"I do" - forever ;-)

Recently, I have just celebrated 20 years of marriage and looking for something quirky or different to blog about or say about marriage. I thought maybe some advice - but what do I know, my in-laws have been married over 50 years, or perhaps say something romantic - and then remembered the words of the poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning to her husband (her "How do I love thee" poem is one of my all times favourite) wife and then today came along....

I had the privilege of hearing a lesson from my 80+ year old friend on marriage which is based on a talk given by Richard G.Scott called 'The Eternal Blessings of Marriage'. It was beautiful and I learnt heaps from it.

I got the distinct impression today that I should not only be celebrating our 20th milestone but I need to continue learning and trying - aiming for another twenty and better still - an eternity.

I dedicate this blog to by better half.

1) Be the one you want

To prospective husbands Richard G Scott says "if you want to have a wonderful wife, you need to have her see you as a wonderful man and prospective husband." This applies to us all. To get the best, we need to be the best.... I am blessed that I met a man who is makes me better. In my card to my husband I wrote "the way you made me feel, like the most important, cherished person on the planet - make that princess & the universe is the same way I feel when I am with you twenty three years later. You are the perfrect man for me. You have allowed me to become the person I was meant to be and I thank you for that...." For me, I got a bunch of 20 white roses - one for every year ;-)

2) Loyalty

Are you loyal to your marriage covenants by never engaging in conversation with another person that you wouldn’t want your spouse to overhear? Wow! I need to really think about this one and make some major improvements... I talk to my friends about my husband in FRONT of him, but is this being loyal....??

3) Love

Scott shares "I learned from my wife the importance of expressions of love. Early in our marriage, often I would open my scriptures to give a message in a meeting, and I would find an affectionate, supportive note Jeanene had slipped into the pages. Sometimes they were so tender that I could hardly talk. Those precious notes from a loving wife were and continue to be a priceless treasure of comfort and inspiration". Maurice & I used to do this when either one of us was travelling away. The note would be tucked in a place that would slip out during unpacking, or searching in a bag or a pocket and always unexpected and always appreciated... I also used to put notes in my children's lunches - & their reactions are priceless ;-)...

4) Gratitude

Scott asks a simple question that can be applied to us all: do [we] tell our [spouses] often how very much [we] love [them]?  He counsels that "it will bring great happiness. I’ve heard men tell me when I say that, “Oh, she knows.You need to tell [him]/her."  Express gratitude for what your spouse does for you. Express that love and gratitude often. That will make life far richer and more pleasant and purposeful. Don’t withhold those natural expressions of love. And it works a lot better if you are holding her close while you tell [him]/her."  

My sons surprised me this year for my birthday with a card each. The surprise was not the card - but from the words - one wrote "Thanks for being my biggest fan. Thank for being the coolest mum ever" - this from the son who calls me 'dry' and gets embarrased when I call out his name in a game ;-) and the other wrote "I love you which would be to heaven and back, although you may not hear me say it to you mum, but because thats how I feel inside...."  Knowing you are loved and appreciated comes when you least expect it...

5) Family & Friends

I just wanted to share something with my friends and family who are yet to find 'the one', or found the one who turned out to be wrong - I want to thank you for being a part of my life because you make me a better person when I am with you, and in doing that - a better wife and mother. Never underestimate the influence you have as a single person in the lives of your married friends. Learning comes from everywhere...You are loved and I thank you....

Yours in friendship,
Mxo

Rugby for dummies (or people that don't really care)

The only good thing about being a rugby widow of 15 years of my married life is that you learn pretty much everything there is to know or don't want to know....So, this blog is for the thousands (I only have a readership of seven - but you get my drift) of people who don't know much about rugby and aren't too fussed either way ;-) I don't know anyone in that catergory except myself (but that's because I have done my rugby time...)

1) The objective and points
The objective, as with every game is for one team to get more points than the other. In this country everyone believes the national team is going to win - actually, all countries believe their national team is going to win the World Cup. If you don't have a team yet - pick one. Points are achieved by either scoring a 'try' (when the ball touches your oppopent's end of the field) which is worth 5 (five) points, kicking a 'conversion' (straight after the try, the team that scored gets to convert the try) which is worth 2 (two) points, kicking a 'penalty' which is worth 3 (three) points, or when someone in the team thinks more highly of themselves and kicks a random 'drop kick' which is worth 3 (three) points.

2) Players - Forwards

retrieved from
http://news.bbc.uk/

There are 15 players on the field at one time. The first eight numbered players are what are called 'forwards'. Numbers 1,2,3 are usually a stocky 5ft something and main goal in life is to get the ball. Not known for their speed, but their strength - one of their roles is to throw the ball in during the line outs, keep the scrum focussed, and lifting the tall guys up in the line out to help them catch the ball... Numbers 4-5 are usually the tallest men on the planet and had the choice to play basketball but chose this sport, and 6-8 are a mixture of tall and brawn. Numbers 6-7 are called loose forwards and are pretty agile and help the team drive the ball up the field and can be seen running the ball. They create opportunities... Our most famous are Richie McCaw (current captain) or one of my all time favourites - Micheal Jones. The number 8 position is the only one that does not have a specific or fancy name and is called  'number 8'. Our famous number eight is the great Buck Shelford.

3) Players - Backs

If the main goal of the forwards is to get and protect the ball, the backs are responsible for getting the tries. Number 9 is called the 1/2 back and I'm not sure if this is actually a requirement but I have yet to be proven otherwise when I say, they are usually, next to numbers 1-2, the shortest on the field ;-) Their job is to get the ball from the forwards and pass it out to the backs. Numbers 10,12 &13 are the midfield people who pass that ball either to the left of right, or a mixture and can either score the tries through manoevres or pass it to numbers 11 and 14 who are on either side of the fields and are called wings to score. It is normal practice that the number 10 does the conversion kicking, and the kicking in general. Our most famous 10 is Daniel Carter - the underwear model and Jonah Lomu is our most famous wing (number 11)... The last man of defence, stuck at the back is 15 who is full back - it is their role to get the ball out of their teams line and back down to the opposite end of the field...

4) Jargon
Like every universe - the rugby universe has its own language. Here are few words that you will hear and I offer my lay-man explanations.

Retrieved from
www.players.indoor.com

Tackle - is not the same as used when fishing. It is when a player uses their own body to stop the movement of another. The most effective way is by grabbing the legs of the opposition - and is only limited by the imagination of the player. It can not be done around the neck... The bigger tackle, the louder the cheers from the crowds.

retrieved from
conversationalrugby.com

Ruck - is when a team is trying to get the ball back off the opposition once a tackle has been made. The players must remain on their feet... but even I get confused about what they are doing - all I know is that the sprigs of a boot are usually used, officially to dislodge the ball from someone's grip - and even for the 'hell' of it...I should know - my player always had sprig marks in places I know there was no ball there ;-)

Maul - a maul is kind of complicated. It looks like a mangled mass of bodies - but there apparently is some order to it. Judging by the excitement of the commentators you will get some idea is a maul is working or not...

Scrum - A scrum looks like a team meeting at the end of a game, but it is all business in a rugby game. You will hear the referee calling crouch-pause-engage-scrum followed by the crunching of the forwards of both teams connected by shoulders as they pit themselves against the strength of each other trying to gain advantage moving towards their opposition's goal line...

Line Out - the line out is when the ball has gone out of play and needs to be throw in again so people can start playing. It is similar to the throw in ball used in soccer except in rugby the forwards are lined up to catch the ball. There are strict rules around the distance between the two teams and the ball has to be thrown in STRAIGHT ;-)

5) Essentials

This last tip is offering three essential catchcrys when watching a game with enthusiasts - so you aren't seen as anti-social ;-)

'passit' - this is a favourite - whenever you see someone with the ball - yell at the top of your voice - passit. You are encouraging the person to give the ball to someone else to do something with it...
'wide' - another favourite - this just means that you are yelling at the tv or at a game for the player to passit wide - as in out to the wings so they can get a try...
'kickit' - the third in the list of preferred catchcrys is kickit. All this means is that you are yelling at the tv or at a game for the player to kick it out, down, away or somewhere else ;-) You will hear other cries but as this is a family friendly blog... you'll need someone else to explain those ones ;-)

Well, that's about it from me.... and if you really want to know what the official word on any of these things are - go to http://www.irb.com/ or http://www.nzrugby.co.nz/

Good luck and go Namibia!! ;-)

Yours in friendship

Mxo

Pray, Think and Living with Faith

Two weeks ago I was reminded about the importance of faith in my life.  I was at a Time Out For Women and listening to Laurel Christensen and  heard about how she had prayed, thought and lived with faith and I was touched.

I have always had faith, but I became lost in a world where it was encouraged to do things for yourself and to in some ways rely on your own ability to get you through. This happens to the point where you can actually start to believe that you don't need anything else, and even in the smallest chance you did - someone was going to be able to read your mind or heart or both and provide the help you so desperately needed....

Well, did I get a HUGE wake up call when my body told me that it had other plans for me and it actually spoke so loud that this intellectual smart woman took notice and pressed the great big imaginary button that was on her forehead that said 'Pause' and when I did - I knew immediately that I had a lot of work to do.....

Then came the reminder about 'faith' and here I am. I am heading into week three of praying, thinking and living with Faith and this is what I have found so far.

1) Happiness
I don't know what it is and can't really explain it but there has been an absence of happiness in my life for sometime. Don't get me wrong, I have laughed and had some wonderful experiences - but I wake up in the morning and I am happy.

2) Fear
I am scared of the future in terms of I really have no idea where I am going to go - but it is a fear that I can overcome because I am in control of where I go next. It is the kind of fear that you know something is going to happen, its big, its good for you, and you have never done it before but still alittle nervous... especially when you know that that the next thing to do is to jump. So here I am all 40+ of me at the precipice of what I believe is something spectacular and just for me.

3) Joy
When talking to someone during the last five or six weeks, I mentioned the word joy and how I had no joy anymore.... I am not sure why I picked those words but the word joy was used as a desciption of the place inside that lights you up... anyway, I am experiencing joy for the first time in a long time. The joy comes when I am in the car with my boys and they are rattling on about their rugby game, and joy resonates with me when I have dropped the boys off and the bell has not gone for their first class ;-) Joy has come to me through being a mother ;-) Instead of doing my motherly duties like a checklist that spanned pages and pages - I am being a mother.....

4) Excitement
I am scared but I am excited. I have literally put my life into someone else's hands and I am being guided. I have prayed about my future, after thinking and pondering my options which has lead me to be totally excited to be living with faith.

5) To be
Last week I taught a lesson based on a talk called What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be given by Lynn Robbins and this is what he teaches: "Many of us create to do lists to remind us of things we want to accomplish. But people rarely have to be lists. Why? To do’s are activities or events that can be checked off the list when done. To be, however, is never done. You can’t earn checkmarks with to be’s. [I can drop my children off to school everyday, which is a to do. But being a good mother is not an event; it needs to be part of my nature—my character, or who I am.]...Because be begets do and is the motive behind do, teaching be will improve behavior more effectively than focusing on do will improve behavior.

So out goes my 'to do' list and in comes my 'to be' list and I think I am on my way...

How are you doing or rather being? Try praying, thinking and living with faith.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

The highs and lows of my job....

I have resigned from my job. It was a great run while it lasted and it was time to move on which I am equally looking forward to doing. Consequently,  I was privileged to have been a guest of honour at my farewell dinner where thoughts and stories were shared and I was honoured by the kind words that were spoken...

Here are some of my top five memories/stories...

1) The funniest

An incident came across our senior management desk which I will remember forever. In short, a ball had smashed a stained window of one of our beautiful buildings. The window was an intricate pane that we were unsure of where and when it would be able to be replaced..... A claim was requested from the kaiako (teacher) of the tauira (student) that kicked the ball (and had no cause to be doing so - as his course was not a sports one) that smashed the window. The claim came through and I tell you no lies - the words that make me smile to to this day, are found in the answer to the question what happened?, to which the written answer was "the window picked up the ball and pushed it through the window...." The wind ;-) and no there was no reports of cyclones or tornadoes that day.

2) The sadest

As I worked for such a large organisation - there was inevitably going to be losses - of which were experienced with the deaths of a colleague, fathers, mothers (including mine), sisters, brothers and even babies. In fact I met the smallest tupapaku (body) in my life during my service and more than that, I my life was touched as I saw the physical and emotional turmoil and pain of his mama - of who remains in my thoughts to this day. Next to this is when a tauira took his own life - that was a tragedy and was again one of ths sadest times of my employment. 

3) The hardest

Over the years I have had to inform people that they were going to be made redundant. I have had to do this on so many occasions that I can't recall the number, but what I can do is remember how hard - not in terms of skills required to do it, but in actually informing someone that their livelihood was over. It was sobering, and no matter how many times I did (and without training) - it was still the hardest. In fact when I saw the movie Up in the Air - I totally related to it... totally.

4) The best

I loved the vision of the organisation I worked for and will always be privileged to have been part of it for so long.... which was whanau transformation through education. This was no more evident than at the graduation ceremonies that are held every year. I will always remember the people the crossed the stage so happy in their achievements acompanied by the calls from the audience of their whanau (family). I was always stirred by the pride of the families as they did a karanga, or shared waiata or haka.

5) The places

The one thing that I will miss about my job are the places that I have had the privilege to visit. Being a regional position I had the opportunity to travel throughout the Tainui rohe and saw things and been to places that I had never been before. Included in this are the many Marae throughout four iwi which will always be a highlight. Through work I have also travelled throughout the country and stayed in accomodation that I would never have had the chance to before, including Sydney and Melbourne. But I have to say that nothing will ever take the place of climbing Taupiri maunga to celebrate Matariki this year - now that was priceless.

So I thank the people I worked with, many of whom I will never forget - because without the them (and they know who they are) there would have been no memories. 

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Time Out For Women

I was part of almost 1500 LDS women who met at the Aotea Centre in Auckland on Saturday, 30th July from 9am - 4pm. I hadn't originally intended to go but count my lucky stars that I did.

The theme for the day was to "Choose to Become", ultimately taken from Mark 9:23 where is says "all things are possible to Him that believeth"

I can not put into words how much I enjoyed the day or mesaure the impact of what I heard, as my 'becoming' has not yet been realised - but I can report that I am on my way.

The conference came at the end of some life-changing decisions that I

have made and the timing can only be described as a 'divine intervention'. It was one day - but the lessons I learnt will last forever.

LESSON ONE - I am worth it.

The first speaker's name was Laurel Christensen who has is my new most favourite person. She spoke of some trials and challenges that she has overcome and some goals that she set and achieved which on their own would have been inspiring, however what she taught me is that I am worth it. I am good enough to ask Heavenly Father in faith for the things that I need and want. So often we ask for things or desire things for everyone else but ourselves - but Laurel reminded me that I need to ask for things for myself and to take care of me.

LESSON TWO - Don't be the one person standing in your way

One of the best quotes for the day had to be "don't be the one person standing in your way" which was such great advice to myself. We often put barriers in our own way, by either thinking we can't do something, or being scared to try something new .... The life changes I have made , have opened up the doors for me to take charge of my life, and I am scared about what the future holds, but I am going to be okay because I am determined NOT to be the person standing in my own way to "becoming" anything I want to be.

LESSON THREE - Back to the Basics

The next speaker was Virginia Pearce who spoke about mothers. If you are a regular of mine - you know what I could have done while this topic was being taught - but I was okay. In fact, something that she said about doing the basics - like praying and reading our scriptures - reminded me about my mother as this was her favourite saying... and looks like she wasn't the only one who owned it ;-)

LESSON FOUR - Aligning our lives to Lord's vision of us

Virginia also taught that we should align our lives to the Lord's vision for ourselves. Since that day, I have thought about this often and after 40+ years it is something that I am prepared to do. Don't get me wrong - I have planned my life and asked for guidance before - its just that I have been more of an independant person. The difference this time is that I am going to pray over some options that I have sorted and am going to leave the direction that my life and the lives of my children will take, at the bottom of a prayer. I am unsure of what will happen, but I am ready - watch this space.

LESSON FIVE
"There were so many more lessons that I could have chosen but I have to end with quite possibly the most profound statements made that were so relevant to what I am going through - I actually felt that the speakers could have been sitting across from me in a one on one interview.... QUOTE ONE "if it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don't give up when the pressure mounts. Certinaly don't give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. Face your doubts. Master your fears. Cast not away therefore your confidence. Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you". Jeffrey R. Holland and from Eleanor Roosevelt  QUOTE TWO "you gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along'. You must do the thing you think you cannot do..."

So I came away with so much more than I had taken in and with my new sense of determination and motivation - I believe that I am at the start of a wonderful journey.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox

Stressed out?

One evening after being unsuccessful in stemming his bleeding nose, and after his mother's medical advice - my son jumped on the internet and found out for himself how to stop it from bleeding.... Somewhere in the world someone had the same problem and had found a way to solve the issue and helped my 15 year old on the other side of the world.... Ain't technology grand!?

Everyone is a little bit stressed and may even be heading towards burnout - but what does that really mean? So I followed my son's lead and thought I would give Mr Google a go and looked up stress and burnout and discovered a goldmine of information on a website called http://www.helpguide.com/

This is that I learnt about stress and burnout.

1) Differences
Burnout my be the result of unrelenting stress, but it isn't the same as too much stress. Stress, by and large, involes too much: too may pressure that demands too much of you physically and psychologically. Stressed people can still imagine, though, that if they can just get everything under contol, they'll feel better. Burnout, on the other hand, is about not enough. Being burned out means feeling empty, devoid of motivation, and beyond caring. People who experience burnout often don't see any hope of positive change in their situations. If excessive stress is like drowing in responsibiities, burnout is being all dried up.One other difference between stress and burnout: while your'e usually aware of being under a lot of stress, you don't always notice burnout when it happens.

2) How do you know?
According to http://www.helpguide.org/ you know when you are dealing with burnout by applying the three R's. Recognise, Reverse and Resilience. Recognise the warning signs of burnout, reverse the damage done by managing stree and seeking support, and build up your resilience to stresse by taking care of your physical and emotional health.

3) Warning signs
Physical signs and symptoms are feeling tired and drained most of the time and change in appetite or sleep habits. Emotional signs were a sense of failure and self-doubt, loss of motivation, and decreased sense of satisfacion and sense of accomplishment. Finally, the behavioural signs and symptoms are withdrawing from responsibiities, proscratstinating, or taking longer to get things done or skipping work or coming and late and leaving early.

4) Preventing burnout
If you are in this position - some simple tips found on http://www.helpguide.org/ include a) starting the day with a relaxing ritual, b) adopting health eating, exercising, and sleeping habits, c) setting boundaries, d)taking a daily break from technology, e) nourishing your creative side and f) learning how to manage stress. My favourie was setting boundaries which had something simple as learning to say "no" to requests for your time. If you find this diffidult (which mother/woman doesn't), remind yourself that saying "no" allows yoiu to say "yes" to the things that you truly want to do...

5) Recovery
Like all things - thankfully stress and burnout have an end. Recovering from it can include three things; 1) Slow down - force yourself to slow down or take a break. Cut back whatever committments and activities you can. Give yourself time to rest, reflect, and heal. 2) Get support - turn to your loved ones for support, and 3) Re-eavaluate your goals and priorities - take time to think about hopes, goals and dreasm. This can be an opportunity to rediscover what really makes you happy and to change your course accordingly.

If you are in this place where anything that I have found on this website applies - make some changes. If I can - anyone can ;-)

Yours in friendship

Mxox

Lessons from a Manicure

It never ceases to amaze me where I get lessons in life - but I take them as they come... and this week has been no different and come via my beautifully manicured nails - albiet false, nails ;-)

1) Be careful for what you ask for

I have a neighbour that I have lived next door to for almost 30 years. She is stunning, has a beautiful figure, is always immaculately dressed, her make up is always nicely done and she wears georgeous jewellery. She works hard, is married and the mother of four children..... but regardless of ALL of that, the one thing that I have always admired of hers - were her nails. They have been manicured, long before there was a nail shop in every mall - and were done by a real beauticians - which was a long time ago ;-) I had often wondered what it would be like to have nails just like hers - and decided after some other friends had theirs done - that I was finally going to have a try. So I got my nails done. They are pink with a little diamante in the corner of each nail. Don't look too closely - otherwise you will see they need what is called "infilling" - someone else will have to explain what that is - as I have no idea and just know that it costs $5 per nail ;-). The one thing this had taught me is to be careful for what you ask for as you may just get it - and it's not quite what you wanted...

2) What looks good hung up doesn't always look good on

This is actually a shopping tip that I have picked up over the years - that just because it looks good on a mannequin or in a catalougue - it does not mean that it is going to look good off the hanger and on your person. Just because nails look beautiful in the magazines and my neighbour and even my friends - it does not mean they were going to look good on me....

3) False v Real

I have learnt from my experience that real is better than false. The professionals did such a great job in filing my false nails that I can't even cut through anything. In fact today, I dropped some paper on floor and I struggled to pick them up because my 'new' nails couldn't get under the paper to pick it up.... Yes they didn't cause any runs in my stockings but I would rather have a good scratch - than having beautifully filed and rounded finger nails... It's just not natural ;-)

4) Piano fingers
I was thinking the other day - why I had never got my nails done before or grown them too long - and then I remembered - I'm a piano player and the finger tips are very important in playing and with these nails - the 'clinking' noise is almost louder than the sound..... the cost of a memory lapse....

5) Never again
There are some things that you will only do once - and I think I have found mine. It took 40+ years to try it - and once was certainly enough for this classy chick ;-)
I am just grateful, the lessons from this experience were soft on me and didn't cause any heartache or sorrow... Hopefully the one thing that you will never do again is as kind to you as it has been to me.

Yours in friendship,

Mxox