory Floyd from Arizona State University asked a group of people with high cholesterol to write about their loved ones three times a week, they ended up with lower cholesterol levels than the group not involved in writing the love notes. Isn't that amazing - so I'm going to express my love towards my family more often AND eat healthy as well - because I may not be a genuis but I know that what goes in my mouth has to be sorted as well.

Too much anger can upset your gums

Experts at Harvard university found that men who were regularly angry were 72 per cent more likely to have gum disease than calmer men. It is thought that the insulin produced to get your anger on - is the link. I already have sick gums - so getting my anger sorted can help with my gums - who knew right?!

Boredom might kill you

Research by Anne Britton and Martin Shipley of the University College of London found that people who regularly claim to be bored are - wait for it - wait, wait, wait - are two-and-a half times more likely to die in the next 20 years than people who were stimulated. No way, right? Nothing to worry about if you just plain boring because as Britton explains "the state of boredom is almost certainly a proxy for other risk factors rather than a direct cause of death" meaning when you are bored you are more likely to smoke, drink, do drugs and those kinds of things get you killed..... phew!

Positive Thinking Boosts Antibodies

US Scientist Richard Davidson found when researching people's reactions to the flu vaccination, that the pople that were the most optimistic had the highest level of antibodies. So, note to self: here's another reason to listen to your mother whose last words before she passed - be positive!!!

Forgiveness can Help Fight Pain

Experts have shown that forgiving people actually reduces chronic problems such as back pain....according to Dr James Carson of Oregon Health and Science University. Author David Hamilton also points out that forgiveness meditation - where you focus on good things for others - also raises endorphins, the body's natural painkillers..... So you guessed it - another note to self: focus on the good in others and don't keep grudges!

I have some work to do.... how about you? Any mind-body connections that you know of.....

Yours in friendship

Mxo