What would you do?

Last week, my sister and I came across a book teaching people about financial literacy. It was part of a course that teaches people the basics about their money and the resources were awesome enough that I enrolled ;-)

Anyway, this book was teaching the reader about putting things into priority so that the reader would then be able to determine for themselves where their energies/money/attention needed to be focussed. One of the questions that was used really struck a cord with me: If the Dr told you today that you had 6 months to live, what would you do?

1) Quit work
The first thing I would want to do is to quit work - but then you would need the money so you would have to work until you weren't physically able - but like the quote that many of us have heard before goes something like - there is no one on their death bed wishing they were in the office more or could have worked more.... So what would I do - probably quit work and take my annual leave and my four weeks notice payment and run!

2) Pull sons out of school
The next thing I would do - and on the same day - is take my boys out of school because I would want to spend every living moment of the next six months with my sons which meant no school. this of course would only last a day or two - before I begged them to go back ;-) I would then spend my time filming for them to look a later, and write them letters for every occasion I could think of... so they never ever forgot that they were never ever far from my thoughts!

3) Near the sea
I would go near the water - any water. It was my mother's favourite place and mine as well. I would swim as long as I could and have as much fun as I could.

4) Read/ listen and watch everything
I would read as much as I could, listen to music that I love over and over and  even watch my most favourite movies - to create more memories that I could jam into  my little old head - because let's face it - there is nothing that you can take with you except what you carry around in that grey matter... NOTHING.

5) Be happy
The last piece of advice my mother gave me from her dying bed was to be positive. and I want to leave this life on that note - positive. I want my last six months to be surrounded by my husband and sons, my brother, his beautiful wife and tamariki, my sister and her babies...and if Simba is alive - her as well - facing the end like a big brave girl and happy ;-)

Now this exercise is meant to give me some idea about what I need to be doing in my life which I found very interesting. According to this, I am looking for opportunities where I can increase time with family, while having time to have fun and play, being laid back and enjoyable. The funny thing is that I think I am on track. I've quit my highly stressful job of the last five years (although the transition period has been extended another 30 days :-)), started a company with a friend running holiday programmes, and meeting with another friend about doing some consulting work - from home - and all of which have happened in the shortest of times and very exciting...

So have a go - if your Dr told you that you only had 6 months to live, what would you do? And then ask what do I need to be doing in my life today to make those things happen? Don't wait until the Dr tells you that you have a limited life span - make it happen for you now.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

To: Bullying From: My teenager!!

My 15 year old son recently completed his speech and came home with an excellent for his grade. To tell you the truth I thought he should have got brilliant ;-)

Bullying!!!!

Everyone has heard it before….. But what is it? What is the impact of bullying? What can be done to stop it?

My definition of bullying is a person or a group of people who intimidate someone by the use of verbal (point to mouth) or physical (smack hands together), or even the latest way to bully someone – cyber bullying (pull out cellphone)…..

The intention of a bully is to make the victim feel small and useless while making themselves feel big and powerful.

A recent study on bullying in New Zealand schools, based on interviews of 821 students aged 15–16 years old from 107 schools, showed that:

§   50% of those interviewed had been bullied,

§   33% admitted bullying others and

§   9% were bullied once a week or more.

To me and too many other people this is not acceptable for students to live with everyday.

If the purpose or the reasons of the bully are different from the ones I mentioned earlier, one thing that will NOT change, and I REPEAT will NOT change, is the negative impact it will have on the victim and the bully.

For the bully, it is proven they will go on to more criminal and antisocial behaviour such as fighting, vandalism and stealing.

For the victim, they often loose self esteem, start having trouble in school, and they even withdraw from friends and social activities. If the bullying is not stopped, and continues for long enough, victims of bullying can suffer these problems permanently.

Recently, a 13 year old student attending Morrinsville College was cornered and attacked by a group of bullies in the girl’s toilets. The victim was so severely beaten that she was left with a brain injury.

I believe more has to be done to stop bullying because nothing good comes out of it and nothing good ever will. We are the ones to stop it by;

1)   If you know someone who is bullying others, tell a teacher, tell a junior leader or prefect. It is part of their role to help us. Keep telling someone until they hear you, and

2)   Be a friend. Be the person that someone sees as the one they can tell and be prepared to tell someone, because bullying has to stop, and we are the ones to stop it.

In conclusion, I believe that bullying is no good and nothing good will come of it. With over 50% of 15-16 year olds being bullied, it has to stop. If you know a bully, tell someone, and be prepared to stand against them. The very least all of us can do, is to be a friend, and the one that will help to make the bullying stop.

Teaching an old dog new tricks....

Now I have an old dog. I've talked about her before and could easily fill a book about her.....

I got Simba (a Bichon Friese cross) when she was a little puppy the year my sons were born. Originally intended for my mother - she quickly attached herself to me like a paua ;-) I have heaps of memories of her but my fondest are when she was a puppy and she would be all curled up under my neck while I had a son on each arm propped up by pillows and off we would head into our little afternoon nap....   or when the boys would be in their cot and start crying which would set off this little dog who would run up and down the hallway to try and get my attention, so I would know that they needed me - as if the crying of twin babies wasn't enough to wake the neighbourhood ;-) I love my dog.

She has seriously grown old. Cataracts in both eyes which give her that classic glassy look that our old folks get, absolutely deaf, fused bones in her back, arthritis, a pair of struggling kidneys and now a weeping benign tumour on her back that is refusing treatment - but she will still get up when she knows I am home - something that used to take her seconds now takes a good several minutes.... but she comes and I love her.

I can't teach her anything new... unless it is around the location of her food and water ;-) She can still, at respectable 16 years is old remember the old ones - she can fetch tennis balls, and catch a tennis ball in her mouth, but forgotten a really important one like scratching the door if she needs to go out, or bark for one of us to open the door....

Here are some things I am doing to teach myself new tricks

Just do it!!
I have an appreciation of what it must be like for Simba in terms of getting old - but I am tryying to break the cycle as someone who is slowing becoming more forgetful with age - and learn a new trick. I am learning a whole second language ;) Recently I have enrolled in a Te Reo Maori course called Te Putaketanga o Te Reo through Te Wananga o Aotearoa 

It may take longer - but it is worth it.
One of the first things we were asked to do was to find and write our pepeha (our connections) and recite it in front of our class first and then later in the evening in front of other classes....Now I guess this would have been an easy task for most of the class as they knew theirs - or are still connected to their Marae and their whanau. It appeared easy for the young ones because they pick things up soooooooo quickly. But for a number of us, age and upbringing was against us, in terms of having little to no exposure to the language or the culture... and off we went. The learning took most of the day - but I said it aloud to my class mates then I did it off by heart in front of a crowd of about sixty people - and almost died!! - but I did it and it was awesome. The recitation wasn't awesome - in fact it will go down as one of the worst speeches I have ever made, EVER - but the accomplishment was choice and the learning - beautiful.

Make it relevant
My Kaiako (tutor) talked us through the many parts of a pepeha and the significance of what we were saying and I felt myself learning.. which helps when learning something new. New things have to mean something when you get older. For my brain to learn it, it needs to put it into a context and prioritise it with everything else that is going on. When once, it would have been learnt and stored in minutes or seconds - now it has to be given a place in my fading memory and the explanations made it read and worthy of a spot up there in my brain ;-)

Be ready - and don't waste any more time.
It took longer than it probably would have when I was younger - but I wasn't ready for this journey until now. In fact, its twenty two years since I first took a Te Reo Maori class at University and I am finally ready for this. I am a second chance learner, I am older and I am learning a new trick.....

Don't be afraid to take on new things. It's not going to be easy peasy like it was back in the day but like the Hair Dye advertisement - you are worth it. If the truth be known - research shows that the best way to keep your brain nice and fresh (although getting older) is to learn something different all the time ;-)

Have a great week whanau

Yours in friendship

Mxox

Begin with the end in mind

I heard these six words from a mother talking about how she had helped her son gain this awesome achievement and I thought it was the most profound six words I had heard in a very long time. It struck me and has rattled around in my mind since then, because you see, I believe I am on this path which I call happiness.... To be happy is the ultimate goal or the end that I have in mind for me...

This is what I am doing...

I am not my job

For the last five years I have had this really great job - the money is the best I have ever made, its doing something that I enjoy, it comes with a car and a blackberry and all the trimmings that a manager at my level would ever want for. However, what it didn't come with was the luxury of time with my children and husband.... so after five years of saying that I was going to put them first - I have and I quit. Granted it took a week to get that organised in my head - I am now the happiest I have ever been for the last..... five years!

I no longer welcome excess

At the beginning of the year I set my goals and as I do every year I make a word chart and on my chart I have added some health and exercise words because at that time I had made the decision to do something about my excessive lifestyle and three months into this year - I feel the best that I have for the last three years -and I am happy! I am exercising at least three times a week for the first time in too long and I am happy.

I am a mother

During the summer holidays, my son stayed at a friend’s place, and he talked about the beautiful meal that he had had - but his comments struck me the deepest when he said - "how come you can't be like the other mothers and be home when I get home from school".... that started the wheels rolling for me and definitely reminded me that I have a role greater than anything I will ever achieve in this world and that is of a mother. So far this year, my babies are coming to me more often to help them with their schoolwork, because I am home more and it is so satisfying. I get to teach and share and it is makes my soul smile.

When a door closes - another opens

Whether you are religious or not - I believe that we have a kind and caring Heavenly Father that knows us and loves us and listens to the words of our heart. In just the short amount of time that I have made some massive changes to my lifestyle - I have had opportunities present themselves to me from the most unexpected directions... It has allowed me the luxury of considering a number of options very carefully.

Love is healing

In the past five years, I have had the chance to work with so many different people and it has been, both, challenging and difficult as well as some of the most rewarding in my lifetime. It has also introduced me to some of the most unattractive souls that I have met to date. However, recently, those events that have marred a lot of my daily work have been washed away by the genuine love of my family, friends and my closest colleagues and I am blessed.

Begin with the end in mind

I can literally see my word chart unfolding before me and I am happy. Don't get me wrong, there have been tears of frustration and joy along the way. I am nervous, and alittle scared and definitely unsure of what is coming up - but it is going to be okay because I have already started with the end in mind…. now I just need to keep working my way towards it ;-)

You don't have to make the big changes - but be brave and make some that will help you have a better life - especially quality of life.

I look forward to seeing you on your journey....

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Waitangi Day

What do you know about Waitangi Day or more importantly the Treaty of Waitangi? Up until the early 90s I didn't know very much either. I knew it affected me as a Maori but I didn't know how or what happened. At law school I learnt that the legislature was flawed in terms of its failure to consider Maori in its legislation, but it wasn't until I had to teach it that my eyes were opened. I am amazed today at the misconceptions that people have about this day and the actual treaty - so here are my top five must knows.

1) Protection
The people were seeking protection from the British because of the unrest and lawlessness of the settlors, mistreatment of the people and the fear of an invasion by the French. Maori also saw a relationship with the British would help them protect the encroachment of the settlers onto their land. Remembering, Maori were 40:1 in terms of population, and the land ownership reflected this. Prime real estate was owned and treasured by Maori and protection from the crown would help them keep themselves and their land safe.

2) The Treaty vs the Treaty
There are two versions of the Treaty of Waitangi - the first is in english, a language that many of the people charged with signing, did not understand and did not read. The other version was in Maori which many of them signed. They were exactly the same weren't they? No. Firstly, it is widely regarded that the man responsible for the translation of the English version into Maori, had the weakest command of Maori and chosen for this reason. I am confident that had his choice of  Maori words of the english text, been correctly translated and represented in the Maori version of the treaty - many, if not all, would have seen the things they would have had to relinquish untenable.

3) Tino rangatiratanga vs Kawanatanga
One of the words most discussed are the use of the word kawanatanga (governship) in the maori version and the word that should have been used -  tino rangtiratanga (Chieftainship). Basically, if the word tino rangtiratanga was used it would have highlighted to the people the intention of the Queen to own and rule the land  - as it refers to control of all things - and people would have been less likely to sign. Instead the word kawanatanga was used which basically talked about governship would be handed over (the protection of the people), and Maori chieftainships would remain in control. The rest as they say - is history.

4) Treatment of the treaty
Seven years after the treaty was signed, dissatisfied that their land was still being encroached on, and the protection they believed they were going to be afforded was not realised, one of the first cases landed in court. The judge held that the treaty was 'not binding'. This was followed in 1877 with the words of Judge James Prendergast who called the Treaty ‘a simple nullity’ and claimed that it was neither a valid treaty nor binding on the Crown. In 1938 in Te Heuheu Tukino v Aotea District Maori Land Board, the Treaty was seen as valid in terms of the transfer of sovereignty, but the judge ruled that as it was not part of New Zealand law it was not binding on the Crown. In 2005, Doug Woolerton introduced the Principles of the Treaty of Waitangi Deletion Bill which would see the elimination of all references to the expressions "the principles of the Treaty" and other versions of this from all New Zealand Statutes.

5) Contract law
My favourite activity when teaching the Treaty is to treat it like a contract which is basically an agreement between two parties. The attitude changes after this exercise were always promising..... From a contract point of law (and I see the Treaty as a contract of sorts between two parties) - there are six essential elements to a contract which are: 1) All parties must have capacity to enter the contract, 2) An offer must be made - protection for letting the british st, 3) Consideration must be exchanged, 4) The parties must be in mutual agreement, and 5) The contract's object and purpose must be legal. What do you think? Did Maori get a good contract? Has there been multiple breaches of what was signed up?

Next Waitangi Day - take the time to learn something more about the Treaty of Waitangi. Yes, it is a public holiday which is great - but really, make the effort to learn something new because this country is already full of the uneducated who base the little they know on misconceptions that are portrayed negatively through the media, and worse - other uneducated people....Definitely something to think about over the next 364 days.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Family Planning

Today I was part of a team that presented - the topic that we were given was Family Planning. Not the kind of family planning that you might think of, but the kind that sets your family up for the next week, month, year, five years and so on.

Here's how it went.

1) Begin with the end in mind.
What a wonderful phrase - and a great reminder to start something, knowing where you wanted to go and how you were going to get there. One of the presenters used the analogy of a jigsaw puzzle. If everyone was given a single piece and they had to put it together - it would be near impossible to complete. However, if they had the big picture to refer to - it could be completed - it would have taken some time - but definitely possible. So when planning - think of the end result and use goals and short term goals to get there. Begin with the end in mind.

2) Treasure Map
I talked about a treasure map that was given by Thomas S Monson in a talk given in 2003. The map had three simple parts 1) Learn from the past, 2) Prepare for the future and 3) Live in the present. Firstly, take the good bits from the past and bring those into 2011 and try and repeat if not enhance them. Secondly, put your plans together for the future and don't look back, and lastly, live in the 'now'. Don't wait for a special occasion or a special somebody because if we keep waiting for tomorrow, we'll end up with a whole heap of wasted yesterdays.... Get your treasure map or your road map out and go for it.

3) Bruce Lee
My friend Mandy spoke. I chose her because she is a single mum of four who happens to be one of the most organised people I know on the planet! She spoke about her marriage ending when she was pregnant with her fourth child, and left with another three under five and how she not only coped but how she has to be organised to do it. When she talks about having the "end" in mind, for her it's referring to the next hour to bedtime, making it through the next day or getting through the next week without little to no money. She spoke about the need to have a house of order, one of prayer, study, love and so much more. I always learn from her, and today she shared a quote by Bruce Lee that is a keeper - "Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do." Its not enough to know all of this information, and how we are meant to do things or even tips on how to get through - we have to apply it and do it.

4) 99 Years old
Get a piece of paper. Now imagine that you have woken to a beautiful morning and you are 99 years old. Personally, I have given my friends permission to run me over when I get to 65, but that's another story..... Now write a list of all the things you wish you had done more of or less of. The answers today ranged from less growling through to sky diving.....interesting ;-) Next, write four things you would do now so that it would change your life when you get to 99 years old.... these form the base of the goals that we should have in out lives. The last thing to do is to take your current age and subtract that from 99 and that shows you how much time you to have to achieve those things you need to do to be happy... but get started now ;-)

5) SMART planning
Everyone needs a SMART plan. What's a SMART plan? SMART is a well-known acronym that is used in leadership and training sessions throughout the world and can be changed to suit the audience. Today, it was presented as follows: S is for specific - make sure it is clear and tailored to something specific, M is for measurable - make sure you will be able to measure success or room to improve, A for achieveable - don't set plans that are impossible and unlikely to be achieved, R is for realistic - make your plans real and not hollywood like - because there are no happy ever afters unless you make them... ;-) and T is for Timely - keep a timeframe so you you know when you want to have something down by.

Well, hope there was something in there for you. There was plenty for me.... and grateful that I am surrounded by people who live what they teach.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Temptation

Today was a great day for learning - and it came from a source I should already be familiar with... the good book of Mathew out of the Holy Bible. The book of Mathew contains insight into temptation and it blew me away because of its pure simplicity. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, and for those of you who are - check out or reunite yourself with the story of Jesus Christ who after fasting 40 days and nights is confronted by satan....

Basically there are three things that the Saviour was tested on - and this is where the pure genius lies - because it is the three things that tempt us today - physical appetite, pride and power. Whether you are religious or not, whether you read the bible or not - there is learning here for everyone...

1) Man should not live by bread alone
Satan tells the Saviour (and I paraphrase liberally here - so don't look for these quotes ;-)) "[I know you're hungry so if you are truly the son of God - why don't you turn those stones into bread and have a feed....]" I love the reply found in Mathew 4:4 "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God" which basically means, and I paraphrase -  No! Food is not where my strength comes from - that comes from knowing the truth. The lesson: overcome the basest of our physical appetites so that we are free to make the choices that achieve physical, spiritual, and emotional happiness.

2) Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God
Satan then takes the Saviour to the pinnacle of the temple and tells him (remember - paraphrasing here ;-)) "[Why don't you jump of this building - because there are angels that are charged to look after you and they will save you and won't even let you stub your toe...]" The reply found in Mathew 4:7 "Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God" which basically was - No! I don't have to prove that I am loved and looked after by my Father. He has more important things to do. The lesson: pride can be a killer - don't even make it a part of your character.

3) Thou shalt worship the Lord they God
Satan then takes the Saviour to the top of a mountain and after showing him all the kingdoms of the world, he says "[I will give you all of this if you would bow down and worship me]" The reply is found in Mathew 4:10 "Get thee hence Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve" which means - No! - there is only one God and to him and only him do I serve. The lesson: know where your loyalties lie and be true to them. There is only one God.

Satan departs after this last episode dejected in his failure to fall Jesus Christ.

However, he is not one to give up - as he is having small gains every day through tempting the weaker of us. He does it through appealing to our desires to quench our appetities, our pride - therefore not humble and teachable, and our human need to have power to rule over others....

Having said that, we are on this earth to have a happy life that can have an extraordinarily happy ending. It is up to us to avoid temptations and if we slip - to overcome that, and carrying on.. Dieter F. Uchtdorf shares "Enduring adversity is not the only thing you must do to experience a happy life. Let me repeat: how you react to adversity and temptation is a critical factor in whether or not you arrive at your own “happily ever after.”

So, for this week my friends - lets get on with it....

Mxox