A message from the other side...

I have always believed that the distance between this life and the next - those that are living and those that have passed on - is best described as a veil. I believe I have experienced this because I often talk to my mother who has been gone five years this May, and on occasion feel her presence beside me.....

Anyway, recently, my 17 year old dog died and I was devastated. If you are a follower of this blog - you already know how I felt about her..... As she past I kept my cool, but as soon as I got to the privacy of the car - my heart broke and I groaned with pain. I know it sounds dramatic, but if you are a dog lover you know what I am talking about.

Anyway,  I missed her everyday and miss her every time I get in the car, go to the beach, see a tennis ball or even go to bed. I miss holding her in my arms and kissing her but most of all, I miss touching her. I knew from experience that time heals and that Simba's passing would eventually not hurt, but I didn't realise that she would be the one that would help me... you see, I think that she has sent me a message from the other side.

A couple of weeks after Simba died my husband came home and said that he had heard Simba barking. He looked around and knew that dogs were not allowed where he was, but said he heard her barking again. He got the distinct impression that she was okay and that she wanted me to know that. The moment he told me that I knew it was true because I had a feeling that she was close... I can't explain it but my heart started to mend....

However, the most impressive message I have received has come in the most unlikely of forms - a black cat. This cat, who I have called Skinny because she had the skinniest legs that I had ever seen on a cat  - just walked into our lives. I had seen her earlier when Simba was alive but never paid her much attention as she was just one of the strays that were around.... and here she is.

Quite simply, she came into my home and my family and although against her experience as a stray cat she lets us stroke her and pat her. Her ears prick up when we call her Skinny and comes to us when we call, well she brushes her tail up against your hand when you call. She is still jittery when loud noises are made, and even looks like she is ready to skidattle in second but even those kinds of jerky movements are lessening. She is yet to allow me to hold her in my arms but this may come with time.

Unlike Simba, Skinny is not the prettiest of cats - and black as Simba was white... Her eyes are damaged and once we get to the vet, I'll know why, but she already gives my nieces the creeps because of it. Her tail is always up in the air which is different from Simba whose tail was broken and never lifted much.... She follows me when I get up and move around the house for no reason, and is content just sitting beside me doing nothing....

I'm trying not to like her, we all are - out of loyalty to Simba I guess...... but all I know is that when I wake up she is on my bed having jumped on sometime during the evening....... Surely, she has been sent as a message from the other side.

Thank you, and I love you Simba xx

Mxo

Not Julie & Julia :The Edmonds Cookbook

After watching the movie Julie & Julia, I thought I would do something similar but from the Edmonds Cookbook. I thought I would pick five recipes that I liked and would bake them and put them up on my blog. That was over a year ago! So I thought 2012 I'm gonna get it done - so here are four recipes...

Why the Edmonds Cookbook and especially for those of you who don't live in New Zealand? Well,  although it says that the cookbook is seen as "a favourite aunt in many families - thoroughly reliable, always helpful and regarded with great affection..." (Edmonds, 2006, p.8) - it actually reminds me of my mother...  For as long as I remember, we have always had one in the house. The recipes I remember the most were the scones - but those aren't featured today - why ruin that memory? ;-).

Before we start - a warning or two or three.... 1) Julie & Julia was an awesome movie that I have watched more than once and loved it everytime, but just confirming here that my baking is no Julie or Julia. 2) Julie & Julia was a very cool concept - but this is more about me, my mother and a New Zealand classic book so not copying I promise and 3) just in case you missed it - my baking is no Julia Child or Martha Stewart or even one of the blogs I follow called Chef in training.... so I'm asking you to have a look and use your imagination ;-)

Madeira Cake
We love Madeira Cake and the little loaf-like cakes you buy in the supermarket are getting both smaller and  more expensive so I thought why not make one myself and what do you know - the Edmonds Cookbook had a recipe and here it is.

Preheat oven to 180C and grease a 20c square tin and line the base with baking paper. Cream 250g butter and 1 cup of sugar until light and fluffy. Add 4 eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Stir in 2tsps grated lemon zest. Sift 2 1/4c flour, and 2 tsps of baking powder together and gently fold into creamed mixture. Spoon mixture into prepared tin and bake for 30 minutes or until the cake springs back when lightly touched. Leave in tin for 10 mins before turning out onto a wire rack. Before serving, dust with icing sugar. Verdict: «««1/2 loved the lemon flavour which came through nicely. Quite moist and proved popular in the Turketo home (popular meaning it didn't get thrown out for the birds) ;-)

Shrewsbury Biscuits

Shrewsbury Biscuits have been one of the staple snacks in our boys school lunches since they were little as I am sure is the same across the country. Anyway, one day I thought - let's see if the Edmonds Cookbook has a recipe for these and - da-dah!  I know you know what they are meant to look like - but here are my ones. Don't laugh, and if a chuckle slipped - don't worry - you aren't alone. They had to be the UGLIEST Shrewsbury biscuits I ever did see! the good news is that if you google these biscuits - there are plenty UGLY biscuits there as well ;-) Verdict: ««1/2 surprised they didn't brown more, they needed waaaay more jam than the recipe had, were quite hard and kinda spicy (the lemon zest coming through strongly)- probably more about me than the recipe ;-) Preheat oven to 180C. Cream 125g softened butter and 1/2 c sugar until light and fluffly. Add 1 egg and 1tlb grated lemon zest and beat well. Sift 2 c flour and 1 tsp baking powder togehter. Mix dry ingredients into creamed mixture. Knead well. On a slightly floured board, roll out to 4 mm thickness, Cut out rounds using a 7cm cutter. Cut a 1 cm hole in the centre of half the biscuits. Place on greased oven trays. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes. When cold, spread whole biscuits with 1 tsp raspberry jam (I don't agree!) and top with biscuit with holes in them Makes 22.

Chocolate cupcakes

I have friends who have a little business called KK's KupcaKes which are yummy - so one day I thought - I'm going to try and make some chocolate ones. In my clearing up I even found my tupperware icing tools so thought at least they would like okay.... BUT - note to self, wait until cupcakes are cold (as in cold, cold no warm) before icing ;-) Verdict: ««1/2 These weren't very popular (yes, made the throwing out for the birds standard ;-)) and will be trying again with another kind of cocoa and ice when really cold and will let you know how I go.... The recipe for these are found on page 40.

Pancakes/pikelets

The last one are piklets/pancakes. In the more recent editions of the Edmonds Cookbook the recipe for pikelets are gone so I use the pancake recipe and add sugar. Over the years I have made adjustments to the recipe to suit the tastebuds of my family but the basic recipe or formula is 1 egg to 1/2 c sugar to 1 cup of flour to 1 generous tsp of baking flour to 3/4 c of milk. For my family of four I usually do a batch of 3-4 eggs. I use butter on a hot plate and the rest is yummyistory ;-) Verdict: ««««1/2

I don't know how Julie did it, following a years worth of Julia Child's recipes and blogging about it when I have only managed to do four - but it was fun. I'm yet to get into the dinner recipes, but looking forward to the challenges those will bring and who knows - there might be a part two of this blog to come ;-)

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Regrets

Recently I have been thinking about regrets - things like the unfortunate opportunity to have them and wishing like heaven they never happened and wondering - am I the only one with them and how the dickens do you get rid of them!! In an email, in response to my speaking of one of mine, an Aunty wrote "don't habour regrets it does no good for anyone". How true is that!!

As soon as I read that, I thought about my attempts thus far....

1) Regrets can teach us lessons.

Even regrets can teach us lessons. Rushing a conversation with my Nanna was a regret that I had. I was 19 years old. I had come out of class at university and was trying to get a hold of someone... and she answered the phone and wanted to have a little chat. I was busy and running late for a private piano theory lesson which was about 20 minutes drive (on my scooter) so I hurried our conversation in order to get moving. The regret I have was that my Nanna died hours after talking to me...... For years I carried that regret of rushing her and especially without saying a proper goodbye. However, it is because of this REGRET - that I make sure that I end every phonecall with my family with a "love you"... just in case... even my 38 year old little brother can't escape it :-)!  

2) Forgiveness is real

Everyone has regrets and the worst are with whanau. One of mine involves a custody issue. This regret is a heavy little beggar which I am still chipping away some three years after getting it. The relief from this heaviness has come in the form of two dreams in which an Uncle who has since passed, has come to me and showed me that forgiveness is real. He looked free of any troubles, any hurt feelings, and genuinely happy to see me and I tell you in those brief seconds - I feel forgiven... and it is good. My advice, forgive yourself for your part in any regretful situation - that's where the challenge continues to be for me - but when we do, it promises to be the moment that we will be free from the burden called regret! 

3) Don't be Stupid Dear

I'm not sure its actually a regret but its something that I think about often specifically looking for things I could have done better to help my mother... Days before my  mother passed, her local GP came to check on her and advised me that she had maybe three to five days or a week to live.... It was after I had told the Hospice nurse what the Dr had said - that she advised me to 'prepare for three days because your mother's time was very near" - that I LOST it (for maybe 20 secs)..... I pulled myself together (worthy of an academy award) and went into Mum's room. She asked me "what did the Dr say?" and I said "nothing....." HELLO - how stupid did I think she was?? That's the regret.... Anyway, I have come to understand that I did the very best I could for my Mum and although I should have told her the truth about what the Dr said - because she already knew it!, I KNOW that she loves me and any regrets about that time are RUBBISH. In fact if she were here, she would actually say - "don't be stupid dear!!".... Have a look at your regrets - are they silly? They probably are - so let it/them go!

4) True friendships are resilient

Last year a friend of mine found out that I thought that they may have been having an affair. I know you can imagine what happened next and although several months later I still feel stink about that - what I learned from my mate was that true friendships are resilient and although ours had suffered a little blip - nothing had changed for them - and we are still friends. By continuing to fret over it - it then is only MY problem and I  have had to learn to get over myself!! Thankfully, true friendships are resilient!!

So, from someone who has regrets and is always looking for a way to get over them - 1) always learn the lesson, 2) forgiveness is real, even forgiveness of yourself, 3) review the things that you think are regrets - because seriously - some of them are probably silly, 4) if they are a true friend - they will be your friend regardless of your words, and lastly, 5) let's get over ourselves, because like my aunty said - "don't habour regrets [as] it does no good for anyone".  ;-) 

Let me know how you go...

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

A personal creed

The one thing I have remembered from High School (along with the many things that I want to forget) is studying To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee, in particular the character Atticus Finch and the description of his daughter Scout who said he was “the same in his house as he is on the public streets.” I have never forgotten that because I decided the day I read that passage - that that was something I would try and live for the rest of my life......

I thought about Atticus today because although a fictional character in the novel To Kill A Mockingbird - his character was someone of integrity, someone who lived what he believed and was a great example to his children and community. I have never forgotten that and almost twenty five years later, I met another man like this, his name - George Albert Smith. Smith lived from 1870 to 1951 and while researching his life in preparation for teaching a group of women I learnt that he was someone, like Atticus that was "the same in his house as he was on the public streets" and someone who lived what he believed.

When he was 34, George Albert Smith made a list of resolutions that he called his "personal creed" - 11 ideals that he committed to live by. He must have achieved that and more because the inscription on his graveside reads " He understood and disseminated the teachings of Christ and was uncommonly successful in putting them into practice. He was kind, patient, wise, tolerant, and understanding. He went about doing good. He loved Utah and America, but was not provincial. He had faith, without reservation, in the need for and in the power of love. For his Church and his family he unbounded affection and served them passionately, yet his love was not limited; it included all men, regardless of race, faith, or station. To them and of them he frequently said: "We are all our Father's children".

Here are five of those resolutions which I am going to strive to live in 2012. Actually, looking at them, I think it is going to take me the rest of my life to get these right :-). I thank George Albert Smith for being such a wonderful example of how to live these....

I will:

Not seek to force people to live up to my ideals but rather love ten into doing the thing that is right.

Not knowingly wound the feelings of any, not even one who may have wronged me, but would seek to do him good and make him my friend. There is a story that on learning that someone had stolen from his buggy the buggy robe, instead of being angry, Smith responded "I wish we knew who it was, so that we could give him the blacnket also, for he much have been cold; and some food also, for he much have been hungry." I know - was he for real? The answer - yes!

Be a friend to the friendless and find joy in ministering to the needs of the poor.

Not be an enemy to any living soul. I have to admit this is going to be hard.

Overcome the tendency to selfishness and jealously and rejoice in the sucessess of all the children of my Heavenly Father.

Well, I'll let you know how I go.

Happy New Year.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Goodbye 2011

I love this time of the year! I'm a great self reflector at the best of times, but getting ready for a new year is the perfect opportunity to review more than normal and without feeling bad about it.....

Here are my top five pieces of advice/emails/words/thoughts that I have received in 2011. Thank you to the wonderful people in my life that provided me with these words of love. They certainly helped me at the time and will be called on to help me navigate another 365 days on this planet :-) If you find something helpful for you - that is certainly a bonus!!

Step away from the chocolate
In my journal I have recorded the following words: "She told me to go home - like NOW, ring and make an appointment with *** and organised that first. She told me to go home, change the sheets on my bed and put the electric blanket on or hot water bottle and hop in there and SLEEP. She aslo advised me to find somthing to do like - write or she even suggested that I go to the temple (and this is someone not of my faith...) she advised me NOT to go home and pig out on chocolate and that because it will only make me feel sick......" Advising me not to go home and eat chocolate - what woman tells another woman to step away from the chocolate? A true friend, that's who....... 

One day at a time
In a question "how am I going to get through another day?" the reply was simple - "take one day at a time". This from someone that I trust implicitly and to make it even better - someone who had themselves, made it through some dark times in their own life....

Time Out for Women
At Time Out for Women Conference this year, Laurel Christensen presented some thoughts based on the scripture Mathew 7:9 which reads "... what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?" Her message was that if we want or need something, having prayed for it and specific in our requests, and done everything we can do ourselves to make something happen - then it is unlikely we will be given a 'stone'. She taught that in order for this principle to work, we had to do the following; 1) pray in faith, 2) think with faith and 3) live with faith. The conference was life-changing!

Birthday wishes
This year both of my sons gave me a card which was lovely.... but the words inside were priceless. For mums out there raising sons - you will know that emotions and actual words are an economy that boys don't spend often ;-) so when they wrote some thoughts - I was brought to tears.... In one card it read "On this great day mum I'd like to say happy birthday. When I saw this card I thought it was perfect because I wouldn't have to write anything because it already said what needed to be said. But just in case I'll tell you how much I love you which would be to heaven and back, although you may not hear me say it to you Mum, just know thats how I feel inside. I hope I'm not too much of a pain mum..." Isn't that beautiful, but what was so cool and reminded me that my blood does run through my babies - he added "....and I hope you get a job soon....." :-) Thank you babies xx

Quotes
There were so many so which ones made the cut?? Here are my top picks of the many that I have collected this year from unknown - "Now is the time, this is the place, you are the one", a prayer given by Pastor Joe Wright in the Kansas House Representatives on Janurary 23rd 1996 (check with Mr Google and he will help you), from anonymous "May you always have: enough happiness to keep you sweet, enough trials to keep you strong, enough success to keep you eager, enough faith to give you courage and enough determination to make each day a good one.",  and one from Marilyn Munroe "I believe that everything happens for a reason; people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together....."I know, Marilyn Munroe - who would've know?

But by far - my favourite from the movie New Year's Eve Movie by the character played by Hillary Swank at a press conference when the giant ball that falls every year at New York's Time Square becomes stuck "[The ball is] suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps - our promises made, and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures - or closed ourselves down, for fear of getting hurt. Because that's what New Year's is all about: getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight - and it will drop - let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long."

Happy New Year!!

Yours in friendship

Mxo

Just another day............ NOT!

I have heard a few times in my life people saying that Christmas is just another day..... and they don't really get into it.... Today, I was told that because  I was part of the "people who love Christmas" I didn't understand.... well, actually I do. I know that Christmas is commercialised beyond recognition, but here is what I have learnt about Christmas and why I get over myself and get into it!!
 

I want to thank my beautiful mother for instilling me the christmas spirit and regardless of her desperate situation - Christmas was never cancelled and it was never just another day..... Here was a single mother with nothing yet all I remember is the joy we got from putting up our tree, the love of the decorations (which I saw for the first time in a long time as an adult - and cannot imagine what we saw in them ;-)), and the Christmas story. It was never about presents (although I have to admit - I have never quite grasped this concept ;-) even my sons who think they are near to homeless will be getting something ;-)), but always about family and being together with good food. When she got a new tree it was a family decision and quite a large financial investment for her yet it was something that she valued and we learnt from that. The first Monday of December the tree would go up and we would decorate it after reading the Christmas story. The children would enact it. We had a lot of fun and love was abound!

It wasn't always that easy for her though. On the 20th of December 1983, my mother's sister, her husband, a family friend/relative and their six children were returning home after doing some shopping. A truck, according to the police reports, we later heard turned the corner and jack-knived into the path of their van. That accident killed my aunty, her husband, their only daughter (my cousin), a son (my cousin) and their friend/cousin and left their four reamining children orphaned and in hospital spread across northland. I remember vividly the instant my mother was told of the accident and will never forget that day. The pain, I am sure, my cousins feel every day and not just at Christmas time but has that been enough to cancel Christmas? No. I want to wish my cousins a very Merry Christmas and thank them for being an example of living through the worst day of their lives and yet turning out to be good people. I love them.

Some years ago, I ended up at the back of an ambulance and in hospital. It turned out after about two days in there that my appendix were moments away from bursting and already infected..... I was rushed into theatre for an operation on christmas eve and spent christmas day on morphine ;-) The children quickly learnt that Santa was actually not very well that year and after she got out of hospital would visit them.... I remember wrapping presents in pain because Santa's husband had NO idea ;-) Yip, I think that year the boys realised who Santa really was ;-) They were seven. I learnt that year that Christmas was about being grateful for good health and family and presents and even Santa was waaaaaay over-rated!! 

This year there are no presents under our tree. The boys think they are the ONLY ones in the world that are not getting presents this year! One of them is taking it into his stride and knows that things will turn around - he hopes ;-) The other one is struggling with the concept and has offered to go without food so he can see something go under the tree with his name on it ;-) I am grateful for their cousin who said that he was told that they wouldn't be having christmas presents this year and when he asked his mother for about the millioneth time - what they were getting for christmas - she said "vinyl & carpet" (for their beautifully renovated kitchen and dining room) ;-) I thank my sister-in-law for teaching my children that Christmas is about priorities and even though there are no presents this year - we are still having Christmas!

So, for me, when I hear people say it is just another day I wish them alittle bit of what I have. I wish them the spirit of giving and sharing, of laughter and family. It is one day when we should release ourselves from worldy troubles and remember the birth of the Saviour and how blessed our lives are for it. And however we chose to do it - either with new vinyl under our feet or a $2 secret santa gift - then so be it.

Whatever you do, please try and make it more than just another day - make it an awesome day of remembering. Enjoy it, even if you have to 'fake it 'til you make it' for the children's sake..... so that when they grow up to be my age - they know that christmas day is sooooooooo not like any other day of the year!!

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

My sista

On Saturday I watched my sister complete a 2km swim in the ocean as part of a team competing in a half ironman and I couldn't have been more prouder of her. I was so proud, my mother's genes overcame me and I shed some tears everytime I saw her get out of the water to round a peg to go back in to swim another circuit three times! I spent most of that day, afternoon and some time after thinking about her and her achievment and the reasons why those tears of pride and joy fell...

My sister is three years younger than me. She is the middle child of our family. She is pretty clued on when it comes to finances and business, and is technologically savvy (this is in comparison to me so not sure if that counts...)We have been described by people that know us to be totally different yet when people see us know that we are sisters. In fact, people are often getting us confused which is more of a insult to her than me - I mean, who wouldn't want to be seen as someone three years younger than they really are ;-) Our relationship has grown over the years but it as adults that we are getting to know each other and becoming friends. These are the things that she teaches me....

PEACEMAKER

When we were little, I remember my mother doing an activity that would get us to think of something positive about each other and we would share that. What I do recall from that activity the most is Zina being described as the peacemaker. This is actually funny considering the combats her and my brother used to engage in, but in general she has a soft heart and is caring, considerate and compassionate. She is often the inbetween of people and looks for the good to EVERY story and person. She is softer that I am in a lot of ways, and forgives easier which makes it quicker for her to find peace around her and within herself.

TENACITY

In the oxford dictionary this word means to hold or stick to something and this is something my sister teaches me all the time by her example. Her recent race is a good case in point. She started training for it quite late in the piece and was sick and injured during the build up but she was determined and focussed and there was no way she was going to drop out. Amazing....

COURAGEOUS

I think my sister is one of the most courageous people that I know, because she is living a life as a single mother of two growing children in a community that is away from her own support systems. She lives this life without fear and basically on her own, and she teaches me about having courage. If I think about the race she has just completed, I would not even have half of her courage to go into open water and swim - I am paralysed by just thinking about it - and yet, off she went, into the unknown and did it!! 

BUDGET

My sister is an accountant. If you know any accountants, I believe they are all the same - continually doing risk, benefit and cost analysis... Everything is about money either the productive and effective use of, or the waste, the re-cycling value of, or the loss and debt of something. I think that is a skill that I could use more... I love this about my sister because it puts 'real' back into money and she needs to remind me more about this lesson..... but I digress. The coolest thing about being an accountant is her ability to budget. Because of this talent, she has just taken her children on a two week overseas holiday. She has planned for it and budgeted it for it and done it all on her own and I am so proud of her.

FINISHER

If my sister starts something - she will finish it. She has been, and always will be like that. The journey may not be pretty and the end product may not be the most stunning but my goodness, heaven and earth will be moved so that she finishes. Watching her race on Saturday, although I know she struggled in places with people swimming over her and directly infront of her.... there was one thing for certain - she was going to finish....

Thank you sista for the wonderful lessons you teach me everyday and congratulations for completing your 2km skim. You were truly inspirational!

Mxo