Happy 50th Anniversary

We have just celebrated my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary...... now just take a moment and think on that - 50 years - five-zero, five decades, that's half a century of marriage! What an amazing milestone! Not only that - but my mother-in-law also turned 70 years old ;-) Those numbers are amazing to me - for the most part - because none of my mother's siblings have made it to 60 yet - although there is a good chance the last two will ;-) and also - I don't have anyone in my family that has been married for 50 years and more! So it is an amazing and wonderful time for our whole family....

Here are five lessons I have learnt from my beautiful in-laws:

1) A legacy

Having two parents together has been foreign to me, let alone parents who celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.... and the cool thing is that it isn't going to be foreign to my sons... What a wonderful legacy my in-laws are giving my boys, their grandchildren - to know through their wonderful example that marriage can be forever...

2) It won't be easy but it will be worth it
I have heard a quote about life not being easy, but looking back we will be able to say it has been worth it and this applies here as well. My in-laws have not had an easy life. They will not be known for their riches, awards, honours, and status symbols. What they will be known for is being hard working parents of six children who and are all normal, well adjusted citizens making contributions of consequence in their own families and communities. And now, as they sit back now and watch their grandchildren go through life, they can see that their hard work has been worth it... I look forward to this day....

3) The tough get going!

Billie Ocean sang a song in the 80's which says "when the going gets tough - the tough get going" and this has been so true of my in-laws. What I love about this is that my husband has been raised by parents who married 50 years ago and through thick and thin - have stayed together. What this means in my life is that when things go 'south' as they often do in a relationship - my Mr M is unmovable. The first thing to go - is not his marriage.... Too many times, wedding vows become a by-product so easily discarded as soon as challenges arise....

 

4) Love is not what I thought it would be

Before I was married - I thought that love was going to be all that I needed.... turned out it actually took a lot more than that -  like a job, money, a house, children, education and all that jazz. It finally dawned on me that love is still the glue - but it certainly isn't the love I started off with in the beginning. Instead after years of marriage - love is not what I thought it would be - it has turned out to be everything!

3) What parents do matters

Mr M is an awesome husband - even when he is pushed to his limits, he will still be remembered as a wonderful man. His outlook on life, especially in his relationship with his wife and his sons is tender yet strong and powerful. He loves hard and deeply yet is not loud and overly affectionate. He is just right and sometimes can almost be perfect ;-) And do you know where he learnt that from?? His father.... and his relationship with his mother.... so you see, what we do as parents, whether we are married or not - is critical - because our children are always watching and learning from us....

I want to thank my in-laws for being wonderful examples of resilience, commitment and demonstrating what the true meaning of marriage vows are.... I want to thank them for all of the lessons that their love for each other teaches me every day.... Here's to many more!! ;-) xx

 

Yours in friendship

 

Mxo

 

From the Mouth of Babes: Forgiveness

My son and I are going through some challenges at the moment. We love each other dearly and out of him and his brother - her is probably the most like me, so we clash sometimes ;-(

Today we spent some time together and I asked him if he would forgive me for making him feel or saying things that made him feel anything other than loved... In return he told me this story he had recently come across:

"There once was a professor who was teaching  forgiveness. He called a student to the front and gave him a glass and told him to break it. The student dutifully dropped it on the ground and it broke. The professor then asked the student to say sorry to the glass, in which he did. The professor asked the student - "Did saying sorry to the glass fix it?" The student said "No.".

The professor then said to the student - "Do you think you could fix it if you put the pieces together?" The student said "Yes" and proceeded proceeded to pick the pieces up and glue them back together. The student was then asked, "Is the glass fixed? Is the glass fit for purpose?", to which he shrugged his shoulders and said "I don't know." The professor then filled it with water and water leaked out through the cracks. He looked at the student and asked "did putting it back together fix it together fix it?" to which the young student said "No".
 

The professor said "leave it alone and go over there", and when the student had turned away, he asked, "Did you fix it by leaving it alone?". The young man said "no".

Then lastly, the professor said to the student - "Replace it", to which the student got another glass and replaced the broken one. The student was then asked "by replacing it - did you fix it?", to which he replied "No, I just replaced it."

The professor then said - this is what forgiveness is like."

I don't know if I was the glass or the student in this story but I certainly him nice and clearly and today out the mouth of babes I was schooled.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Lessons from a Mayfly

Mr M and I were sitting watching a nature show - if you are a follower of my blog - you know we love those programmes!!, and we were watching one by accident and we came across a tiny little insect called a Mayfly. I hate flies so I am sure I would hate one if I ever saw it - but I watched in utter amazement. Since then I have learnt that these little insects start as a little nymph and at a certain time in their life cycle - their tummies fill up with air and they float to the top. It is amazing watching them because if it's not timed right - and they float to the top of the water too early - they become someone's fodder..... Here are my lessons that I have learnt from a Mayfly. I know - lessons from a Mayfly!!

  

1) God is in control
So when a little nymph gets to the top it waits and at a certain temperature - an exact temperature - not a degree more or less - they morph into their next stage with wings.... It was amazing to see this calm water and then all of a sudden these little flies pop up everywhere - trillions of them!! What did I get from this - easy - God is in control. I mean an exact temperature - is an exact technicalityl! He created everything including perfect timing. Amazing.

The next things I learnt come from a mixture of the next stages in the Mayfly's life cycle.

2) Growing up changes you
The next stage in the life of a Mayfly sees them growing wings and flying. They look nothing like their previous stage yet they are the same insect. The metamorphosis process is spectacular. Growing up changes us and depending on the environment - and thankfully for most people - and with maturity - a change for good.

3) Sacrifice for greater good
Between the next two changes in the Mayfly's cycle - the body changes to such an extent that its entire digestive system is replaced with reproductive parts. This means it no longer eats or drinks - and its function from then on - until it's death is focussed on its next generation. This thought made me stop and think about the sacrifice that each fly makes for something bigger than themselves. I could not fathom this on a human level, I mean the Saviour did this for us, but what about on a normal person's level - normal like you and I. What do we sacrifice? Remember - this insect's whole digestive system is replaced!

4) Time is precious

What is so amazing about this little fly - is that it only has 24 hours to live once it has undergone its last change - 24 hours! And in that time, it has to mate and get eggs fertilised before dying. I am ashamed to even think about what I have accomplished in 24 hours... A lesson for me again, and a reminder for us all - that time is precious. We may not have 24 hours to live and die but we do have time to use wisely. Something for me to remember!!

5) Live life to its potential
When a Mayfly has finished what is charged with doing, exhausted - it dies. As there are trillions born at the same time, you would think finding a mate would be easy - but obviously not, as there are many that die without having laid its eggs or having their egg fertilised. This got me thinking about living life to its potential so that at my end, I can be justifiably exhausted because I lived every minute to its potential!

 A Mayfly might be the size of the tip of a tweezer or as big as the tip of a finger - its lessons have been MIGHTY!! What do you think?

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Cruising

 

Our family has just recently returned from a cruise aboard the ship called Allure of the Seas, which is part of the Royal Carribean fleet. We went on a 7 day Caribbean cruise and left from Ft Lauderdale, Florida. I had never been on a cruise although I had heard of them, and it was one of my mother's dreams - for me, let's just say it never made my bucket list. So how did I get on it.... Well, its a loooooong story, and suffieceth to say - we made it....Checking in or actually getting onto the boat is just like an airport except for a couple of things - make that three - 1) it's faster, 2) there's a ship waiting and 3) people take photos of you......just like you do at a theme park - take now and pay later ;-) Once that was done - and we got on board - our cruising journey began and what a ride that was.... here are my top five things to know about cruising?

 

1) MONEY

One of the attractions to going on a cruise is that the cost includes both accomodation and food which on land is pretty expensive for families. However, what you need to know is that there will be things that you will have to pay for like your drinks and any shopping done on the ship (there are real shops on board!!) so how do you pay - because there is actually NO CASH on board.... Well, when you book your trip you register a credit card and you hook everyone in your travelling party to that card. So then when you check in, before boarding, you will be given a SEA PASS which has all that information on it. Everytime you want something that costs money like a drink or must-have diamond earrings - you just swipe the card. The night before the final day - is the time to settle the bill and all those transactions on your SEA PASS are tallied up and ch-ching! No cash... pretty tempting to swipe away and tell ya - my sons became expert at it ;-)

 

2) ROOMS I searched high and low for information about the room that we had booked. It looked roomy but really I had no idea. So I am going to try and explain it.... SMALL. But really it doesn't matter because you are not going to be in them much - unless you are on your honeymoon - then, if you are - you shouldn't be on a boat.... 'cos you are wasting your money - cruising is about being on the boat ;-). I took a photo and compared it to the ones I had seen online and they are pretty much the same...If you are used to camping in tents and caravans-then this is going to be an upgrade;-)

 

3) ENTERTAINMENT One word - AMAZING. The entertainment is world class - well it was on our board. We had former national, olympic, state champion ice skaters, divers and accomplished actors in our shows. And there is so much to be done every night, all day and all through the night. The main street gets cleared about 2am so up until then - it is just fun! fun! fun!. What I enjoyed was the range - there was latino dancing, karoke, through to string duet, big band performances and so much dancing - loved it! This was on top of the shows! The best tip we got was to book before we left which meant that all of the shows were loaded onto your SEAPASS. If you are not sooo organised you may be able to get into the shows - but you will have to wait in the standby lines which are pretty long! 

 

4) FOOD

One word - FREE!! There are some restuarants that you pay for like regular restaurants but the main dining room offers three course meals with the menu changing every night so why dine elsewhere.... The only catch is that the drinks are not free so if you like a little drink here and there - those come at a cost that you just swipe away on your SEA PASS card. If you are a non-alcholic drinker like our group - don't worry there are virgins and mocktails available... My favourite was knowing that pizza - american pizza was on tap nearly 24/7 and american hotdogs were free as well!! The boys were told by one of the trainers at the gym that is is proven that people gain 3lbs a day on the ship! I don't agree - I reckon its more ;-) Awesome!!

 

5) TRAVEL COMPANIONS

You need to go on a cruise with  a group. If you go on your own - there are single nights, and there are even single cruises. But I am talking about going (even if you are single) with other single or coupled friends and/or family. There were heaps of large groups/parties on board celebrating birthdays and anniversarys. Some even dressed up in the same t-shirts and a group even came to dinner one night dressed up as animals to celebrate a mate's 40th birthday so anything is possible. We went with some friends and there were 14 of us in the group and we loved it. Our teenage sons got to meet people, my husband got to play sports all day, and I got to 'be' and then at dinner we would all meet up again and then do our own things - or meet up and go dancing or whatever we wanted!

 

So, if cruising has been on your mind or maybe not - have another look. I loved it and looking forward to going again.... once the credit cards have bounced back a bit ;-)

 

Yours in friendship,

 

Mxo

Lessons from Jack Reacher (the real one - not the Tom Cruise version!!)

I love the character Jack Reacher created by the author Lee Child. He's 6"5, ex-military sniper and police, he's all muscle and even though he is getting older - which makes him a bit older than me ;-), he's is pretty 'hot' - muscly, scarred (physically as well as emotionally which makes him a bit of a cynic) and fit.... He's an action-packed, no nonsense, sensible, logical, funny kind of guy - nothing like the short version - played by Tom Cruise in the blockbuster movie earlier this year.... So I was totally wrapt to come across a book called Reacher's Rules: Life Lessons from Jack Reacher - because the character is waaaaaaay cool - and the stuff he manages to do in these books are awesome!! Anyway here are some of my favourite life lessons that are taken from thousands of Lee Child pages:

WHEN TO SPEAK

Jack Reacher is the consumate 'silent type' letting his actions do a lot of his talking, and only when totally necessary so these lessons are abour the power of keeping your 'trap' closed ;-)."*If in doubt say nothing *Keeping your mouth shut is a devastating weapon *Your silence will make your opponent want to babble *You need a reason for speech but need more for silence." p 140

 

HOW TO TELL IF THEY'RE LYING

Jack Reacher relies on his training and years of honed observation of human nature and body language to get him through some tricky situations. This is how to do it: "*A liar usually has all the signs on display, gulps, false starts, stammers and fidgets. * A truthful person is perfectly capable of saying no, but generally they stop and think about it first. The one who says no immediately is usally lying... * The memory centre is in the left brain, the imagination in the rigt - so a glance to the left generally mneans they're remembering things, to the right their making stuff up." p 94

 

CONQUER YOUR FEAR

Reacher isn't scared of anybody and carved his way out of tight spots based on his ability to think ahead. His lessons: "*Focus on the job in hand. * A courageous guy is someone who feels the fear but conquers it. *Confront your enemies. *Take things exactly as they come, for exactly what they are and the best one *Sometimes if you want to know it the stove is hot the ony way to find out is to touch it." pp 29-30

 

HOW TO SHAKE HANDS

The combative grip - Right at the last split second pull your hand back a fraction and close around the knuckles, not the palm. The old army trick is that they go to shake your hand, but they're aiming to crush it. A macho ritual. The way out of it is to be ready. Pull back a fraction and squeeze back. Squeeze their knuckles, not the meat of their palm. Their grip is neutralized. They never stand a chance."  - I know, helpful isn't it :-) p 61

 

BE PREPARED

*"Hope for the best, plan for the worst. *Never count on anything except surprise and unpredictability and danger. *Ring doorbells with your knuckles or elbows to avoid leaving fingerprints. [I know - thank me later ;-)] *Keep all exits in view. *Walk up the edge of stairs to minimize the changes of loud creaks. Stairs squeak at their centres where they're weakest." p 13

 

It's a great little book of 160 pages of pure Jack Reacher gems and I love it ;-)

 

Yours in friendship,

 

Mxo

Time Out For Women (Auckland 2013)

I kid you not, there was a time not long ago that I couldn't think of anything worse than sitting in a room with 1499 other LDS women..... and my oh my how times have changed!!

I loved Time Out For Women. It irks me a bit that we have to wait for such a massive event to get a whole bunch of women together - because we should do it more often, but other than that - it was great! I learnt so much, and what I already knew was strengthened. I cried heaps, and tried my hardest but failing time and time again - not to cry! What I loved the most is that I was a woman among so many more women just like me - feeling the same as me!

Here's what I learnt.

EVERYONE HAS PROBLEMS

A friend of mine, in frustration said, that "if I hear another person say how great their life is, how awesome her husband is, and that the children are near perfect and so on - I am going to scream"..... My response - everyone has problems. You see, statistically, it was more likely that the sisters that she overheard were either very very positive about their realities or one of the exceptions or probably more the truth - lying ;-) or at least embellishing the truth. In fact, as LDS, we probably face more challenges than the average, because he who shall not be named is having to work over time!! No one has a perfect life - impossible!!

NEGATIVITY BEGETS NEGATIVITY

I learnt that to breed positivity - you need to put that out there. I have a friend who believes that once you put it out into the universe it will happen ;-) I'm pretty sure the statistics are ths same as my previous lesson - but it feels good. By putting good thoughts, positive thoughts out there, something happens inside that turns you around. I don't know how it works but it does.... 

ENDURANCE IS THE KEY

I learnt or rather was reminded that this journey in life is not a race because its length is already pre-determined. Going faster isn't going to get me to the end any quicker.... so its enduring to the end and with integrity, dignity and joy that is the key. It's like a car advertisement I have seen which says "The Journey is the Destination".... interesting isn't it...??

PERFECTION IS ME....NOT
I learnt today that praying is not for the perfect, but for those who are striving to be perfect, and partaking of the sacrament is not for perfected saints but rather for people who are willing to come unto Christ in perfection. What a revelation or rather a remembering.... and goes with a quote I read recently from Russ Hill that "churches are not museums or catwalks for the perfected Saints, but rather labs for sinners" :-)

MY FAVOURITE 2 QUOTES (there were heaps more!!):

“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He can deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, and pour out peace.”    Ezra Taft Benson

“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ would take the slums out of people, and then they would take themselves out of the slums. The world would mould men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behaviour, but Christ can change human nature.” Ezra Taft Benson

I am grateful that I was able to join with so many women in hearing messages of hope, love, and "let's get better and keep improving and learning" also with the encouragement to everyone gathered that we all can do it and "we got this!!"

Have a great week

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Dear Emma

Dear Emma

Thank you for being a friend to me during the highs and my very low - when I was unwell. Thank you for the timely advice you gave me which is kind of ironic now since I have given the same advice to at least three other people since. Mind you, none of them took it, and as a consequence burnt and shrivelled up ;-) actually for all accounts and purposes they are doing okay. But most of all - thanks for being one of my hardcore blog followers which makes this letter and my lastest blog entry a direct hit ;-) - that and the fact that it is emailed directly to you ;-)

I'm writing this as I am waiting for my ride to come to see you and attend your dad's funeral service. Being here was a no brainer for me - pretty conflicting since I did have another gig with one friend (and a research project) to be at, and another friend of mine has lost her best friend - but there was no way I was going to miss being here for you - even if it is just for a few hours.... The funny thing is that when I got the notice that you had lost your dad and that the service was going to be held in Greytown, Wairarapa I called your fabulous PA to see what time I needed to be in town in order to make the ferry crossing.... You see - I knew the Wairarapa was in the North Island but that Greytown was in the South Island - so maybe the notice got a bit wrong ;-) Lucky Reti, put me straight with a note that a ferry would not be needed as Greytown is in the North Island.... - It wasn't until I met up with  Maurice later when he reminded me that Greymouth was in the South Island so Reti was right all along ;-)

I'm writing to share some advice with you that I have picked up on death, grief, loss, and how to cope. None of these are scientifically proven. In fact, my brother and sister who also have the privilege of being emailed my blog.... would wonder who was writing these as their sister has still lost the plot ;-) So here goes - my top five.

NOTHING WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY
Nothing I say is going to matter today. I write this knowing that this little blog doesn't even matter today :-) In fact for sometime nothing is going to matter except your pain and that of the rest of your family. And, you know what - that is totally okay. Who cares about next week - take every day at a time...

EMBRACE THE BEAST
Embrace all that hurt and sadness and let it wash over you... I mean, you are cautioned at other times not to feed your emotions because they can be greedy but this time let it go. I knew I was going to be some kind of drama queen when my mother died. I was at her side for her last 24 days, but we were close friends for years before.... so when she died my emotions took over, and in fact I had to be supported to the car to go to the funeral home - can you imagine this frame being supported ;-). But that was me... and I cried for months! I even heard Maurice cry - no see him cry but hear him sob... so embrace it - because the funny thing is - there will come a time when those emotions and the expression of them will be healing too.

TAKE YOUR TIME
There is no time limit on when you should get over it. I know of a woman who had lost her mother being encouraged a couple of weeks later by her husband "that is was time for her to get over it - and to move on"! He couldn't figure out what the hold up was.... Granted it was a man talking - but don't put a limit on the time to grieve. I'm talking about work Emma - take the time off or if you want to have a big fat sobby bawl - go out for some time...

TIME IS A HEALER
When Mum died - I thought I was going to die as well... People advised me at the time that time would be a healer and I thought they were stupid - because that hole in your pit of my tummy was going to be there FOREVER. The first year came and went and it was sad, the second year came and went and it was sad and so on and so on - and now  six years later - I can still miss her like HELL - but that raw sharp pain has eased and I am sooo thankful for it!! So time will take all that pain away - give it a makeover and give it back to you as a memory that when thought on will give you clarity....

THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH
Religious of not - one of the key parts to recovery or moving through the loss of a loved one is the belief that there is life after death. I mean why would there not be??


I write this knowing that today it ain't going to make a scrap of difference - but over time, and in time, every little bit will happen :-)

 Take care my friend....

Yours in friendship,

Mxo