Time Out For Women (Auckland 2013)

I kid you not, there was a time not long ago that I couldn't think of anything worse than sitting in a room with 1499 other LDS women..... and my oh my how times have changed!!

I loved Time Out For Women. It irks me a bit that we have to wait for such a massive event to get a whole bunch of women together - because we should do it more often, but other than that - it was great! I learnt so much, and what I already knew was strengthened. I cried heaps, and tried my hardest but failing time and time again - not to cry! What I loved the most is that I was a woman among so many more women just like me - feeling the same as me!

Here's what I learnt.

EVERYONE HAS PROBLEMS

A friend of mine, in frustration said, that "if I hear another person say how great their life is, how awesome her husband is, and that the children are near perfect and so on - I am going to scream"..... My response - everyone has problems. You see, statistically, it was more likely that the sisters that she overheard were either very very positive about their realities or one of the exceptions or probably more the truth - lying ;-) or at least embellishing the truth. In fact, as LDS, we probably face more challenges than the average, because he who shall not be named is having to work over time!! No one has a perfect life - impossible!!

NEGATIVITY BEGETS NEGATIVITY

I learnt that to breed positivity - you need to put that out there. I have a friend who believes that once you put it out into the universe it will happen ;-) I'm pretty sure the statistics are ths same as my previous lesson - but it feels good. By putting good thoughts, positive thoughts out there, something happens inside that turns you around. I don't know how it works but it does.... 

ENDURANCE IS THE KEY

I learnt or rather was reminded that this journey in life is not a race because its length is already pre-determined. Going faster isn't going to get me to the end any quicker.... so its enduring to the end and with integrity, dignity and joy that is the key. It's like a car advertisement I have seen which says "The Journey is the Destination".... interesting isn't it...??

PERFECTION IS ME....NOT
I learnt today that praying is not for the perfect, but for those who are striving to be perfect, and partaking of the sacrament is not for perfected saints but rather for people who are willing to come unto Christ in perfection. What a revelation or rather a remembering.... and goes with a quote I read recently from Russ Hill that "churches are not museums or catwalks for the perfected Saints, but rather labs for sinners" :-)

MY FAVOURITE 2 QUOTES (there were heaps more!!):

“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He can deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, and pour out peace.”    Ezra Taft Benson

“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ would take the slums out of people, and then they would take themselves out of the slums. The world would mould men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behaviour, but Christ can change human nature.” Ezra Taft Benson

I am grateful that I was able to join with so many women in hearing messages of hope, love, and "let's get better and keep improving and learning" also with the encouragement to everyone gathered that we all can do it and "we got this!!"

Have a great week

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Dear Emma

Dear Emma

Thank you for being a friend to me during the highs and my very low - when I was unwell. Thank you for the timely advice you gave me which is kind of ironic now since I have given the same advice to at least three other people since. Mind you, none of them took it, and as a consequence burnt and shrivelled up ;-) actually for all accounts and purposes they are doing okay. But most of all - thanks for being one of my hardcore blog followers which makes this letter and my lastest blog entry a direct hit ;-) - that and the fact that it is emailed directly to you ;-)

I'm writing this as I am waiting for my ride to come to see you and attend your dad's funeral service. Being here was a no brainer for me - pretty conflicting since I did have another gig with one friend (and a research project) to be at, and another friend of mine has lost her best friend - but there was no way I was going to miss being here for you - even if it is just for a few hours.... The funny thing is that when I got the notice that you had lost your dad and that the service was going to be held in Greytown, Wairarapa I called your fabulous PA to see what time I needed to be in town in order to make the ferry crossing.... You see - I knew the Wairarapa was in the North Island but that Greytown was in the South Island - so maybe the notice got a bit wrong ;-) Lucky Reti, put me straight with a note that a ferry would not be needed as Greytown is in the North Island.... - It wasn't until I met up with  Maurice later when he reminded me that Greymouth was in the South Island so Reti was right all along ;-)

I'm writing to share some advice with you that I have picked up on death, grief, loss, and how to cope. None of these are scientifically proven. In fact, my brother and sister who also have the privilege of being emailed my blog.... would wonder who was writing these as their sister has still lost the plot ;-) So here goes - my top five.

NOTHING WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY
Nothing I say is going to matter today. I write this knowing that this little blog doesn't even matter today :-) In fact for sometime nothing is going to matter except your pain and that of the rest of your family. And, you know what - that is totally okay. Who cares about next week - take every day at a time...

EMBRACE THE BEAST
Embrace all that hurt and sadness and let it wash over you... I mean, you are cautioned at other times not to feed your emotions because they can be greedy but this time let it go. I knew I was going to be some kind of drama queen when my mother died. I was at her side for her last 24 days, but we were close friends for years before.... so when she died my emotions took over, and in fact I had to be supported to the car to go to the funeral home - can you imagine this frame being supported ;-). But that was me... and I cried for months! I even heard Maurice cry - no see him cry but hear him sob... so embrace it - because the funny thing is - there will come a time when those emotions and the expression of them will be healing too.

TAKE YOUR TIME
There is no time limit on when you should get over it. I know of a woman who had lost her mother being encouraged a couple of weeks later by her husband "that is was time for her to get over it - and to move on"! He couldn't figure out what the hold up was.... Granted it was a man talking - but don't put a limit on the time to grieve. I'm talking about work Emma - take the time off or if you want to have a big fat sobby bawl - go out for some time...

TIME IS A HEALER
When Mum died - I thought I was going to die as well... People advised me at the time that time would be a healer and I thought they were stupid - because that hole in your pit of my tummy was going to be there FOREVER. The first year came and went and it was sad, the second year came and went and it was sad and so on and so on - and now  six years later - I can still miss her like HELL - but that raw sharp pain has eased and I am sooo thankful for it!! So time will take all that pain away - give it a makeover and give it back to you as a memory that when thought on will give you clarity....

THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH
Religious of not - one of the key parts to recovery or moving through the loss of a loved one is the belief that there is life after death. I mean why would there not be??


I write this knowing that today it ain't going to make a scrap of difference - but over time, and in time, every little bit will happen :-)

 Take care my friend....

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

Hindsight

We got asked a question the other day which has caused me some time to think about it for some time.... the question:- "What do you do now that is better than you did 10-20 years ago?" What a gift of a question right? So I put up my hand and out came some pearlers - have a think about it - what are things that you do better now than you did some time ago.... Here are my top five.

Being Married

When I first got married, I was told that the first year was the hardest - which, in my opinion has proved to be a half-truth - because the truth is that every year is hard. But to answer the question - what I do better now than I do than I did 22 years ago was accepting Mr M for what he is and to stop trying to change him. When I married him - I thought he was perfect, but gee was I surprised when he had so many things wrong with him that I believed it would take me the rest of my life to change him.... What I learnt (and I'm a slow learner so it took a while!!) is that there was plenty wrong - but with me -and in time I learnt that it was I who needed to learn to be a better wife, friend, and companion... and I found over the years that in doing so - I ended up with the perfect husband (with some annoying habits ;-).... If the husband can live with his wife one day without quarrelling or without treating anyone unkindly or without grieving the Spirit of God in any way, that is well so far; he is so far perfect. Then let him try to be the same the next day. But supposing he should fail in this his next day’s attempt, that is no reason why he should not succeed in doing so the third day. Lorenzo Snow

Expectations/Acceptance

It is not like I have lowered or restricted my expectations but what I do really well now that I didn't use to do so many years ago is to accept what I have and to keep my expectations realistic. In truth, the older I get, the less I actually want and even then the list of wants is getting smaller and smaller - more refined..... "Do not expect to become perfect at once. If you do, you will be disappointed. Be better today than you were yesterday, and be better tomorrow than you are today.” Lorenzo Snow

Patience

I have been teaching the piano to little children for a loooong time, and the one comment I get most from parents is on how 'patient' I am.....  There must be something to this, because my mother-in-law once commented on my 'patience' with the boys after watching me try and settle them when they would be crying at the same time..... I have thought about this often, and I think it could be true...... I have patience to an extent ;-) but I am almost 45 years old and it took it every minute of that to learn...."When we experience trying moments, then is the time for us to avail ourselves of that great privilege of calling upon the Lord for strength and understanding, intelligence and grace by which we can overcome the weakness of the flesh against which we have to make a continual warfare" Lorenzo Snow

Joy

I know joy now, whereas several years ago I didn't have a clue. What brought me happiness wouldn't even raise an eyebrow now - I mean it would make me happy I am sure, but having a clean house, or babies dressed in pumpkin patch is no longer ingredients to my happiness. Being with good friends, watching children laugh, or when everyone is home and asleep - that's where joy begins.... “My young friends, there is an opportunity for you to become great—just as great as you wish to be. In starting out in life you may set your hearts upon things very difficult to attain to, but possibly within your reach. In your first efforts to gratify your desires you may fail, and your continued efforts may not prove what may be termed a success. But inasmuch as your efforts were honest efforts, and inasmuch as your desires were founded in righteousness, the experience you obtain while pursuing your hearts’ desires must necessarily be profitable to you, and even your mistakes, if mistakes you make, will be turned to your advantage.” Lorenzo Snow

Writing
I have been writing for a very long time.... I remember writing stories at primary school - which must have been good because my favourite teacher told me so ;-) And, she also told my mother. I remember it was a story about clouds (I still remember the names of all the cloud formations - actually I only remember cumulus :-)).... Now I don't write about clouds but I write about other cool things - like my blog - and then some not cool things - like reports ;-) But what I know is that I write better than I did during my postgraduate degree - when my lecturer wrote on my essay - "obviously english is your second language - please come and see me" - those were the days!!

How would you answer the question - what is one thing that you do better now than you did 10 or 20 years ago?? Have a go and remember in the wise words of a great man - Lorenzo Snow - "The temptations that perhaps partially overcome us today, let them not overcome us so far tomorrow. Thus continue to be a little better day by day; and do not let your life wear away without accomplishing good to others as well as to ourselves.... Each last day or each last week should be the best that we have ever experienced, that is, we should advance ourselves a little every day, in knowledge and wisdom, and in the ability to accomplish good. As we grow older we should live nearer the Lord each following day."

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

The power of three little letters

This year at work one of my managers asked her staff to think of one word that they would use to frame their year. Everyone was encouraged to think of a word that when they were down they could think of it and it would help them pick up, or bring them to remembering this exercise about re-framing things.... It was shared with everyone on staff so that we would remember each others and provide each other support. It was an awesome way to pull all of our thoughts into one space...

I loved the idea so much I tried it again in another space and place of my life - my friends at church - and it has been awesome!! I kept the same word for both and that word is JOY .

It's only March but already it has become infectious. I find myself happier and really - more joyful. I don't know what happened or how it, all I know is that joy is a powerful combination of three letters!!

1. JOY for tyres that withstand the road works up and down one of the main roads I use to get home....

2. JOY for a job that pays the bills.....
3. JOY that my sons bring me challenges and opportunities to learn and grow!!

4. JOY that I have friends and even if I can count them all on one hand, or two at a push - they will see me through this life and into the next.... and

5. JOY that I know LOVE ;-)

What is your word for the year?

Have a great week lovelies.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

The long Goodbye....

My friend Emma has already pre-empted what this blog is about so she is excluded from this - which will only leave you to read it.... so thanks for staying! Anyway, when I think about saying goodbye - yes Emma, you are right - the first thing I think about are my babies. They turn 18 this year and will be leaving for their missions shortly after their birthdays....soooo the long goodbye for me and them is this whole year....

Sometimes thinking about the end of things gets a bit sad.... I mean its going to be the end of two people depending on me, the end of thinking that "mum" will be able to sort it, the end of picking them up from school when people around me tell me "let them walk - or catch the bus", but above all else - its the end of me being the most important woman in their lives - well, maybe a few more years to go for that!! It has taken me almost 44 years to get to this point, and 18 years to happen. By this I mean that I have always been destined to have these two boys and when they were born, after coming out of unconciousness and finding out they were boys, I made a committment that I would do everything to get them on missions and become good fathers, husbands, and fine upstanding men of their communities.... a bit steep for a set of 4 week premature baby boys - but that's the commitment I made and I've been sticking to it ever since....

What I decided the other day as I could feel myself sinking in all this sadness of losing my sons, - was the thought that I don't want to spend the year mourning my 'empty nest' and wasting the time I had while it's still 'full'. I mean why be sorry and sad for them going when they are still here. Instead I am learning to enjoy my time with them, and as the months move on, already three have past - I pick them up from school because I love to see them and hear them moan and groan because I am late.... I have to love it because at this time next year - I will have no one to pick up from school - and the only one moaning will be me or Mr - and to each other ;-)

Tomorrow, I start a month of handing over a job that I had previously held for six years. If you know my story, you will know that I had this job, I burnt out, then recently had the opportunity to do it again while a replacement was found - and one has been found..... so this time I get to leave, healthy, excited for new adventures, and happy. If there was going to be any sadness, it would be about people.... The people I will miss the most are the women that hold the same position as myself in other rohe (regions) of our organisation..... so the long good bye was held in Christchurch a few weeks ago and it was awesome.... and although our lives will disconnect through work - they will remain connected through friendship and a once common experience. Thank you ladies xx

While I was in Christchurch, and now I can hear Emma's eyes rolling into the very back of her head ;-) - she knows me that well! I was physically moved by an art piece that I thought was beautiful. Based on Van Gogh's painting of a chair, an artist arranged on a corner of grass 180 white chairs in 18 rows of 10 to represent the 180 empty seats left by the people who died in the Christchurch earthquakes. The seats were large, small, wheelchairs, a high chair, office chairs, wooden, material, and cane. They were for little people, big people - and missing people. I thought of the long goodbyes these families are facing without their loved ones and it brings everything back into perspective....

So as I carry on my long goodbye to things along the way - before my boys leave - starting a new job whatever that is, I am more determined than ever to hold on to the most important thing I have at the moment and that is the present!! Really - living life as it goes and soaking up every loving minute of it and just going for it! Should make for a wonderful 2013. May you have a good one as well.

Yours in friendship,

Mxo

My favourite topic ;-)

Recently I was asked to talk about my babies and here is what I wrote:

Thank you for letting me talk about the loves of my life - my boys. They are the only children I have and are my legacy I leave to the universe.....

Although they drive me crazy most times, and I forget some times - I love them very much. I will be away from home when they get this so hopefully they will feel my love for them through you..

Aisake

Two things come to mind when I think of Aisake as a baby/child. First of all as a baby - when he cried he used to go the reddest colour - in pure frustration or something - so much so that I wanted to nickname him 'Flick' like the little red fire engine! However Mr M would not have a bar of it so Aisake was saved from that nickname! The second thing, is that as a child, Aisake used to sing all the time, and talk and talk and talk and sing. It was sooo lovely hearing him sing - it's some thing that I still do - just start singing a song out of the blue, and by golly, could he talk... to the point where I used to have to ask him to 'zip it' at the dinner table so we could have ONE quiet moment - or at least let his brother say something. However, now he's a big boy - and a teenager to boot - he doesn't sing or talk much anymore - and I miss hearing him!! I can't wait until the teenage years go away and my baby comes back.

Dimitri

The one thing about my son Dimitri as a child was his attachment to his bottle. He held on to that bottle - despite people trying to tell him to lose it, advising and counselling me about it - for ages. I used to work with psychologists and I asked a Dr one day what I should do because he was still hanging on his bottle approaching his 5th birthday. She suggested that I keep him back a year and start him at school when he was 6 - all because of a bottle.... I don't know what happened but soon after and maybe a month or so out from starting school, Dimitri just stopped hanging on to his bottle - just like that! I can't tell you how many times and people went on and on about Dimitri and his bottle (and a lot of it not very nice either....) - only for him to decide when he was good and ready when he was going to not need it anymore. He is a determined young man to this day and is very clear on what he wants in life.

Twins

Being a twin, has been something Aisake and Dimitri have to live with. And although they can be nasty to each other, call each other names etc, they share everything to a point. But as children - my lasting memories of them will be when we used to sit in the lounge, watching tv for example - out of all the seats, couches or whatever - they used to sit on the same single seat sofa and somehow arrange their legs so they could keep each other warm - it was the cutest thing!! Reminds me of when they were born - due to complications, the boys spend some time in the baby intensive care unit. First of all they split them apart but they wouldn't settle - so they put both the babies into one incubator - and as soon as they did that - they wrapped their arms around each other and settled. The nurses commented that they had never seen anything like it before...

I wish they would do that now, but I guess they are two grown up for that at the moment..... Having said that, at the end of this year/ beginning of 2014 as they go on their missions it will be the first time they will have been separated for such a long time, and although I am going to miss them both so much - I have a sneaking suspicion they will miss each other more.....

And even though my babies believe I am the strictest parent on the planet - I do it all in love and wouldn't do anything differently.

Yours in friendship, Mxo

High Fives!!

Well, it's my last post for 2012 and before I go hurtling into another year - lets see what's happened this year!! Here are my top fives - which has been pretty hard given that our lives are made up of so many choices.....

2012 TOP SHOPs & BUYs

1)Trade Me has still got to be my top shop - my top buy this year were 2 x 1000 pink and hot pink diamantes for a Pink Ribbon Breakfast I hosted (and raised $1200 for the Breast Cancer Foundation), followed by 2) Amazon and Abebooks - best buy - the entire series of David Handler's Berger & Mitry Mysteries, 3)Expedia - where we got all of our accomodation for the USA, 4)Ross: Dress for Less - only in the States and my happy place and 5)Deseret Bookstore, BYU Provo Bookstore & Cover to Cover Bookstore (Harding Blvd, Roseville, California) - my credit card's worst nightmares!! ;-)

FAVouRItE PLACES I VISITED in 2012

1) Grand Canyon - amazing and spiritual, 2) Disneyland & California Park - the Colour My World Show was just stunning!!, 3) Vegas - Over The Top and a confimation that the States do everything bigger than the rest of the world :-) & I for one cannot wait to go back!! 4) Alcatraz - the tours were done tastefully which was a welcome change to some other things/ Universal Studios - totally made for someone like me who loves movies and television and the highlight of 2012 has got to be 5) Attending General Conference and having lunch at the Roof Restuarant in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building.

My 2012 ACHIEVEMENTS

1)Back in the temple after a too long break - life changing for me, 2) I lost weight - and regardless of putting it all on plus some - I lost it ;-), 3) I wrote a song (a goal I set in 2010 so goes to show that I am a late achiever ;-), 4)I finally started writing my proposal for my Phd - FINALLY - a whole 14 years after my Masters - see takes time but I do get there... and 5)I got a job AND still managed to meet my son's 2 top expectations of a mother - picking them up from school and cooking dinner (nearly always ;-))

My 2012 PEOPLE

I'm not sure about you but there are people in my life that even though they are important to me - but because we live so far apart, or lives that are so different - I never thought I would ever see them again and sooo blessed and happy to done so in 2012. This year My 2012 People list includes: 1)Nola & Leon - the people responsible for Mr M joining the church and ultimately putting him in a place where he would meet me (we love Bruce & Debbie, and their family (including the dogs!), Nancy & Norm, Steve & Barabara and the rest... ;-) 2)Ryan & Shauna (Mr's friend and his beautiful family) 3)My dear primary school friend Michelle H (her parents and even her sister!!) & high school friends - Track, Nat, Betoles & Ari, 4)my past young women - Nairana & her gorgeous girls (a visit here in the View all the way from Bali where she lives) and Liz & her beautiful babies (all the way in Salt Lake City from Phoenix, Arizona where she lives) and 5)Vernon H (& his beautiful family - Elaine, Luke, Lauren, Levi & Liam), Maureen D, Eugene M, Uncle Sam, Conrad, Don, Kijiana & the Molenis. Before I left for the States the one person I wanted to meet was Ellen DeGeneres, but if you ask me - I think I did better than that with the people I caught up with!! I count my blessings every day ;-)

2012 FIRSTS

Here are some of the things I did for the first time EVER in 2012:

1)Walked across the Golden Gate Bridge with my sons - amazing!! 2)Made cardboard cars for my sons and nephew 3)Found a recipe in a magazine and made it - a scrumptious broccoli salad after seeing it in a magazine (brocolli, bacon, canberries & sunflower seeds sounds pretty basic - but its the dressing that is the winner - it uses 1/2c of sugar!!), 4)A paper wreath made out of music - thank you Pinterest and 5) recorded and sang my own song (I haven't sung for a long time, privately or in public - so was a pretty big thing for me!!) 

How did your 2012 go for you?  I hope it was amazing just like you.. Thanks for visiting - your support is much appreciated.... Many wishes of happiness from me to you and all the very best for a wonderful 2013..

May we all think on what the Dalai Lama encourages us to do in his Instriuctions for Life "Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, [we’ll] be able to enjoy it a second time."

Yours in friendship, Mxo