Goodbye 2011

I love this time of the year! I'm a great self reflector at the best of times, but getting ready for a new year is the perfect opportunity to review more than normal and without feeling bad about it.....

Here are my top five pieces of advice/emails/words/thoughts that I have received in 2011. Thank you to the wonderful people in my life that provided me with these words of love. They certainly helped me at the time and will be called on to help me navigate another 365 days on this planet :-) If you find something helpful for you - that is certainly a bonus!!

Step away from the chocolate
In my journal I have recorded the following words: "She told me to go home - like NOW, ring and make an appointment with *** and organised that first. She told me to go home, change the sheets on my bed and put the electric blanket on or hot water bottle and hop in there and SLEEP. She aslo advised me to find somthing to do like - write or she even suggested that I go to the temple (and this is someone not of my faith...) she advised me NOT to go home and pig out on chocolate and that because it will only make me feel sick......" Advising me not to go home and eat chocolate - what woman tells another woman to step away from the chocolate? A true friend, that's who....... 

One day at a time
In a question "how am I going to get through another day?" the reply was simple - "take one day at a time". This from someone that I trust implicitly and to make it even better - someone who had themselves, made it through some dark times in their own life....

Time Out for Women
At Time Out for Women Conference this year, Laurel Christensen presented some thoughts based on the scripture Mathew 7:9 which reads "... what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?" Her message was that if we want or need something, having prayed for it and specific in our requests, and done everything we can do ourselves to make something happen - then it is unlikely we will be given a 'stone'. She taught that in order for this principle to work, we had to do the following; 1) pray in faith, 2) think with faith and 3) live with faith. The conference was life-changing!

Birthday wishes
This year both of my sons gave me a card which was lovely.... but the words inside were priceless. For mums out there raising sons - you will know that emotions and actual words are an economy that boys don't spend often ;-) so when they wrote some thoughts - I was brought to tears.... In one card it read "On this great day mum I'd like to say happy birthday. When I saw this card I thought it was perfect because I wouldn't have to write anything because it already said what needed to be said. But just in case I'll tell you how much I love you which would be to heaven and back, although you may not hear me say it to you Mum, just know thats how I feel inside. I hope I'm not too much of a pain mum..." Isn't that beautiful, but what was so cool and reminded me that my blood does run through my babies - he added "....and I hope you get a job soon....." :-) Thank you babies xx

Quotes
There were so many so which ones made the cut?? Here are my top picks of the many that I have collected this year from unknown - "Now is the time, this is the place, you are the one", a prayer given by Pastor Joe Wright in the Kansas House Representatives on Janurary 23rd 1996 (check with Mr Google and he will help you), from anonymous "May you always have: enough happiness to keep you sweet, enough trials to keep you strong, enough success to keep you eager, enough faith to give you courage and enough determination to make each day a good one.",  and one from Marilyn Munroe "I believe that everything happens for a reason; people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together....."I know, Marilyn Munroe - who would've know?

But by far - my favourite from the movie New Year's Eve Movie by the character played by Hillary Swank at a press conference when the giant ball that falls every year at New York's Time Square becomes stuck "[The ball is] suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps - our promises made, and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures - or closed ourselves down, for fear of getting hurt. Because that's what New Year's is all about: getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight - and it will drop - let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long."

Happy New Year!!

Yours in friendship

Mxo

Just another day............ NOT!

I have heard a few times in my life people saying that Christmas is just another day..... and they don't really get into it.... Today, I was told that because  I was part of the "people who love Christmas" I didn't understand.... well, actually I do. I know that Christmas is commercialised beyond recognition, but here is what I have learnt about Christmas and why I get over myself and get into it!!
 

I want to thank my beautiful mother for instilling me the christmas spirit and regardless of her desperate situation - Christmas was never cancelled and it was never just another day..... Here was a single mother with nothing yet all I remember is the joy we got from putting up our tree, the love of the decorations (which I saw for the first time in a long time as an adult - and cannot imagine what we saw in them ;-)), and the Christmas story. It was never about presents (although I have to admit - I have never quite grasped this concept ;-) even my sons who think they are near to homeless will be getting something ;-)), but always about family and being together with good food. When she got a new tree it was a family decision and quite a large financial investment for her yet it was something that she valued and we learnt from that. The first Monday of December the tree would go up and we would decorate it after reading the Christmas story. The children would enact it. We had a lot of fun and love was abound!

It wasn't always that easy for her though. On the 20th of December 1983, my mother's sister, her husband, a family friend/relative and their six children were returning home after doing some shopping. A truck, according to the police reports, we later heard turned the corner and jack-knived into the path of their van. That accident killed my aunty, her husband, their only daughter (my cousin), a son (my cousin) and their friend/cousin and left their four reamining children orphaned and in hospital spread across northland. I remember vividly the instant my mother was told of the accident and will never forget that day. The pain, I am sure, my cousins feel every day and not just at Christmas time but has that been enough to cancel Christmas? No. I want to wish my cousins a very Merry Christmas and thank them for being an example of living through the worst day of their lives and yet turning out to be good people. I love them.

Some years ago, I ended up at the back of an ambulance and in hospital. It turned out after about two days in there that my appendix were moments away from bursting and already infected..... I was rushed into theatre for an operation on christmas eve and spent christmas day on morphine ;-) The children quickly learnt that Santa was actually not very well that year and after she got out of hospital would visit them.... I remember wrapping presents in pain because Santa's husband had NO idea ;-) Yip, I think that year the boys realised who Santa really was ;-) They were seven. I learnt that year that Christmas was about being grateful for good health and family and presents and even Santa was waaaaaay over-rated!! 

This year there are no presents under our tree. The boys think they are the ONLY ones in the world that are not getting presents this year! One of them is taking it into his stride and knows that things will turn around - he hopes ;-) The other one is struggling with the concept and has offered to go without food so he can see something go under the tree with his name on it ;-) I am grateful for their cousin who said that he was told that they wouldn't be having christmas presents this year and when he asked his mother for about the millioneth time - what they were getting for christmas - she said "vinyl & carpet" (for their beautifully renovated kitchen and dining room) ;-) I thank my sister-in-law for teaching my children that Christmas is about priorities and even though there are no presents this year - we are still having Christmas!

So, for me, when I hear people say it is just another day I wish them alittle bit of what I have. I wish them the spirit of giving and sharing, of laughter and family. It is one day when we should release ourselves from worldy troubles and remember the birth of the Saviour and how blessed our lives are for it. And however we chose to do it - either with new vinyl under our feet or a $2 secret santa gift - then so be it.

Whatever you do, please try and make it more than just another day - make it an awesome day of remembering. Enjoy it, even if you have to 'fake it 'til you make it' for the children's sake..... so that when they grow up to be my age - they know that christmas day is sooooooooo not like any other day of the year!!

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

My sista

On Saturday I watched my sister complete a 2km swim in the ocean as part of a team competing in a half ironman and I couldn't have been more prouder of her. I was so proud, my mother's genes overcame me and I shed some tears everytime I saw her get out of the water to round a peg to go back in to swim another circuit three times! I spent most of that day, afternoon and some time after thinking about her and her achievment and the reasons why those tears of pride and joy fell...

My sister is three years younger than me. She is the middle child of our family. She is pretty clued on when it comes to finances and business, and is technologically savvy (this is in comparison to me so not sure if that counts...)We have been described by people that know us to be totally different yet when people see us know that we are sisters. In fact, people are often getting us confused which is more of a insult to her than me - I mean, who wouldn't want to be seen as someone three years younger than they really are ;-) Our relationship has grown over the years but it as adults that we are getting to know each other and becoming friends. These are the things that she teaches me....

PEACEMAKER

When we were little, I remember my mother doing an activity that would get us to think of something positive about each other and we would share that. What I do recall from that activity the most is Zina being described as the peacemaker. This is actually funny considering the combats her and my brother used to engage in, but in general she has a soft heart and is caring, considerate and compassionate. She is often the inbetween of people and looks for the good to EVERY story and person. She is softer that I am in a lot of ways, and forgives easier which makes it quicker for her to find peace around her and within herself.

TENACITY

In the oxford dictionary this word means to hold or stick to something and this is something my sister teaches me all the time by her example. Her recent race is a good case in point. She started training for it quite late in the piece and was sick and injured during the build up but she was determined and focussed and there was no way she was going to drop out. Amazing....

COURAGEOUS

I think my sister is one of the most courageous people that I know, because she is living a life as a single mother of two growing children in a community that is away from her own support systems. She lives this life without fear and basically on her own, and she teaches me about having courage. If I think about the race she has just completed, I would not even have half of her courage to go into open water and swim - I am paralysed by just thinking about it - and yet, off she went, into the unknown and did it!! 

BUDGET

My sister is an accountant. If you know any accountants, I believe they are all the same - continually doing risk, benefit and cost analysis... Everything is about money either the productive and effective use of, or the waste, the re-cycling value of, or the loss and debt of something. I think that is a skill that I could use more... I love this about my sister because it puts 'real' back into money and she needs to remind me more about this lesson..... but I digress. The coolest thing about being an accountant is her ability to budget. Because of this talent, she has just taken her children on a two week overseas holiday. She has planned for it and budgeted it for it and done it all on her own and I am so proud of her.

FINISHER

If my sister starts something - she will finish it. She has been, and always will be like that. The journey may not be pretty and the end product may not be the most stunning but my goodness, heaven and earth will be moved so that she finishes. Watching her race on Saturday, although I know she struggled in places with people swimming over her and directly infront of her.... there was one thing for certain - she was going to finish....

Thank you sista for the wonderful lessons you teach me everyday and congratulations for completing your 2km skim. You were truly inspirational!

Mxo

Simba & Me

I can't sleep so here I am writing to you. It's not even my normal blog day but I had to do something. We have just had my beautiful seventeen year old Bichon Friese put down after suffering renal failure for some time. We had organised the vet to come to our home tomorrow but this evening her pain increased with an inflamed colon or bowel and I couldn't bear to hear her making these moaning noises so I rang the on-call vet. On arrival, we had a couple of options - to either give her some painkiller to get her through the night and go ahead with her euthanasia tomorrow or to put her down now. We chose the later..... It was quick for her but going to be a long journey for me.....

If you aren't an animal person - don't even bother reading ahead because try as you will - you are never going to get it..... This blog is personal and simple - it's about Simba and me.

OWNERSHIP

Simba was orginally my mother's dog. My mum was given a Bichon puppy to replace her two companion dogs (chihuahuas) who had both died within a short period of each other about a year earlier. We picked the puppy up from Papakura and brought her and and a sister home (the sister was destined for another friend). Simba's mother was a pedigree Bichon Friese, but by the looks of the litter - she had been visited by a little fox terrior if you know what I mean ;-) Simba and my mother bonded but it was never the same for Mum and Simba ended up coming to me. When my husband and I moved - we were unable to have pets so Simba had to stay behind with Mum but as soon as we could have the dog - Simba became a permanent part of my home and life.

CHILDREN

My children have grown up with Simba. She came to us in February 1995, six months before the boys and was only a puppy when they arrived ;-) My earliest memory of her is when, after feeding and changing the boys, I sat propped up in my mum's bed (we moved in with her after the babies were born) resting, with a twin in each of my arms and not to be outdone - was my other baby - Simba lying snuggled up around my neck and off the four of us would go into the land of snooze. The other memory is of her going crazy - running up and down the hallway trying to get my attention when the babies started crying like no one else in the neighbourhood would have heard 'that' racket ;-) I used to say to her "where's the boys?" or "let's go and get the boys" and off she would go to either find them or out the door to the car to get going.... Every niece and nephew that came after she arrived have a 'simba' story. She loved the children and she was loved by them....

LOAFER

Simba was a 'loafer' - she loved to roam - on foot of course, but if she could have chosen the mode of travel - it would be by car EVERY time. She loved to hang out the window and let that wind just about re-arrange her face. When she was younger she could hold herself up and perch out the window  for as long as the car was moving - summer or winter, even a bit of rain was tolerated, but not for long ;-) As she got older she would need some assistance so she would sit on someone's arm - whose kidding, on my arm so she didn't have to stand for long.... Sometimes she would sit on the back window area but her favourite was leaning out the window. I will miss my little loafer.

BEAUTY in the eye of the beholder

I thought Simba was beautiful. There is a saying that a dog starts looking like their owner... well if that was the truth then I was in good company ;-) The problem with Simba is her coat - when it got wet, it smelt like wet wool, when it grew too long it matted, and of course with a broken tail from a previous encounter with the tyres of a speeding car - the back end sometimes left a lot of work for me to do, if you know what I mean...... so we had her groomed every couple of months. I'm not sure if Simba minded or not - actually what dog does like a bath so she probably HATED it ;-), but I remember on one occasion early on, the groomer meeting me on my return to the practice to pick her up to inform me that she had to give Simba a sedative to get her groomed - a sedative! I never went back there because I believed the groomer had the problem not Simba.... anyway - with or without the groom she as beautiful... and by the way, she never ever needed a sedative again.... so I was right - it was the groomer and Simba WASN'T a drama queen ;-)

Unconditional LOVE

What I am going to miss above all else is the love that only a pet can give. She was happy to see me EVERY time, not just when she was in the mood - but EVERY day. If I remained in the car after arriving home either on the phone or just organising myself - she would stand on the porch and bark as if to say - "hurry up woman and get in here!" Before she got sick, and even well into her old age, she would play this game when she would come up to me then run away and around the kitchen and lounge or down to the room and back, and I would follow her, then she would stop then turn around and follow me back....  If I was missing from somewhere for too long - she would come and seek me out, if on the computer she would come and sit at my feet or on her mat until I went to bed and then she would follow me into the room and on her bed. Even in her last days she would walk around and make sure we were all okay. We have video footage of her checking on the boys in their rooms, me wherever I was, and her father recording her.... I will miss her for this the most - her unconditional love....

Rest in peace my Simba. Mummy loves you.

Mxo

A Bishop's Wife

Last week my husband was made a Bishop (Pastor) of our ward (Parish). This is great for him and he will do his very best and I know that he will fulfill his calling honourably. The reaction of people we know has been supportive and he has been a recipient of ALL the kind things that people say (many of whom genuinely feel it). The children and I are aware of our role as the support crew and are happy to do this for him and look forward to sharing this journey with one of the quite possibly humblest men on the planet....

As a result of this change in our whanau - many of MY/OUR friends have been jokingly/not jokingly approached me and shared their thoughts about what I need to do now as the wife of a Bishop which include behaving myself etc. Some of these people have known me for many many years, so they know what they are talking about ;-) This has got me thinking, "What am I going to do?". I started with the things that I need to change and that list was too long - so I thought about things that I can do better and that list was even longer - so eventually I gave myself a break and agreed there are some things that I do okay - that I could enhance, and this list was just right ;-)

1) PATIENCE

Many people have told me that I am patient person - granted they were not my husband or children - but I think this is something that I do exercise freely. I am going to need this more than ever as a wife of a very busy man and will learn not to expect him home for dinner that has been prepared for him - and actually get used to eating without him - and be patient because if there is one thing I know for sure - he will be home ;-) I am going to need to be patient and wait for my time with him.

2) HUMILITY

I can do humble. I have no options really given my choice of eternal companion - but I can do humility :-) For me, I have no feelings of jealously of my husband having all the accolades (for a lack of a better word) and of being the leader. I think once upon a time, I may have wanted or aspired to be a leader myself, but one thing time does - and that is teach you - and as a result any aspiration for positions of power have now been tempered with acceptance and understanding. My goal is to match the humility of my husband.

3) SELF-CONFIDENCE

Like a lot of women - low self esteem/confidence is something we share. For me, I my self confidence is usually okay thanks to years of developing a very good system of self-talking (especially after my number one fan/critical friend - my Mummy - passed away) that buoys my up and gets me going again... I am certainly going to need this system more than ever now...... An example - yesterday it took me longer than normal to choose what I was going to wear to church. There is no manual on what a wife of a Bishop has to wear - but I suspect she is not to look drabby, or like a drowned cat or the walking dead - you get my drift.... So as the wardrobe was being emptied on to the bed as I look for something that first of all I could fit, then look half decent in - my self talk kicked in and told me off. This is what it said " You are a daughter of God, an alright mother and I guess a lovely wife :-). You are basically a good person and try to be better so who cares what you wear M - just get dressed, don't be late, keep it together and be confident that you are going to be alright". And I was.....

4) RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships are among my most precious possessions. I value them and work on maintaining them carefully, thoughtfully and in love. Luckily for me that I already do this because I am going to need to practise it diligently as we go along this journey. The relationships that I need to focus on now more than ever are with my Heavenly Father, His son Jesus Christ, my husband and my sons. These are key to a happy life.

5) HUMOUR

I have this one down pat - and it is something that I have spent years refining ;-) I am going to need this more than ever to help us all enjoy this journey. I'm looking forward to it.

Well, that was my list. In the end I had to really had to scratch my head to come up with a couple - but they all seem about right....... I'll let you know how I go this time next year - who knows this list may change, or even get bigger ;-) Whatever happens - to our friends who read this and know us - your love and support means a lot and is most appreciated.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

The Blue Line

I don't really like police people. I'm not sure why this is, because if I was ever in trouble - they are the first people that I would call..... So I had a rethink and its not the police in general - its the people that make up the police force. But what do I really know though - since I have NEVER been in trouble and despite the odd speeding ticket - oh hang on - now I remember!!!

Anyway, my friend Mandy is training to be a police person. I think she will be great!! When she does become a policewoman - she will then boost my friends (or people I know and like) that work the blue line to a total of four ;-). One of these people that I like is my cousin who is a sergeant, married and a father of four.... what a life!! He is doing a great job and we are proud of him and his awesome wife! He shares some really great stories and lessons that he learns during his work. I've asked him if I can use them and he has allowed me to do that. I have taken out his name and references that might connect him to these stories ;-)

 I dedicate this blog to my friend Mandy who is an inspiration to us all that if you put your mind to something - you can do anything you want - and there are no excuses....

HOUDINI
"Picked up this drunk as dude today.. Only word i could get out of him was "yeh". dude was smashed.. So anywayz took him bak to the station n whilst searching him, discovered his pants was on backwardz.. I thort that was a bit strange. I told him to remove his belt.. The numpty just stood there staring at his belt.. he Couldnt find his buckle.. Cause his belt was actuali buckled up backwards as well.. I guess thts the reason he had peed himself.. Hahaha too funi.. He some kinda drunk houdini.."

HALLOWEEN
"My boyz are runin rownd the view scarin tha locals.. Im drivn round ***** doin the same.. Except i dnt hv a costume....im makin every day halloween. Hahaha.."

BLACK OPS for REALZ
"Had firearms training today.. One of the perks of the job.... 10 outa 10 wit the glock.....10 outa 10 wit the m4 bushmaster (rifle) Yeyah.. Beats black ops n e day.."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
"Spent my morning sorting out other peoples dramaz.. Brother and sister scrapping over who has to clean the house.. Sister rang the cops.. So i turned up. Told them to stop fighting and called mum hme frm work to sort her kids out.. Oh yeh and the kidz are in there mid twenties.. Hapi birthdae to me..yay..hahaha"

WHANAU 

"Heres a "better work story" Bout a month ago at wrk driving down the main street of ****, saw a couple of guys fighting in the middle of the road.. Jumped out n grabbed the guy who lukd lik he had the upper hand.. Dude turned n straight punched me right in the face..cheeky fula. so i pinned him against my car, thats whn six of his drunk agro mates surounded me. Back up was still 10 mins away.... Things were bout to get really messy. Thn a dude stepped up outta the crowd a says "hey ur ****, i remember u frm ****, do u need a hand" the agro dudes were tryn to push the cuzzy outa the way.. Gav me just enuff time to cuff my boy n turn to deal wit the crowd. shot cuzzy u savd my bacon.. I thnk he was one of the "*****" frm *****..lik the wise six60 said "dont forget your roots my friend, dont forget your family"... So true.. No mattr what, family always got ur bak.."

 

Cousin - you are a legend!! Mandy - wishing you all the best in reaching your aspirations! You are amazing!!

 

Yours in friendship,

 

Mxo

The View

The other day I was driving my son to his touch rugby practice and as I was driving along the familiar roads, I said to him - "Son, I have lived here practically all of my life", to which he replied "So have I" ;-) I smiled and had a bit of a chuckle and thought - you are right son! You see my son is the 4th generation child of my family to live here in what people call - The View or more recently - The Village.

Besides a short stint of living in another area of town, I have been here since I was a child. Until recently, I was kind of embarrased to live at the same address as I have done most of my life because I had never left. I have friends that I have grown up who live in the United States, Australia and even Hong Kong - yet here I am - still in the View.

Now, I have realised - that I can't imagine it any other way. My sons haven't been disadvantaged in any way. We live in a relatively crime free area and have never been subjected to gangs, drugs, alcohol, or any other substance abuse, tagging, robberies, fights and so on. Don't get me wrong - we aren't living in heaven - we still have late nighters, the random druggy and gangsta, and our share of domestics and so on - but my sons have never been exposed as much because of where we live. In fact, my children, I am 100% certain, would be welcome in the homes to my left and right - maybe not across the road (because of their scary dogs and acquaintances) - but everywhere else. Surely - that is not a disadvantage...

So it got me thinking - for a small place like this - what are the lessons that I have learnt from the View?

LESSON ONE - It takes a village to raise a family
I remember this African saying being turned into a book written by Hillary Clinton and discussed on Oprah some years ago. It always stuck with me because that's what I feel about the 'village' that I live in. I think about all the of the people that I grew up with and around - many of whom have now passed on, and some who are still here, and I remember the lessons they taught. As a solo parent, my mother needed support and many of the people who live in this community were there for her. They supported her to raise her family and I am grateful for that.

LESSON TWO - Chinese Whispers
One of the challenges in a small community is something like the game of chinese whispers. I guess people would call it gossip and being busy bodies - which is people thinking they know other people's business, but like the game of chinese whispers - often end up being totatlly wrong. So I've learnt from this and have tried very hard to know no one else's business but my own and it has kept me free from rumour, gossip and innuendo - actually I don't know if it has, but because I don't talk to other people about other people - I am happily oblivious. I have achieved this in some way by having my children educated outside of the View so they have friends both close and afar, and by seeking employment outside of where I live. This has helped to not only broaden my view but also to keep busy enough not to have enough time to be a busy body  ;-)

LESSON THREE - Whanau
I have learnt that whanau (family) is actually not only blood relatives. I grew up calling people that have no bloodlines to me - Aunty and Uncle. I still do it today and it feels normal. My neighbours have two little children and do you know what they call me and Maurice? They call us Aunty and Uncle. This makes me smile because we are not related at all and yet before their father (little Raha) was born - I was and still call his  grandmother - Aunty Emma. I love my View whanau (many of whom are my dearest friends, younger and older - it doesn't matter). In fact I know almost all of the people in the View by name (and if not by name by parent or grandparent ;-)) and like my sister says - she would have no problem asking anyone of them if she could use their toilet ;-) Not very scientific but I think you get the gist - we are whanau after all....

LESSON FOUR - History
My grandparents left their home in the Winterless north to come to the View - which at the time was peat and swamp land. Alongside many others, they raised their families as labour missionaries, while building from scratch the wonderful landmark buildings, and a community that exists even 53 years later. My Nanna and Grandad owned one of the first houses here and raised my Aunty and Uncles here in the View. Even though we are only talking about a relatively short span of time (53 years) in the bigger sense of things - it is 53 years of my history - which makes the View part of me, and I love it.

LESSON FIVE - Change
I was discussing some changes that are coming up with my sons and they couldn't understand why. I thought that was interesting because I know what they mean. They have been used to being with the same people all their lives and now there are about to be some shifts. I explained to them that the only thing constant everywhere is change and the View is no different. All we can do, and is something I have learnt from living in the same place for the best part of the last 35 years - is to accept the change, work with it, let it settle and move on because if there is one thing for certain - it is change.....

I thank the people from the View, past and present, that have had a profound influence on my life, and who  I have loved and they me. The lessons that I have learnt have made me the person that I am today - and in some ways - probably in many ways - are having that same, although Maraeaized, influence on my children - even, four generations later ;-)

Yours in friendship,

Mxo